Monday, December 17, 2007
The operation was really painful, and halfway through it I thought I was not going to be able to resist ‘till the end, but I did and it was worth it!
I started wearing glasses at 10. At 12, almost 13, I switched to contacts, and practically never wore glasses unless at home in bed to read, until now. So I have been wearing contacts every single day over the last 12 years, and now I’m only afraid if I get tipsy at night I might try to take off unexisting contacts before going to bed (this would actually be very bad, since I must not touch my eyes for a few more days to allow full recovery). Seen from the outside, I have no signs, no scars, I just look normal. Wow!
Anyway, I’m in Paris again, and people, no depressions allowed this time, I’m going to ROCK! Tonight Kevin and D are taking me to some trendy club to dance, and I can’t stop listening to Timbaland’s “The way I are”.. I know, it’s almost too old this song, but France comes always a bit later if compared to the US about music… plus they made an hybrid version, with a French female singer and it’s waaaayyyy more dirty!! And okay, I am a nerd about dancing on this kind of tunes! And, although I’m more a kind of solo dancer, I remember how it is to dance with Kevin: spinning, spinning, and having half of the people look at the two of us! D and his girlfriend are also known to be good dancers, so I bet tonight will be good fun!
The only “stain” is that I cannot wear make up for a few more days and especially mascara is forbidden… Well I guess at least I’ll be able to throw myself into bed as soon as I step into my room instead of having to spend 15 minutes trying to wipe off all the staff on my eyes!!
I have to be ready in 20 minutes, the guys are picking me up at my hotel! I’m wearing 10 inch suede boots, a wrinkled black mini and my fave satin button down shirt (plus my beloved white coat)… Hope you too are having fun!!!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Anyway, tomorrow morning I’m going to Paris for a few days. Now Paris, as most of big cities, is even more beautiful before Christmas, and Kevin and D (another friend from the Paris office) promised to take me out at night, so I won’t suffer of loneliness ;-)
Of course I am already thinking about the outfits I’ll bring with me: working and partying in Paris both need high profile clothes. I’ll surely leave wearing my white cashmere/fake fur coat, and beige suede 4 inch heels boots. And then, I guess I’ll have a few skirt tailleurs for the day, and a jean and a black mini for nights, with two tops. Et voilà, the bag is ready!
If only I could ditch work for the rest of the afternoon and go to the hairdresser!
I know, you think I’m making too much of a big deal. It’s not like I have any expectation besides sharing a drink with friends. It’s more about me always feeling out of place in Paris. As much as in most of places people notice me (well, men do), in Paris I’m just a chick like many others, unless I really do my best.
In Paris, somehow, it’s more about elegance and coolness than about beauty.
In Paris, I still feel the nerd I was in tenth grade. The nerd that, deep under the surface, still lives in me!
The nerd that will wear horrible glasses.
Yes, I am a contact lenses addict, I wear them when I wake up and throw them away when I go to bed at night. This has been going on since I was 13 and I first tried them, and I never wear glasses anymore, because I cannot see very well with them, and they make me look horrible.
Anyway, this will soon be over: on Friday I’ll have both my eyes operated, and by Saturday morning my myopia will be gone. Over. Finito. I’ll finally throw away glasses, lenses and everything. The only downside (besides the 3,000 Euros I’ll have to pay for it) is that between Tuesday night and the operation I cannot wear lenses, so I’ll have to hang around wearing my nerdy glasses. Poor me.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
1- I still haven’t worked the guts for it
2- I’m not sure I’d like to be as naked as my three years old niece
My Italian origins are probably dominant here, since after all, Andrea the Hunter, best and more successful “tombeur de femme” I ever met, told me himself he doesn’t like a Bwax on a girl.
Don’t think I’m a prude however. I love my body, and never feel ashamed of it. This also mean that I’m totally a topless sun-tanner (then again, I don’t like crowded beaches) and that I’m at ease in naked sauna, as long as people are decent enough not to stare too much (usually, those who stare are those who are not at ease with their own nakedness, by the way).
Anyway, let go the nakedness subject (but comment if you feel so), something funny happened today.
A few days ago, the winter staff event of my company was announced: we’re going to a club med in the Alps, for four days. You know how I feel about seminaries, I love them, I always have lots of fun and so on. And I am aware that this is also because there are little girls in this business, and I am one of the cutest. Trust me, it’s no big deal, I’m one of the young, I have a sexy accent, unless most of the others I’m not fat, and man, I do know how to dance.
However, I may have kissed a colleague in the past at a seminary, but I never went any further. And, I’m currently in a relationship and in love with my KS, so I’ll have fun, maybe flirt a little, drink a lot and that’s it.
This cleared out, yesterday Nico and a friend of him I’ve never met before, IMed me together.
We’ll call the friend Redhead, because, he has red hair (such a fantasy DDgirl…)
Nico&Redhead: “Hey cutie”
DDgirl “What’s up guys?”
R. “Hi I’m a friend of Nico…”
R. “Nico talked me about you.. Can’t wait for the ski event!!!”
DD “Uh.. Okay…”
R. “You know I just joined the company, and I don’t know many people”
DD “Uh okay”
R. “So Nico told me you worked at the same company before”
DD “Yeah… What did he exactly tell you??”
R. “That you’re pretty hot”
(Okay guys, what the fuck? I don’t like when guys “sell you” to their male friends)
DD “Well, Nico usually shows interest in me only after at least three hours of drinking, so… He’s probably not reliable”
(I know I’ve been a bit hard, but again, what the fuck??)
R. “Hahah, you’re funny! Can’t wait to meet you”
N. “Hey DDgirl… seems we’ll finally ski together”
DD “Uh, yeah”
N. “And once more, we’ll party together”
DD “Okay.. look Nico, you know, I like the fact that in this company I can still walk in in the morning without being ashamed, and I’d like for both of us to keep this status… So please, we’ll party but don’t defy me in following you drinking, ok?”
N. “But it was fun!! And last time we did it, you were so funny!”
Now, if you didn’t read my blog at the time, you’ll find the whole thing over September 2006.
DD “True… And I still regret not having seen your face when you woke up alone at my place on the morning after!!”
N. “Yeah, it was ridiculous!!!”
So… Is it me or Nico is kind of sniffing the air around me again?
Monday, November 26, 2007
Hatim is not French, he comes from Morocco, which, to me, is almost the same thing: French is his native language, so…
Apparently he doesn’t feel the same way. That’s the exchange:
Hatim: “You know, somehow you made it easier for me… I mean, I’m less different now.”
DDgirl: “What do you mean? Elaborate please”
Hatim: “You see, before, it was the rest of the team, plus me. I was the different one, because I’m not French, plus I’m Muslim. And then you came, and it was you the different one, with the funny accent, different eating habits and so on. I mean, everybody loves you in the team, but somehow it made me feel more at home”
And somehow, this exchange made me feel more depressed.
It made me think of that Crash Test Dummies song, that says
Once there was this girl who
Wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room
But when they finally made her
They saw birthmarks all over her body
She couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
But both girl and boy were glad
'Cause one kid had it worse than that
'Cause then there was this boy whose
Parents made him come directly home right after school
And when they went to their church
They shook and lurched all over the church floor
He couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just gone there
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
You see what I mean? I’m not going to say I’m a freak, but I’m FOREIGNER. Like, I am so, every single minute I spend here. And it’s not going to change.
After all, it was Kevin who nicknamed me “Stranger” (he even added it on my facebook argh)
So this is my rant for today.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
A heart can be broken and still go on beating, they say. So, when I got an offer for a good job in France, I moved as well.
They didn’t know about it, I wasn’t some kind of crazy stalker. I was just in love, and this way I was closer to B.
From mutual friends, I knew that Anja was possessive; she had a lot of drama and a lot of issues going on and had always been like that.
I would have been possessive as well: B. had already dumped her once (for me). And I remember very well what it means to have a man girls literally throw themselves at in bars, even when you’re standing next too him. Yes, B. is that handsome.
And then, just like that, the world got crazy, the national strike that had been going on for weeks evolved into riots in the streets, huge blackout due to the molotovs that had been thrown to the electricity complex, curfew were imposed and not respected. All in a sudden, we were living through what seemed a civil war.
Foreigners were the first target of angry workers, and I knew that. So, I went to seek for B. and Anja, since I may be a dork but I’m not a heartless bitch.
I had found a car and enough fuel to quit the country and go back, and I knew their address, so I just loaded a few things on the car and headed to their place, hoping to avoid the riots.
I almost didn’t make it in time: their building was on fire, and they were standing on the street, just watching. But I knew it wouldn’t take long for them to get in trouble, as people we running around and things were tense.
So I made my way through the rubble, opened the window and shouted them: “Get in the car!!! Now!!!”
Now, Anja had never met me, and I don’t think she did recognize me.
B., was so shocked he just did as he was told.
IT was hard, but we managed to get out of the city, and from there on things went pretty smooth. As soon as we crossed the border, I handed B. some pills and he made Anja take them, so she collapsed sleeping on the back seat.
We didn’t talk much, I drove for almost 30 hours without any stop. The adrenaline kept me going, but by the time we got home, to our origins, I was shaking. B. told me he would come to see me on the next day, I just nodded, gave him the keys of the car, and knocked on my mother’s door. She opened, started to cry of joy seeing me home and safe, and I quickly collapsed on the bed.
On the following afternoon, after I had managed to wake up, take a shower and so on, B. kept his words and he came. He thanked me, and then kissed me. We went for a walk, hand in hand, and laid on the grass, where he took me into his arms.
But when I said “I’m glad you’re back”, he answered “I’m not leaving Anja, DDgirl”.
I stood up, and howled, tears streaming down my face.
And I woke up in my bed, in Lyon, crying. It took me a while to realize it was a dream, that KS, my love was sleeping next to me, that everything was fine, that B. was gone a long time ago and I’m happy now. Breathe, DDgirl, breathe.
Friday, November 16, 2007
HDM #5: Me too!
When I was living in Milan, I briefly had a Brazilian toy boy. I don’t know how to define him but HOT. He was probably the hottest guy I ever slept this. Besides, he was totally dumb, I mean, incapable of talking for 2 minutes. He was, however, incredibly talented for music, which helped him socially. He was also pretty skilled in bed!
Anyway, one morning I walked into the kitchen of the apartment I shared with Chris, a nice Sicilian girl, and Gab, cute and totally gay roommate; at the same time, the Brazilian TB walked to the bathroom. Gab looked at him, than at me, and then said “Wait DDgirl, did you sleep with HIM???”
“Yes, why, do you like him?”
“He’s hot right, but I slept with him last week, you remember, the night I told you I was talking someone home and you worked overnight?”
“Oh. My. God.”
Of course right then Brazilian TB joined us into the kitchen, said he had to go and hugged both Gab and I.
Good thing is, over the months, we made some good laughs remembering it.
HDM #4: Brothers
When I was at my first year of college, one night I went to a huge party in the mountains with both my brothers, the Bro and the eldest, Crea. We drove with two cars, and by the time we decided to call it a night the Bro and I were just tipsy, Crea was so wasted he asked another friend to drive his car. At the time, he had a SUV. We headed home, driving downhill, when suddenly Crea’s friend cut our road and stopped blocking our way. Crea stepped out and I pulled down the window, thinking he needed to puke. Instead, he came towards me, opened the door of our car and said “Hey, you’re hot” and planted one on my lips. I was so shocked I didn’t even react, while the Bro laughed to tears. Crea slammed the door and went back to his car. I stared at him, than at the Bro, and I shrieked: “What the fuck???”
By the morning after, Crea had completely forgotten about it. WEIRD!!!!!
HDM #3: How about my skeletons?
A few weeks ago I introduced KS to a bunch of friends I know and I spend holidays with since I was 12. They all had new girlfriends as well, which was a plus. However, as soon as I got to the bar to order a new round for everyone, I realized KS was asking my friends “So, what do I need to know about DDgirl that she’s never going to tell me?” My friends were suddenly paralyzed: I over the years I slept with both of them, but neither KS neither their brand new chicks need to know this!!!! I grabbed the beers and ran back to the table, where my friends looked at me very, very, VERY relieved.
HDM #2: I can’t breathe easy
I already told about it, so forgive me if I just cut and paste. In case you joined later, it happened last April, when I went hiking with the Sponsor (aka dad).
I indulged in one of my bad passions: singing. And so I started out loud the Italian version of "Breath easy", which goes, more or less, like this:
"To those who tell me,
you will come back,
I don't trust anymore.
To those who tell you,
I ache thinking of you,
you just smile and turn to her.
You will not cry,
because you can't see how, but you know
I've lost everything,
while you, you never lose, and now,
I.........can't breathe easy
I cant sleep at night
Without you by my side"
And then, just as I faded the last words, the guy with a dark green jacket approached and quietly told me "Hello, DDgirl".
It was B., my ex.
I quickly looked around for some way to disappear, but didn’t find any, so I took a breath and said, a bit too loud “Hey, I didn’t recognize you! How are you doing?”
Damned, how pathetic did I look? Later on, the Sponsor answered: “Pretty much pathetic”.
Anyway, we made some small talk, than he asked “So, how are YOU doing?”
And that is where I tried to improve my pathetic situation, I mentioned that I’m moving ‘cause my boyfriend has just bought a house and so on.
I don’t know what he thought, I couldn’t care less honestly.
HDM #1: Pregnancy scare
In college, during a dark period before meeting B., I dated for a while with Sexy, who later became my fuck-buddy, by the way. Sexy was engaged with a psycho bitch, and he was friend and neighbour of the Bro. When I moved in with the Bro I quickly ended up sleeping with him, because Sexy and I have always had this huge chemistry going on. After a few months I developed a good crush on him, and started suffering from his engaged situation. And that was when I had a pregnancy scare. I need to precise sordid details: my sister in law was one month pregnant, and I had been using condoms from the same box they did. So, when I was already 14 days late, one night I headed over to Sexy'splace and tried to explain the situation. He freaked out and asked me to leave, so I stepped out, where it was snowing, and headed at my Bro’s sobbing out loud in the night. I didn’t see Sexy for more than 2 years after that, by the time I had moved to France and he became my fuck-buddy.
For the chronicles, 2 days later I finally got my period.
And now, I feel I have earned my weekend, since this is probably the longest post of my whole blog!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Luckily, I convinced to IT guy not to mention coffee with my boss. It took however almost 2 days before he could rescue all my data from the server and provide me with a brand new laptop! By that time, of course, I was awfully late with job, which made me rush through the rest of the week.
What’s even worse, for some random reason I didn’t really get (US girls reading, please leave comment if you know about this), I couldn’t find the new episode of Desperate Housewives, which, since I’m a total addict of Wisteria Lane, sucked.
Before the 4th season, I always wanted to be Bree, and I always thought I was more of a Susan Meyer (with more talent for cooking and less for writing). You girls know what I’m talking about: Susan running down the street in he mom’s bride dress after Mike, who is leaving her. Susan making gaffes. And so on. About why do I want to be Bree, the domestic goddess, that’s a whole different thing. Maybe it’s exactly because I’m sick of being clumsy (see the coffee incident), and I’d rather be irreproachable. I don’t wish for red hair though, I’m happy about being a dark blond.
Anyway, this morning I came to work tired from the weekend, with an awfully sore neck and a bit worried, since I knew I was getting my flu vaccine at noon (and I usually have a temperature on the following day). I turned on my brand new laptop, logged into IM although I knew Kevin was still on holiday, and started going through usual staff, when my IM blinked. It was Nico (previously on DDgirl’s life: see posts around September/October 2006 about Nico…). I already knew he had left our old company and was going to be hired at our Paris office (gossip goes fast), so I was only mildly surprised. Anyway, he was bored since he doesn’t know anyone at the Paris office, hopes we can share a drink at the Winter seminary and so on. At least he made me smile, and I know him well enough to know that, he might be cranky, but he won’t tell anyone we dated. Hopefuly.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Yesterday night, he defiantly surprised me, proposing that in December we go to Zermatt for a weekend. Now, if you’ve never heard about Zermatt before, google it, and then envy as much as you like!
Seriously, Zermatt is in Switzerland, and is probably one of the best ski-resorts of the world, situated between the Matterhorn and the Mont Rose, it’s really perfect (at least for someone who LOVES the Alps like me).
The Manager (see October 2006 posts if you don’t remember about him) mailed me this morning (we stayed friends after all). He recently moved to Kazakhstan, and he told me it was snowing there.
I miss the snow, I miss wandering in the mountains when it snows and no one’s around, and all you can hear are the animals in the woods!
I feel like I have tons of tasks to do lately… KS family is coming over for the weekend, meaning at each meal from Saturday lunch till Sunday dinner I’ll have at least 4 guests plus KS and I… I’m focusing on Saturday night meal, mainly, and I need to hit the supermarket to pick up tons of things, plus choose the meals cut, the fish and veggies, which excludes online shopping…
At the same time, I never have time for Christmas shopping in December, so I try to get it done by November end. I already got gifts for the Bro’s toddlers (that’s easy) and ordered the Sponsor’s gift (and I’m self-complimenting on this, since dad’s always a difficult one). The Panther is an easy one, I always have ideas of presents for her, and my sister in law needs a teapot, but those who really worry me are KS and Bro.
Kevin just texted me a photo of Guadeloupe (he’s there on vacation). I need to go to the supermarket, outside it rains cats and dogs, and I forgot home my coat.
Maybe I should have said yes when he proposed me to go there with him and his friends!! I answered: “Strumming my pain with his message, showing paradise with his cam, killing me softly with his pics, killing me softly with his pics, telling my whole dreams with his mob, killing me softly, with his pics…”
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Which, I often end up doing at night time, like I did last night until 4AM, because yes, I’m an insomniac (not always, just sometimes). So I end up like today with a very, very sore neck, a major case of lack of sleep (my alarm goes at 7AM, I’ll let you do the math) and a grumpy boyfriend. Ouch.
Yeah, KS isn’t helping a lot. On the Halloween weekend, we went seeing my parents for two days, and then we went to the mountains with a few friends of mine, most of whom, obviously, do not speak French. I know it isn’t easy to socialize when you don’t speak the same language, but seriously, on the first night out, he didn’t exchange a word with anyone, so after ¾ of an hour or so, I decided it was time to take off. He complained my friends were not nice to him, I replied he didn’t do any effort. On the next day, I asked to a good pal to try to put on some conversation with him, and things were better (they discussed sports, obviously). My point is, I get to see my friends two times per year. These are people I grew up with, I shared good and bad with them, and I miss them a lot, so when I get to see them, I would like to be able to spend an evening exchanging stories, updating on what’s been up since last time, drinking with them and so on, instead of worrying whether my boyfriend is making new friends. Maybe I’m a bit hard, but it wasn’t easy for me when I first met his friends, I knew they were going to judge me from the first minute, but I did my best and made friends with them.
Furthermore, KS keeps complaining about me coming home late for work, and yesterday he even had the nerve to suggest I should change my job. I know I said this is a hard time of the year, but I DO enjoy my work and NEVER complain about it with KS, so why would I want to change?
Okay I’ve been a bit hard, things are not as bad as they may seem, it’s just one of those busy moments when you feel tired and grumpy. I’ll go to the SpA tonight, in order to improve my mood ;-)
Meanwhile, Kevin has left for 10 days of vacation, and I miss IMing with him at work. KS knows I have some new friends in Paris, but it’s true I didn’t tell him everything about Kevin, there is no need for it. I know KS has a female buddy at work, and I am a bit jealous sometimes, but I trust him and don’t need to know everything about their friendship, so I think it’s the same about Kevin and I.
As for Kevin’s feelings towards me, that may be a whole different story.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Then he got more serious.
“I miss you, DDgirl. I never loved living in Milan, but without you it’s so boring, it’s almost unbearable, there’s no one always as ready as you to party all night long, to chat and so on”
And then I asked it.
“When are you coming to see me?”
“Oh DDgirl! I do long for it”
“Then hop on a train next Friday! Or on a plane! We have a spare room, you can hook up with all the girls here and everything, what’s the problem?”
“The problem is, I cannot sit down sharing a Long Island and all my dirty secrets with you, and I cannot flirt with you all night long because there is your boyfriend.”
He had a point. All my exes have come to know Andrea enough not to worry about the two of us, and anyway we would go out a lot without the BF of the moment, since we used to live practically next door. Killer Smile has never met him, and we live together, and a night à la Andrea & DDgirl with him wouldn’t be possible. Plus, KS is pretty jealous.
Still, Andrea could make an effort, I mean, we haven’t met in almost one year!!
I got back to town, to a grumpy KS, who was a bit pissed I had left him for the weekend (always the same story there), and the week was pretty awful: I left with a colleague I don’t like much, to go working at a mine in the central mountains, where it was awfully cold (the offices were not heated) and there was no toilette. Seriously. Of course, I had my period, so I wanted to pee every hour or so. I know, this is TMI, but can you imagine it? At least I had brought along a heavy cashmere jumper made by Granny!
Of course, being us in nowhere land, no internet connection was available.
All along the week, the only funny thing was Kevin’s text messages, until one evening I wrote him: “It’s so damned cold here, I’m becoming an ice cube!”
His answer “Cool, I’ll drop you in my drink, and once the drink is over I’ll lick you everywhere”.
WTF??? Is it me or all my male friends are strangely horny????
Monday, October 22, 2007
Only when he stepped out of his office, I realized where did I already know Rugbyman from: he’s Maria (my best friend)’s ex. WTF, I thought, this is none of my business.
Rugbyman has gained this nickname thanx to his obsession with rugby (he also used to play). Anyway, Maria called me as soon as we got in the car, and asked me who was I with. I made her understand, and she started making a scene. Like, WTF?? She started saying that now I’ll become friend with Rugbyman and dump her. AS IF.
So I calmed her down, made arrangements to go to the movies on Monday and dancing on Friday and hung up. Luckily, Rugbyman didn’t make any comments.
The journey was pretty unremarkable, until the Sponsor picked me up. Since I knew he had seen an eye-doctor, and I had booked an appointment to have my myopia reduces by laser, we talked about both things, and then, just like that, he told me next month he’ll go through chemotherapy, and that the Panther (aka Mom) does not know (she thinks he’s having just a check).
Now, the Sponsor always says “It’s nothing serious” when it’s about him, but hey, we’re talking about chemo, it’s not something you take for a cold!!!! So I’m pretty much freaking out about the whole thing.
The weekend itself, was great. I love fall by the lake, the weather was cold but sunny, and I took long walks with the Panther and my niece (the Sponsor was working on Saturday). It went way too fast, as always, but knowing I’ll go back again on November 1, it wasn’t even that hard to come back to town on Sunday night.
While on the train to Turin, Andrea, the Hunter, called me…
Friday, October 19, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Did I already mention how much I dislike going to Paris?
I know, you all think I’m crazy. The thing is, I don’t go there on vacation. I have to confront myself with the damned underground at 8AM in the morning, knowing there is some 80% of chances that my stockings will break (I always keep a spare pair in my notebook case), that I’ll probably be late, that by the time I reach our offices in the western outskirts, I’ll surely be sweaty and my clothes will be crumbled (if not stained).
Furthermore, people in Paris are not friendly. I mean, most of the times, when you go there for a meeting, at noon everyone will leave and I end up walking miles alone, not knowing what to do of my break (since the office is in the outskirts, I can’t even go shopping ).
As expected, all this happened last week (add I had to wake up at 5AM to catch the train to be at the meeting on time).
So that’s why, around 1PM I was walking around, texting Maria now and then to exchange some gossip. Earlier in the week, I had bought a new brown suede skirt (a bit short, but gorgeous!) and I was wearing in with my suede beige boots (4 inch heels, obviously) and a cute beige cashmere coat with its cute wool hat.
And then, I bumped into The Little Prince.
Who was like, the last person I was hoping to meet on Earth.
I was so surprised that, when he asked if I was in a hurry, I said no. Mistake number one: he immediately offered to take me to lunch.
I wasn’t hungry, and I hate eating with The Little Prince, because he always criticizes my veggie diet, my manners, everything. So I did Mistake number two: I proposed a coffee instead.
He agreed, but soon enough he was already reproaching my bad eating habits (meaning I don’t eat enough, according to him).
In order to avoid writing a whole book instead of a post, I’ll summarize all what he told me:
- I wasn’t dressed in an appropriate way for work (I wasn’t wearing a tailleur, and the skirt was too sexy, according to him)
- My accent, when I speak French, is too pronounced, and I should do something about it
- When asked, I couldn’t say what the plans for the rest of my life were, so according to him, at 25, I should have a plan, my ideas should be more defined
- When he spotted my cell phone (wrapped in a cute Hello Kitty cover), he said I totally need to grow up.
Of course, this is just a summary. In the end, I headed back to the office depressed. I mean, I already feel so and so about Paris, but the Little Prince has this ability to make me feel totally inadequate, lonely and lost.
Luckily for me, while I was walking back to the office, Kevin texted me
Kevin: “Hey Stranger, what’s up? Dinner tonight?” (He recently started calling me Stranger)
DDgirl “Dunno… I’m a bit in a blue mood”
Kevin: “That’s exactly why you need a hottie like me to take you to dinner”
He had a point. Late in the afternoon we made arrangements, he picked me up at my hotel at 8PM, and we spent a nice evening eating gnocchi, talking about how we both ended up doing this job, about Paris, about exes, and so on.
On Friday, we met for lunch, and at 6PM he took the underground with me to the train station, hugging me goodbye before I stepped onto the train, without forgetting to compliment my skirt and my boots.
It’s cool to have once again a friend in Paris!
Monday, October 08, 2007
This, to try to explain what it means to me to not be able to hop on a plane and be home in two hours every time I wish so.
But life goes on, and so I went back to KS, to my daily life, to my job. Only, knowing something had changing, without being really able to explain anyone else what it meant. Once more, I realized how scared KS was to see me leaving, and I knew it was my burden, I couldn’t throw it on him. So I put a smile on my face and went on, I called the Bro to tell him I wasn’t going home for the weekend and tried to focus on work.
And work, lately, was simply great. Although I’m not on any special assignment, Karine, my boss, finally gave me the quarter evaluation, and I am proud to say it is excellent. The once boring hours of the early afternoon have been more funny thanks to Kevin who IMs me all the time.
All in all, September gave me new friends, a little flirt, and somehow made home 5 more hours far away from me.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
It was already half past eight or so, some of the group had already left, and then a song I love started playing : it was Moby, in a duo with this French singer, Mylène Farmer, and it goes like: “Hold on people that slipping away, hold on to this while it's slipping away. All that we needed tonight, are people who love us and lie, je sais les douleurs et les doutes, et partir est ce que on redoute…”
(the French words meaning “I know pains and doubts, and leaving is what we fear”)
Being that I was already tipsy, those words hit me, and I started thinking about how much I missed my family. Kevin stared at me for a few seconds, than stood up and said “We’re leaving”, which of course made everybody else think there was something going on between us, until one of the girls decided to come with us. We stepped out, me always without saying a word, to find ourselves under a pouring rain in chaotic downtown Paris. Helene, the other chick, was way drunker that I was, so I let Kevin hold my hand, I didn’t care about gossip, I needed something to hold on to. As soon as Helene asked to wait for her while she bought cigarettes, Kevin hugged me and inquired “What’s wrong baby? Is it because you cannot see your parents next weekend?”
I quickly exposed my fears, he hugged me once more and tried to calm me down. Helene came back, and I took the underground to my hotel, I didn’t feel like going out anymore, and I needed to check this damned matter.
As soon as I stepped into my room, I called my love, my dear Killer Smile, to ask him to check on the internet. When he confirmed my fears, I just started crying like a baby, I couldn’t help. He was very supportive, but I knew it wasn’t fair to put all this burden on him, so after a few minutes I excused myself and I hung up. I called the Sponsor (aka daddy), and with him I really cracked down. I kept weeping until he proposed to take his Friday off, drive the whole way and come to pick me up: at this point, I realized I was exaggerating. But I couldn’t help, this thing hit me in a sudden: I was not going to be able to go visit the Parents whenever I wanted anymore. Going home twice per month? It was over. Having the certitude of being able to go and see them at any minute, if anything was wrong? It was over. Seeing my nephews grow up, week after week and not only three times per year? It was over. And, it hurt like hell.
My cell phone rang, it was Kevin who wanted to check on me. I didn’t feel like talking, so I didn’t pick up but texted him instead. He was concerned about me, I explained him what I had just found out and so on.
On the next day, I went back to town…
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Since courses started on Monday morning pretty early, my colleague Caroline and I were obliged to get there on Sunday night, which sucked quite a lot, especially since, due to the Rugby World Cup, finding an hotel in Paris those days it’s hard. We managed to find a place downtown, but it definitely wasn’t the hotel once would dream of.
On Monday morning, we arrived early, so I made a bee-line to the coffee table and spent a few minutes savouring the coffee, which, for once, was delicious (in case you didn’t know, I am totally caffeine addicted!!). I was still standing there, when someone came and hugged me from behind! I was even more surprised when I turned to see it was… Kevin! And I was surprised, because he was not listed in the training convocation!
He explained me he had only been contacted on Friday night and that we would be in the same team for the whole training, which was nice, because I didn’t know anyone else in my class.
On Monday night, we went out for drinks with friends, and we had a blast!! And then, on Tuesday afternoon, I tried to get a ticket to fly back to Italy… And something was wrong with the web site, ‘cause the tickets were out at three times the usual rpice.
I thought AirFrance was having issues, it had already happened before, so I didn’t give it a second thought and went out for drinks with a few others. Since we had finished classes at 5PM, it was pretty early, but beer and shots came fast, offered by the senior managers.
Kevin had settled next to me, and some jokes were made on the fact that we had been working together for the whole day, besides we had scored a good performance, so nobody was exaggerating in teasing us.
However, I started to think about the plane fares, and to worry about it. Kevin understood something was wrong, and held my hand under the table, questioning me with his eyes from time to time. Me, I decided to drown my worries in alcohol…
Monday, October 01, 2007
Since it was his birthday, we had plenty of friends who came along, and we threw a huge party on Saturday night. I spent the whole day cooking (we were about 20 at the party!), and when the first guests arrived around 5PM I quickly threw on jeans, my favourite tank top and some make up, and started pouring wine.
The party was a huge success: we hanged out at pour apartment until midnight or so (by the time all the others were quite tipsy) and then moved to KS favourite place, aka the Aussie bar!!
Everyone spent the rest of the night dancing on the tables, drinking, laughing and having a great time. Unluckily, around 3AM, KS jumped over my toe and eventually broke it. I therefore waited in a corner for the others to get tired, and we finally went back by cab (since I couldn’t walk), and the party went on at our apartment, until 6AM.
KS was really happy and loved the party, which made me feel good, because he’s complaining a bit about the two of us not spending enough time together…
On Sunday night, I had to go to Paris for a 3 days training… But that’ll be in the next post…
Thursday, September 27, 2007
I simply did not manage to have an internet connection and some solo time at the same moment. Since no one knows I keep this blog, not KS, not my family, not my friends (and surely not my colleagues!!), I could not post.
Last week, I was sent to Bretagne, in the north of France, for a seminary. I was the only one of my team, while all the Paris office was there. Now, I only once talked about thins kind of work meetings, but to make things clear I’ll tell right now they mainly consist of:
- meeting people (since it’s a man business, GUYS!)
- partying all night long
To summarize, the main goal is to have everyone remembering you, without being major scandal/gossip material.
My own strategy to reach this goal is to avoid chicks (they inevitably lead to competition), fairly participate to day-time activities (in order to avoid appearing dumb), and give my all at night time activities (namely partying), without public displays of affection.
This seminary was held in a top class sea front hotel, and night time activities took place at the local club (and at the casino, but I’m no money gambler). Since I don’t think you’re interested in the training activities, I’ll go straight to the partying part of the event: on the daytime, I’ll only say that I ditched as many courses as possible, to go swimming and sunbathing instead, which pretty much gave me a wonderful look. Summer days, drifting away, but ah, oh the summer nights!
On the first night, I met this Italian guy who introduced me to the whole Paris team, but, since I was a bit sick I didn’t stay out late. On the second night, however, I was on a party mood, and I soon enough made a bunch of new friends, and headed to the club with them.
While I was talking over drinks to D., the Italian guy, he told me “Look, Kevin, has made it pretty clear he’s targeting you, so I’ll let you have fun” and moved to another group. Now Kevin, with whom I hadn’t talked a lot so far, was the It boy of the seminary: tall, golden brown hair, piercing blue eyes, the real It boy. He soon joined me and we went dancing, and time went by so fast it was soon time to go back to the hotel.
On the next evenings, Kevin pretty monopolized me, drinking, chatting and dancing. Although I had made it pretty clear that I was not available (I told him from the beginning “Look, I have a live-in boyfriend, it’s pretty serious and in no way I’m going to cheat on him”), he spent all his free time with me, and I really had great fun (plus he is a great dancer). On our last night there, we drunk a bit too much (but nothing catastrophic), danced and sang aloud over Grease “Summer nights”, and around 4AM he gently tried to kiss me while dancing a slow song. I shifted so we just ended up cheek to cheek, and soon after I called it a night. To his honour, on the following day he was just as sweet and kind as always, which I really appreciated, and hugged me goodbye after loading my luggage on the train.
The best part of all was that I really managed to meet people, and at the same time the constant presence of Kevin by my side kept drunken nuisances away.
PS: this is my 100th post…..
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Instead of worrying, on the last two afternoons I totally ditched work and focused on more important issues instead.
First of all, this is the very special time of the year when scouting for boots begins. Remember, there is no such a thing as too many pair of boots: we’re girls, after all!!! Since I’m fond but also fussy on boots, it usually takes me a few weeks at least to find the right pair. Last year I finally settled on black suede, 4 inch stiletto heels, round point, embroidered with delicate flowers on the leg, knee high. After seeking for longer then usual, at November end I found them at an independent small boutique that only charged me 100 Euros! And, they are still totally trendy this year!
This year, however, I’m looking for tanned leather ones. Main features are pretty the same: heels around 4 inch (although I would rather avoid stilettos, just to change), round shape, knee high. Boots that are shorter than my knee happen to make my legs look crooked, or at least I think so.
Yesterday, however, I already took a break from boots shopping, to go swimming with Laurent instead. I glided in water for more than one hour, and it was soooo good!! Seriously, I’m not a great swimmer, but after 20 minutes or so of heating, my motions become as smooth as those of a seal (I know, dolphin would sound better, but I don’t swim THAT wall!).
After all this exercise, we went eating Japanese, and Lolo caught me up with my old office gossip, which was funny: apparently during the annual training in Cannes, held in July, all the guys from the Paris office asked about me while they had totally forgot all the names of my male co-workers. Weird? Hah!
24 hours ‘til KS will step in at home… I can’t wait!!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Anyway, the guy started dancing with me, and it was fun. It got even funnier when I realized he wasn’t French, but from the USA!
He soon left just to come back a few minutes later with two beers, handing me one, which I must say, I really needed, since I was sweating like a pig.
When we toasted he leaned near and told me “Can I tell you something? You’re f***ing HOT!!”.
Ok, honestly? I liked it, I mean, how long had it been since someone told me something like that? Plus it was clear from the look on his face that he really meant it. Besides, since I’m not such a bad gal, I told him “Thanx! But seriously man, I have a boyfriend!”
“So where the hell is he?”
And we both started laughing, because it was kind of hilarious that we were at an Aussie pub, celebrating the Australian team, while KS was in Australia!
By this time, I expected him to focus on someone else, which he didn’t, so I said “Look, you seem a really nice guy and you’re definitely cute, but I’m so not gonna cheat on my man!”
“And I respect you even more for that” was his answer!
At the same time, Maria was fraternizing with a cute Aussie kid (meaning that a few minutes later they were soooo French kissing!!!), while we went on dancing.
Maria took over soon after, and when the guy I was dancing with told me he was leaving soon also, I decided to call it a night as well. We stepped outside and went on chatting a bit, so I found out he’s from Dallas but living in Europe for a work-exchange program. Cool, ain’t it?
Since it was impossible to find a cab, we all started to walk, and they offered to walk me home. It was almost a one hour walk, so we chatted a lot, and I really had a good time. When we finally made it to my place, he gave me a kiss on my cheek and handed me his business card. It was only when I was upstairs emptying my pockets that I realized he does the same job I do, for the same company I work for, in the Zurich office!!
We ended up emailing each other on Monday, and I really had a blast.
Meanwhile, I managed to talk to my dear love, KS, who is finally coming back on Friday morning: I can’t wait to hold him and kiss him for hours and hours!!!!
Monday, September 10, 2007
But let’s begin from the beginning. On Friday afternoon, my motivation to go partying was like, zero, nada. I had a wisdom tooth (one of the two left!) that was pushing its ways out, and a slight temperature.
Maria, however, didn’t even consider staying home.
So, I threw on my favourite innocent/naughty dress, light golden make up, and we went to the coolest lounge bar of the city, for apero and some dancing.
The rugby match was on, though, and since France lost the opening match of the World Cup, there was a certain lack of ambience, so at midnight we decided to head home like two patented Cinderellas.
Now, as some of you maybe know, on Saturday the Australia vs. Japan match was on here in the city. Australian guys were everywhere, and by midday people were cueing for the tube outside my apartment (and I live 400 metres for the tube!!!).
Once the match was over, Maria and I briefed quickly and agreed to meet around 10PM at her place, to go celebrating at the Australian pub, which happens to be our favourite hang-out place (and the fact that people dance on the tables probably has something to do with it…)
We met at her place, and got dressed: I chose white, ass-clinging jeans with a heavy silver belt, silver sandals with stiletto 5 inches heels, and a baby blue corset that manages to hide belly fat and lift breasts, without being uncomfortable. Maria had a matching look with colours inverted, and we both chose glittery eye crayon, black mascara and a cute shiny lip-gloss. Seriously? We looked good.
The doormen made us skip the tail of people trying to get in, and this was definitely good premises: in France, it doesn’t happen easily. We made a beeline to our favourite table, got rid of our jackets and climbed up to dance.
Okay, like, seriously? After 30 seconds guys were all over us!!!
The AC was off, so I was sweating like hell and thinking about stuffing some ice in my corset when my favourite tune came on: I heard Prince screaming “Get Off”.
And then, this cute blond haired guy started dancing with me…
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Just a few minutes ago I spoke to Laurent, ex colleague and good friend, (this link summarize all the posts concerning Lolo, since I haven’t written ‘bout him in a while) and it really felt good to hear the news, the gossip about my old job crew (which is, by the way, breaking apart, but who cares?). Plus, I’ve missed Laurent during the summer, especially I missed having a laugh with him, not to mention his wife’s always precious advices! Anyway we agreed to meet next week for lunch, so we can catch up a little bit more.
In the meanwhile, Maria and I are going out every night this week! Nothing incredible, the schedule is:
Movies on Wednesday
Hammam & SpA on Thursday
Pub and a bit of dancing on Friday
…and on Saturday we’re definitely hittin’ a club, downtown!
Not bad huh? Besides, this is the only consolation for KS being away!
By the way, I have tried to call Andrea the Hunter to see if he wanted to visit for the weekend, but I can’t seem to reach him… Could it be he’s working, for one?
And, we all now both Maria and I will flirt a bit at the club, but we also know that, for me at least, it will be little innocent flirting! Nothing healthier for a girl than seeing guys looking at her appreciatively!
It is now two weeks that I’m eating healthy (and a bit dieting) and I’m doing my gym regularly, and I’m proud to say I’ve lost 2 kilos already! 2 or 3 more to go and I’ll be in my best shape!!
Monday, September 03, 2007
Now, if you have never heard of Zermatt, google it, and then fee free to dream!!
Now that I'm back, I have to deal with a major issue: I miss KS. A lot.
I call him about three times a week, since he's in Australia, but I try not to abuse, or he'll get a huge huge bill. And anyway, even if I call him, I don't really know what to say a part from what's new (not much in these days), and that I miss him.
Karine, my boss, told me this morning about the possibility of going to Milan for a week or so, which would be great, as I could see Andrea the Hunter. And party. And drink. And flirt.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
As I probably wrote before, I spent 10 days In Italy, I the Alps the first few days with my friends, and then at my parents’ place, by the lake, the a couple more days.
I was planning to hike around the Mont Rose, which is like, my second home, so I feel confident doing it even on my own.
However, on the first two days, we were hit by such a storm that it became immediately clear that the summer-hiking season was over. For two days our mob phones had no tone, and we also black-outs that lasted for a couple of hours each time. We had fun anyway, simply by lighting candles and playing games (and drinking) all together.
Once the storm was over, I realized that it had snowed down to 1500 metres, which excluded any possibility of hiking.
Since from then on we had wonderful sunny days, I still managed to walk around on mountain paths, up to small lakes and refuges, trying to ignore a slight but disturbing ache in my ankle.
By the time I was to go back to my parents’ place, I was already walking limp.
Since the Bro was busy moving in next to the parents, I had to baby-sit his two toddlers practically 24/7, but I didn’t mind, it really gave me a chance to get to know better the kids. It was wonderful to spend our days by the lake, simply sun-tanning, swimming, doing some kayak and having drinks with my neighbours.
Until one day, around noon, the Panther (aka mum) and I walked in to find thieves indoor. They had forced the door, and I stupidly got in. As soon as they heard me, they run away, by pushing me (I was standing in the exit corridor).
This gave the final cut to my ankle, and on the next day the doc told me I have almost broken a tendon. Which means no jogging for two months, going to the physiotherapist, and a few meds against pain on the first week.
Furthermore, while they didn’t steal anything (there wasn’t anything to steal, anyways), the thieves made a real mess of the house, so the Panther and I spent two days cleaning up.
Holidays ended with the annual gala dinner that some family friends who own a magnificent, huge hotel by the lake throw on August 15. As always, it was a success, and I happily returned to city and to work on the morning after.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
6 months of worrying worn me out. I realized that, although we would always be friends, we probably were not meant for each other, and slowly, I let myself move on. I don’t mean that I stopped worrying about him or anything. I just realized I needed to have a life besides Nicola.
After eight months he called me. He said he was going to stop by in Milan and he wanted to know if we could meet, he had so much to tell me. I wasn’t so sure, but I agreed, at the condition that we would spend the night at Andrea’s place.
It was a long, great night. He told me how he got in trouble with the cops back in Brazil, and stayed hidden for a long long while, and I never knew more than that (I even wondered if he had been in jail?).
Although for a while he even stayed in Italy (which meant communication was much easier, and even meeting could have been possible), I knew things would never be the same again. I guess it was a mix of me growing up and facing reality, and of what had happened. I could not idolize Nicola anymore, I finally saw the real him, the good and the bad.
Through the years, we always stayed in touch, and we also met a few times, in the way old friends do: dinner together, and a few hours of chatting.
I would have liked to be able to spend more time with him, but we live far apart, and we live also so differently, that it’s probably better like this. We always call one each other, when things get tough or when they get better, but we both know the sparkle has gone a long time ago.
What is more precious to me, is that I’ll never forget the time we were given together.
Monday, August 20, 2007
The night when I realized how much we were involved, it happened dramatically. I was feeling sexy, and I had been dancing on the higher platform of the club for half an hour or so (the manager gave me as many free drinks as I wanted, if I did), and I just had come down to dance with Nicola when someone suddenly grabbed me by my hair and pulled me in the middle of a fight. People were pulling me everywhere, I did not touch the ground and I was screaming as loud as I could. Suddenly, in a flash of light, I saw him coming, pushing his way into the crowd, where the guys of the security were struggling to divide people. He got me in the arms, just like the Bodyguard with Whitney Houston in the film, and headed to stairs to the privés. When we were almost out of it, a guy faced him and punched him twice in the eyes. As he was holding me, he couldn’t protect himself, but never for a second did he let me go. He ran outside and got straight into the pub facing the club. Only there, he let me down asking if I was all right. I was shaking in terror, and we asked for two whiskeys and beers, and some ice for his eyes.
That night, I realized how strong our boundaries were. On the following day, he had two bad black eyes, one of them completely closed. When I tried to thank him, he said he was sorry he couldn’t get me sooner, and not to worry (definitely it wasn’t the first time he got black eyes!!).
Time went by quickly after that, and soon it was time for me to go back to Italy. We spent one last night dancing in each others arms, and then I had to let him go.
What I did not know at the time was that I wouldn’t have come back to that place, at least I haven’t ‘till now. Nicola and I kept in contact, for some two years or so we had a phone “rendez-vous” each Sunday. Meanwhile he had moved to Argentina, first, and to Brazil, later.
We both lived our lives and everything, but deep inside I felt like we were meant for each other.
Until one day, he disappeared. For more than two months I tried to reach him at the last number I had, but I couldn’t reach him.
Friday, August 17, 2007
I was pretty much of a rebel, back at that time, and I had endless arguments with the Panther. Summers in the UK were the things that made life valuable, from my silly teen-ager point of view (no offense to teenager readers, it was just that I was a troublemaker, at that time of my life).
Although my writing isn’t perfect, at the time I sounded like a British native. Add blond hair and blue eyes, and no one ever guessed I had Italian origins. So, these are the premises.
It all started a few days before my seventeenth birthday, while I was traveling to get there with a friend of mine. At the railway station where we changed our train, two guys approached us and asked in awful English: “Excuse? These train… [town next to our destination]? Pleeese?”
Without thinking too much I said “Yeah, it’s the right one, it’s the stop right after ours so you’ll know when you’re arrived”. The guy stared at me blankly, and I realized he did not get a word, so I just said “Yes”. He smiled, and than headed to the coffee stand with his friend. Right then, he told, in Italian: “What a hottie!”
I suddenly turned and repeated in Italian what I had just said about the train. He blushed a bit, and immediately recovered, introducing himself and telling us girls he worked at a pizza parlor next to the town biggest club, and inviting us over for any time we wanted to eat something. That’s how I met Nicola.
It would have ended there, hadn’t we met him on his way to work three days later, while we were out to party for my birthday. He found this out and immediately lead us to the pizza place, where he made us funny little pizzas shaped in hearts, rabbits and clovers. His friends and he, although they spoke little English, knew loads of people in town, and they made us promise we would stop by at the end of their shift. We agreed, and they took us to the fanciest club of the town, and we loved the night!
What I haven’t mentioned so far, is that, while I was 17, he was 28. Soon I found myself spending most of afternoons with him, hanging around, playing darts, showing him the region, drinking Guinness, or just taking naps in his bed.
After a while, he found me a part-time job at bar-tending, so I could spend the whole summer in England.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I’ll post this one as soon as I’ll manage to find an internet connection.
This is just a brief update, mainly in order to say I FOUND Andrea the Hunter, he’s in Milan, he’s working and he’s doing fine. He’s had experienced problems with his mail, and had set off his answering machine.
I only forgave him for not calling because he made me laugh till tears with his histories about his new boss (apparently he has told her she’s an incompetent bitch). Of course he said that the new job will not last, and he’ll probably quit in a few weeks.
In a few words, he’s always the same Andrea, the Hunter I met on the first day of college!
On other sides of my life, I’m still a bit upset about the night at KS parents, but I tried not to be too much of a bitch about it. KS is back in France now, by the way.
The family is crazier than ever. Since their home isn’t yet ready, the Bro (with his wife and toddlers) has moved in with the Sponsor and the Panther, and he’s planning to stay there until the middle of September. Personally I can’t see how they won’t end up throwing knives at each other, by then, but as it’s none of my business I kept my mouth shut.
Furthermore, and old friend called me. I realize I never wrote about him, so I’ll prepare a post that will follow this one, about him.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Tonight we came to see KS family, we were supposed to all go out for dinner, and then, tomorrow morning, KS and I are to head towards Italy.
Now, I think you probably can guess, that I'm not the kind of person who only waits to have a dinner paid. Basically I don't love restaurants, I love cooking so I prefer to host dinners at my place.
But when tonight KS told me that I was not actually invited, my jaw dropped to the floor.
So right now I'm at KS parents' place, alone, while the whole family is out for dinner.
I rarely felt so excluded in my life.
If Andrea could be near here, tonight, I would sing him those rhymes:
"Take me out, tonight, where there's music and there's people who are young an alive. Driving in your car, oh please don't drop me home, because it's not my home, it's their home and I'm welcome no more.
And if a double decker bus, crashes into us, to die by your side, oh such a heavenly way to die...
Take me out tonight, take me anywhere I don't care, I don't care..."
Andrea, if he had a chance to be with me tonight, would take me out, make me drink a bit, and flirt with me all night long, just to take me home back to my boyfriend, all the rage and the grumpyness gone.
I miss you, my friend.
I'm sorry to leave you with such a depressing post. Holidays will be so much better!
And, trust me, this is not normal.
I’ve been mailing him, and did not get any answer. I’ve been trying to call him, his mob phone rings but no one answers, and his usual answering machine does not come up, so I can’t leave him a message this way.
I would understand all this if we had been arguing: it has happened that we did want some time alone in those case, but last time we talked we were really on the best terms ever. I mean, in the last 6 months or so, we have always kept in touch at least two times a week and, even though we’re so far away, we’re somehow closer than we were two or three years ago.
In his last email he told me he had some problems with the new job. Before leaving for Thailand, he had obtained a permanent job as a trader; however, since he did not want to start immediately, he had asked to postpone his first day of a few weeks, and he justified that by telling he had to find a house in Milan (crazy real estate market, seriously). However, it seems that his new boss had found out he actually was in Thailand, and did not like it at all.
I replied him, suggesting a little lie (I told him to say he went there to rescue his little sister who, while on holiday in middle east, had experienced a food intoxication) and that’s all, I did not have any more news.
I don’t even know if he’s in Thailand or in Europe!
Anyway, on Saturday morning I’m leaving for holidays, and since I’ll be in Italy, I guess I’ll make a few calls to old college friends who are based in Milan to see if anyone has seen him…
Now I know you’ll probably think this sound crazy and that it’s not normal worrying like that for a friend. The thing is, Andrea is not a common person. Behind his privileged condition, he has deep issues. His family is completely shattered, he barely knows where his bro and sis live, and same for his mom (his dad died some 10 years ago). I already lost touch of him right after the tsunami, when he was in Puket. He does crazy things, like driving under the influences. And you know how it feels: when your best friend gets in trouble and you weren’t there for him, you feel guilty.
Hopefully, I’ll have his news in the next few days, and I’ll take fuly advantage of holidays in Italy with my beloved KS and my friends!!
By the way, since I will not have an internet access, this will probably e last post until August 16. Sorry!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
KS had some squash game with colleagues, so I planned with Maria in order to make the night a success.
I went home quite early (although I’m still working, everyone is on holiday and there is very little to do… lovely!), in order to prepare Maria’s (and mine) favourite finger-food: panzerotti.
Now I realize that almost everyone who is not Italian (and some Italians as well) might not know what a panzerotto is, so some explanation might be required, and, why not the recipe!
Panzerotti are a sort of small “calzone” (like pizza folded), although quite different. What I do (and did yesterday night) is to prepare a paste mixing flour (non self-raising!!), a little salt, water and olive oil. Then you let it rest one hour (or more) in the fridge, you take it out, level with a rolling pin until it is 2 mm high. Next, you cut squares of 5 to 7 cm sides, fill them in the middle with tomatoes, mozzarella, basil and ham (for those who eat meat, vegetarians like me, let out the ham), and fold into triangular shapes, closing the borders by finger pressure.
At this point yesterday night, Maria arrived, and we settled for the home-Spa. Basically this means she waxed my legs (she has had laser done to hers, so no more waxing, lucky girl!!), I scrubbed her back and applied self-tanning and so on. Oh, don’t forget vanilla massage oil at the end.
Of course, this was accompanied by some home made pop-corn, relaxing music, fruity drinks and plenty of candles everywhere. Total cost of the night, around 15 Euros (including dinner). Wow! Not to mention all the girls talk!!
Back to panzerotti, I preheated the oven at 200 Celsius, and baked until they got golden and smelled nice. By the time, we had chosen a movie (Orlando, btw, but I guess it’s not really well-known), and we had our panzerotti while watching it.
For once, a great night at home!
Friday, July 27, 2007
It’s a really heterogeneous group, where age varies between 20 and 26, education from those who only speak dialect to those who are taking an MBA or a PhD in Arts... You see what I mean? We only know each other because we’re “holiday neighbors”. But one thing we do have in common: we love to party.
As most of us also like 80s and early 90’s music, when this morning I heard DuranDuran’s “Save a prayer”, I couldn’t help thinking about our annual camping night.
Around August 10, we usually pack lots of alcohol, sleeping bags (those who own one!) and we all hike one hour or so, until we’re sure there will be no light pollution. Then we seek for wood, we start a good fire (always paying great attention, in order to avoid forest fires!!), and settle. The aim is to watch falling stars. However, in the few years we’ve been doing this, no one has yet seen one. This is probably due to the alcohol quantity we start drinking around 5PM. Also, most of the times we forget glasses or even plastic goblets, so bottles are passing from hand to hand, while we sing (awfully).
Now the thing is, during the years, before or later, each of us has ended up by snogging with at least a few of the others… And there probably have been also a few one night stands (not I, though…). So, when I think about “Some people called it a one night stand, but we can call it paradise…” of course I think about these occasions. What’s nice is that there has been almost no one who got hurt from those “escapades”, probably because anyone who would want to try something serious with someone else of the group would choose another occasion to step in!
Anyway, there is an episode where someone got kinda hurt, and that everyone still remembers.
A few years ago, I actually spent the night kissing one of my friends in a tent, and at around 4AM I stepped out seeking some water. Now, I wasn’t wearing my lenses, so I was pretty blind, and I tried to hurry in the fire fainting light (I was wearing only panties and a T-shirt and at that time at that altitude, even in August, it’s freaking cold), so I completely stepped over one of the guys who was wrapped up in his sleeping bag. It ended up being one of my best buddies, who was completely wasted and, thanks to the pressure of my foot on his tummy, started puking all around… Of course at this point most of the group thought I was making out with him, instead than with the other guy, and it really took quite a while to calm down misunderstandings!!!
Can’t wait to see what will happen next time!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The biggest event of last week was that I got a job offer, and I mean, the kind of job offer you have problems saying no. Why, will you wonder? Because of the fabulous salary and bonus.
Still, as nothing come for free in real life, those are the issues.
Firstly the job would be in Milan, Italy, a city where I swore myself never to live in again, due to total lack of security (when I was in college girls did not walk home alone after 9PM!!), horrible weather (up to 45 Celsius in summer, I guess it’s like F113), awful services and so on.
Secondly, it’s an M&A advisory position for one of the world biggest banks, the kind of, no matter where you live, if I say the name you think “ah, yeah, I know it!”. Into practical terms, this kind of position, in Milan, means that you work around 40 weekends per year (not to mention the 70working hours weeks).
Thirdly (and far from least), I could not bring myself to quit KS, and, right now, he is not ready to follow me there.
On the boyfriend side, last Friday we attended a party where his ex was invited also. Saying everyone was bitchy towards me would be too nice: stating that I spent the night alone in one corner, talking only to an outsider, would be much closer to the truth.
We also had a little argument about this, but in the end he admitted I was right and that anyway we’ll attend lesser and lesser those kind of parties (thanx Lord!).
Truth is also, I miss my friends. Since I moved in with KS, no one from Italy visited me but my parents, and while in Italy I only meet most of them at Christmas and in August. So I am a bit melancholic, but I know I’ll probably be feasting every night with them on the first half of August, so I guess it’s all right…
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Now, as I don’t recall if I already written about it (and yesterday wine is not helping either), here’s a little summary of what I knew so far: the Bro had decided he was tired of his current living style, and had therefore applied with positive response for a cardiologist position at my parents’ town hospital. Therefore, the whole Bro family had decided to move some half-a-mile down my parents’ road between July end - August beginning.
Being on July 18th, I would have thought everything was settled, by now.
Instead, the Panther told me he was still uncertain about being hired, that his wife was not so sure about moving anymore, and so on.
The thing is, they had asked the Panther to arrange for them to have a house ready to move in, so she had to do miracles dealing with bricklayers, plumbers and so on in order to have everything ready in time, so I kind of understand why she was more than a bit distressed.
As my home-phone does not work, I emailed him right after
To: The Bro
What’s up buddy? I just had the Panther who sounded like she had just eaten a lemon, does it have anything to do with you?
BTW, are u movig? And when? And how ‘bout the new job?
Keep in touch Bro, it’s been ages since we last spoke!!!!
So far, I did not get any answer from him. Instead, Andrea wrote me again saying he’s having fun but he’s a bit tired of parting all night long, so he’s going to focus a bit more on sun tanning daytime. Ah, what a hard life he has to deal with!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Man, I had a blast on this!
As I already knew Maria had recently chosen her knew flat mates, a girl who has already moved in, and this hottie guy who’ll join the house in September. She had been talking plenty about him, lately, so I guess I should have seen this coming, but anyway, when she told me (and I could figure the sparkle in her eyes) that yesterday night, after being to a concert, they slept together, I laughed so hard I couldn’t stop myself.
I mean, the guy has not yet moved in and they’ve had a sack session already!! The chick is my new idol!
Obviously we discussed the subject in details, until I hanged up as I had to do some work.
It was just a few minutes later when Andrea, the Hunter, wrote me. He answered to my previous message, of two days ago, which said:
To: Andrea, the Hunter
Subject: Where is the Hunter?
According to your last mail, you should have arrived in Bangkok two days ago, but I still have no news from you. I can only picture two scenarios:
WORST CASE SCENARIO: you have nothing spicy to tell me about
BEST CASE SCENARIO: you’re screwing so much that you don’t have time to email me.
Anyway, keep in touch
So, I was curious and immediately opened his mail
From: Andrea, the Hunter
Subject: Re: Call me THE HUNTER
My dearest DDgirl,
You got it right, and of course I was going through the best case scenario. This holiday begun in the best way. Although I had been thinking about going to Laos, after one night here in Bangkok I realized I love this place too much to go anywhere else, and, after all, I’m here to relax, right? In the end, I chose sack adventures instead of jungle adventures.
I didn’t call any of the girls I know here, partly because, as you reproached me, I have already recycled Paola once more, it’s time to meet new gals.
That’s how I met this Kisha (not sure about the name though) while clubbing last night, and Lord, she made me shiver all night long. I’m not going to date her, anyway, basically because her English is practically zero, so besides sex, there’s nothing I can do with her.
Beauty, I’ll write again as soon as I have something spicy to tell you!! And take care of you and of that booty of yours!
So, I adore them both, but after those news, I really felt like I’m the only goody two shoes here.
Monday, July 09, 2007
My diet did work, and I really looked good in my strappy dress. Plus, all of the other girls weighted at least 10 kilos more than I do, so it was quite easy (excuse me if I’m being bitchy, but…)
So the night begun when Camille arrived. Camille is someone I simply cannot stand. This is because she’s a real alpha bitch. And, also, being used to work with men, and being DDgirl, I am a bit of an alpha bitch as well, so of course I cannot stand another one. At least I am able to admit it.
So the alpha bitch arrived, fake blond as always, fat as always, late as always. Now I always try not being late, as a matter of respect. So I hate waiting for others. When she finally got there, half an hour later than agreed, first thing she asked was if I could lend her the same nail polish I was wearing and, being the nail polish on the table, I couldn’t say no. So she decided to apply it, and then we all had to wait for it to dry, so we left like, 45 minutes late for the party.
The party itself was funny, we just hang in the backyard, drinking, chatting and dancing a little. I really enjoyed it, spending most of the time with S. (our friend who was hosting us, which happens to be gay) and his new boyfriend, and of course with my beloved KS. It has been the only warm summer evening we’ve had this year, and now back to the city is already cold again, raining and so on.
As the night went on, we moved to a club, but nothing worth telling happened.
Karine, my boss, is calling me. I will tell more about her in my next post!
Friday, July 06, 2007
Plus, KS has plenty of things on his mind, and things are not excellent, mainly due to the fact that I’m never home. Hopefully, we’ll manage to spend the next weekends together doing funny things, which would really help relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. So tomorrow morning we’re heading to Toulouse, this magnificent town in south-western France, where friends are waiting for us to… PARTY!!! Yeah, it will be shopping, feasting and having fun all weekend long (and Lord knows I do deserve it!!). As I have already mentioned, I have gained a few kilos, and, as I want to wear my best innocent/seductive strap dress on Saturday night, I called The Panther for advice on Monday morning. She told me to stick for the week on a diet limited to fruits, crudités and a cup of fatless milk with Special Ks for breakfast. Which I am complying to, but it’s like starving all the time. But it seems to work, so…
On friends side, Andrea the Hunter emailed me this morning:
From: Andrea, the Hunter
On July 23 I’ll start working as a trader on [big bank] equity platform.
In the meanwhile, I’m taking a little break, and I’m leaving tomorrow morning to get to Bangkok, Nocciolina (one of his regular “girlfriends”) is waiting for me.
I can’t wait to be fullmooning in Kho Phanghan!!!
Care to join me?
Dear Lord, I know very well Andrea is not a happy person. Everyone says he’s got everything, but I know him enough to see the truth about him. But, I DO envy him sometimes!!
Joining him is absolutely impossible, for work, KS, no holidays, there are 10K reasons.
But I wish I could!!!
Karine, my boss, has just stopped by to see how I was dealing with this job.
How come that Karine, who is a pretty cold person to everyone, always lean against me to look at my monitor? And keeps complimenting me each time I wear a skirt?
Monday, July 02, 2007
While staying here, with the team, we kept talking about Top Gun, basically as we’re next to a military airport, and army jets keep taking off and landing (destroying our ears). The funniest things I found out are, in the order:
1 - Top Gun, in France is a cult film. I mean, it really IS a cult, even now, and I’m not talking about teenagers.
2 – In the French dubbed version, when they finally go for it, Charlie says to Maverick “Maverick, sex beast, make love to me or I’m not answering of my body”.
Like, SEX BEAST???? I mean, it’s ridiculous!!
Anyway, after one week spent listening to “Take my breath away”, and having lunch at the airport cafeteria, yesterday while waiting for our food, I parted from the team to go and buy chewing-gums and a stamp. And then this blond army pilot came and started to talk to me. In German. Did I mention he was wearing his uniform?
So I flirted for like, 10 seconds (I’m taken, plus my German is quite rusty) before going back to the table.
Needless to say, my colleagues immediately started teasing me: so, u like him, are you going to see him and all kind of nonsense.
It was so obvious we were all just joking that when they asked me
“What’s his name?”
I didn’t hesitate, and answered
Thursday, June 28, 2007
I’ve been working approximately fifteen hours per day over the last fifteen days, including Sundays. And I was fool enough to go white water rafting all day long on Saturday, instead of resting by the swimming pool. Well, at least I have spent a great day on the rafts with KS, we really had a blast.
I am still in Switzerland, writing late at night. Right now, the only thing that can give me the smile is Andrea, the Hunter.
He emailed me for my Bday, at 1AM in the morning.
From: Andrea, the Hunter
Subject: DD day
Whazzup babe? I’ve come back from a wild night just to write you and wish you a great wonderful birthday…
I’m kidding of course, the night was sucking (meaning no babe half as hot as you around), and I know you hate your birthday, but still I remembered and here I am!
Okay, so I’ve got this offer for [Big Bank], on their trading floor, so I’m trying to make up my mind between joining them or going to Thailand for a while… Any advice?
What else? Well, I hate to admit, but I do miss you a bit. Wouldn’t you be considering coming back to Milan, by chance? Oh, whatever babe, anyway we both know We’ll end up married one day. After all, you still have the most beautiful breasts I have ever seen (and I have good records).
Take care and wbs!
Of course he kids, he’s not after me. Years ago, we said that, if we’ll be both single by the time I’ll be 30, we’ll get married, but it’s only a joke. Anyway, in order to give him a laugh, I answered.
To: Andrea, the Hunter
I know you like me, I know you do. I know you want me, it’s easy to see…
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was HOT like me?
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was RAW like me? Don’t cha!! Don’t cha baby!!
Kiddin’ hun. Are you still seeing that boredom named Paola?
Dunno bout the job, it’s cool, but will u like it or hate it?BTW, I have a spare room, so u can crush at my place if u want. Plus my best friend is single again. Oh, and I miss you too. Thanks for the wishes. Are you still that much of a hottie? Send me a pic.
And no, it ain’t flirty. It’s just the way we are.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’l have to call my dear love, my KS who’s at home, missing me as much as I miss him.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Plus, the Panther and the Sponsor (aka my parents) are coming for the weekend. Like, tomorrow night they’ll be here.
Because tomorrow it’s my birthday.
Luckily two miracles happened: the guy form Ikea has come this morning to finally put in place our kitchen (no more boxes everywhere, yuppieee!!) and, even better, I found a woman who will come to clean the apartment on Friday afternoon. As it’s a whole mess, and the windows need to be cleaned also, she agreed to stay for 4 hours. Wonderful!!
Even better, God bless the guy who invented online shopping, so that by the time I’ll be home tonight (and my forecast is that this won’t be before 9PM…) the fridge will be full of everything I’ll need to feed both the Parents.
Now let’s go back to negativism.
Tomorrow is my damned birthday. Not only I hate my birthdays (always have, even as a kid), but, I’m hitting 25.
Which puts me in an awful state of mind, because of all the questions this “25” raises, like: where am I going? How am I gonna spend the rest of my life? Will I ever settle? And so on.
I’m too tired to party, anyway, so couldn’t we just all forget about it?
Maybe I’m just abusing my meds for allergies, which would also explain the nightmare I had last night: the Little Prince found me after stalking me, died in an accident, and I was accused of murdering him. Guess I’ll quit coffee and meds and keep a low profile until the whole Bday weekend is over!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
So, Maria needed to be taken care of, and of course that’s what I did, although, what do you tell to a broken heart?
The most sincere comment I ever got was from a colleague, a nice one, when B. and I broke up. He told me: “You know it, it’s hard. But guess what? It won’t get easier. No, it will keep hurting in time, weeks will pass, summer will come and you’ll no longer go on holiday with him, and you’ll keep staying out at night, after work, to avoid your empty apartment. No, don’t trust to those who tell you it will soon get better, ‘cause it’s not true”.
I thought at the moment (at I still do now) that he was right.
Anyway, I didn’t feel like handing out this to Maria, so I just listened and offered compassion and company. At least I hope so.
Meanwhile, in my own head, I was thinking about what a vile thing he had done. And then, as I’ve recently re-read “High Fidelity”, by Nick Hornby, I thought about the 4 worst things I’ve ever done to a man (no matter if the “he” of the moment ever found out or not).
1 - I’ve cheated on my first BF while he was in love with me
2 - I’ve been sleeping for a while with two guys who were best friends one to the other (never both at the same time!!). We would hang out, and if I felt like going home with someone, I would pick up one of them.
3 - Every time I’m in love, I find the BF mob phone and read all his messages (usually it’s me who gets hurt)
4 - I spread at my previous office a rumour about one of the interns being gay. Everybody did believe it.
Those are my excuses:
1 - When I was in love with him, he dumped me (needless to say, he broke my heart: I was 16!!!). Eventually, he came back and my family pushed me to take him back, but I was so angry I made out with another guy while he was on holiday. By the way, later on, I discovered he cheated as well during the same holiday.
2 - I have no excuses, but no feelings were involved, they were just bed buddies. And, after a while, I realized that they both were aware and okay with it.
3 - Let’s be serious, who doesn’t?
4 - The guy made out with me one night, after months of flirting, and then turned me down when I asked if he was coming home with me.
So, I’m a bastard, okay.
But, take a minute and think about the few worst thing YOU have ever done to someone of the other sex.
Okay, so who’s the bastard now?
Monday, June 11, 2007
I don’t think this way of thinking is so tragic, it’s just that it allows me to step back a little, knowing that anyway I might have a way out, in a worst case scenario, you see what I mean?
Anyway, this whole process went on until the morning after (no paranoia to KS, as we did not talk much that night as he was at a party), when Karine called back saying the mission in Paris was cancelled and that I was to spend this week in Geneva again. Which pretty saved my ass.
I was heading to my parents’ place for the weekend feeling relieved, with nothing in my mind but vague projects about doing some kayak on Saturday, when my mob rang, displaying Maria’s number. As Maria happens to be my closest friend at the moment (and the Best Clubbing/Shopping Mate Ever), I happily answered.
She was crying so hard I had problems understanding what was wrong for a little while.
Her BF had just quit her.
Now, Maria had come to live abroad in order to follow the love of her life (alias ButtHead), who had quit her right after (just like the Little Prince and I, to give you an idea), and she pretty much never dated on regular bases for the two following years.
Then, one night we girls were clubbing (KS was away for work), she met C., who was nice and cute. This was some 5 months ago, and meanwhile they got together, she was introduced to his parents (!!!) and everything. Her only issue was that he is 9 years younger than her (the guy is around 23), but I always told her not to give a damn as long as they were happy together. And they were, as Maria is definitely younger than her age, both physically and mentally.
So apparently the bastard has only just found out her real age, and quit her.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
I’d better explain.
I left yesterday to join Hatim, my new colleague, on a job in Switzerland. Everything fine ‘bout this: the job is a bit tough, but we’re dealing with it and Hatim and I go on quite well together. The only shade on the whole situation was that we do not have access to our email while working here.
Only, this afternoon, I got a call from the office assistant, Nathalie, who wanted to tell me about the coordinates of my hotel for the next week.
I had no idea what she was talking about, so she explained I have been planned on a job in Paris. Okay, I said, and who’s coming along?
The thing is, I’m going on my own, which, in this job, is NEVER a good situation. And I don’t feel experienced enough, either.
So, I was already a little blue when I called Karine, the senior manager, in order to be briefed about the job, but there was still a little part of me that was thinking: okay, it must be an easy job, Karine will brief you intensely and tell you exactly what to do, and you’ll manage to make a good job & maybe also a good impression.
Here’s how the call went:
DDgirl: Hi Karine, DDgirl speaking
Karine: Hey, what’s up?
DD: I called you to discuss about next week job
K: yeah, it’s cool, I don’t have much information, but it’s a dataroom, so you go, you make a financial due diligence, and you come back with a report.
K: Look, I gotta go, anyway I’ll call you around Wednesday to know how it’s going.
And she hanged up.
Gotta go, more in the next entry.
Monday, June 04, 2007
I guess a little summary of my new colleagues would be useful, no? So, here we go.
He’s the big boss, a Partner of the firm. Around 45, grey hair, nice and funny. He really seems the smart one, always asking for each one’s opinion. Love him already.
Senior Manager, around 35. Definitely a no-nonsense, still a very trendy woman. She’s a tough one, but I like it that way, better be direct than sneaky.
He’s the quiet one, and, like me, has just joined the firm.
Hatim & Caroline
They have just one year of seniority more than I do, and we share the same office. So far, they have been very nice and communicative.
She’s the team assistant. Around her 40s, always ready to chat a bit or go for a coffee. As much as she’s a nice person, I think she is maybe a bit lazy, which probably means we’ll stay friends as long as I do not ask her to do anything for me. Still, I may be wrong.
Ali & Jerome
The IT guys. Ali is very sporty and kind, and married. Jerome is very handsome and funny. No wedding ring there.
I’ve been seeing them a lot, as my new notebook keeps bugging.
The great thing is that everyone seems to go along very well. As much as Karine is the diva of the group, she’s a real worker and she’s so much more senior than I am, that there shouldn’t be any problem.
Another nice thing is that, on Thursdays, there is a training coach who come to train those of us who whish so, plus as we’re next to the park I could go running at noon. And I really need it, as I gained a few kilos lately.