Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Little Black Book

To add some mess to my life, as soon as I turned off my laptop, yesterday afternoon, my manager called me and asked me to go back to the office, to deal with another emergency. When I said I was tired, he said it didn’t need more than one hour. As it turned out, it took 7 more hours, which means I got home at midnight. So, since Monday morning, I have worked something like, huh, 40 hours. Does this mean I’m done with my working week? Hell, I’d wish!!

Anyway, I had promised to give an update on KS.
Do you remember that flick, “Little black book”, where the girl looks through her boyfriend’s palm and finds out everything ‘bout his exes? Well, why can’t we, girls, learn that the less you know about your man’s past, the less it’s likely to hurt? Apparently I’m hopeless on this subject.

Killer Smile met Girlfriend N.1 when he was about 17, and they were both in high school. GF1, as I’m going to call here, happens also to be Nath’s best friend, and she and KS staid together for some 7 years before parting their ways. Here’s what I know about her:

1. She’s fat (and I’m an awful person, right, but I have seen her pics and she IS fat. And, thanx God for that)
2. When things turned out bad between her and KS, she bought him a kitten, in an effort to keep him close to her
3. Soon after KS left her, GF1 realized she had got knocked up and she had an abortion without telling him. She only told him about it when she got back from the hospital
4. Girlfriend N.1 still believes (and hopes) that, sooner or later, KS will go back to her. If he doesn’t answer to her on IM, or if he ignores her when they go out with mutual friends, she complains with everyone about this.

So, yes, I do see her as an enemy. It is also true, that I would probably see as an enemy any woman who IMs my man (his sisters being the only exceptions)

Let’s see what’s next…. Ah, yeah, Guadeloupe Girl, last spring. Guadeloupe Girl because well, that’s where she comes from, but also because they’ve been on holiday there together. This is a bit more dazed, as KS is evidently ashamed about her. Apparently she used to hit him, which is something I don’t wholly understand given the size of my man. Friends report she’s completely mad, the kind that throws fragile objects when angry and puts on shows to draw attention. Whatever. Apparently she did not last more than three or four months, and all she left behind is a shampoo for black girls.

Eastern Slut is the next one, but my manager is calling me, so you’ll have to wait a bit more!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Night shift

I have to apologize for not writing sooner.
I’ve been visiting Parents over the weekend, and than work just got crazy, and I didn’t leave my office from Monday morning 8AM till Tuesday afternoon 2PM.

Now, after a shower and the first cup of tea (after more or less 2000 cups of coffee), I just managed to cut out half an hour to jot down a few lines.

Here we go with some drama: Eastern Slut is back in my life.
Apparently, not only she’s back in town, but she’s also joining us to go skiing next Saturday. Do I have to tell at which point this SUCKS?
So I decided I needed to know how long am I going to deal with this thing, and it turned out she’ll be in town until June. Like, 5 more months.
Options are:

I decide I never want to meet her again (and I take the risk of letting KS mett her without my supervision when they meet mutual friends)
I stand her stupid grin a few more times so that I don’t need to get paranoid about her hooking up with KS.

You all know me enough to know that I am obliged to choose option 2.
I won’t mask either that I did have a bit of a fight about this with KS, until he surrendered to the evidence that all of his exes are still an important part of his life and that this may be a bit disturbing for me. Whatever.

I’d like to explain better, but my eyes are closing, so I guess I’ll post about this tomorrow.

To change subject, the main competitor of my company has approached me to propose me a position in their structure. And, I’m seriously considering it.
More later!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Goodbye, my friend

Yesterday night I flew back to town, in the middle of a snow storm. Yeah, after a couple of weeks which were almost warm, winter is back and high.
Being a girl from the mountain, I adore snow, and I don’t mind cold, but landing in the middle of the storm, whoa. Just like in movies, the captain announced that the airport was shutting down, so we would probably have to switch our destination to Paris. Then, he forgot to switch off the speaker, and we heard him telling very clearly to the airport that we did not have enough fuel to ensure a safe and quiet flight to Paris. Yikes!!!!
Then apparently we were given the authorization, because we actually started landing. As soon as we crossed the clouds, we realized how much it was snowing, as we couldn’t see anything else from the windows, and we started shaking as hell.
The landing path was all white, wind blowing quite hard and so on, but somehow we did it (and thanx God it was before dinner!)

Anyway, I got home at 11PM after two weeks of Atlantic coast, so I missed the evening with KS and friends (as usual), and I couldn’t stop thinking: “it’s been two weeks since I last did something just for myself, I only work, clean-up and sleep, what the hell is this?”
Then I realized I thought the same thing last year and two years ago in this season: it’s just that work becomes crazy in this part of the year.

So I picked up the phone and dialed Andrea’s number. Yeah, as in Andrea the Hunter, my best boy-friend, who presently lives in London.
Turned out he’s a bit ill and completely sick of London, overworked and undersexed (and this is really weird, talking about Andrea. Okay, undersexed probably means he didn’t have any sex for a week or so, but whatever.)
So in order to cheer up both our miserable selves, I offered to visit him in London in 2 months or so. Turns out, he’s planning to go back to Thailand for a few months, and he should leave in one month or so.
Once more, I can’t help but fear I’m going to lose him.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The Panther's exploit

I am NOT pregnant!
I guess celebration would be adequate; only, I’m back to the Atlantic Coast for three more days (ouch), so feasting is decaled until Wednesday night.
Thanx to this news, Killer Smile and I spent a nice Saturday shopping for sales (but I ended up buying nothing at all, as shops were tooooooo crowded), walking around downtown and having quality time together.
Sunday was dedicated to moving all the rest of my stuff that was still in my old flat, including all of my books. While trying to get them up the 96 steps of our apartment, I thought about two things.

Number 1: I ADORE talking and thinking about it as “OUR” home, instead of KS’ place. Cheesy as it may sound, it’s true.

Number 2: wasn’t it Philip Roth, in the Zuckerman trilogy, who wrote about how the total weight of his books increased over and over his moving, during the years? Well, it’s the same for me. Although I keep storing my books at my Parents’ place, the current weight is up to 23 kilos. And I cannot put my books on a diet, unlike my own body!

Anyway, now that you’ve all managed to relax and breathe, no pregnancy, no drama and so on, here comes the rest.

I called the Panther (aka mom), and told her I’ve moved in with my boyfriend.
I expected her to scream out that I’m irresponsible, and how can I be so silly after having been dumped so many times, and this way I’ll never get married (I’ll explain this sooner or later, I promise) and so on.

Instead he said, calmly: “Yeah, I guess it was the best thing to do. Personally, I would have done the same choice”.
Felines’ moves are never easy to forecast!!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Atlantic coast - day 3

Okay, yesterday entry was crap. You remarked it, and you were right. Thing is, I’m way too tense to sort out anything but crap.

Because my periods are late. Far too late, even for my 35 usual days.
And because, I admit it, a pregnancy wouldn’t be impossible.

Thanx to my quite irregular periods, I’m a ClearBlue addicted (I guess I buy 4 tests per year, more or less), just to calm down my nerves when I pass 40 days. The thing is, my colleagues, and especially the nice Lebanon girl, don’t leave me alone a single moment all day long, let alone go to the chemistry to get a pregnancy test. Oh crap!!!

The thing is, abortion is not even an option. I’m not Catholic or anything, but we would be talking about MY BABY. Plus, I actually love kids.
Besides, I cannot afford a maternity: although KS and I love one each other, we’re alone. My parents are far away, in another country, and his live at 200km. It would absolutely mean I would have to give up my job. And, to be honest, I’m not sure if I want my kids to be French.

All this said, KS would adore having a baby (if it was up to him, we would be already trying).

There is one more thing. When he and his former girlfriend parted their ways, she had just got pregnant, and had an abortion telling him only afterwards, by telephone. I once asked him how does he feel about it, and he answered “I feel like I’ve lost my baby, and that somehow it was my fault”
You see what I mean?

So, right now what I’m going to do is get to the hotel, skip dinner and have a long sauna instead, try to relax. Maybe I’ll even take my book into the sauna. Have a long phone chat with my love (without worrying him ‘bout this), and then try to get a good night of sleep.
And Saturday morning first thing is getting that damned test!!!!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Atlantic coast - day 2

As promised, I’m back!!
Well, this project in Biarritz has a nice potential. First of all, a girl from the Paris office has joined the team and will work with me for 2 weeks. A girl!!!!! For once (how many time did I mention I am the only girl of the regular team? Too many I guess!)!
Anyway, not only she’s a girl, but she’s very nice, and although French-speaking, she’s as foreigner as me as she comes from Lebam.
Furthermore, we’ll switch to a new hotel tonight, which has an indoor swimming pool so I’ll be able to go on with my seasonal training. And I’ll try to stick to my diet as well.

Meanwhile, Killer Smile is trying to learn Italian, and I’m having quite a bit of fun teaching him verbs, grammar and so on. Unluckily, the guy seems to learn very quickly, but to forget even faster!! (KS, if you are reading, I’m just joking!!!)
By the way, he has announced his parents that I have moved in with him, and they seem to be glad about it. (Although I don’t understand how come, my stepparents-charming-spell always works)
He has also hanged my darts game on the wall, and claimed that form Friday on, dishwashing will be decided on a dart match. What the poor fool doesn’t know, is that I am the QUEEN of darts, and he doesn’t have the slightest chance of beating me. This means, no more dishwashing for me, yuppiiiiieeeee!!!

The boss is calling me, so once more I gotta leave you!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Atlantic coast

I’m currently in South-western France, on the Atlantic coast, for a job lead by the new manager. Which is a good news, because it might give me the opportunity to make a good impression on him (and therefore to have someone more on my side at June final evaluation!!).

Sorry ‘bout not writing for a while, but work has been busy, plus I have moved about 80% of my stuff. It’s official, KS and I live together. Wow! (Okay, my parents still don’t know about that, and I have no clue about how am I going to say it, but someday and somehow I’m confident I’ll manage to do it…). This also means, from January on I’m paying 600 Euros (900 USD?) less of rent, which also means one thing: SHOPPING!!!!!!

Besides that, we spent the weekend skiing in the French Alps, and we had plenty of sun, fun and feasting (and sex… mmmmmmmm… wow…). The only thing is, I left this morning and I already miss him!! Argh!! What happened to independent DDgirl?

Well, gotta leave ya now, I’ll write more tomorrow!!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Moving in

I. Am. Moving. I can hardly believe it, but I started today and I need to end before Frieday morning…. Ouch!!!
As far as I can tell, since I left my parents’ house (I was almost 18, and now I’m 24, which makes 6 years, double ouch) I have moved exactly 10 times. Now, I’m going to stay at KS current place for a while (moving number 11) until we find a bigger place for the two of us (moving number 12, forecasted around April).
So, yes, I am really excited to be moving in with KS, but I’m exhausted.
And packing all my crap is not the only reason.

Mid year evaluation meeting was held yesterday at work. As we were not allowed to assist, this is what happened according to Laurent. Lolo, aka my fave manager ever, made the preliminary small talk about me, introducing me as a high quality resource. At this point, the old partner of the whole company, who has been working with Lolo and I in Norway and in the Netherlands, agreed with him. And then Tabbie, aka the most horrible person in the world, cut me off. He said I’ll never be able to progress to a senior level, that I don’t manage French well enough, blab la bla. Only, it’s been more than 9 months since I last worked with him. So how the hell can he say so???

The mediation lead to the most stupid idea I ever heard: in June, they’ll propose me a promotion but only if I agree to move to Paris. Which, in case you were wondering, I’ll NEVER agree to, for about ten thousand reasons.
So now I need to find a solution about this big mess.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Revenge is a dish best served cold

Back to normal life, I’m struggling through these horrible few days when holidays are over but winter sales aren’t on yet.
KS is on a short trip to Prague (he’ll be back on Sunday night), so in order to avoid imagining him cheating on me with some new Eastern blond slut, I keep myself busy chatting and gossiping with Maria.
This has lead to raise again a hot subject: Nath backstabbing at me, as I’ve been informed by KS friends that she went on at New Year’s Eve.

The verdict I came to, with Maria, is that this thing has gone too far by all means. But, as Cruel Intentions (“Les liasons dangereuses”) taught, “La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid“, or revenge is a dish best served cold, if you prefer.
Question is, how am I going to do it?
Suggestions are welcome. As by now, M and I managed to assemble 2 plans:
Organizing a night out with Maria flirting dangerously with Nath’s ex (with whom she still sleeps from time to time)
Telling her enemies at the office how she tried to take home a friend of KS and I (who, by the way is bisexual) and how he rejected her
Nothing again gays or bi, it’s just that she has the reputation of a noun at the office, and this would definitely kill her.

Now I know these plans aren’t GREAT, but I’m currently down of better ideas…

Meanwhile, tonight I’m going for drinks with a bunch of girls from the office, and tomorrow is dinner + dancing with Maria…

I have some more important news… In the next fifteen days I will be moving in with KS, until we find a new apartment together… I am excited and a bit scared!!

Ok, my New Year’s resolutions:
Be nice to the Panther and my family in general
Work at my best
Be nice to KS, and do my best to keep this relationship healthy and working
Train myself and do plenty of sport (possibly get back to 48-49 kilos)
Eat healthy
Keep in touch with far away friends
Stop biting nails (ok, this is unrealistic)
Visit London
Improve my German
Improve my French
Improve my Spanish
Meet Andrea, (aka the Hunter), college best guy-friend

Okay, I’ll give it a try, at least. Maybe!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


As I probably have mentioned before, December 24 is usually my busiest and most tiring day of the year. Still, I usually look forward to it more than to Christmas itself. Here is how it went.
As family tradition imposes, since breakfast all males were banished from the house, and they just got back around 7PM.
Meanwhile, all the females arrived, from Granny (aged 83) up to Sofia, my little niece (aged 2) slowly arrived and joined in the kitchen. From 9AM ‘till 6:30PM, we went on cooking, as each year: no more cooking will be done for a few days, usually until New Year’s Eve, so a huge deal of food is prepared during those crucial hours.
But it’s also about catching up with latest gossips and events, laughing altogether, sometimes singing, teasing one each other and so on. Needless to say, I am the clown of the group.
The menu changes from year to year (this year included a huge mishmash), but the main course is always the same: lasagna. Only, as that is the thing we go on eating for days, we prepare an incredible amount of it: this year, it was 12 baking tins (each one 6 to 8 portions).
And when I say lasagna, it means we also prepare the pasta and all…

Anyway, it all went well except when the mixer broke (my fault) and when my middle finger got cut pretty badly (the Panther’s fault)…

Christmas was fine and everything, but I have to admit it was in a sort of relief I left to go skiing, as the babies kept crying each night, and I really needed some rest.

While in the mountains, I spent most of my time doing some mountaineering ski, hiking and getting drunk with my friends, which was pretty good.
And now New Year’s Eve has gone, I got back to town yesterday night… Killer Smile was waiting for me at the station (damned good thing, as I had some 25 kilos of stuff with me, including my skis), we got home where he rubbed my back before making love…. Mmm it feels good to be back…

And now, back to work!
Happy New Year to everyone!