My life

The sun will set for you

2010-05-11T14:39:00.002+02:00

I close both blinds and turn away
sometimes solutions aren't so simple
sometimes goodbye's the only way,
and the sun will set for you...

I'm done bloggin, people.

Couldn't you tell? Unfrequent posts, laziness...

The truth is, KS is moving in, I'm working my fingers to the bone, I don't get to live anything interesting enough to tell.

Maybe one day I'll keep it up again. As for now, I feel like putting things on hold.

Thank-you to those who read and supported me through this journey of almost 4 years.

How soon is now?

2010-04-23T11:14:00.000+02:00

I met Lou and it was the weirdest meeting ever.
In first place, I never met Lou during working days, so of course it’s always shocking when you’re used to see someone wearing swimsuits, or summer nights drinking outfits, seeing them wearing tie and suit. Of course it’s not just about clothes: Lou was stressed out. It kind of washed away his twilight aura.
I guess the same thing might be true for me, though.
Also, I practically never see Lou unless we’re on vacation. And all of a sudden, he proposes to catch up.
So Lou’s big news for me is he quit his girlfriend.
My big news for him: KS is moving in (in July, btw).

I guess my vampire romance has bad timing.

Anyway, we had the weirdest time ever.
I was feeling so sick I had just popped two aspirins, and it was pretty warm outside, so I kept sweating like crazy. My ears felt plugged, and I could barely hear.
Plus, I’m not used to this stressed out version of Lou.

In the end, we chatted a bit drinking coke (him) and fresh orange juice (me), then I declined a lift and walked home, where I went straight to bed (at 4PM) and slept/read till 8AM this morning.

Man, I really need to get over this bronchitis.

It just occurred me, I might be a train wreck

2010-04-22T14:09:00.000+02:00

In one hour I’m seeing Lou.
I haven’t seen him in a couple of months, and I look like shit. Hell, I feel like shit.
The bronchitis survived (nourished on?) two cycles of antibiotics, and I’ve started the third which has not yet kicked in. I’m even running a slight temperature. On top, my allergies are driving me crazy.
I know, Lou is just a friend, but when you don’t see a friend very often, you’d still like to look at least nice, am I wrong? Oh, on top, I am up to 130lbs. Which, in a way that has nothing to do with Lou, makes me want to swear like a sailor.

I mean, what’s wrong with me? I have male friends I’d NEVER EVER even consider kissing (not even in drunken dementia), but I still want them to think I’m attractive. Hell, I even want Bro to think I’m attractive.
It’s like that, I’m a silly blonde girl!
Of course, I care about Lou’s opinion on my appearance more than Bro’s opinion. Because let’s face it, Lou is hot. He rocks the best 6 pack I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I don’t want him to hit on me, I want him as a friend. But possibly, as a friend who thinks I’m hot.
Which is not gonna happen today considering my eyes and my nose are pouring, my voice sounds weirder than ever, and generally speaking, I look like someone just punched me on the head.
Whatever.

I’m starting a new project on Monday, which most likely means I won’t take care of the project in Casablanca (sgrunt sgrunt), but at least this one will allow me to work from the office.

Well the good thing is I’m leaving the office at 3.30 to meet Lou, I’ll drink something with him (likely, fresh orange juice, given my condition), and by 5PM I’ll be home tucked in bed. Youppie!

I came back and...

2010-04-20T15:21:00.007+02:00

…it was frigging AMAZING!
4 days surrounded by nothing but peaks, snow, ice, a brilliant blue sky, the best looking mountains in Europe.
We could not ski the Haute Route for various reasons, but in the end it was so great we didn’t care!

We left on Wednesday morning, headed to a lake in Val d’Aosta and settled for the tour of the Matterhorn (le Cervin).
It was somehow a tough call, because both the Sponsor and I had (still have) bronchitis, and the peculiarity of the Matterhorn Tour is that every days is harder than the day before. Which, of course, makes it pretty rough after 4 days of skiing and climbing carrying a 12kg backpack (over 26 lbs).

On our first day, we had the best companion ever: a big, sweet dog climbed with us and then skied back to the hut (he belonged to people who work there): after a while we split, so I was climbing up on my own, and the dog kept my pace and never left me! Awwwwww! I even shared all my (little) food with him!
The second day was so and so because both the Sponsor and I were so sick, we could barely make it. But then on the third day, we had this super hard start, partly ski touring and partly ice-climbing, but then we were remunerated with this view:

Matterhorn (Cervin)

La Dent d'Herens

That night we stayed in Cervinia (Breuil), so we could finally take a shower and use decent toilets!
Since it was also the first time our phones got signal, I also found out something amazing:

KS got the job AND HE’S MOVING IN OVER SUMMER!!!!!!

But let’s go back to the Tour.
By the third night, I had bad blisters on my feet, and the cough wouldn’t leave me. I knew that the first part of the last day would be climbing this:

But I put together all my strengths, and gave all I could. And we did it!
When we finally got home, on Saturday night, I discovered my journey to Casablanca has been postponed to May, so now I am back to the city. KS is coming over for the weekend and he’ll spend here also Monday and Tuesday, and if we have enough time we’ll drive to Ikea to buy a drawer for when he moves in.
I still cannot stop coughing, but seriously, who cares?

So you thought this was a fairy tale

2010-04-09T11:39:00.004+02:00

I feel like crying right now.

As most of you, my readers, know, I’ve been training VERY hard, over the last few months, with an objective: doing the Haute Route ski tour. From Chamonix to Zermatt and then to Saas Fee, from Mont Blanc to Cervin (Matterhorn) to Mont Rose, the best mountaineering ski tour of the world. Phisically challenging, I begged to obtain a week off from work, worked miracles to organize everything, trained until my legs would ache badly.

But that was great, you know? Because the Haute Route is always an amazing experience. Even more so because we had planned to do it together, the Sponsor, Bro and I, with a good friend of us who is also a guide.

Work almost fucked up everything, because just yesterday I found out on Sunday 18 I have to leave for 15 days to go to Morocco (and don't even try saying how cool that is because it's FUCKING UN-COOL. It will be 15 working days with no days off, in some stupid outskirt of Casablanca. I hate it already). I rearranged everything in order to be back from the Haute Route on Saturday 17 at latest.

Fighting with allergies that are really kicking me off, I spent the last couple days doing miracles at work in order to be able to leave tonight and be off next week. And the allergies, they’re bad. Yes, all the running helped with the Asthma, but my eyes are always so puffy and swollen, and of course I feel like I have the worst cold ever and have troubles sleeping. And I DON’T WANT to take cortisone this year, because it’s unhealthy, it gives me insomnia and makes me fat. But that doesn’t matter because a week in the snow will halp greatly you know? No allergies up there!
But then of course, today we realized the weather forecasts on that part of the Alps are so bad we cannot possibly leave before Wednesday, because it would be too fucking dangerous. And of course, since I have to be back by Sunday morning in any case, we won’t be able to ski the whole Haute Route.

Is this childish?

Maybe. But I really put so much effort into this, and I’m so tired, I can’t help feeling really sad.

Take me back,
to the rivers of believe,
my friend:
I'll look inside my heart
I'll look inside my soul
I promise you I will return.
(...)
we'll rest our knees, on my rivers of belief

...and again. Plus, something incredible

2010-03-23T09:46:00.001+01:00

Now, in first place I want to tell you something amazing that happened on Sunday.

I saw three wolves. No, not in a zoo. Free wolves, hunting in the mountains. At no more than 500 meters from us.

I am used to see wild animals, just last Saturday I saw a fox in the woods not far from home, but wolves? I never thought I’d ever see wild wolves in my life.

It was an incredible experience, also because I was skiing and I kept seeing them for a couple of minutes (that’s why I’m so sure they were wolves).

Besides that, the weekend was incredibly exhausting, physically AND emotionally.

Last Saturday I helped the Panther for a tough job: a huge fountain we have in the woods had been, over the last two years, submerged by mud, so we had to dig until it was visible again, and then clean it. Last week I had trained VERY hard, and I was already pretty tired, so this job was pretty much exhausting by itself.
The in the afternoon I ran a couple errands with the Panther, and also bought myself a suit and shoes for the office. We had the grannies over for dinner, and I also stopped by at Bro’s place, so I ended up going to bed without having had a moment for myself, but that was fine because ski touring was planned on Sunday.

And so Sunday morning I woke at 5 (as usual), and went to ski, but the weather was awful and I was feelling sick.
We met the others, and I was relieved to see that B just said hello but did not approach me.
We started hiking, and soon I had to stop to throw up, but at least I managed to do it discreetly and not in front of anyone.

And then we saw the wolves, and that really made me feel better! I kept on hiking, also because we had decided that, given the awful weather, we would just get to the next hut and stop there.

When we got to the hut, I was feeling a bit dizzy, so I stepped right inside thinking I would change my wet clothes. B stepped in right after me, and started talking. He had opened a bottle of beer and (again) offered me some, but I said
“Thanks, but no thanks. Actually I was sick half an hour ago, so no beer for me”
“Sorry to hear that baby”
(Baby? BABY? Who the hell are you calling BABY?)
He went on with small talk, while I took off my sweater, then I realized both my T-shirt and my top were soaked, so I wore my jacket and pulled out my top from underneath (no nakedness in front of B, DDgirl!). I turned around and he was facing me holding a clean sweater
“Here, DDgirl, take my sweater, you’ll be more comfortable”.
“Oh thank-you, that’s not necessary. I’ll put mine next to the stove so it’ll be dry in no time”

(and seriously, B, do you think I’d drink your beer, and then wear your clothes? And then tell me, what would next step be?)

“I insist, wearing windstopper on bare skin cannot be comfortable and I have another clean T-shirt for myself”
“Really B, thank-you but it’s not necessary”

And then I managed to grab all my stuff and get to the other room (where the stove was).

From then on, things declined: I started feeling worse, and the Sopnsor and I soon made our goodbyes, and went home. I felt better for a while and then I plunged into stomach flu, so much that yesterday I called sick at work for the very first time in my life.

This morning I felt way better, so I came to work.

I logged into Facebook and I had two messages, one from an old friend. And one from B.

“How are you? Feeling better?”

Again

2010-03-15T10:29:00.001+01:00

Yesterday I drove to the mountains for some good ski-touring with the Sponsor and the ski-touring school crew, as any given Sunday in this season.
We had a great day, sunny weather, a fantastic tour, great snow, and I had a lot of fun with an old friend of mine.

Of course, B was there as well.
When I stepped out of the car, early in the morning, my above mentioned old friend came to greet me and B came along with him, and he was all like:
“Hey DDgirl, how are you doing? You look like someone who’s slept in the car, wake up!”

(seriously? Why would you care?)

I just said “Hey guys, what’s up? Ready to start the hike?”
I mean, I don’t want to be the one who starts drama, so I kept it cool, but still…
Soon afterwards, we were all getting ready and I put on my wool hat, which is a cute warm white funny thing… with soft deer horns on its sides!

People LOVE my hat, and so did my friend, and we cracked a few jokes about how it would help in case of avalanche (with people only having to look for the horns, and so on).
And again B shouted at me across the parking “Oh COME ON DDgirl!!! What do you wanna mean with that hat??”

(In Italy they say that you’ve got horns when someone cheated on you)

I just laughed and said “The Sponsor gave it to me and I love it!”
“Well it is beautiful” he said.

As soon as the Sponsor was ready we left (B was going with another group, luckily), and let me tell you, I was ready waaayyy faster than usually, because this whole thing of B talking to me was so weird.

We had a GREAT day, as I said, plus the ski patrols all made such good comments on my style I may even start to hope to join the touring ski teachers again…. But I don’t want to build too much expectations, we’ll see how things go next year.
The Sponsor also had fun, even though he was a bit tired, and we really enjoyed our day together.

At the end of the tour, in the afternoon, we caught up with the other groups, near the cars, at a small bar with a big courtyard that was cleaned from the snow and really sunny and warm. Since we had gone for the longest hike, we were the last to get there, and I was happy and suntanned. As I was taking my skis off, B came to me and started asking me how the hike was, and then he gestured towards the beer he was holding and said “Want some?”
“eeeeerrrr no thanks, I’m gonna grab some for the Sponsor and I” I said, and I can only hope the tan I got hid my blushing cheeks.

I mean, what was all this fuzz about? He even took my arm in his hand a couple minutes later to catch my attention.
The worst thing was, we first kissed in that same place!

Next Sunday will probably be the last time I see B this year, and I’m fine with that. I don’t want him messing up with me.
I’m not a saint, and I must admit I’d still like some kind of revenge on him, but I know I’d end up being hurt, so I’m just fine with saying hello from a reasonable distance.
Like I said before, back OFF, B.

(In any case, I had an AMAZING day. AMAZING, people)

Overheard

2010-03-09T10:08:00.003+01:00

It’s been snowing AGAIN (like, hello? It’s March), and since avalanche risk was too high, I didn’t even go skiing. Okay, it’s probably the first non-skiing weekend in 2010, but still… it sucks! At least I managed to go running with the Sponsor on Saturday, and we ran 10km (6 miles, partly uphill), so that’s a good thing.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve run more or less 200km (125 miles more or less). How can I possibly be gaining belly fat? The only truth is: I eat like a pig. True, I eat healthy food, but… I just eat too much, and often I eat carbs late at night (hello, overworked DDgirl!). Whatever. I need to stop stuffing my face with bread.
The RUT is here, but aknowledging it is the first step for fighting it. Well, it seems it's gonna be snowing again starting tonight, and that won't help.

On to next subject.

I overheard the parents, a couple of days ago. I didn’t really mean to, they thought I was sleeping and I was just kind of dozing, and I realized they were talking about me.

Panther: “Why can’t she find someone as good as B? B was better for her. Even I liked B.”
Sponsor: “True. B was great, they made a great couple”
P: “So how come she’s with KS now?”
S: “KS may be Mr. Good Enough, he may not be good enough for you, but she’s doing fine.”
P: “She’d be as fine on her own”
S: “Maybe. And maybe not. At least she’s not after B.”
P: “Why would she?”
S: “You’ve never seen when they meet, since he dumped her. She aches badly, when she sees him. And Weird Wife, who keeps talking to him, so DDgirl has to say hello and be civil as well, that drives me nuts. You should have seen last summer, the day she got her frostbites, you would have thought she was already in pain, right? And then we crossed B and his wife. And DDgirl, all of a sudden, she shrink, she didn’t even look them in the eyes. It was like watching someone who gets kicked in their head and don’t react.”

P: “…”

S: “I reckon it DOES go a little better now. It was worst when she found out he got married. But still, my point is, I’m always afraid one day, if she was alone, she might try and go after him. And that’d be really bad. Because, like she managed to have him once, she may still seduce him. But in the end, he’d always go back to the his wife, just as he did before. And that may really drive DDgirl crazy. So leave her alone and don’t talk about B. You know what? I liked B a lot, but it would have been better if he died. We lost her once, he dumped her and she moved abroad. Had he died, she would have made a reason of it.”

I don’t remember anything after that, I think I really fell asleep. I did not remember this, and then this morning I heard “Goodbye my lover” by James Blunt. And I remembered this conversation, and I thought how The Sponsor is right.
Isn’t he always?

DDlife

2010-03-04T12:48:00.005+01:00

went home from work at 5AM this morning, after 20 hours straight spent in.

it was raining cats and dogs, and when I got there (by bike), the first seller were already preparing for the weekly open-air market in my street. I saw them and thought:

"FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!!!!"

(have you ever been to a Mediterrean open-air market? do you have a clue on how noisy it can be?)

at 7AM I surrended, got up, went to the gym and them I had to come back to work.

Luckily, I have Luis Armtrong purring in my ears that it's a wonderful world!

(and yes, the fact that for two days in a row, the cutest and best looking of my male colleagues intentionaly sat down next to me at the cantine, still managed to cheer me up!)

Announcement

2010-03-03T22:58:00.001+01:00

I have an announcement to do.

(no, I’m not pregnant)

(and no, I’m not getting married. Stop guessing silly things!!!)

I am travelling to Nepal, next Autumn.
I’ll be trekking to the ice pyramid (Everest base camp), and up to camp 2, through the ice fall, if I’m really lucky.

I’ll be going there with the Sponsor and a friend whose name I don’t really want write, but let’s say he’s one of the living people who climbed all the fourteen 8k metres without oxygen.

OMG people I’m going to NEPAL I’m so FREAKING excited!!!! I already obtained vacation, and the Sponsor is buying the plane tickets next week (October is high season and the flight to Nepal is always a complicated one, so it’s better to get them in advance).

In the excitement, I resolved paying the 800 Euros fee for another year of gym. I need to train even harder!!

On other news, as usual this days, it’s 11PM and I’m gonna stay in the office for a couple more hours. Of course I came in at 9AM this morning. UGH.

One of these days

2010-03-01T19:06:00.001+01:00

Most days, I feel fine. On my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad KS is part of my life, but I do fine on my own, I really do. I like living alone, I really enjoy it. I’m glad KS will be the on call I’ll make at night when I step home, but I also like I won’t have to cook dinner, and I like even more no one will complain when I’ll get up at 6 in the morning to hit the gym.

Some days, I’d rather be totally on my own. When KS complains too much about stuff concerning our relationship, especially when I’m so tired I can barely think about setting the alarm for the next morning. When he’s at my place on days off, and I’m working my fingers to the bone, and then I come home and find his mess at my place. Yes, there are days I’d rather be single.

And then there are days when, even for a couple of seconds, or maybe for the whole day, I feel such a deep connection, it pays for the days when we’re grumpy or one of us is a pain in the ass.

There are days when I believe in the two of us. Days when I know no fear. Days when I do love him. Those days may only happen once in a while, but that what keeps me with KS.

You’re still the one I love, baby.

Completely different subject: take a look at this pic I’ve taken on January on a touring ski day!! (Yes, it was awfully cold!!)

Back off and leave us alone

2010-02-23T14:33:00.002+01:00

I saw B yesterday.
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.

B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)

So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.
Whatever.

Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).

(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).

So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.

So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.

So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

(...)
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Como puede ser verdad?

2010-02-18T18:43:00.000+01:00

I woke up this morning with “La isla bonita” on my mind.
I actually thought about two weeks I spent in Crete in 2007 with the parents. The opposite of glamorous, but one of the best times of my life. It was May, and Falassarna, a village two days by car from the airport, was deserted (the nearest bar was 6 miles from our bungalow, and it was more the kind of place where local Grannies play cards than my usual venue).
In front of the bungalow laid a giant beach of pink sand that covered the whole bay. No one else was there at that time of the year, and I’d lay in sun the whole day shamelessly naked (who was there to see anyway?), reading books, taking naps, swimming in the crystal sea (still slightly cold in the beginning of May), just chilling.

I woke up at six this morning, it was raining and I rode my bike to the gym and hit the threadmill to run my 5 miles. Yesterday night I came back late from work. I shall probably say this morning, actually, because it was 1 AM.
Although I’m not running every morning (I must admit I’m skipping the gym more often than I find acceptable), I’ve been working with these schedules over the last two weeks, and each other day I have to work in a freezing depot in the outskirts. No wonder I dream of going back to Falassarna. Now wonder when I think about it, I think “How could it be real?”

The light at the end of the tunnel: this project (which, by the way, is NOT a project of my service line, so I also understand NOTHING about it) was supposed to end by Feb 28. Today I’ve been told it won’t be over before March 15, and it may last until the end of March.

Insomnia

2010-02-10T03:25:00.002+01:00

I haven't got any decent sleep since Monday morning (when I had to wake up at 5 AM, like any given Monday). I don't even care about how many hours it means. I just know it's 3.30AM Wednesday morning around here.

In addition to my insomnia, my wrist hurts when I sleep. It's actually fine during the day, it's only when I lay in bed that it hurts.

Today I stopped on my way home to buy some milk and other groceries. When I saw tampons, I realized I had literally no clue about when my last period occurred. I am sure about dates until Christmas, but after that I can't remember. I mean, I'm positive I had period(s), but when? I decided that buying a pregnancy test was waaaayyy better than over-analyzing. (of course the test turned negative, and seriously, it's beeen a while since I've had sex, because I haven't seen KS in a while).

Oh, and I have a new addiction. I just found out tonight the show "Secret diary of a call girl". I love it.

I know this post is shitty, and I don't know if it makes any sense, but I'll do better, I promise!

Full moon hiking

2010-02-01T15:01:00.001+01:00

I’m having my living room AND my boudoir both painted in this precise moment! YAY!
I finally put my shit together, called the painter, and even convinced my landlord about paying at least part of the bill. Not bad huh?

The only inconvenient, of course, is that today my neck aches, and, even more important, I sprained my wrist badly on Saturday. Not the best to move furniture around the house.
How did I get those? Here comes the DDgirl weekend…

After waking up every morning at 6AM last week, in order to train (I managed to run 35km last week, or over 20 miles if you prefer), on Saturday I had opted for a mountaineering ski tour with the Sponsor and Bro. Nobody, however, had mentioned that we were to wake up at 4.30AM. UGH.
We started hiking under a glorious full moon that promised us a beautiful day. We had 1500mt (over 4,900ft) to climb, so we were trying to keep a steady but fast pace. We are all quite trained these days, so we managed to keep the pace and chat at the same time: all in all, we were having a great time. The sun rose, and we took a couple of nice pics with the snowy mountains embraced in pink light. It was only when we had already climbed 900mt that we were suddenly hit by a stormy cold wind from the North. One hour later, we were at less than 100mt from the peak, but we were struggling so badly we decided to stop and start skiing down. However, while peeling off the sealskins (you stick them on your skis to climb up) I lost my balance due to the wind, and, struggling not to fall, I put my whole weight on a stick, and sprained my wrist. I didn’t realize immediately it was that bad, but when I got home, it was about twice the size of the other wrist.

Now since I’m a dork, instead of complaining, I cooked lunch (which involved cutting and cleaning a pumpkin…), because I wanted to go freeriding on Sunday!
And so I did. The alarm went off at 5.30AM on Sunday, and I went freeriding in Switzerland. Although I couldn’t use my right hand, I managed to ski quite well (I still have problems with my frost-bitten toes, so I don’t ski as well as I usually do, these days..). I also managed to respond nicely to the small talk initiated by B., which is more than I usually do. So where is the problem? The problem is, the thermometer never went above minus 20° (-4F) over the day (and it snowed all day long). Added on top of my lack of sleep, it means I was frozen to my ass.

So this morning I woke up at 5AM to get back to the city, and let’s say I have felt better on other days. And yet, the ridiculous thing is my skin is glowing, my hair looks nice and shiny, and all in all, I look way better than most days.
Whatever.

I really enjoyed my weekend though. And I don’t have much to do at work today, so I’ll go home by 5, pay the painter, re-organize a little all the furniture I moved to my bedroom, and go straight to bed.

January brings news

2010-01-27T11:48:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I called Laurent, to chat a little, and I had a nice surprise. He moved back in with his wife and kids, and it’s over with his girlfriend. Now if you recall my posts on this matter (back in December09), you surely know how this makes me happy.
What was astonishing was his explanation: “You know, DDgirl, after the long talk we had in December, I started thinking about all the things you said. You asked me if I love [his girlfriend] and I realised as much as I wanted to help her with her issues, this wasn’t love. I missed the kids, and as you know I was seeing my wife pretty often, so I started focusing on the feelings I had each time we would meet, and soon I discovered I looked forward to have lunch with her or stuff like that. Now I don’t know where this will lead us. We’re trying to work things out, my wife is still in love with me but I know I caused her so much pain. But we both are in a happier place than we’ve been in the whole 2009, so that’s good”.

Oh, and they also may come to visit me next summer! I’m so looking forward to it!

On other news, KS has passed several job interviews with a competitor of his company, considering the possibility he might build-up his line of service for this company here in Italy. Apparently there are good chances this thing may become true, so it would mean he would move in!
Although I’m encouraging him a lot (not to mention I’ve been helping him so much with preparing his interviews, laying down a business plan, and stuff like that), I don’t want to get too excited about this. Because it’s not sure yet, and we know nothing about the timing (should it become true).
And it’s almost one year since I moved, and I know how much longer we can be a couple living so far away. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but I’m trying not to make expectations….

Nothing else relevant is going on lately… I have increased my morning training, but not yet as much as I’d want. At this stage, I’m running 3 to 4 times a week (8km each time), plus I’m skiing at least once over the weekend (twice next one). I’d like to run at least 40km per week….

Missing

2010-01-22T16:13:00.000+01:00

I miss Crea. I miss him a lot. As I wrote many times before, Crea’s presence somehow makes my relationship whit Bro smooth.
Crea has always been on able to soften the edges just by being in the room. The difficult part is that we need to remember he may have issues he’d like to discuss: he’s not one to offer his own drama on a plate. But he’s human, so of course he has his own problems and shit to deal with.

I have mentioned before Crea is not really our brother, but it just feels like he’s family, because we’ve been so close since before I even have memories.
People sometimes ask me why we never ended up together, and it would be a total lie if I said I never thought about it. More important, it would be a total lie if I said HE never thought about it (see this post…).
However, we both know what matters the most: even though we have been occasionally physically attracted to each other, we love each other, but we are not in love, and we have never been.

But it’s true that sometimes we feel life would be easier if we had ended up together. In any case, he probably wouldn’t be so far away right now.
And this brings me back to the point: I miss Crea, and this days I miss him way more than usually. And it’s because of Bro. Somehow, I’m such under the impression that my relationship with Bro is falling apart. I never see him anymore without his wife around, and therefore we never really talk about personal stuff anymore.

So I never get to solve my current issues with him (mainly related to how he’s behaving with the Parents).
Back to the time we were a trio, we would have just hanged out, the three of us, and TALKED.
So I guess I miss both my brothers, Bro and Crea, even though one lives so close and one so far.

My apartment

2010-01-15T17:16:00.000+01:00

There are two things I really want, concerning my place.

Have the living room painted.
My flat in the city is pretty big. I have a decent boudoir, complete with enormous drawer containing all my clothes, blankets and staff that is out of season (in summer I stuff in there plaids, comfy etc etc; right now, summer dresses are packed in boxes, and the air fans are also stashed in there).
And then I have a large bedroom, with wooden floor, my desk, a balcony and the wine rack. (the wine rack? Yes, because I prefer not to keep the heater off in the bedroom, so it’s colder than the other rooms and therefore ideal for wine).
I have a nice bathroom, with a nice tub, two giant mirrors, and a window (yay!), a kitchen with also a small table where two people could comfortably have dinner.
And then I have a large living room with pull-out sofas, a long narrow balcony that face east and south, my libraries and a glass table with 4 chairs. This room needs painting, BADLY, the wall is all stained, and if I can afford having a 80 square meters apartment by myself, I can afford having one room painted. Because I hate doing this kind of things by myself.

Un-allowed structural changes
I want a stripper pole. I know this is totally silly and impossible (I am not allowed to make changes in the apartment), and I don’t even want it for stripping. I’d just like to spin on it when I’m home alone, like a kind of gym.
I know, I’m crazy.

But, seriously, if you lived alone and you had a pole at home, wouldn’t you try it?

Haiti

2010-01-14T09:37:00.002+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcEg4W1lDMU

this was already one of my favourite songs, but today I feel like listening to it the whole day..

..je me souviens des rues,
des nuits de Port-au-Prince,
et je suis toujours un étranger...

Dazed

2010-01-13T20:15:00.000+01:00

Day after day, I’m getting more and more dazed.
Yesterday I was craving for a massage. Having two strong hands smoothing the knots in my back, making me forget that awful crickets in my neck, caressing the small of my back..
I’m going to stop here because well, just thinking about it is making me horny. Classy, huh?

What else? Well, instead of lusting about Lou, for once, I’d really like to hang out with Kissy. And I know the origin of this thought. I’ve been listening to Cobra Starship waaaay too much (it’s great for running on the threadmill), and Gabe has some looks and some moves in common with Kissy. And then I was watching Good Girls Go Bad video (instead of working), and in this clip Gabe behaves EXACTLY like Kissy always does, like when he grabs Leighton face, you could replace Gabe with Kissy and no one would notice!!!
So my point is I miss Kissy’s spontaneous ways, I miss hanging out with him. In the end I didn’t resist and sent him a message on FB proposing drinks.

The truth is, I need some innocent flirting. Like when I was 21. But, with the Tuscan gang gone (I’ll get to that another day), I’m hanging out less and less with boys but coworkers (and although they’re friends, they still remain people I have to work with, you know what I mean?).

What else? I don’t know. I’m probably not making any sense, but I’ve been insomniac over the last couple days, so you’ll have to forgive me.

Yours,

Dazed DDgirl

Indecision

2010-01-08T16:16:00.001+01:00

Sexy called me on Monday, to check on me, and to inquiry about my plans for last night.
I was more than free, last night. But somehow I kinda discouraged him, an even I don’t know why. Maybe I feel too fat to allow Sexy seeing me? More probably I don’t want to get my mind even more confused?

After all, it’s not like Sexy had ever made me uncomfortable: he knows when he’s allowed into my panties and when he’s not. And he knows he’s not at the moment, so he wouldn’t push me.

Maybe I wanted to punish him for not visiting me for too long? I think it may be that. But what the hell DDgirl?? You were the one too busy to hang out for months!

The upside is, I spent the night doing some long procrastinated cleaning at my place. I did not eat junk food. This morning I skipped the gym, but I already trained three times this week (and two sessions were more intense than my usual ones), and I might do some more training with the Panther tomorrow, so I don’t really feel guilty. I need dieting however – and I’m thinking about soup diet next week. We’ll see.

While it’s still snowing in the mountains, it’s raining cats and dogs here in the city (that was my excuse to skip the gym this morning, I already got awfully wet getting to work by bike).
I came back to work on Monday, and I started a new project yesterday. Hopefully it won’t be a crazy one, I really wish I might take advantage of the sales, and I have tentative plans for shopping on Monday evening with Polish Chick (yay for a girls night out!!). I really really need new suits!!! And shoes, but the Lord knows how difficult I am on shoes…

I guess I’ll call Sexy tonight, while going home, just to tell him I’d like to hang out some time with him next week. If I do, I definitely need to drop a couple of pounds ASAP.

Happy twentyten!!!

2010-01-04T16:04:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year, my loyal readers!
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.

I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.

My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.

Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.

But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.

And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.

I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.

The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.

I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.

On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.

Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.

The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.

Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:

Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo

Snowy December

2009-12-22T19:37:00.002+01:00

I should have imagined it would end like this.
Yesterday night I went home in the snow (because we had several snow storms over the last few days), and I was shivering. Once at home, I realized I had a temperature (well, I had 39.6°, over 103F), so I stuffed my face with aspirin, antibiotics, cough syrup, all in accordance with the Sponsor’s direction, and went to sleep.

Whatever. Exhaustion demands its price I guess.

Today I went to work looking like a beaten shit, but the project is finally over, so tonight I headed home at 6PM, like a normal girl.
It was still snowing a little bit.

Now, this is totally random, but I’ve been lusting about Lou, lately. Well, I kind of had a weird dream in which I was hopelessly in love with him, a couple of nights ago (of course I’m not in love with Lou, it was just a vivid dream), and then he posted a picture on FB in which all his hotness is disclosed….
Well, I’ve blurred the face (okay, someone did it for me... thanks darling!), because I’m not going to post a recognizable friend’s pic here, but please, just take a look at his abs…..

So now do you understand how come I may be occasionally mouth-watering?

Anyway, I still haven’t heard from him and Kissy about Winter break, so I hope they might come on vacay with me! And I just found out KS will be there the whole time by the way. Which is great, I know. But it was not what I was expecting, and KS doesn’t get along that well with my other friends from the mountains (language has been, so far, a big wall between him and them). But maybe he’ll get along with my vampires Kissy and Lou? We’ll see…

Tomorrow I’ll finally go home for my much deserved winter break… I can’t wait to get home!!!
Bro and weird wife are spending the whole Xmas break in Germany.
As for me, what I long for, is some mountaineering ski and some free-riding on my own, on silent, snowy slopes, followed by noisy nights at the only bar of the village with my friends.

I have done only little Christmas shopping this year, but I’ve been too busy with work, and those who love me will understand. (But hey, Polish Chick, I know you’re reading, and I’ve got a little something for you! I hope to see you soon!)

This is it, people. I wish you all the best possible Christmas, and may next year bring all you wish for. I don’t think I’ll be able to post before January 4 or so, but who knows? In the meantime, take good care!

The coolest party of the year

2009-12-18T10:07:00.001+01:00

Yesterday night, the annual Christmas party of my company was on. It was held in one of the coolest venues of the city (as usual). It was supposed to show that things are starting to get better, the economy is getting back on track and all this bullshit. The Company Xmas party is always a big deal anyway.

The party was amazing. The venue is an old church which was converted in this uber-stylish club. Beautiful.

There were all my friends from work, and I managed to chat or dance a little while with all of them, plus I met some other colleagues that I did not know before. I handed out business cards, drank champagne, smiled a lot, laughed at good jokes, shaked hands. Than I hit the dance floor with my friends and had a blast.
What’s best, I looked great in my black Trussardi dress paired with 4 inch suede boots. My stomach was unusually flat, my makeup was just enough without being too aggressive, my hair looked good. I don’t remember talking to anyone that didn’t compliment my looks in some way.

At least, this is how I imagined it. Because in truth, while the party took place, I stayed at work until 2AM (wearing the above mentioned black dress, for what it's worth). Then I went home, and this morning I even skipped the gym because I was back at work at 7AM, hands shaking from the lack of sleep, spots on my face, hair messier than ever.

W.T.F????

2009-12-17T09:16:00.002+01:00

A EFFIN' BOMB WAS PLACED IN MY GRAD SCHOOL LAST NIGHT.
They talk about two damned kilos of TNT.

And if the whole thingdid not collapse is because the losers who put the bomb were unable to do it well in first place, so it did not explose completly but just the starter did.

Fuck all the violent pigs. That's all I gotta say.

So good and so sad

2009-12-14T08:35:00.000+01:00

I went back to France, spent quality time with KS, and met Lolo’s new girlfriend.
And then I hanged out with Lolo, just the two of us, for hours and hours.
Then I came back, just to dive in an insane DDworld following this daily schedule:
6.00 AM: wake up
6.30 AM leave home, ride my bike to the gym
6.50 AM threadmill for 40 minutes, quick shower, stuff my face with fresh orange juice
8.00 AM get into the tube and go to work
8.30 AM work (lunch break from 1.30PM to 2.00PM)
Sometime between 11.00PM and 2.00AM: go home, throw all clothes on the floor, throw myself in bed.

And then again, and again, and again, day after day. So I neglected my blog as well as my friends, family, cat… everything. Hell, this is so insane I even have a HUGE spot (which is rare for me).
Whatever.

What I want to write about, is Laurent.
As I said, we chatted for hours at Starbucks, and it was so intense. We talked so much, and he asked me some questions about the first weeks I had spent in France back in 2005. I told him something I had buried deep in my heart and not talked about for years, and when I was done he was in tears. Lolo, who always wants to “save” those around him, told me he never had suspected anything like that (we first met shortly after that dark episode), and then I explained him how he had helped me even if he had not known it. After all, he was my first real friend in France.

He told me all about his girlfriend, and about his marriage, and I understand how hard it must be for both him and his wife. What worried me most, however, was that when I told him “Look Lolo, this Blondie really seems into you, so try and be happy with her”, his answer was
“That is the problem, DDgirl. Blondie is great and I care a lot about her, but I don’t feel I could be really happy with her”

It was a strange day, intense, as I said. It felt so good to be able to hang out together and talk about old times, and at the same time, talking about his problems and my old stories was so distressing!
In any case, I’m really glad we could catch up like this. It also made me remember why we became such good friends in first place: because he’s such a good man.

KS was a little sick over the weekend, he had a bad cold and everything, so I did my best to pamper him as much as I could. It was good to spend some time just the two of us, without doing anything special, just cuddling, drinking warm tea and so on.

This is for my beloved boyfriend!

So happy Christmas,
I love you baby,
I can see a better time,
when all our dreams come true.

Just because you feel good (doesn't make you right)

2009-12-03T22:52:00.004+01:00

A while ago, Laurent, my favourite ex-co-worker (and ex manager), told me he had issues with his wife and had moved out. This was pretty sad, because they have two little kids and they were an adorable couple (ok, I’ve always had a crush on Lolo’s wife: she was everything I wanted to be!).
A couple of weeks ago I called Lolo and he told m he though his marriage was really over, and he went on explaining me how bad he felt about it: I always considered Lolo as a good man, he was always so full of attentions for his wife, so I believed him.

Tonight he called me because he knows I’ll be in France soon and wanted to set a day to hang out together. And then he dropped the bomb.

“I want to introduce you somebody”
I waited for him to go on, holding my breath.
“She’s your age, you know? We could meet for drinks on Saturday night, with your boyfriend. And then we could hang out, just the two of us, I mean, on Monday, so we can talk properly, and you’ll tell me what you think about her. But I’m sure you’ll like her”.

Like her? What are you, crazy? I hate her already.
Because the only reason that kept me from tearing your clothes off when we were in Norway, from thinking about you 24/7, back when I hadn’t met KS yet, was that I loved your wife.

That night in Norway, you wanted to rip off my sundress as much as I wanted you to. Instead, we hanged out watching the sunset, reinforcing our one year old friendship, telling us shameful stories and getting tipsy on white whine, while watching a sunset that lasted for hours.

Now this was a long time ago, years already. We’re still good friends, although we don’t work the same job, don’t live in the same country anymore, we keep in touch and we miss each other. Last summer Lolo had planned with his family to travel to Italy and visit me for a couple days; instead, they split in August, so they didn’t go anywhere at all.

Lolo, I want to be a good friend and not a lousy one, so I’ll meet your girlfriend and act nice, although apparently she’s already jealous. Hell, I’ll even tell you I’m glad you’re doing fine. Because I do hope you’re happy.
But the truth is I don’t want to meet your girlfriend. The truth is I already hate her.

And the worst part is, if this all makes me so sad, but I'm not sad for me, I'm sad because I enjoyed so much hanging with your wife, she is such a beautiful person. I'll never forget, when I would date a new guy, you would offer advice on sex and such matters, she would offer advice oon what to cook for him (and how), it was so much fun!

But I swear, I’ll behave. I'll be a good friend.

(I really wish you would be reading, my friend. I miss you so much. I know these are hard times for you, and I truly want to give you all my support. I'll do my best, I promise, again.)

Wait a minute

2009-12-01T15:58:00.001+01:00

From: Andrea the Hunter
To: DDgirl
Subject: AAA looking for DDgirl

Sweetie,

Where are you? What are you up to, these days?
I haven’t heard from you in a while, is everything okay? I bet you’re working too much, as always. You should give it a break, get a day off and go to a SPA, things like that.
Or maybe I’m worrying too much, but I know if you had anything exciting you’d be spilling it by mail, so I bet you’re depressed. And do you know what happens when you work too much? You stop exercising, you eat junk food, you’ll develop a fat ass and maybe even zits, and who is going to get you laid then?
I’m kidding of course, babe!

I don’t really have big news. I’ve been road-tripping for a while, full-mooning in Koh Phangan, then I was in Koh Tao for a while and now I’m back in BKK at my place.

Whatever, I’m worried about you DDgirl and I don’t like worrying so get in touch.

Always yours
Hunter
Xoxo

I got this mail yesterday.
My first reaction: WTF? I even double checked the sender, since this does not sound like the usual Hunter.
Then I realised I haven’t written him in two months or so. Bad!
Even worse, I realized I’m not keeping in touch with plenty of friends. Between working too much (The Hunter has a point, but it’s easy to say when you DON’T WORK), and the family drama, I’ve been so exhausted over the last three or four weeks, the only thing I manage to do when I get home at night is get to bed. Hell, I actually count how many hours I have to work till Christmas break to fall asleep! (My current estimate: 240 more or less… considered December 7 and 8 are holidays, it’s quite a lot…)

Back to the Hunter, however, I must confess I was touched by his email. Especially by the part quoting zits and fat ass.
I mean, it has always been the same way: I worry about him. Not vice versa.
Oh well, I’ll try to write him back tonight! Oh, and I'm meeting a friend for drinks. Need to spice up my social life.

Clothes and New Moon

2009-11-26T16:24:00.000+01:00

I bought myself a cute dress by Trussardi.
It’s a little black dress, the kind of thing you can wear both at work and out at night, it’s posh and classy. And it really fits me well. Granted, I did not pay it full price (I actually had a bit more than 70% off). It still cost me some 70 Euros (a hundred bucks I guess, huh?).

As I said, it fits me, I really like it and everything. The only thing is it just had a VERY small and discreet Trussardi “T” symbol you’ll never notice. Since I’m gross, couldn’t it be written all over the thing, please? As it is, nobody will ever notice I’m wearing Trussardi!

Anyway, things are crazy at work (again). Bro is coming over for the night, and I’m feeding him pasta with porcini mushrooms. I feel as fat as a pig, and I’m training only twice a week, which is NOT enough since the skiing season is coming soon.

I went to the movies with Polish chick, and we saw New Moon. I love New Moon. It was always my fave Twilight book. But it makes me hurt at such a deep level! I’ve reread New Moon a couple times since it first came out, each time I start it in the evening and I’m not able to go to sleep until I’ve gone through the whole book. Maybe because after B left I went on like Bella for months, being almost catatonic (my first few months in France).

As Fannie Flagg wrote, a heart can be broken and still go on beating.

But I might die tonight

2009-11-20T12:22:00.001+01:00

I love Bro.
Always have and always will. No matter how jealous of him I was as a kid, no matter the rough patch we’ve had. I don’t care if he kicked me out for the flat that was meant for the two of us, when I was 20, he also rescued me back in 2003 and let me stay with him and his wife for months. I would love him just as much if none of these things had happened, but I know it can be hard dealing with him.
In time I had to learn he is not always reliable, I had to learn he’s more a taker than a giver. It’s the way he is, and we don’t chose family, so I gotta love him this way.

But now I cannot stand this messy family drama anymore.

Last night I was preparing dinner since I had guests, and I gave the Panther a call just to check in. She was much in distress: yesterday it was Granny’s birthday, and she called in just to find out Bro and Weird Wife had set up a small party for Granny and had not asked the Panther to join.
Besides the fact that this of course was a big matter of distress for Granny as well, the Panther was furious. I tried to calm her as I could, telling her to let go, that maybe Bro did not mean it, but I don’t think I helped in any way.

So I called Bro, and tried to tell him he needs to let go. The Panther doesn’t want excuses, I know her and she’s always been like that. Who cares if she hurts us sometime? That’s no news, she was always that way and she won’t change at 59. But no, Bro needs to TALK about it, and of course she won’t have any of it, and so this whole mess is not going to end anytime soon.

The Panther is in distress. The Sponsor is in distress. Granny and Aunt (the Lerders) are in distress. Bro is in distress. I am in distress. Heck, besides Salomé, the cat, who is having the time of her life because she hates Bro Weird Wife and the Kids, everyone is in distress. There is nothing I can do about it, and those who could do something are not willing to. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a hell of an autumn for the DDfamily.

What I would like to tell them is this: I am the only one who has experimented living far away, for a long time. I am the only one who seems to realize if anything should happen to one of us, we’d have to live with this regret for the rest of our lives. Hell am I the only one who realizes that bad things COULD happen to any of us? Maybe yes. After all, I was the only one who wasn’t there when Pops died, I was on a train on a desperate rush to see him one last time but failed.
They’d only tell me I’m melodramatic if I tried to explain this.

Well, I guess I should focus on positive things: at least, since the kids are spending more time at their home, I’m having my bedroom back!

PS One more update: Crea is coming back! He’ll land on Monday and is staying for three weeks! YAY!!!

Sexy and DDgirl (Part 3)

2009-11-16T17:51:00.000+01:00

In summer 2008 I told Sexy I was planning to move back to Italy, and he thought it was weird, but when I explained him about the family situation and all my reasons, he wished me luck and told me he’d be there if I needed help.

I ended up moving early this year, as my loyal readers know, and although we spoke a lot on the phone, it took a while before we met for drinks. But before this, I did a lot of thinking.

If I’ve never been in love with Sexy, and if he’s such a good friend, why he’s so different from “just a good friend”?
I don’t think I’m a totally sex-driven person. But the chemistry I share with Sexy is something that belongs to a different sensorial planet. Sex with him is like drinking fresh water after crossing a desert. And not only this is reciprocal, but it hasn’t changed with time.

So in May, Sexy came over at my place, and I thought I was lost.
We hugged on my couch, I had really missed my friend, but at the same time I wanted him so badly I thought I was losing my mind.

The smell of his skin, feeling his breath, his body by my side, I almost couldn’t resist.
I hope I’ll understand some day, what’s the meaning of this game: it’s real and pure… TNT for the brain!

Mind you, nothing happened. Yes, we hugged a lot, but that was it, although I know he wanted it even more than I did, and I sent him home with a major case of blue balls.

Over the summer we met a few times: every now and them, Sexy would drive to the city and come to my place for drinks. He even stayed for the night once, in early August, and slept on my couch, since he had to be in the city early in the morning for work.

Through all this time, we did A LOT of talking. Sexy has a girlfriend he met about one year ago, and I don’t know much of their relationship but one thing: he’s not in love with her. And I know this because he is ALWAYS available if I ask him to spend sometime together, because he can always chat with me on the phone. Because he’d be ready and willing to jump into my panties at any minute.

But I also learned a lot of things about him. First of all, Sexy admitted that he has cheated with me on every girlfriend he’s had over the last 8 years but the current one, and that’s just because I’m not willing to. This wasn’t big news, but what’s weird is he swears over anything he only cheated with me.
Over the summer, I’ve been through a bad period with KS, as you know, and in August we almost broke up. Sexy knew it, and started talking about “us”, and stopping by my office for a coffee.
And then one evening we were hanging out on my balcony and joking, and so I told him “Why, what would you do for me, Sexy?” It was a JOKE, and I was laughing, but he stared at me intently in the eyes, and said “There is very little I wouldn’t do for you, DDgirl. And I’d do way more than you imagine”.

So we’re friends, and Sexy knows it. He even respects my loyalty to KS. But did his feeling change? Sometimes I think so.
Yet, even when I thought I’d break up with KS, in August, I kept one thing in my mind: Sexy and I are not meant to be together. Because should I ever consider myself his girlfriend, I’d spend every minute worrying he may be cheating on me.

In any case, should I ever be single again, I know for sure I’d have Sexy in my sheets within days, because I simply cannot find a good reason no to. I wouldn’t get hurt, and he wouldn’t. And let’s be honest, Sexy is my fantasy, always was and always will be.

Oh, and now he’s had his cast off (remember he broke his shoulder a while ago?), why don’t I call him for drinks this week? Mmmmmmmm

Sexy and DDgirl (part 2)

2009-11-13T11:49:00.001+01:00

Fast forward to 2004. In September, after the breakup with B., I moved to France, and it was so hard: I didn’t speak any French, didn’t have any friend and had a hard time. The one day I met a colleague who reminded me of Sexy, and I randomly texted him. On the next weekend, he flew to France to see me.
In the first year I spent in France, he came to visit a couple of times.
Well, a bit than a couple of times, actually. Pretty often, let’s say.

My first months in France were tough. I did not speak any French in the beginning, and after breaking up with The Little Prince, I was pretty depressed (I actually went down to 46kg (or 101 lbs)). The first time Sexy flew to France, he told me I looked awful. Sexy himself has never been over 62kg (134lbs), and as I said, he likes skinny, but I had lost way too much weight. And believe me, I wasn’t even trying to: I was just too sad to eat most of the time, and in the end, I had lost weight even from my face. Whatever. What I want to say is, Sexy really helped me over that bad rut. I would hear from him daily, and he would fly in once per month, sometimes twice. After 2 or 3 months I started fitting in my new life, but things between us went on the same way.

Still, this time we never thought about having a serious relationship. We never even TALKED about it. And I never felt like I had a boyfriend.
From time to time I would have a crush on someone, maybe go on a few dates, ignore Sexy’s calls for a while, then it would not work with the new crush and I’d go back to Sexy. He totally knew I was seeing somebody else every time I stopped answering the phone. On his side, he had a couple girlfriends over that year, but this would never change our relationship: he would still check on me through phone and email and visit me with the same frequency.
I know this may sound sick, but it worked waaaay better than in 2001. And things went on this way for one year…

Of course, as soon as I started seeing KS I stopped seeing Sexy. After a while, realizing things with KS were serious, I called Sexy and explained him I had met someone and I was moving in with him, and after that we stayed in touch as friend; however, there were of course no more visits.

The first time I started realizing how much we were friends before than lovers, was in December 2007. I was preparing to go home for Xmas, and a few days earlier Sexy called me sobbing: his father had died the day before, and he was organizing the funeral. The fact that he would call me in such circumstances struck me, and I finally realised how much he had helped me, and how much he relied on me in times of need.

Although Sexy had already changed from the first time we met, after his father’s death he really became more responsible and a better person.

(to be continued…)

Sexy and DDgirl (Part 1)

2009-11-11T11:55:00.004+01:00

Well, the family's situation is still the same, and I'm working a lot, so not much is going on.
I never really blogged about Sexy, about how we met, about how our feelings changed over the years. So I thought I would give you a little flashback...

Back in 2001 I lived with Bro in a small city in Northen Italy, where we shared a studio. I was beginning my second year of college, and he was beginning his MD as a cardiologist. I was ready to dump the guy I had been dating for a few months, he had just met Weird Wife, and one day she introduced me a cute boy she trained with.

People, had anybody told me 8 years later Sexy would still be in my life, I would have laughed to tears.

I mean, Sexy was cute as hell, but he was so full of shit I quickly realised we were not meant to be together. We occasionally hanged out, and he would take me out with his Vespa (oh yeah), but that was it. A few months later I had to move away, and I lost touch with Sexy for an year and a half. Then, in 2003, my (by then) live-in boyfriend dumped me and I went back to the small city to squat on Bro and Weird Wife’s couch (the two of them had married over the summer, and I moved in in October: happy honeymoon!). Sexy was out neighbour, so I soon randomly met him and he started showing up at Bro’s place after dinner for games and drinks.

I had been pretty depressed about the dumping, and I was training hard, so I weighted around 48kg (105lbs), which played an important role because Sexy is all about being thin and fit. Whatever. Sexy was engaged at the time. Engaged, people. One night I walked him out because I had to walk the dogs before going to sleep (part of the agreement of squatting the couch), and suddenly he kissed me.
It was mind-blowing.

I’m, afraid I must confess within 10 days we had sex. And Oh. My. God. Sex with Sexy was an incredible, amazing experience. And within two weeks we acted as a couple, with the only issue that he was ENGAGED. Fucking Engaged, and he had no intention of leaving his GF for me.

It went on for a few weeks, and then in January I had a pregnancy scare. Sexy freaked out when I told him and threw me out in a snowy night, and I realised how sick it was.

Soon after, I managed to put my life together, I got a job stable enough and found a place to stay in the city. Sexy called me a lot, and I ignored his calls until he gave up (although I still heard about him from Bro, from time to time.
Well, I heard enough to know he had broken his engagement).

(..to be continued soon...)

Thou shall honour the Panther

2009-11-09T09:00:00.000+01:00

7 weeks to Christmas, and it’s time to get over The Rut I’ve been in.

After getting out of the office later than 10PM every single night in over 6 weeks, a few days ago I went home at half past seven, which seemed kind of a miracle. Being in The Rut, however, I started depressing over the fact that I didn’t have anything planned and therefore it was bound to be a useless night. An hour later, however, a colleague called me and proposed drinks at his place, since we live in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to decline, I was already home ironing in my PJ, but something clicked inside my mind and I said sure, let me throw on jeans and a sweater and I’ll be over in ten minutes.
We just hanged out and drank a beer, and I called it a night pretty early, but the simple fact that small good things happen when I’m not even hoping for them, and that I grab occasions instead of laying on my couch in PJ pants, well, that’s a good sign I may be getting out of The Rut.

7 weeks to Xmas… and I’m PANICKING about presents!
I’m freaking a bit about Xmas itself actually, because of some recent FAMILY DRAMA I still haven’t blogged about. Guess it’s time to do it…

Last weekend I was at the Parents’ place, and the Sponsor was working, so I asked Granny and her sister (also known as The Lerders), Bro’s family (he was working as well) for dinner and I insisted with the Panther on preparing everything while she rested a while: we had already had Bro’s kids over for lunch and part of the afternoon, which usually proves an extenuating experience. So I put a nice dinner together and we all had a good time; and when Bro came at 9PM I put together something for him to eat as well, before he and his Weird Wife could get their kids and head home.
By the time they were ready to go, the Lerders were ready as well, so I asked Bro if he could drive them home: Granny lives in the same building he does, so I thought she could go home with Weird Wife, while Bro could drive home the other Lerder.

Within one minute the situation degenerated: Bro started arguing with the Panther over the “drive the Lerders home” subject, and I shall be damned if I understood why, but all of a sudden he told the Panther to go fuck herself.
Like that.
In front of the Lerders (who are 86 and 82 years old).
To the Panther, who has never sworn in her whole life. The Panther, who paid for Bro’s family’s house and feeds and takes care of his two kids about 4 days a week.

Silence fell over the place, and Weird Wife, for once, stepped in in a good way by telling me she would take care of the Lerders (which were staring in shock at the scene).

Now trust me when I say this is NOT something the family will get over soon. At this point I really hope Bro’s family will drive to Germany for Xmas to see Weird Wife’s parents. But somehow I don’t think this is going to happen (although they plan to do it, I’m sure by December 20 Bro will find an excuse).

The Panther (who always chooses me to vent about Bro) doesn’t want to talk about it, and hasn’t told the Sponsor either, which is a very bad sign. Although I AM angry at Bro, when he tried to discuss the matter with me I just told him it was a big mistake, and that if he has issues with the Panther he shall not humiliate her in front of Granny, and he said I was right. I still don’t want to talk about it with him, because I’d probably tell him he’s an asshole and we’d end up fighting. So I guess I’ll just have to wait for things to smooth.

Still the one

2009-11-02T14:59:00.000+01:00

Soooooooo,…
…yesterday KS and I had our third anniversary.
3 years and we’re still on, and it seems hard to believe, but right now that’s what it’s like. And I’ll tell you, we’re way more solid as a couple than we were a couple of months ago.

Do I think we’re a perfect couple? I don’t. We still have a lot to work on, especially on my side. But, so far we’re still on, and that’s what matters.

Right now, our main (shared) issue, is money. We’re not poor nor broke, granted, but:

1- Last year we had one mortgage to pay, this year we have the same mortgage PLUS my rent (which is almost as expensive as the mortgage we have in France)
2- KS made half of the salary he made last year (to be honest, a little less than half). Okay, last year he made an outrageous sum of money, but it still sucks for him;
3- As for myself, this year I’m making some 3k Euros less than last year, which I guess is okay
4- However, since French tax is paid on Y+1, while Italian tax is taken directly from your salary, this year I suffer a double-income tax. Basically I’m paying something like 12k Euros of income tax (not to mention social charges, about 5k Euros).

So yeah, right now what feels hard to us is the crisis. Well, thanks to my corporate mobile phone generous account, I’m saving about 600 Euros of phone bill per year.

So hopefully KS will be able to move in with me next year, so we’ll cut off expenses! Still, I shall prepare myself: if KS won’t be able to move (read: if he doesn’t find a job in Italy), I shall think about finding a cheaper place. And I HATE the idea of moving AGAIN!!

In the meanwhile, I’ll just enjoy my boyfriend and spend as much quality time with him as I can!!

Friday meeting

2009-10-27T19:44:00.001+01:00

Friday, 4.02 PM
I get to the meeting room 5 minutes late, with my senior manager. It’s her fault we’re late.
The 8 men attending the meeting are all enthusiastic and smiling, they pump hands up and down when introductions are made, and do their best to look smart.
The truth is, each of them would like to kill everybody else in the room.

We sit down, the two parties facing each other. I can’t help noticing that:
- all of the men from the seller side wear violet ties, while those from the buyer side wear red ones;
- both side leaders are fat, bald, wear thick glasses and look 15 year older than their real age;
- from where I sit, I cannot reach water, candies or chocolate. No coffee in sight. This is gonna be bad;
- my head aches.

And then, the negotiation starts.

Friday, 6.00 PM
By this time, we have all understood that the original timing of one hour meeting was unrealistic.
Men have started loosening their ties, people yawn and the air is heavy.
There is no more water, and I still cannot reach candies and chocolate.
My head is getting worse.

Friday, 7.00 PM
My head aches BADLY. I don’t have any aspirin on me. How stupid of me.

Friday, 8.00 PM
By now, I’m convinced I have brain cancer.
The ties have disappeared, and the air stinks. I lost 12 phone calls, and both KS and the Sponsor want to know at what time I’ll be home. As if I knew it.

Friday, 8.30 PM
I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore. Most people in the meeting room fake listening while reading their emails on blackberries.
I’m picturing what my friends are doing right now, in this precise moment.
Polish Chick is partying in London.
KS is driving to get to my parents place, ignoring I might not make it home tonight.
A bunch of colleagues are having aperitivo at Armani’s
Is Thailand is 3.30AM, so Andrea the Hunter is probably banging some random chick whose name he doesn’t know (and doesn’t care to learn).
Nicola is on a cruise boat between Australia and New Zealand, sleeping (maybe. Or maybe drinking Jack Daniels).

Friday, 9.00 PM
Maybe it’s not brain cancer but aneurysm and I’ll die within the hour.
Anyway, 15 more minutes and I’ll lose the last train home. KS drove all the way there, he’s going to kill me if I don’t get there.
Shit.

Friday, 9.10 PM
Okay is this guy nuts or what? He just proposed another meeting at the same time for next Friday. Get a life, you dork.

Friday, 9.14 PM
It’s over. I still have 10 minutes to reach the Central Station (forget about the ticket) and jump on the last train. Run, DDgirl!!!

... and yet I really want to buy it!

2009-10-21T16:25:00.002+02:00

I want a Vespa. I’ve been in love with the idea of owning a Vespa for a long time.
Why the hell don’t I go and just buy myself a Vespa?

There are, actually, plenty of reasons.

Reason n.1
I wouldn’t keep my Vespa in the city, because it would be way too dangerous. I’d keep it at my Parents’ place, by the lake, which would limit its use to what? 25 weekends per year? I still feel that paying all that money for such little usage would be a waste of my savings.

Reason n.2
What I really want is an OLD Vespa. You know, the models of the Sixties, like this:

Problem is these beauties do not work with the gas you can buy nowadays. They need OIL to be added. And can you honestly picture DDgirl running around on her Vespa with an oil tank? Well, neither can I. Furthermore, the old ladies need constant maintenance. And I’m no grease monkey.

Reason n.3
I’d really like a “big” Vespa, maybe a 150 or a 250. But my driving licence only allows me to drive a small 50, otherwise I’d have to apply for another licence, pass the driving test (please refer also to Reason n.4) and last but not least, spend 300 more Euros for the licence.

Reason n.4
I don’t really know how to drive a Vespa. But hey, I know plenty of idiots who drive one, so it cannot be that hard, can it? Plus, Bro promised to give me lessons for free if I buy it!

Reason n. 5
Given that I would have to buy a new Vespa, like this one:

I still cannot set between dark blue and red. But I agree that’s not a major issue.

Reason n.6
When I’m staying at the Parents’ place, I don’t drive often: I’m lazy about driving for some reasons, so I walk everywhere I can (I usually drive only when Granny or her sister ask me to take them somewhere). If I had a Vespa, I would probably ride it instead of walking, which means I would train less and get fatter.

Now you probably wonder, what would I do with a Vespa? I’d use it to go on holiday to the mountains, in first place. I’d drive slowly, my honey curls blowing in the wind. I would clean it on sunny summer mornings, before riding it by the lake.

So I know this is something I dream on and will probably never happen....

A beautiful friendship

2009-10-12T16:21:00.000+02:00

Nicola came and went, and the world did not shake
Nicola came and went, and it seems we can finally enjoy seeing each other like old friends, without skipping heartbeats.

I hoped for this for such a long time, I still have trouble believing it. Then again, why would I assume he would hit on me? Whatever. Who the hell am I kidding? I assumed so, because we both restrained so much in the past. But it’s good to see we both moved on.

I came home late on Thursday night, and both Nicola and Polish Chick were waiting for me, so I quickly changed and we headed out for drinks and food. We found a cool place to hang out, two friends joined us soon, and we all chilled out drinking prosecco and exchanging stories. Just like normal old friends do, and there was no tension, no drama.

Then we went home, Nicola and I, and we were both too tired to do the talk we still need to have, to talk about what happened to us both when he disappeared. The time will come to do that as well. Anyway we said goodnight, I had pulled out my convertible sofa for him and I retreated to my bedroom to spend a difficult night thanks to the bad cold I got.
And this morning I had to leave early, so I just slipped out letting Nicola sleep. Next week he’ll leave again, working on ships, but he’ll be back in 6 months or so and who knows, maybe I could even pay him a visit by the sea in Sardinia, with a friend or something. We’ll see. The drama is over, and to quote a famous movie: “I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” ;-D

Voices from the past

2009-10-07T22:21:00.002+02:00

It seems all kind of memories from the past get back in my life this week.

Okay guys, you’re never going to believe this: Tomorrow I’ll see NICOLA.
He’ll be in town and he’s gonna crash on my couch for the night because he needs to be in town on Friday as well.

So he called me yesterday (and it was pretty out of the blue), asking me if we could have dinner together tomorrow night, and of course I said yes and I inquired about where he would sleep and ended offering my couch.

Just to make things clear, I’m totally happy to get to see him, it’s been four years since we last met!! And to make things even clearer, I offered to give Polish chick (who knows him from back in the nineties, but haven’t met him in like, 10 years!) a call to ask her to join us for the evening, and he said it would be great to catch up with her as well.
Just so that everybody (Nicola included) knows that this is no date or something!

Yet, I somehow freak out. Because I’ve changed so much, and he didn’t. He’s still in the same place he was 10 years ago: working temporary jobs here and there around the world, never sticking too long in a place. Which is totally okay, because it’s how he wants to live. While I have grown up. Most of all, I moved on, because I didn’t have any other option.

Whatever! I can’t wait to hear about Nicola’s latest crazy tricks!!!!

Old confessions from The Hunter

2009-10-06T21:17:00.000+02:00

I got a message from Andrea the Hunter, yesterday night. I was sleepless, and he had just got out of bed in Bangkok, so we ended up chatting a bit on FB. We talked about Eivind. I don’t think I ever mentioned Eivind, but back in grad school the three of us were inseparable. We’ve already talked about Andrea, and Eivind is a guy from Norway who came to Italy for grad school. We met by chance, and we used to spend all out time together, and with our three blond heads and pairs of blue eyes most people thought we were all Scandinavian.
Back in that year, I had a stable boyfriend, but Andrea hinted several times that Eivind was interested in me (he never made a move, but it could be because he knew I was not on the market).

At the end of grad school Eivind met a Swedish girlfriend (that Andrea hates) and went back to Scandinavia. By that time Andrea had already moved to Thailand; however we had a fight over the Eivind matter. It turned out Andrea saw us as his “backup family” of a kind, the place he could always go back to. Therefore, he always hoped Eivind and I would end up together. When Eivind left, I guess his dream kind of shattered, and he blamed me, and it took him a while to get over it and move on, which of course he eventually did.

When he came back after the Tsunami and he stayed at my place, we did a lot of talking. I remember this one I noted in a diary on the same night we had it. (please read the post about the Tsunami if you hadn’t, or it will look weird).

Andrea was thanking me for taking care of him, and then he said: “It’s funny how, even now, you still support me. After all of the things that I’ve done, when even my own family doesn’t care that much, you’re so good to me! You waited patiently, yet when I got upset with you, you still had to ask me if I cared about you.”

“I never said I was perfect, Andrea. But it seems I still managed to take you home”

“I’ve walked on shells to come here, it’s been tough, but now that I feel better, I can see you’ve changed as well. You are still beautiful, but you have changed. You’ve got you life and your job, you’ve got different problems now. I regret fighting with you about Eivind. You were doing well with your boyfriend, and Eivind wanted to go back to Scandinavia.”

“You know very well Eivind cares a lot about you, Andrea. And that I do, as well. It is always you the one that disappears. You’re the one who charmed us and went away! Now we’re no longer students, we grew up and set our lives, but neither Eivind or I ever forget about you. It was hard for us to accept your choice to live in a completely different way. It is not something we could have done ourselves, even if we wanted to. Eivind does not come from money, and even I do not own enough to live like you, but even if we were rich…. We wouldn’t live like you. And it IS hard to always worry about you. In a way, it’s easier for me, because you tell me things that you keep from Eivind for fear of upsetting him.”

“Sometimes I pray for a miracle, DDgirl. Deep down, I don’t know what I’d do if you had indeed chosen a lifestyle like my own: you are my anchor, my safe port. Even if Eivind went away. I don’t think this will ever change”

And that was it. I think it may represent the only time Andrea expressed warm feelings in the last 10 years.

Hoping the sun will at least look at me

2009-09-29T19:01:00.000+02:00

They sent me out of the city for a new project, and although it’s not far, I have one hour and a half of commute each morning (1 hour at night to come back, because at the time we come home there is no traffic left, since it’s LATE…).
This means it’s pretty hard to hit the gym in the morning: it opens at 7AM (in Italy it’s almost impossible to find a gym that opens earlier), and I have to be ready and moving by 8, which barely allows me to run on the mill for half an hour, do some abs and take a quick shower. Better than nothing, I suppose.
I AM indeed back to my “eating healthy” habits, but I am NOT managing to diet. I just wish to lose a few more pounds… But I am aware that, once I’ll be there, I’ll want to lose a few more! It wouldn’t hurt, though.

I’m in the rut, and what’s worst one of my best friend (my best buddy within the Tuscan Crew) is moving away from the city, he’s already gone for six weeks due to his parents’ health issues, and I miss him a lot… Luckily my girl friends are always there to hang out!!!

KS had a job interview today, here in the city, and apparently it went well! Things are going well between us lately, and we spent the last few days together and had some excellent quality time, which was amazing, after all we’ve been through over the summer.
I know there were moments I wanted to throw myself in the arms of somebody else, but now I am happy I held on to what we have. I know this is cheesy and there is still a long way ahead, but I’m also proud I did not choose the easy way.

Through all this, I still miss my dreamy summer. Badly. I wanna hang out with Kissy and Lou, I wanna spend my days working out hard core, diving in waterfalls, wanna spend my nights hanging out with them, over drinks, laughing at them while they check out girls, stumbling on my way home after the last screw driver.
I hope Xmas break comes soon!

*Seeing the sun when I can’t really see, hoping the sun will at least look at me…*

Back in THE RUT

2009-09-24T11:54:00.000+02:00

Autumn is coming, and once again, I’ve entered THE RUT.
The Rut… every year around this time I seem to get in it, I realise it by going back to posts of the last years.. And somehow, each time I step into the rut, I don’t know when (if) I’ll manage to get out of it.
Every year at the end of September I go back to listening RHCP Scar Tissue. I especially love when it says “Autumn’s sweet, we call it FALL, I’ll make it to the moon if I’ll have to crawl…”

I had thought this year would have been different, I had thought that being back to Italy would have helped. Even though, as I have written before, coming back from my dreamy summer time was hard, I felt pretty confident, and so I did not brace myself. This was my big mistake.
I still think I could have avoided stepping in the rut (or at least falling so hard), but this week I have been badly PMSing due to late period, and so here I am.

I started the week feeling useless, I should have been glad I’m not on any hard project at work right now, but it didn’t help, and I kept feeling useless and restless. Then I heard from Sexy, and he told me he had been hit by car and now has a broken collarbone, which means he’s in pain plus he cannot drive so I won’t be seeing him for a while. The thought of Sexy’s beautiful body being wounded almost sent me crying, and then I realised I was in the rut like each autumn. Damn.

Yesterday I made another mistake. I woke up feeling good, I even got my bike repaired after months, and I felt so full of energy I invited a bunch of friends from work to dinner at my place. Being myself, I couldn’t just stick to cooking something simple and having fun. No, I had to prepare a damned banquet, as usual, because hell I have to impress everybody with my cooking skills huh? By 8PM I was EXHAUSTED. Granted, dinner was great and everybody had fun. But my dishwasher is broken, the guys only left at 2AM and tonight when I get home I’ll find a huge pile of dishes waiting to be washed, not to mention I’ll have to clean up the mess, carry down the garbage, blah blah blah… I wish I could spend a few days outdoor, lying on the grass somewhere in the mountains!
Needless to say my head feels buzzy this morning… So I’ve decided that for at least one month I’m on an alcohol-free time (I’ll only allow myself half glass of wine on Saturday dinners).

Over the years I learnt I cannot rely on anybody else to help me through this period: I’m the only one who can help me. Hell, I don’t even feel like answering to my friends texts or emails. But I’ll do my best to get over this.

So my 4 steps program to get out of the rut is:
- get as much sleep as I can
- carry my lazy ass to the gym as often as possible
- eat healthy
- spend as much time outdoor as I can

I wish Crea was back already… But he won’t come back until Xmas, plus he has his own troubles… Maybe I just wanna be a kid again, hang out with my brothers and let them take care of everything for me…

My dreamy summer (part 2)

2009-09-08T20:08:00.002+02:00

.. I got to the Parents’ place on Saturday at noon, and by Sunday morning I was back in the mountains.
I had a gala dinner on Saturday night, but by Saturday afternoon Lou had called me asking me if I was in for another canyoning trip on Sunday: I could not miss it!
This second time, Lou’s girlfriend and two other friends (a couple) joined, and it was way slower than when it was just the Vampires (Kissy and Lou) and me!
It was funny and not without awkward moments (but I’ll save details for an upcoming post about awkward summer moments), and by night I was exhausted! Furthermore, on Sunday evening I accidentally fell on the stairs and hurt my coccyges, so I ended up with a very bad backache (I’ve actually been on painkillers for three weeks after that).

The end of the mountain trip consisted in a 2 days hike I did with the Sponsor, which was seriously breathtaking (a little too much for my taste): it actually included some free climbing of fourth degree, and by free I mean no protections at all… The hike was great but I must admit I did freak out a little over the free climbing, and I also freaked because the Sponsor, whose health and age I already wrote about, should not be doing things like this!!!!

(look at this cute mate who was staring at us!)

And then I had to leave the mountains.
It has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks to my friends, who are great, to the mountains I love hiking, to everything.

Things with KS had been very very tense, and we almost broke up in the beginning of August, but then we had a long talk and I decided to give it another try.
We spent the weekend after I came back from the mountains in southern France attending KS annual family meeting, which DID not go as smoothly as I had hoped…
Then I worked for a week, and then we left for Gaia and Mark’s wedding in Sicily.
We spent a week together in Sicily, partying with people from 22 different countries, and we had an AMAZING time!!

To summarize the lose ends, KS and I are still together. I discovered that Green Eyes does not live in the same village, and I did not meet him (let’s say I did not seek him, I could have met him if I wanted to). Last but not least, we could not hike the Lyskamm, but I have already made agreements in order to do it next spring.

More important than everything else, I had lost lots of weight, but unfortunately have gained some more in Sicily… but things are under control on that side.

And now, dear readers, after spending only two days in the city, I have to leave for work and go back to the North East of Italy… and I’m already counting the days ‘till Xmas holidays…

My dreamy summer (part 1)

2009-08-27T14:34:00.000+02:00

How hard can it be blogging about my summer vacay when I’ve only been working two days? Still, it already seems so long ago. Such a different, and therefore also distant time in my life.
The souvenir of this summer feels precious to me, so I shall treat it carefully. It’s not as anything incredibly special happened, but it still feels precious. Whatever, I know I’m not making any sense.

It all started off with a rainy, sticky day, and it really seemed like a bad, bad start. Furthermore, on the second day I went for a long hike with the parents, and the Panther hurt a little her knee, so they both went back to their place while I stayed in the mountains on my own (although there were plenty of friends staying in the village, so I wasn’t exactly alone).

Almost every day I took very long and hard hikes, climbing up a lot and training myself, losing weight (yay!), and getting a nice tan.
As I already wrote, my vampires / guardian angels Kissy and Lou came over and we went canyoning. They also helped me getting into the garage where I had my bike (I discovered I did not have the key, and since there is a small space between the garage door and the ceiling, they lifted me until I could slip in and open the door from the inside. I’m not even going to tell how DIRTY I got!!!). By the time they went home, we had had such a great time together, they were already making plans to come back.

By the next night they had made up their mind, and in less than 48 hours Lou ringed me
Lou “Hey DDgirl where are you?”
ME: “Hey Lou, whazzup? I’m at the river, sunbathing”
Lou “Ok we’re coming over, but I can’t see you”
ME “Well I’m kinda hidden under the bridge, if you look right down...”

I was a bit surprised however, since it was not Lou and Kissy: it was Lou and his girlfriend (hot girlfriend, I shall say). Kissy apparently had an argument with his parents and had to stay home. Still I didn’t expect Lou’s chick to come as well: he had made it pretty clear that he’s kind of over their relationship even though she’s nice and cute, and he wanted t be single and have fun with his male friends (which apparently include me… no comment).

Lou’s girl turned out to be cool, and there were two other friends with them. Lou, his chick and I went running (and I have to say all my training really paid off!), played beach volley and made plans for the next days. I had to go back to the Parent’s place for the next day (Saturday), but I would be back on Sunday morning in order to go canyoning all together.
That Friday night I did not have dinner (like most days) and when we met for drinks at the bar Lou immediately ordered a bucket of screw driver. Lou and I drank most of it, and then, ignoring my protests, he bought another one. I had to meet the Sponsor 40km down the valley on the next day at 10AM, but the only bus was leaving at 6AM so I did not want to get too drunk! Lou shut me up promising he would drive me to meet dad, and so we drank and drank…
Just as I started to fell more tired than tipsy (it was 2AM), Lou looked at me, touched my shoulder and said “Let me bring you home, DDgirl”.
It was a bit strange because my place was just 300 metres away, and I really was okay, just tired, but he insisted so he took me home, and the next morning he kept his promise and drove me to my meeting with the Sponsor.

(bonus) Summer story: my two vampires

2009-08-14T07:51:00.001+02:00

6 years ago I was spending New Years Eve here in the mountains with the usual bunch of friends, when my neighbour announced that two other kids from his hometown would be coming over and staying at his place (I was naturally the most concerned since I was in charge of the cooking).
And so I met Kissy and Lou. What I did not know before they came was that Kissy (who is a bunch of years younger than me) was 15 at the time, and had his right arm casted. Somehow I was quickly given the role of keeping an eye on Kissy, and everything went nice and smooth for the evening, and alcohol flushed away lot of things for everyone. By 1am most of the guys were wasted and one guy started arguing with me over nothing. I wanted to duck out, but we were on a balcony and he was standing on my way, when suddenly he said he was going to throw me off the balcony and moved towards me. He was a big guy, and I was totally scared, when little Kissy appeared out of nowhere between the guy and me, and somehow (wrestling and convincing) changed his mind. I was so grateful I was almost speechless!
Later on we went home, and the boys had made Kissy drink too much, so I was almost carrying him and somehow I ended up sharing the couch with him because no one else wanted to take care of him. Eventually he was sick of course, and needed help because of his cast. We went back to sleep and when I woke again around 4am he was nowhere to be found. Only after a few minutes I thought about checking the balcony: outside it was snowing and around minus 15 celsius, and he was passed out there, wearing nothing but his underwear! Kissy was so tiny at the time I lifted him and carried him to the coach, where i piled covers on the two of us and hugged him for a while to warm him. He seemed a little, lost puppy!

After that night, Kissy "adopted" me as a kind of aunt, and we always met in the mountains for partying, until I left for France. We stayed in touch, with him and Lou, but I didn't see Kissy over three years.

A few days ago, Kissy and Lou called me and proposed to come to the mountains and have fun together. I said sure, gimme a call when you're here and wondered off on my favourite footpath. When we met, I had a hard time hiding my shock. My two boys have grown up, and somehow seem to have come out from the Twilight saga.
Lou (who is 23 but looks a bit more mature) has turned to this 1.90mt blond guy, with a perfect body and light blue eyes I have sofar only seen in cats.
Kissy (who is now 21) is over 1.80mt, he has exactly the same hair cut and colour as Edward Cullen. He is well trained too, but most of all, he is a charmer. Where was my puppy? Hell, I was speechless.

My two vampires immediately turned out to be helpful: somehow I dud not have the key to open my garage, so the two of them liftem me until I could slip through the small space between the door and the ceiling, get inside and open from the inside: I never would have managed to do it on my own!
And then the fun began: we spent a couple of days hiking, laying in sun, rafting and canyoning. And of course partying with the other friends at night!
Soon everybody else started c
Referring to Lou and Kissy as to my guardian angels, which is so true! First of all because, over the years, I had trained Kissy to behave with me (opening doors for me, helpin my was on steps and things like that: apparently this is also helping him in cahrming teenagers).
But there is more: we'd go canyoning and the boys would help me through the highest cliffs to jump (Kissy hugs me (he does that all the time) and then jump off to show me it was easy, while Lou would stay with me until I built enough bravado to go. This way I have managed to jump off 12 and even 14mt, when I usually don't jump over 10). They would insist walking me home at night. Whatever, they are the nicest guys and I adore my guardiana angels/vampires!!

Ps: I have typed this on my blackberry, so - did not proof read... Sorry!

summer time

2009-08-07T13:25:00.000+02:00

Dear readers,
It's time for DDgirl to take her summer break!
I'll be back on August 25, hopefully with plenty of updates:
- how will the Lyskamm project go?
- will my relationship with KS last throught the hot month of August?
- will I meet Green Eyes while climbin some random mountain?

C u in two weeks to know!

The Lyskamm project

2009-08-06T17:27:00.004+02:00

Since the first time I climbed on of Monte Rosa peaks, I’ve been wanting to climb the Lyskamm

(this pic is not very impressive, but I think it's classy!)

This peak has been kind of calling me for the past 7 years or so. For those who don’t know a thing about mountain hiking, climbing and so on, it’s a tough one. It’s difficult, and it’s slightly dangerous. Difficult, because you have to climb up on a path which is never larger than 60cm (2 feet) and often smaller, and on both sides there is a fall of over half a mile. Dangerous, because sometimes the snow form a kind of frame suspended in the void, so if you miscalculate the path, well, you fall.

Whatever, this peak has been HAUNTING my dreams people. Now I’ve finally convinced the Sponsor, and we’re going to give it a try in 10 days or so. His only condition was that, for once, we hire a guide, in order to avoid the risk of walking on snow-frames (we both feel we still lack experience in this field).
And, should I manage to do it, I’ll be a better person.
Well I know this sounds stupid, but somehow I will, because my self confidence will improve SIGNIFICANTLY.
and if you wanna see more, just type Lyskamm on google images and take a look…

PS yeah, I know, my feet are still so and so from the last time, but you know what? I DON’T GIVE A DAMN!!! (Girls just wanna have fun man…)

Frostbites

2009-08-05T12:56:00.000+02:00

After getting back from the North East job, I had planned to climb one of Monte Rosa peaks with the Sponsor who had charged me to guide two of his colleagues.
We left on Saturday morning, and within an hour I started having serious issues about the women capacity to do the climb the next day. They were slow, not trained enough, overweight and prone to complain a lot. I tried to cheer them up by telling them stories about the mountain, took some weight off their backpacks, but I wasn’t optimistic about the next day. I realised quickly that the Sponsor only agreed to have the two of them with us because he owed them (they had recently performed some successful surgery someone in the family or something like that).
Mind you, it’s not like I didn’t like them or I was hostile or anything: it’s just that high mountain is a tough place. Whatever.
Struggling through the wind, we got to the first refuge, and although we should have climbed 30 more minutes to the second one, I knew already that the ladies were so afraid of the wind that they would have had serious trouble going on. So I got it and explained the situation to the keeper, a cute guy with impressive green eyes. He told me they were almost full but he knew me by name and would manage to find some place for us. I was a bit stunned that he knew me, but thanked him and added that if there was little place I could leave the ladies here and climb up and get them in the morning, just to let me know, but he told me he would find a solution.
So we stayed, and Green Eyes really pampered us even though he WAS busy (they were over the full capacity of the refuge). I made friends with a waitress which may or may not be Green Eyes sister (same eyes, same hair, same smile…), tried to give a hand where I thought I could help and so on. In the meanwhile the ladies and the Sponsor (who had brought along another man as well) kept saying GE was interested in me..
GE ended finding us a pretty room! And I’m sure that he put someone else on the floor in order to make room for us, but hey, I didn’t complain. During the evening, GE’s sister (assuming they are indeed siblings) asked me if I was training to be a guide! I was totally proud of this, but of course it isn’t so and I had to say no..

I got up at 4.30 and it took me almost half an hour to persuade the ladies that, if they wanted to do the climb, we were already late! We had breakfast, GE wished me luck for the day, I flashed him my best smile and out we were. During the night, however, I had a bad surprise: my period was early! And my period is the only thing that gives me problems in high altitude, ouch!
The day was pretty cold, the ladies were slow, and I was freezing. By the time we reached 4,000 mt altitude, I knew we wouldn’t make it, but I was hoping to climb a smaller peak in order to give them at least some satisfaction! 50 meters below the peak, however, I started hearing a weird noise. Since I know a bit about mountain sickness, I paid attention: one of the ladies made a strange noise when breathing. This could only mean she was going to have pulmonary oedema. I already knew the weather was too bad for helicopters, so we could only try to climb down as fast as we could and hope. It was bad, because my hands and feet were freezing, but I knew we couldn’t stop. I went real fast, trying to move my hands as much as possible and praying that my feet would carry me long enough. I almost run, slowing down only to pass crevasses, and we went down to 3700 mt so fast that the lady was fine. I explained her my concerns (I did not want her to panic before), and she said I was probably right and thanked me.
By this time, my hands were hurting badly and I took 5 minutes to warm them a bit. I was still concerned by my feet, but at least they did not hurt, so I thought it was better to get to the refuge and take my hiking boots of to heat them. And so we did.
But when we got there I knew my feet were not right, I heated them but had very little sensibility, and they hurt badly at the same time. At least I did not see much of GE. Later in the day we climbed the rest of our way down, and it was tough on my feet. In addiction, I also crossed paths with B. and his wife, but by the time I was so in pain I couldn’t care less. GE sister, by the way, asked if she could join us so she didn’t have to go the whole way on her own, so we chatted a little and agreed to go for drinks during my vacations.

When we finally got down I was in such pain I could barely talk. Both of my toes had experienced severe frostbites, and the other light frostbites.
It took me almost a week to walk again, and I still cannot wear anything but sneakers or flip flops….. but I still think of Green Eyes!

The NE job and its closing dinner

2009-07-27T12:53:00.000+02:00

I know I have deserted my blog for a long time, and I apologize.
What happened, in short, is I went on working like a slave in the North-East, then went home for a weekend, hiked the Monte Rosa, and then I was sent to France for another project (where of course I had no internet-access).
I haven’t even logged into my FB account for weeks, I have been chastised from family about having forgotten both my nephew’s AND my grandfather’s birthdays, and plenty of other things happened. I’ll try to write about the weirdest/most interesting, but you’ll have to forgive the lack of consequentiality. I’ll post things over the next few days, and here come the first taste.

The North-East job and its closing dinner
This project was pretty important for my career: I’m still in the first 6 months in the new office, so technically I can be dismissed at any moment without any explanation/leaving package. (Once the six months are over, in Italy it’s pretty impossible to be fired. Other bad things can happen of course, but it feels good to know they can’t fire you, especially in this economy).
The senior manager who directed the project is pretty well known to be the toughest of the office, and I don’t even need to find him a nickname, because the guys from the office call him (behind his back) Fast & Furious (F&F), and it’s the best possible nickname for the man.
Anyway the thing about F&F is he has power in the office: he thinks you’re great, your career is granted, he thinks you’re dumb, you can consider yourself out of the business just as if you had leper: nobody wants you on their projects and you end up doing nothing all day (cool for a while, but in the end you’re stuck and your career is stuck as well).

This long introduction obviously means one thing: I had to work my fingers to the bone for almost two months. Meaning days, nights, weekends. In the end, it seems he did appreciate my work, but we’ll see once I get my evaluation done.

On the last week of the project we got back to the city on Thursday night and F&F decided to take the team out for a big dinner: work was almost over and he wanted the team to feel a little better (I guess). We had a nice time, drank delicious French wines and ate a good deal (but if you have been following the blog for a long time you’ll know already I don’t really enjoy these dinners, since you ALWAYS have to be careful about plenty of things).
On Friday morning I was finalizing some detail on the report that had to be sent to our client, when F&F called me and a colleague into his office, asked us to close the door and, with funeral face, said we needed to talk.
My stomach twisted, and I prepared myself for the worst (being fired/humiliated) and then he actually told us that due to the economy we couldn’t charge the dinner to our client so each member of the team had to pay his share (mind, staying home that night WAS NOT AN OPTION). Honestly, I was so relieved I just said “Ok, no problems”, and anyway how can you argue with the one who decides about your career/promotions/salary increase?
In the end, I’ll have to pay 150 Euros. Like the kind of money I personally spend in 15 nights out with my friends. Amazing, huh?

bummed

2009-07-02T19:05:00.002+02:00

People,

they just told us (my colleagues and me) that we're going to stay in this stupid place for the whole month of July (we arrived on June 3).

Life sucks dudes...

it's official

2009-06-26T16:54:00.002+02:00

...I'll have to work the whole weekend as well (and yeah, next week too).
Fuck me, fuck them, I hate everything. Myself in first place for still sticking to this job after 5 years.

200th post..

2009-06-26T14:04:00.003+02:00

...flames to dust,
lovers to friends:
why do all good things
come to an end?

..and the dogs will
whistling at the new tune
barking at the new moon,
hoping it will come soon,
so that they could die..

I hate it here people. Cannot stand it anymore.
Hopefully I lost weight over the week, on Monday I'll be able to check.

What else?

It's not healthy working like this. I've been working 14 to 16 hours every day over the last three weeks, including weekends.

It's unhealthy both phisically and mentally. I think way to much about B.
I don't even have the time to talk to KS or to my family on the phone. And even if I did, I don't have anything to say but complaints, so I prefer to shut up. After all, B. dumped me after one of these moments.

I even dream about work and wake up sweating at night.

And if there is one thing I don't need in my life is thinking about B. I don't wanna think I may screw my life again like I did after B. left.

Hopefully I'll get to see KS in the weekend and hopefully we may get to spend some quality time together. Because when it gets to this point, you don't live, you don't love, you don't. You just try and carry on.

But KS is not B., and he won't give me up on this, so fuck B. and fuck the past.

June and I'm lost

2009-06-18T20:13:00.001+02:00

I’m lost in the middle of nowhere.
I’m working between 14 and 16 hours every single day, with a 20 minutes break at lunchtime. I have virtually no internet access. I haven’t really checked my facebook account in 15 days, I haven’t even done a single thing for myself in 15 days. So no regular blogging, sorry people.
Is this life? No, and I know it, but with this economy, I feel lucky to have a job.

Anyway.

Last weekend I went home and threw a long planned surprise party for the Sponsor &=th birthday. I organized a huge party in the garden at home, by the lake. Two months ago I started planning things: making guest lists, sending invitations, putting down menus and so on. In the end, some 50 people attended. I prepared by myself with just a little help from the Panther the whole banquet. We had a buffet with appetizers and entrees, namely:
- gazpacho verrines
- peas and mint cold cream
- fava bean pesto crostini
- mini-quiche of two kinds: tomato mozzarella and olives, and aubergine-pecorino
- warm octopus salad
- salade nicoise
- spring salad
- greek salad mini skewers
- asiago cheese – salami skewers
- 4 different kinds of lasagne
- BBQ with fish and pork skewers
- Fruit and marshmallows skewers
- Ananas tiramisu
- Watermelon

I ordered French wine (Vouvray from the Loire region), we set plenty of tables in the garden, we set a play area for the kids, prepared everything and still managed to make it a surprise! It was very very nice, and the most important thing is that the Sponsor LOVED it!

On Monday I came back here, an dit was my birthday, but just as every year it went almost unnoticed. It’s true I’m not really fond of MY Bdays, since I hate the fact that I’m no longer 21, but honestly? I’m pretty known for throwing big parties for a lot of people for their bdays (KS, Maria, my dad and in the past my brothers), and sometimes I’m a little put off by the fact that the last person who actually put on some celebration for my birthday was the infamous Little Prince (if you don’t know about the Little Prince go back to 2006 archives).
Well I guess it’s still okay, the thing is this year something that still disturbs me came up. I’ve been thinking for some times now about buying myself a Vespa. Not just a scooter, but a real original Vespa. I would like to keep it at my parents’ place, at the lake, in order to go around there.

Now two weeks ago or so the Sponsor decided to offer me one for my birthday and went to buy a brand new one, in order to make me a surprise by letting me find it in the garage!
However, when he called the Panther to ask her advice about the colour, she told him if he bought me a Vespa she would ask for a divorce (this is the Panther usual blackmail strategy).

So of course I got no Vespa, and the whole thing pretty put me off about buying one myself.
I should not care, after all it’s just an object. But still, for some reasons I don’t know (and don’t care to explore), this whole thing makes me sad.

(Dad ended buying me a book I really wanted with all my heart that had just come out the day before, and an item for security on glacier for our mountaineering ski tours, and I was more than glad about both!)

(And no, I didn’t get any other presents. From anyone. So far, at least. And do you want to know? I really really wish an Ipod. I have been wanting an Ipod for years now, one of the very small and inexpensive ones, just to go running. Oh, and Kat? I know you’re reading. And don’t even try to buy me anything, all I want is to have a drink together when this mission is over and I come back to the city!)

PS: don't bother correcting my English. I feel like I don't even have any brain left, let alone write anything coherent, and I'm NOT goign to proof read this thing!

Dolce Vita

2009-05-22T15:40:00.001+02:00

I’m going out way too much!
When was it the last night I spent alone at home? I can’t even remember. The rare time my friends take a rain check on me (like it happened last Tuesday, when Polish Chick was too sick to go out) my friend and former room mate Luca is always up to some cool event and always happy to bring me along.

Last night KS and I invited over a bunch of colleagues of mine for an after work glass of white wine, and then KS wanted to go out and enjoy a little of Milan nightlife. I was really exhausted, but then I thought it was really awful to tell him I didn’t want to go out when he knows I’m always hanging out in cool bars.
I slipped in a cute dress, gave Luca a call and we joined him and a few friends (including most of Luca’s Tuscan gang I’ll talk about later, but I love them all!) in a bar next to the castle.

I quickly discovered, thanks to a friendly barman, my new favourite drink: gin and grapefruit. Low in calories, tasty, fresh: just perfect.
I probably had a few too many drinks, we were all having fun, we were outside and the night was warm.

I love this life. You can just spend half of your night in the streets wearing flip flops and a sundress, dancing around, hanging out with friends, never feeling cold. It seems everyone around here lives this way, going out every night, never being tire of it. I know it will be a bit different in the winter, but winter seems so far away now that who cares?

But is this really me? I still dream of living in the mountains far away from cars and noise. But then again, while I’m here I might as well enjoy it, right?

On different news, KS had a job interview yesterday morning, and starting from June he’ll be working in Milan 4 days a month. It’s a nice beginning, it’ll help him realizing if this is really what he wants to do I think, and I’m really happy about it!

YAY

2009-05-20T14:58:00.000+02:00

I lost 2 more lbs!!!!

Lovely weekend

2009-05-19T11:09:00.000+02:00

KS came to the city last Friday bringing along two of his co-workers, and we had a nice weekend.
First of all, things with KS have been better, he brought flowers and a little present (French books I can’t find here, it was thoughtful, he knows I love it) and really behaved nice.

On Friday night we had a happy hour at my place with a friend of mine (who was my roommate at college), and then we all headed to Armani…
It was fun! The place is totally crazy, and a bit awful if you wanna know: it’s a bit of a flesh market… Apart from my French friends and I, the fattest girl was probably 40 kg…
Anyway, the funny thing was that, even if I totally felt out of place, I was having a good time! We danced, had drinks, chatted…
The best moment was when I went dancing a little with my ex roommate and P!nk’s “So What??” tune came on…
We were both jumping and screaming:
“So so WHAT? I’m still a rock star! I’ve got my ROCK MOVES! And I don’t need you!!”

(okay, we were a bit sarcastic about the place....)

I the meanwhile I recognized someone I used to know a few years ago, who works on the trading floor I used to work on back in 2004… I’m not sure whether he didn’t see me or he didn’t want to see me… because the girl he was with was totally not his wife… Whatever!

On Saturday, we went to see a vernissage exposing some Monet’s paints, it was beautiful! Then we grabbed some panzerotti to eat (typical Italian food… delicious!!) and went shopping (but I didn’t buy anything… wise DDgirl!)

All in all it was a nice weekend! And yeah, yesterday I posted about Nicola… The thing is he is throwing a birthday party in Sardinia in September, and I’m not so sure about going or not going… for one thing, I should be saving some money… And I’m also a little afraid it would be weird… Or maybe I just think too much!

Never gonna dance again (the way I danced with you)

2009-05-18T16:05:00.000+02:00

I’m listening to this song, and thinking about Nicola… And our last night in England, almost ten years ago...
In my mind, the lyrics are a little different from the original.

I felt so unsure
As I took your hand
And led you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to leave a friend
And waste a chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
(Never without you)

Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

That night the music seemed so loud
I wish that we could have lost that crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we wanted to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me
Please stay

Now that I've gone
Now that I've gone
Now that I've gone
Was what I did so wrong
So wrong that I had to leave you alone…

I miss you, my friend. I know it’s up to me, I know I could come to see you an I’d be welcome. But I can’t seem to make up my mind. Forgive me.

BRAG time

2009-05-14T14:49:00.001+02:00

Okay, I’m going to BRAG.
KS and two girls who work with him are coming to the city for the weekend, and they’re arriving tomorrow afternoon.
Since they always heard me bragging about the city’s nightlife, they already mentioned that they’d like to meet Italian guys, and they want to go out, maybe even clubbin’.

Of course I have already recruited most of the nice single male friends I have, and I have set up a standing dinner at my place tomorrow night.
In the meanwhile, I spent most of week trying to figure out where to go after dinner. After deep reflection, I befriended on facebook someone I recently met who happens to be one of the best PRs of the city. I wasn’t sure whether he remembered about me, but apparently he does…
…and tomorrow night we’re going to Armani’s private party….

I haven’t said a word to KS about it because I want the girls to have the full surprise effect!

I’m not usually so fond about uber trendy places… I prefer hanging out in pubs with wooden tables you can dance on! But I do enjoy from time to time those trendy places with the coolest decorations, free trendy drinks and everything (and you don’t get drugged at a Giorgio Armani private party…).

I already know what I’ll be wearing (I only hope it doesn’t rain..)

Disturbia

2009-05-12T11:04:00.001+02:00

Crea came back on Tuesday, and we all hanged out in the weekend.
(For those who don’t remember, or who are too lazy to go back to past posts… Crea is the eldest brother, and a few months ago, after losing his job and getting dumped by his girlfriend, he got a job as diving master in Maldives)

At first we were pretty shocked! Crea is a Latin kind of guy, dark curly hair, olive skin and everything. After spending months in Maldives of course his skin has got tan…. And his hair is BLOND!!!!
Anyway it’s cool to be able to hang out with him, although he’s only staying for 40 days and then he’s leaving for 6 more months…
The best thing right now is tonight I’m going back to the lake and we’re all having a BBQ at Bro’s place, and I can’t wait to relax and chill out!

Why do I need to chill out? Because KS really managed to make me angry this morning…
I found a missed call at 7:40 AM (I was at the gym) and a message on my voice mail so I called him back as soon as I got to work. I said hello and everything and then asked what was up (KS does not often call early in the morning (let’s say his brain takes a while to wake up)).
Out of the blues came his question: “What did you do last Thurday?”
I didn’t understand at first (he was in the train), and when I finally got his question, it took me a few seconds to remember, so I just hesitated a second and answered “Let’s see… I went out with all the colleagues for a birthday, and then I got home at 10PM because Bro came to sleep at my place… But I already told you that, why what’s up?”
(BTW, it’s exactly what I’ve done…)
“Well then what about this picture on facebook with a guy with hands all over you?”
Now this is where I got really angry. I had only seen quickly the pics on facebook, and I totally knew no one touched me in any inappropriate way (I mean, I didn’t have to see the pics to know that!!). But what really got on my nerves was that he has no fucking right to question me like that, especially when I ALWAYS tell him about my days and my plans for the night when I go out!!!
So I got angry and told him that this was crazy and that questioning me this way is BS, and if he has questions about pics on facebook, shall we talk about all the little sluts he works with that keep commenting his status on facebook?
He kind of apologized and then we hung up since I didn’t feel like fighting, and I felt that I’ve made my point.

Later in the morning I got on facebook because I was curious about the infamous pic… it’s just me and a bunch of other colleagues, and the guy celebrating his Bday is standing next to me. Than I saw that, since he had an arm behind me, you can see his hand next to my breast, but it’s like at ten centimetres!!! (and of course it is, because if it hadn’t been the case I would probably have made a scene)

This relationship has issues, I think.

But you know what? I’ll chill, and have fun. I’m going out each nigh for the next 10 days, I’ll put on my pretty light, as I’m in the city of wonder..

I've made up my mind

2009-05-08T16:11:00.001+02:00

I’ve decided I’m going on with the blog.
This thing about KS snooping into my files has done a lot of bad to our relationship. I told him once it was bad from him, but I haven’t raised the subject anymore, because I hate when I keep coming back to the same things.
However, I’m still angry about it, especially since I have never ever cheated on him and I’ve never given him any reason to doubt about me.

So I’ve decide to go on posting on my blog; however, should KS ever read the blog, it may be a deal breaker for me. And of course I would know, because let’s face it, my man is totally incapable to hide anything from me, especially when he’s in distress.

So I’m back, people, and you’re stuck with me a little longer, it seems!

In the meanwhile, my life doesn’t really suck, I still go out a lot, but somehow I’m under the impression I spend 95% of my time between work and the gym. (And I can’t seem to drop any more weight, ouch).

So… my life may not suck but this post surely does. My blackberry blinks in green, I’ve sent the report to my client, it’s Friday afternoon and I’m overworked (not to mention undersexed). So my dear readers, I’ll leave for the weekend and I’ll try to put together some ideas for a decent post!

Gimme the strength

2009-04-27T16:20:00.001+02:00

I still haven’t made up my mind about the blogging issue… But I have no probs posting this.

I have been trying to lose weight, recently.
Let’s just say that, when I started this blog, I was at my best shape EVER: I’m 5 ft 6, and I was 110 lbs, fit and fucking good looking. If ypou really want to know, I have been thinner following an illness (around 100 lbs), but I don’t look good that thin (my face looks old)
I’ve been up to 141 at the end of 2008, because of a lot of things:
- I did not train as much as I should, for a while
- I’ve been on cortisone for quite a while in 2008
- Mostly, because I lived with KS so long and cooked for him every single night, and had three full meal every day, something I never experienced in my life but for those 2 years of living together.
Since I moved back to Italy I lost 8 lbs, and I want to lose at least 10 more. As long as I’m working, it ain’t that hard. I hit the gym at least 4 mornings a week, I often add some exercise in the evening at home, and I’m starting to go swimming at noon at least once-twice a week this week.
I don’t buy a lot of food, I try to eat salads (no sauce) and one or two fruits at work, and in the evening I try to skip altogether. At least when I don’t go out, unluckily when you go out you have to order something to drink, and Light Coke isn’t considered acceptable (plus if I drink coke at night I’m not able to sleep).
But it works, even though it’s hard, I have to wake at 6 every morning to hit the gym, and then I go to work and I cannot just doze, especially since I’m a manager now, and I have tons of responsibilities.

So what am I complaining about?

I go at the Parents’ place almost every weekend, and that’s where I fuck up. Because the Panther cooks, cooks, cooks. Because I can stay on tracks as long as I’m at my place with nothing to eat in the fridge, or even when I go out (I don’t like eating out), but I crave the Panther’s food.

That’s my sin.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes I do resent KS for my being fat. I wouldn’t, really you know? Only, he always points out when I get an extra pound, and let’s just not talk about the last 3 months I spent in France, when each time we ate in public he would repeatedly point out that I ate and looked like a cow.

But it’s not his fault, it’s mine and I shouldn’t be such a bitch. I’ll just go home and do some cardio, squats and all the shit.
Because it works and I need to stay focused.
Stay thin, DDgirl.

2009-04-24T13:16:00.003+02:00

Dear readers,

I still have to make up my mind about whether continuing the blog or not.
I am aware that my posts were probably more interesting in the beginning, and I know that I used to post way more often than I do now.

Should I go private, I’ll let you know so that those who want can have access.

I’m still elaborating, and all I can say for sure is I’ll let you know as soon as I make up my mind.

Thank-you for your comprehension

DDgirl

Mumble

2009-04-22T10:34:00.003+02:00

I fucking need to post and I can't because I'm afraid KS might be reading.
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!
Dear boyfriend why did you have to be so nosy???
Argh

Dilemma

2009-04-15T19:29:00.002+02:00

Dear readers,

I'm fine and back to work after a well deserved Easter vacay.

However, I may stop blogging altogether and erase the blog. This is because KS found some files on my notebook with a few entries and snooped them. So now he knows my nickname, knows enough to be able to find this blog if he wants to. Should this happen, our relationship would be greatly affected.

I'm allowing myself a little time to think about it, because KS English isn't that great, so it would take him days anyway just to go through a few entries, but I still have to make a decision.

Suggestions?

Drugged

2009-04-09T11:27:00.001+02:00

Tuesday night I went out for drinks with a friend.

And I have been drugged.

You know the kind of thing that always happens to other people? Well, sometimes they happen to you as well.

I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t drink, I had tequila shots. But not so many, it just does not justify what happened.
When we decided to call it a night, the barman gave us a round of free shots. This should have warned me, because it’s very unusual around here. Furthermore, he kept asking me questions like where did I live and so on.
Anyway we left the bar and a few minutes later I passed out in the street. My friend brought me home, but couldn’t wake me up until yesterday morning. In the meanwhile I puked several times, but luckily he stayed and took care of me.
Yesterday I was still sick, and I couldn’t stay awake for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Luckily, after sleeping until this morning, I finally woke up feeling good, although my home is a total freaking mess!

Happy Easter everyone!

Tequila Tuesday

2009-04-07T16:13:00.000+02:00

I could not hang out with Sexy yesterday night.
On Monday morning (around 3AM) an earthquake shook the centre of the Italian peninsula, destroying building and killing over 200 people. Up here in the North we were not concerned at all, but Sexy, who works as a geologist, was called in the morning and had to go there for work (I think he’s testing the lands where building were not destroyed in order to tell whether it’s safe for people to move back in).
I kind of admire him because let’s face it: he’s sleeping in a tent, no available bathrooms, it’s pouring rain, and he’s helping out.
With a little bit of luck however he’ll be back by Thursday night, so we have tentative plans.
Oh, and do you think I stayed home like a nerd because Sexy cancelled on me? Don’tcha worry for DDgirl, I still went for drinks with another friend…

Another thing I’m doing with Sexy sometime soon will be some white water rafting and a day of canyoning, but that will have to wait another month or so (or it will be waaay to cold!). Spring has arrived, the weather is beautiful and I’m making a ton of plans: with some colleagues we’re thinking about spending a weekend sailing from Naples to Capri in July!
Furthermore, in September KS and I will go to Sicily for one week for Gaia and Mark’s wedding (double yay since I’ve never been to Sicily!!)

On to family business… the Sponsor broke some bone in his shoulder fifteen days ago. Since he refuses to stay at home from work and to have his shoulder plastered, or at least to wear bandages, he isn’t getting any better. On top of it, this means our mountaineering ski season is over, and he’s frustrated about it. Of course I’m not glad either, but accidents happen, and I’ll do some sailing!

An old friend just summoned me for tonight: it’s his birthday and he ended up last minute in Milan all alone… So I’m just officially calling for TEQUILA TUESDAY!!!

I won't miss a thing

2009-04-01T10:57:00.001+02:00

So yesterday night Sexy called me, we talked for an hour or so and decided we’re going for drinks next Monday, and I can’t wait to see him!!!!
I missed Sexy so much, I haven’t seen him since KS and I got together, but now that we only live half an hour away from each other we’re definitely going to hang out together more often!

Of course we both are aware that we’re only seeing each other as friends (no benefits as long as I have my KS!), but I already know that Sexy knows how to make me feel hot even without hitting on me… and I love him for that!

The weekend in France was really cute! It rained all the time, but KS and I took our time to chill, cuddle together and enjoy a great wine tasting (and spend a fortune buying tons of wine... I know…). His parents were very nice as well, and altogether time flew (okay, enough lovey dovey).

Today I’m starting a new project at work… It’s gonna be pretty intense because it’s my first job as a manager, and of course I’m stressed about it. The good thing is that the guy who will be assisting me seems to be a nice guy and pretty smart, so hopefully I’ll be able to rely on him for all the easy tasks so I can concentrate on the bigger issues!

I still haven’t talked about my new colleagues, but I’ll do it soon... It’s just that I’m always pretty worn out, between unpacking all my stuff, waking up most of the mornings at 6 to hit the gym before going to work, skiing all the weekends and going out at night during the week.. I’m not complaining, I’m loving my life, but by the time I go to bed at night I haven’t the slightest energy left in me!!

here ya go!

2009-03-30T12:55:00.003+02:00

For my Roman friend, who always astonishes me:

Ghetto superstar, that is what I are
comin' from afar, reachin' for the stars
Run away aith me, to another place
We can rely on each other...

You rock buddy!!!

The door is open, and now I see the sun

2009-03-26T16:34:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow evening I’m taking the bullet train to go see my boyfriend!!!
I can’t wait to spend a nice weekend with him in Southern France! Plus, we’re going to a wine fair to buy some Vouvray (one of my favourites) and taste new wines and cheese… And it’s gonna taste even better after two weeks of diet!

I miss boyfriend. And then again, life is so different here, I wonder whether we’ll ever share this life. The thing is I’m no more 20, and I know that, whatever will happen to the two of us, I’ll go on. I feel I have turned cruel, I used to be dramatic about these things, but honestly we always survive and go on, don’t we?
But I really do hope he’ll join me living here one day. Maybe it’s just that I cannot really imagine our life together here since he’s never been here yet, maybe once he’ll have been at my new flat and spent a few nights there with me, I’ll be able to imagine the two of us there!

On to another subject, yesterday night Polish Chick came over at my place, so that she could help me unpacking the last few boxes and then we ordered pizza (bad for my diet, I know…) and talked and talked and talked.
I know she’ll read this and probably think it’s bullshit, but… she’s so different and at the same time, she’s still the same high school girl…

She totally looks the same but for her haircut (looks great btw!), while I have put on a lot of weight, shame on me.
But she looks so more comfortable about herself, so more self-confident! She’s def no more the shy girl who would have never sported a sexy top with low waist jeans to go clubbing!

I was so glad to see her. I am so glad I found her again, after all these years.

I wish we could show each other the years we spent apart like a movie. And I wonder if I have changed from her memories, and in which ways.
And, once more, I’m so glad to have her back in my life!!

Mountaineering ski pics...

2009-03-24T16:43:00.003+01:00

Friends, hiking, goals

2009-03-20T11:40:00.000+01:00

Over the last few days I spoke a few times with my friend Gaia, who currently lives in London. Gaia and I went to college and grad school together, and although we’ve never lived in the same country since grad school, we kept in touch, and she and her boyfriend Mark visited KS and I in Lyon, and we’ve seen them in London and Milan.
Last autumn she told me that, due to the crisis, they had lost almost all of their savings which they had invested in their company stock options and had gone down and down.

Now, Mark has lost his job, because his whole department has been shut down. He has a job offer in New Delhi and one in Singapore, and they’re probably moving there. Although Gaia still has her job, and doesn’t really risk losing it because she’s too smart, she’s going to move as well because she’s in love and they shall get married in September.

I am very sad at the idea they’ll be so far away, and I know it’s very very hard for her. Mark is used to have his family far from him, but Gaia is a typical Italian girl, very close to her family, and from London she often flies home to see them, which will be impossible from New Delhi or Singapore.
I really admire her, because I would probably cry and cry and give things up, while she reacts. But than again, I would be so unhappy outside Europe!!

This makes me understand that I should be more grateful for what I have. I’ll do my best to keep in touch with Gaia and to support her in her choices!

On other better news, I have plans for the weekend.
I should go mountaineering ski, and the idea is that we’ll hike 5 different summits all between 4200 and 4550 mt (between 13800 and 15000 feet more or less). In 2 days. The only issue is that the refuge where we should spend the night is closed, but there is a place a 4000, a kind of small hut (more a roof and 4 walls really) where we could sleep. Unluckily it’s unheated, and we should carry food and sleeping bags, which of course would make things tougher, but who cares? I can’t wait for it!!!!
Am I crazy because I feel that if I can do this I’ll have more self-esteem? Are those stupid goals? Probably yes. But who cares?

Wish me luck! And I hope you have a great weekend!

Every night fever

2009-03-10T16:03:00.001+01:00

Life in MINDBLOWING.
I’ve bee here for barely a week and I’ve been out every single night but one, and most of the nights I’ve been to two or more “aperitivo”. This is a typical Milan concept: you go out right after work, and bars offer happy hours with complimentary food buffet.
The idea is that you get there by half past seven, so you can go out but still be home early enough. Unless of course, you pile two or three different aperitivo in one night, as I do. And honestly people, I’m a girl. So when it’s half past eight and friends call me saying “We’re at Armani’s, come over DDgirl!” How in hell can I say no when I had never been at Armani’s place before? And who cares if the effing place charges 15 bucks a drink, when girls never get to pay a single drink around here?
I mean, I’m not THAT glamour but let’s face it, people like David Beckham and Victoria go there!!! Plus, it’s stylish:

And there’s more, it’s not just Armani. There is Dolce & Gabbana place, other trendy bars, and even better the thousand ubercool bars that have nothing to do with fashion. What’s most important, there are thousands of people who go out every night, and there’s a ton of them calling me to go out.

There are only two downsides on this. First, I’m trying to stay on no-carbs, and this places offer an incredible selection of carb-rich food for free.
Second, I wake up VERY early in the morning (between 6 and 6:30 AM) to go running on the mill. And it’s fucking hard to wake up after 4 drinks at night.

All in all, I’m doing pretty well down here. I miss KS a lot, but I kinda like this life. I’ll write more about work, for know I’ll just say everything’s fine.

Freeride pics

2009-03-06T15:26:00.003+01:00

Illness and craziness

2009-03-04T11:28:00.000+01:00

So I did it.
I pulled together all my shit, and then the Sponsor and Bro came with a truck and loaded everything and we left France.
Before that, I had some amazing leaving parties at work and with friends (I somehow managed to drink 132 Euros of alcohol at the latter and still not cry!).

KS managed to hold it together when I left, and so did I, probably also because of the presence of the Sponsor and Bro. It was still pretty hard. Soon enough however, other things came up so I couldn’t pout too much….

As soon as we got to my Parents’ place, I started puking my guts. And then again. And again. And again, and on and on for the whole night. By the next morning, I had a bad temperature and no strength left. Since my sis in law was on vacay, my 2 years and a half nephew was staying with the Panther: in other terms, the noise in the house was unbearable.
I spent this way the next few days, and by Wednesday I started feeling better, so I went to the city to visit the apartment I’m now living in. The flat is huge and nice, but it needs badly a few interventions: painter, electrician, plumber, cleaning etc etc….

By Thursday I desperately wanted to DO something, so I went mountaineering skiing with the Sponsor and Bro. However I overestimated my conditions: we climbed up 1000 meters (almost 3300 feet) and then, when we were already seeing the top of the mountain, I puked my guts once again. Classy huh?
I spent Friday running errands in order to obtain all the papers I needed for work, and then I got a call from a friend from Rome, that we’ll call Sportsman, who told me he was heading towards the Mont Rose with a bunch of friends from Rome, and then put me on speaker. The guys were planning a weekend of ski with helicopter, mountaineering ski and extreme free ride. $ of them plus one guide. Was I interested (and good enough) in joining them?
Of course I didn’t need thinking about it, so I said:”just let me know what time shall we meet tomorrow morning and I’ll be there”!

This is how I spent the most two amazing days of the year: 4 roman gorgeous guys, me, the guide, skiing up and down the Alps like madmen, flying with the helicopter, screaming, laughing, and OMG it was GREAT! We slept in a hut, and we had so much fun at night!
But honestly? My muscles never ever ached as much as they did on Monday!!
The guys kept complimenting me because I was the only girl they know that can stand up to them when it’s about alpinism, but fuck, it was tough!!
I can’t wait to see the pics now, and the movie, because two of them had a camera on their helmet and filmed the whole first day!

2009-03-03T15:15:00.001+01:00

I know once again I disappeared...
I just wanted to let you know that I'm fine, I've just been busy moving, and then I've been seriously ill... and once I was better, I went skiing...
I'll try to update better tomorrow!

Back to trality

2009-02-13T16:21:00.001+01:00

I’ve been a baaaaad baaaaaad blogger.
I came back from vacay this week, and honestly? It was effing hard. I totally loved my tropical vacation with KS. We had such a good time, such a great weather, not to mention the island was magnificent. We’ve seen the volcano erupting, we’ve surfed, we’ve dived, we’ve trekked, and of course we drank vanilla rum!!
Coming back was very hard: KS stayed for one more week, so I had to go through the 11hours flight alone, and while there were 35 degrees at the beach, when I got to Paris on Monday morning at 6AM it was freezing, and snowing. UGH!

I’m leaving France in 7 days, I still have no place to stay in Milan (although I may have an opening thanx to a friend), I haven’t started packing yet. I’m quite depressed honestly. I know this was my choice, but I’m leaving and I’ll be separated fro KS for a couple months at least: it’s really really hard after living together for more than 2 years.
And I hate moving, so I’m super lazy when it comes to calling the mob phone company, closing my bank account etc etc.

Tonight I’m going to a party with a friend, and then tomorrow I’m gonna cook all day in order to prepare frozen meals to leave behind for KS, so he won’t live on sandwiches all the time.

Yesterday night the colleagues prepared me a leaving party at the office and it was really nice from them. There were plenty of verrines and spoons, and Italian white wine, and I had a few very nice gifts.

Okay I know this is a shitty update, but I don’t wanna start crying, so it’ll be all for now…

Time for Wednesday Weirdness!

2009-01-21T14:45:00.000+01:00

1.) Do you drive with your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel?
Rarely. I drive very close to the wheel, and prefer keeping hands low (kind of 8 and 5 really). It’s probably also due to my bad blood circulation in hands.

2.) How long do you keep cards given to you on birthdays and holidays before throwing them away? If you don't throw them out, what do you do with them?
It depends how much it touches me. Usually I don’t really keep them long anyway, the only exception being card from my grandparents.

3.) If, when you die, you could will any one of your characteristics to your children (child/future children), what would it be and why?
Honestly? My blue eyes.
But I know you’re waiting for a smarter answer. I’d like for them to have my capacity to be strong when things seem impossible, until I manage to move on.

4.) What is the best personality trait you got from your mother and the best personality trait that you got from your father?
The Panther is the most individualist person I’ve ever met. I might be the second. It’s not nice, I know, but I seem to need other people less than most people I know. Of course I need my family and boyfriend and friends, but I have no problem going on holiday on my own, living on my own, etc etc. Bad, huh?
I whish I had more of the Sponsor’s personality, he’s so good. Of course we share the love for the mountain, and I think I may have taken from him a good part of my strengh.

5.) What is something that you wish you had a better understanding of?
So many things!!! I understand nothing of physics, and still believe that electricity is a Harry Potterish magical thing.

6.) What makes you nervous?
Dieting (which I’m doing right now…)

7.) What is the strangest household object that you have ever or would ever use for help in masturbation?
Household stuff? Bleah…

8.) What do you have sitting on the countertop in your bathroom?
Hair conditioner, Shampoo, hair masks, a brush, two combs…. Yeah, I’m obsessed!!

You say Goodbye, and I say Hello!

2009-01-19T15:40:00.000+01:00

I’m a bad, bad, bad blogger. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
I’ve been so busy, and yet I don’t seem to have accomplished anything at all. Last week I went to Paris twice, and I spent there one night, probably the last one. I went out partying with Kevin and I really had a good time, exchanging stories over fruit vodka shots.
I know it’s silly, since I only see Kevin every three months or so, but I’m gonna miss him so much! After all, if I haven’t been miserable in Paris over the last year and a half, it’s only thanks to him. He’s the one always coming to rescue me when I feel lonely, he’s the one waiting for me outside the office when I finish work after 11 PM, he’s the one always walking me to my hotel.
We met again for breakfast, and then we made our adieus…

So yes, I’ve been a good girl. I’ve been knowing Kevin and hanging out with him for one year and a half, and all of this time he has wanted me, and man, he’s cute, but I’ve ALWAYS been 100% faithful to my sweet KS, and I’m glad I have. But I’m still a bit sad because after all Kevin has been such a good friend, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again!

Moving to another subject, I have exchanged a few mails with Polish Chick (I know you’re probably reading, and I hope you don’t mind the nick name, when I first wrote it I was in a hurry and I didn’t want to write your real name, so I couldn’t come out with anything easier).
Needless to say, it was pretty emo, and we still have tons of stuff to talk about, after all, we have to catch up so much! But I think we’ll meet once I’ll be back in Italy, and then we’ll see where things will lead us from there.

And now, dear readers, the reason of the title. A few months ago I wrote about my big brother, Crea, who came back living into my parents’ small town, and I was so excited about going back and being the three of us together again (Bro, me and Crea).
So this won’t be happening any time soon, because Crea couldn’t find a job thanks to the recession, so he signed up to work 6 months in Maldive as a scuba dive master. I’m glad for him, and proud also, because he took things into his hands instead of sitting on his ass at home, but I’m soo disappointed about not being able to see him for 6 months!!!! (right now, I cannot afford Maldives)
Still, he’s been so nice, telling us he has already set a skype account and packed a webcam so we can make free video calls, so that we’ll be able to keep in touch on regular basis.

Last and definetly not least, I have no clue about how the hell I’m gonna find an apartment in Milan. But hey, cities are full of bridges to sleep under, huh?

Hey, what's up?

2009-01-09T11:41:00.000+01:00

I still have troubles believing this is happening. Or maybe it’s just a whole big nothing and I’m overthinking, I dunno. I cannot talk to anyone about this, because I don’t have friends who were involved in this 7 years ago, and I cannot talk to the Panther about this, although she knows the whole story. Because the Panther is way too individualist to really understand I care about this. I am individualist as well, that’s true, but not to her extents.

So here I am, blogging about this, knowing too well that I should just shut the fuck up.

Over Xmas KS and I had coffee with Emi, who has changed his looks so much I almost failed to recognize him. Even weirder, he looked so… appaised, if you get what I mean. Whatever.
We had some nice chat, and I couldn’t avoid asking him about Polish Chick. So he told me about her, and between other things about her comics being on the web. (Yes, PC has always been a hell of an artist!).
I let the informations digest in my head and in my heart until yesterday, and then I googled her.

Sure enough, I found her blog, and I couldn’t stop reading until I reached the last post.
And, since I can’t seem to shut the fuck up, I left a comment. I knew (hoped?) she would understand who had commented, but I didn’t think she would have managed to trace this blog, which she did (smart chick!).

Rereading the post I wrote in November I realize over all these years, the news I had about her were surely biased given the source. And thinking about mere facts that I know have happened for sure, I think the girls must have had real guts to work out things, and make up her own life. She surely has not been spoiled as I have been.
(okay, I had tough times as well when I moved here, but it was my own choice)

And now what am I supposed to do, to say?
Damnit, I’m such an emo!!!!

Okay, I’ll take things as they come. I’ll try to, at least. For the sake of everything we had and everything we both still have.

And I’ll enjoy this song I love:

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away..

What I’ve done
I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

2009: return to the origins

2009-01-08T10:50:00.000+01:00

2009 is the year of the big go-back for me. I’m moving back to Italy on February 21, and I’m both very excited and very scared about it.
I arranged with the brotheres (Bro and Crea) that they’re driving to the city on a big van on Feb 20, I’ll cook them a good dinner and on Feb 21 we’re loading all my stuff (not so many things, maintly plants clothes and books) on the van and we’ll be driving aither to Milan (if I’ll have already found a place by that time) or to my Parents if I still don’t have a flat in Milan.
I’m starting to be optimistic, because a girl I know will soon rent her flat which is 2 minutes walk from my office, so I hope to get her place to start, and then I’ll see and look around if I need something bigger.

So I’m scared about leaving the city, about KS and I on a long distance relationship, about working in Milan where competition is stronger and I’ll need to wear suits every day at work, while here unless I have to meet clients I can wear trainers and jeans (and I love this, because at 7AM I’m a f***ing SLOB).
I’m excited about meeting my new colleagues, making new friendships as well as reconnecting with old ones. I’ll be able to ski every weekend from December to June. I won’t have the costant temptation of French pastries right in front of me. I won’t need anymore to justify and explain everyone I’m veggie (Italian food is quite poor of meat). And I know it’s completely stupid, but I’ll be back to the status I was so used to, of successful stunning young woman. Because yes, I am tired of feeling a foreign freak as I very often feel here (and how couldn’t I, when not a day passes without people making fun of my accent?)

Changing subject, Xmas was pretty okay. The Bro’s wife apparently calmed down after the Panther scolded her, everyone was pretty cool and everything went smoothly. I took an eye on the kids, and although it’s true that the little one prefers staying at my Parents’ place that with his own parents, his mother is making some efforts to be better with him.
I was totally spoiled with presents, and I suspect this is a consequence of me announcing I’m going back to Italy. Then again, I totally spoiled all of my family with the gifts I bought them!

We had A LOT of snow, which meant I had to shovel a lot of it, but the Sponsor and I also enjoyed a few great skiing days. KS joined me on the evening of 25, and stayed until the 28, and we had a great time.
We spent New Year’s Eve at our place, with a few friends, and it was nice but pretty uneventful. I know this sounds spinster-ish, but I don’t feel anymore like standing for hours and hours in much too crowded bars, spending too much many and feeling sorry for my feet anymore. I prefer the homely, cozy way!

So happy new year everybody!!!

My psycho family, Xmas

2008-12-19T10:47:00.000+01:00

Tonight I’m going back to Italy for a little Christmas vacation! Yay!
Yeah, well, a little less yay, since apparently the Panther and Bro’s wife have put on a huge fight yesterday. The Panther actually spent one hour crying over the phone with me yesterday night.
The whole thing is about my nephew, a cute kid aged 2 everyone is in love with. Of course the kid can be a tornado when he’s playing, but he’s really no brat, and he’s not spoiled.
Recently, kiddo decided he no longer wants to live with his parents and his big sis, instead, he wants to stay with his grandparents (aka, my parents, the Panther and the Sponsor). He actually spends there a lot of time, because my sis in law finds it convenient to drop him all day long at the Panther’s, but even I have to admit that the Panther does NOT spoil him. Like, she won’t let him have snacks between meals, he’ll have to eat what she has cooked for him, and very very little telly is allowed (usually no more than half an hour a week, and even then she checks out the cartoons he’s watching).
I explained this, because we all were a little puzzled when he started showing that he did not want to stay at his parents’ place anymore. And then two days ago the Panther figured out the reason. Apparently she and the Sponsor had stopped by to pick up Sis in law and head to a reception together, and as soon as little kiddo pouted a little saying he wanted to come as well instead of going to bed (it was 9 o’ clock sharp), she started beating the crap out of him and then she locked him in the storage room in the dark.

Now I sure believe that kids do need rules, but this? This is total BULLSHIT!
Anyway, on the next day (yesterday) Sis in law called the Panther telling her she was bored and asking if she could pay a visit. The Panther (needless to say she was furious) told her no, so Sis in law asked her what was up and the Panther told (according to her) all she thinks about her. Which is no nice thing.

So I don’t really want to butt in to this thing, but I’ll sure keep an eye on how things are between kiddo and his mom over the next days, because I do care for him a lot…

On better news, tons of snow came down on the Alps, and on Monday I’m taking the Sponsor to ski, just the two of us, and I’m soooo looking forward to it!!!

Well, that will probably be the last post of the year (unless I get around to post on December 31st), so have a VERY MERRY XMAS and a haooy new year everyone!!!

The Kitchen and I

2008-12-15T12:57:00.002+01:00

When I first read Banana Yoshimoto’s novel «Kitchen» I still wasn’t that much into cooking and baking. What I mean is I wouldn’t mind preparing dinner when the Panther was too busy, but I did not either spend any time on food blogs or watching Jamie Oliver shows. (By the way, we’re talking about the second half of the 90s, so Jamie himself was about 20 and probably not yet famous. About the blogs, I’m not even sure they existed already, but you get what I mean right?).
“Kitchen”, however, really struck me, and I kept re-reading it over the years. It is true that when you live in the kitchen, you really know the heart of the family.

One of the common places about Italian people is that we’re all about food. It is not really true, but there are some things that often strike people from English-speaking countries (I know there are exceptions). I grew up without ever eating take-away or delivery food. Or anything bought ready to eat, for that matter. Almost every single day of my life I ahd a dinner (and often a lunch) that either I or someone else at home (mainly the Panther) had cooked. Even now I have a very hard time explaining KS that we are not going to order a pizza or take away, and that he is instead going to help me peel that three potatoes I’m tossing in our minestrone. What I’m trying to say is that somehow I find inacceptable (for myself) not to cook something for dinner. Mind you, I don’t think the others should cook: it’s just that I cannot avoid it.

My first job in a kitchen was in a pizza place in the UK, probably in 1999 (but it may be 1998), and I remember it a something completely crazy and out of control: the place was run by a bunch of Italian guys who were completely crazy (and totally keen on partying until 6AM), andtwisting pizza dough over your head while screaming was not only acceptable, but also encouraged.
While in business school, I lived for a while (almost one year, but I would go home on weekends) at my boyfriend’s parents place. The unspoken agreement was that, since I was the one who came home earlier, I would cook dinner. At this time I started taking an interest in baking, although I was totally unskilled (as at today, I still find it hard to cook in someone else’s kitchen).

Nowadays, Jamie Oliver is my celebrity crush. Every evening I cook dinner for KS and I, and we have guests for dinner at least once a week (but most of the time more often that that). I even bring over a packed lunch at work, and since I’m kind of always trying to shake off a few pounds, most of the time it’s minestrone or some other kind of homemade soup I bring along.
Although I’m vegetarian, I cook meat and fish for KS and for our guests. What I like most is baking. Baking warms up the house in winter, it doesn’t impregnate the kitchen with the smell of food as much as cooking on the stove, and it gives such wonderful looks to the food!!
I am however, waaay better at preparing appetizers and main course, real food I mean, than cakes and desserts. Yet, in September, I had decided I wanted to bake a special birthday cake for my beloved Seb, who happens to be a great rugby fun. This is what I managed to do…

December thoughts

2008-12-03T11:58:00.000+01:00

Sooooooooooo
I know, long time no posts, nothing really funny happened though, I’ll try to recap a few things.

As I told you, on November 10 I drove to Milan to make final arrangements about the job there, and the partner told me “We’ll email you a contract over the week”.
I waited, waited, waited, then gave his assistant a call, waited some more, and finally emailed him. I guess I need to get back in track with the Italian ways: “within the week” in Italian usually means in a month or maybe more.
So this morning I finalmly got a mail from the Italian partner promising he’ll send me the contract in a few days. I’ll be happy when I’ll have it in my hands, but it’s better than nothing I guess. I should begin working there in the beginning of March, so I plan to move in the end of February. Of course, there’ll be the horrible apartment hunting thing to do, but I don’t want to think about it now.

On better news, KS and I are going to London in 10 days to see my friend Gaia and her boyfriend Mark, and I’m sooo looking forward to it! Can you believe I have lived in the UK for almost 2 years and I have never been in London???!!
On even better news, KS and I are visiting his sister in La Réunion (the island next to Madagascar) in February… thanks to our respective jobs (and to my trips to Italy at the time the Panther was ill) we both have enough points with Air France to flight for free, and since we’ll be staying at KS sis it will really cost us very little money… I’m so excited about taking a break in the sun before moving!!

As most of you I’m trying to figure out Xmas presents, I already got those for the Bro’s kids (paymobil zoo and a drawing board), the Panther (Nike running shoes personalized, present I’m buying together with the Sponsor), a CD player for the Sponsor car (together with the Panther) and KS (ski trousers).
I have something in mind for the Bro, but I need to get it, and I still have no clue for the Granparents…

As you have probably heard about the situation in Thailand, for once I am not overworried about Andrea The Hunter: incredible as it is, he has kept in touch since the beginning of the protest, so I know he’s fine and I’m talking to him almost every day. The whole protest has not prevented him to party like crazy… Which means he’s fine…

Coming around again

2008-11-13T11:01:00.000+01:00

November 11 is a national holiday in France (commemoration of the end of World War 1), and in accordance with French traditions, KS and I took a looooong 4 days weekend.
We drove to Italy, in order to see my parents, and I also had a meeting with the partner in charge of HR in the Milan office.
So on Monday morning I dressed up a lot (black suit, 4 inch suede boots and my fave white coat with a white fur neck) and I drove to Milan.
(Why did I drive? Because both trains AND local trasports, tube, everything was on strike. Note to self: you will endure this A LOT once in Milan)
The meeting went GREAT. The partner was very friendly, and he’s sending me the agreement to sign over the week. I still don’t know the exact amount I’ll be gaining, but we talked briefly about it and my hopes are high. I’ll start there on March 2, 2009.
A part from that the weekend was pretty uneventful. We played games, went for walks, enjoyed a bit the Bro’s kids, talked a lot with the Parents. The Sponsor has turned out to have a chronic illness affecting his bones that lets him in ache, but he’s on meds and he feels better (still, he’s taking so much cortisone, if I took all that cortisone I would probably fly instead of run).

Something completely different and unexpected happens… It needs a bit of flashback to be explained.
Since I was a little kid (6 years old or so) I had a very close friend who also was the son of a friend of the Panther, we’ll call him Emi. Growing up we spent a lot of time together, and I missed him a lot when he left for one year for the USA, when we were 17. He was a total geek, but an adorable one, great at telling stories (and making up stories also!), great to exchange books and movies and stuff. Anyway, in high school I had a best friend who was a half Polish half Italian chick, and to make long story short, one day I introduced them to each other, since I thought they had things in common. They got together and I was glad about it, we would do a lot of things together and so on.
When we left for college, Polish Chick and I soon got into a HUGE fight, and for weeks I could not understand why. Then one day on the train I met Emi, and he was as friendly as usual, so we chatted and I avoided talking about Polish Chick, figuring out it was an issue between her and I and it would have been unfair to have him take a position. This until he got a call from her: as soon as he mentioned we met on the train, she hung up on him. He made a face and explained me that Polish Chick was deadly jealous of me.
WTF??? Emi and I never even held hands!!!! And I was so NOT into him, I mean, he’s totally not my kind and they had been together for 2 years or so! Plus, if I had been attracted to him in first place, I wouldn’t have introduced the two of them the way I did!

Anyway, Emi tried to be nice, but soon enough I lost touch with him as well, because what’s the point in being friend with someone who is not even allowed to wave you hello if you cross in the street? I still had news from time to time of the two of them, by Emi’s mother who would tell the Panther, but that’s it. Also, at the time it really hurt losing both my best friends at once, and I really felt lonely for a while (until I made friends with Andrea The Hunter, at least). Even once the pain was over, I always regretted those two friends who were not cool and to whom I could talk about geek things like fantasy books or weird movies, with whom I could dream of adventures for a whole afternoon in an abandoned garden…

Almost seven years have gone since the fight, and a couple of days ago, he asked me as a friend on Facebook. A bit weirded out, I immediately checked his status: single. He had got on Facebook 3 days before, and I was his 5th friend.
So to resume things, we were best friends for 13 years, then his girlfriend forbid him to talk to me for almost seven years, and as soon as they split (because apparently they just broke up) he contacts me. Is it me or this whole thing is a little weird? Makes me thing of the Guns’n’Roses song:
“But it’s been 14 years of silence, it’s been 14 years of pain; it’s been 14 years that are gone forever and I’ll never have again!!”

The worst thing is that I worry about her. Over the years I heard through the grapevine a lot of things: that they didn’t see friends anymore ‘cause she was jealous of everyone, that she totally depended on him. Even worse, I know that her parents fled the country because they were so in debt they had everything taken away, since they both had stopped working, and apparently they disappeared somewhere in Eastern Europe and even her did not have any more news from them.

This people dumped me seven years ago, erasing years spent together just with a few words, telling me they did not need me, and here I am worrying about them…

Mama I'm coming home

2008-11-06T10:10:00.001+01:00

I’ve been waiting to find a way to write this for almost a week. But I did’t come up with anything good, so I guess I’ll just have to jottle it down someway.

The Milan office hired me.

*me doing happy dance*
I’m going down there on Monday to sign a few papers (and to discuss benefits), but it’s done and confirmed, I’ll start there in March.
I am really glad, because lately my office SUCKS big big time, and I really wanna drag my sorry ass out of here…
The Parents were so happy that the Panther went almost histerycal. Then they asked me 10 millions questions (like which part of the city are you going to live in, when are you going to hunt for apartments, what are you going to keep of all the stuff you have in France, blah, blah, blah). Then they went histerycal again.
And honestly? With the Sponsor not going well and all these things going on, the mail of confirmation couldn’t arrive in a better moment!
KS was happy for me, we had of course discussed the thing before I officially applied for Milan, so it didn’t come out of the blue. The plan is that he should move also two or three months after me, to join me, but of course he’ll need to find a job. However, it is likely that he will manage to be transferred within his company (they have a desk in Milan as well), so hopefully everything will go well.

The Parents also promised that they will come over with a truck in order to help me collecting my things and move (or if they don’t feel well enough they’ll have the brothers do it).
I don’t have a lot of rubbish, but my stuff can be described as:
BOOKS. This is the main part of it. I spend thousands (literally) of bucks every year in books, I really read a lot. So, in three years spent here, I have collected A LOT of books, and I have no intention of throwing them away.
PLANTS and FLOWERS. I have a lot of them and love them, and I have no intention to leave them behind (also because KS is NOT reliable when it comes to taking care of plants). Of course a few of them will be offered to friends, but I really want to bring along the biggest and most expensive apartment plants, because anyway I would need to buy new ones in Milan (I hate living in the city, since I’m a country girl I need some green in the house).
CLOTHES. I don’t have tons of them though. And I’m seriously going to take old things to charity and maybe sell a few things on e-bay.
COOKING STUFF. I bake and cook all the time. You may know that I dream about having a catering or a restaurant one day. So I cannot leave this stuff behind, or I’d need to rebuy it. So I’ll have to move a LOT of baking pans and moulds, my cupcake carrier, my kitchen aid,…

Well enough for today!

Where are we going?

2008-10-21T15:11:00.000+02:00

Of course I’m not the first one to discover a crisis is going on, that worldwide banks experience difficulties and so on.
In order to explain the situation, I need to write a note mainly for North Amercian readers, I guess.
In most of Europe, and definetly in France and Italy, you cannot simply “lose your job”. Once you’re past the junior stage, you have a “permanent” contract, and unless you do something very serious, they can’t fire you. I know Americas usually find this weird, but if you see it from the worker side, this is absolutly great.

Anyway, even though the crisis has fully hit down here, we still thought that we would have work to do, probably because my tream is still recovering from the last job and the 7 weeks spent on work leave.
Apparently we were wrong. We all knew that corporate companies would stop M&A deals for a while, but we were confident that Private Equities would instead take advantage of the situation. This would have given us enough work for the following 5 or 6 months.
Instead, today the partner told us that he has already called most of our PE clients, and they are all out of cash, so they don’t consider any deal at the moment. Since the banks are not making any loan, this means no work for the next few months. UGH.
The partner pretty told us that if some of us should decide to quit the Company, it would be good.

Yeah, great, only who the hell does he think would hire us???

So right now most of my coworkers are wondering what will happen to us. Some actually say that withing 6 months or 1 year our job will disappear, at least in continental Europe.
I don’t think it’s so bad, but who knows really?

On my side, I’m waiting for some news from the Milan office, and meanwhile I managed to have myself staffed on a mission for the Paris office in November. And I really hope this shows some people from my office, that while they have nothing to do, the Paris office WANTS ME TO WORK. Just so that we can make things clear about whose work is considered valuable.

Step 1: done!

2008-10-16T10:11:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I finally found the guts to tell the big big boss I want to be transferred to the Milan office. Given the world economy situation, he was pretty cool about it, confiding me that he would surely not mind if someone else would leave as well, since (according to him) we’ll have no business going on for the next few months.
Let me explain that this is pure hypocrisy: my office makes TONS of money. I myself invoice 350 Euros per hour I work to our clients. Out of these, less than 20 get to my pockets. The difference? Well, let’s just say that the big big boss bought a castle last year and renewed it.
So I pretty hate when he complains about the economy, and it’s not about me, because let’s be serious, I do pretty well, okay I work hard but I have no reasons to complain. But in this part of Europe a recent study proved that over 10% of the population lives in poverty, meaning they do not have access to basic services (hospitals, food and a roof over their head). So I hate this hypocrisy.

Anyway…

The only objection the big big boss opposed is that, given the situation, the Milan office may not want to hire at all. Which of course is my main issue about the whole job thing, but you cannot know if you don’t give it a try, right?

So last spring, when I went to Milan to work with people of that office for a week or so, I hinted that I would eventually like to join them on permanent basis. Of course, since it was Milan and I wanted to make good impressions, I had worked my fingers to the bone, as well as dressed up in my best tailleurs during the whole week, and I had even invested in hairdresser.
So at the time, when I mentioned I would eventually like to move to their office, I had some pretty positive answers.
So I called the senior manager I had spoke to, which I’ll refer to as O’Frog, because his family name means frog and due to his red hair, people often refer to him as the Irish.

So I dialled O’Frog’s number and introduced myself this way:

“Hello O’Frog, this is DDgirl from the French office…” (and I was going to ask “Do you remember me?)
His answer “DDgirl! So nice to hear from you!! So did you finally decide to join us?”

In my opinion, this is a good start isn’t it??
We discussed a little, of course the economy may be an issue, but he seemed positive to me and told me he will get in touch with me soon.

So hopefully, fuck my boss, I’ll be out of here in a few months! Yay!!!

PS: A hairdresser appointment is ALWAYS a good investment!!!

Something is starting to fall in its place

2008-10-08T09:02:00.000+02:00

So, as you all know, each time I go to see my parents (which is definitely not often enough..), the leaving is pretty devastating.

A song I really like, half in French and half in English keeps running in my head in these days… I actually rearranged the lyrics:

I walk into the streets, God in my pocket
I walk in the big city, and it’s cold
The Earth is my friend, and sometimes I sleep on it
And I think about my country, which was so small

Farewell my small country, farewell my family
Farewell … Italy! Farewell my lake!

I remember my country, Down Memory Lane
The wind is my best friend: it alays blows for me
Neons in the distance dear as daylight
Sometimes I think that I'm not of this world
I remember this song

Oh farewell my country, my Mediterranean land
Oh farewell Italy, the sun I just can see

I remember the streets, and the nights in Milan
And I’m always a foreigner, at the train station
The wind would blow on me, as far as he could
And I know this sound

Farewell my small country, farewell my family
Farewell … Italy! Farewell my lake!
The sun I just can’t see

Well, to make story short, I finally took matters into my hands and spoke about my leaving to KS over the weekend.
He didn’t take it very well, but not very bad either. I the end we agreed that I’ll try to make arrangements to move in March.
Now if I don’t sound super excited about it is because I still have to talk the company into transferring me to the Milan office, and due to the crisis, this may be harder than expected. But somehow I’ll deal.

Smoke and snow

2008-10-03T15:04:00.002+02:00

I’m still working in the middle of nowhere, and office bookmaker forecast say we’ll stay here for another month. Ouch.

This morning I got up at 6h30 (as I do here at the hotel) to running. Now I always have a hard time running this early in the morning, but I don’t really have the chose as long as I’m staying in this place. The main problem is that days are getting shorter, and today I already had difficulties in seeing my path, because well, at 7AM it’s still night and I run on a trail in the country (I even spotted a fox two weeks ago!)

Today it was even colder than usually (note to self: next week don’t forget bringing a long sleeve top), but while running uphill it was still so dark I didn’t notice what became obvious after breakfast: 200 meters higher on the hills, it has bee snowing all night long.
Now it’s afternoon and the landscape is still pretty much covered in snow. And in case you were wondering, no, this is not normal around here on October 3.

Anyway, in order to shake up the daily routine of the factory I’m staying at, today a fire exercise took place. Which would have been normal, except for here they spread real smoke EVERYWHERE in the building. Now I stink and I’m coughing and afraid my asthma may settle in. Yay!!

I really need to focus on the fact that tonight I’m going clubbing…

PS: I finally read the first Twighlight book, and well, I'm totally a sucker, but I CAN4T WAIT TO RECEIVE BOOK 2!!!!!!

If God will send his angels...

2008-09-30T14:47:00.000+02:00

Things have been busy and complicated, lately…

Ten days ago or so, I called home and the Panther wasn’t there, so I got to talk to the Sponsor who spoke “freely” (he never talks about his health problems with the Panther, since he doesn’t want to worry her). This was great, but it really scared me: after a few minutes he started crying on the phone!! And this is so unlike him I got really really worried.
The thing is, in addition to his health problems, he works way to much and he’s really too tired to keep up with things.
The Sponsor is a cardiologist, and the problem is that he cannot manage to refuse to help anyone who is sick and reaches for him. Which is a great thing, but now, after 9 month of treatment which are giving him a lot of side effects, is tiring him.
Luckily a managed to go home on the next weekend and cheer him up a little, but I’m still worried about him.

Last weekend we celebrated KS weekend, and we had 15 people over for Saturday night (8 staying for the whole weekend), and the party itself went great. I had baked a beautiful cake (I’ll try to post a pic later this week) and prepared lots of food and booze, and everyone seemed happy.
However, KS and I had a MAJOR argument.
After the party we went out and headed to a local pub known for dancing on tables and on the bar. Since getting in can be difficult, we split into small groups and I got in first with Maria and another friend. A song I really like was playing, lots of people were dancing, and I immediately climbed on the bar and started dancing, while watching at the door at the same time, in order to spot the others as soon as they got in and wave at them.
2 or 3 minutes later (I’m sure it was no more than that, because the same song was still playing) KS got in and gestured at me to get down to the floor. I did so carefully, in order not to fall, and as soon as I was stood next to him he shouted at me (I didn’t get a word though, since the music was loud) and then pushed me against the door. Only, he pushed me real hard, and I almost lost my balance, and then he grabbed my arm (and I had bruises on the next day).

Now, I’ve been taught NEVER to let a man raise his hands on me, and he really scared me. Add a little drunkenness, the fact I was tired and everything, and I burst in tears. Instead of excusing himself, KS started arguing with me, because apparently the others did not manage to get in to the club and I made everyone wait (but I know for sure I didn’t stay in for more than 4-5 minutes).
But the thing is that I felt humiliated and pushed and I got scared, and so I broke down and we made a scene in front of everyone.
In the end he asked forgiveness and promised he won’t ever do it again, but he still made me feel guilty for making a scene. We tried two more clubs but they were too busy to get in, so we ended up going back to our place and I went straight to bed. The rest of the weekend was okay, but…

Add to all this that I’ve been working 12 to 15 hours every day for the whole month (and it’s not going to change for at least 2-3 weeks), and most of the time I’m working 2 hours drive from the city. This is not living, it’s surviving.

And if God will send his angels, I could use them here right now...

Someone is coming home..

2008-09-17T16:56:00.000+02:00

Let’s face it: I’m not really working. I keep scrolling through internet sites of recipes, keeping my excel spreadsheet open in case anyone approached my computer.
So, I thought I may as well update my blog, that lately lacks of new posts.

The thing is, although I’m too tired to be efficient today, I’ve been working very hard lately. I have started a new mission at work, for a client that, although not far away, is not exactly next door, requiring almost two hours to go there (plus the go back). So I’ve been away most of the time.
Furthermore, I’m training pretty hard (I try to run 6 miles at least 4-5 times a week, 10KM), and a few days ago I decided to go back to a strictly fruits and vegetables diet (all cereals and potatoes are banned).
Add this to the usual 11 hours working days, and you may guess how tired I am when I go back home at night.
KS birthday is coming up soon, and we’re hosting a big party, as usual. Plus, since we have a lot of friends coming from far, we’ll have 8 people sleeping at our apartment for the whole weekend (27 September). I still have to figure out where I’ll put all of them, and whether I have or not enough plaids, comfys and so on. We’ll see. I’m trying to have a Friday off for the occasion, in order to prepare food, have my hair cut and so on before everyone arrives, but I’m still not sure if I’ll manage to skip work or not. Ugh.

On the family front, I have some updates, although I haven’t been back in Italy since August 17 (ouch).
Crea, my eldest bro, has been dumped by his girlfriend. A little resume of the story: they met when Crea was working over the summer at a diving school when he had just finished grad school. Shortly after, she convinced him to move to Florence (far from where we’re from), so he did not pursue a career in his field (he’s a marine biologist), chose a boring job and left his family all to stay with her. She and I never went along well, mainly because she is jealous
Now in August, Crea lost his job, because his company went for bankruptcy. At the same time, the bitch dumped him. Which could be acceptable, since I can understand that relationships do sometimes end. But what makes me hate her is that she told him that over the 4 years they have been together, she has never been in love with him, but she wanted to have someone beside her because of her family issues (her bro is a psycho, lives in a psycho hospital).
Now Crea is such a great person, always generous, friendly and open hearted, never mean, and he really did not deserve something like this.

The good thing in this whole shitty situation is that he will most likely move back at the lake, so he’ll be close to the family, and I’ll get to see him much more!!!!

Summer is almost over

2008-08-25T10:51:00.000+02:00

Ladiiiiieees and gentlemen !!
DDgirl is back !!!

Okay, I didn’t post for a while, as you all know I’ve been in Italy until August 17 to see the Parents, and then I was too lazy…
While on vacation, I took KS hiking the Mont Rose, 4.554mt AND his first 4K!!! It was actually his birthday present, and although it’s been a bit tough for him, he was really happy afterwards. We also spent a few days together by the lake, with my Parents, and then he left to go hiking for a few days with his dad, while I spent one more week with my Parents, doing a LOT of sport, relaxing a bit and enjoying my annual gala dinner of August 15.

Sadly, I’ve been back to work for one week already…

But, last weekend, it was KS’ dad 50th birthday party.
On Friday night we drove to their place (in southern France, about one hour and a half from our home). I had baked A LOT of cakecups on Thursday, and although it was tough to pack them for the journey, I managed to deliver them to KS mother all intact!!!
On Saturday we just hanged out all day by the swimming pool, playing water games, volley, eating, drinking and so on. By Saturday evening there were 40 people there, and we had roasted a pig on a fire in the backyard.
Side note: as you may or may not no, I don’t eat any meat or fish, but I don’t have big problems cooking it. However, it really annoys me when people spend half an hour crying out “Look at that poooooor piggy, his nose is sooo cute” and then when I serve it on their plate eat like it was their last meal. Either you don’t eat meat, either you shut up, but please do not give me all that hypocrisy! (the best thing is shut up anyway and let eat those who want to. In the end, KS’ brother in law and I were the ones who had to cut the meat in pieces when it was cooked, since no one else had the gut to do it!! I mean how stupid is that?

Oh, and there was also an embarrassing moment when KS uncle (married to his father sister) approached me commenting my bikini and then grabbed my ass. I tried not to make a scene, but cried out “Hey KS, your uncle is touching my ass and you just stand and watch?” Everyone laughed and the stupid asshole did not dare to approach anymore, so I guess I acted right (I really did not want to make a scene, but he needed to be put in his place!!)

Okay that’s all for now!!

PMSing

2008-07-30T17:27:00.005+02:00

I'm really in the blue, I hope it's because I'm totally on PMS.

KS is on vacation with friends, at the end of the week he's coming back and we're both heading to Italy, where he's staying one week and I'm staying two weeks.

Work is boring lately, plus although I had a good increase (+15%) I had less than half of the bonus I was expecting, and this is really depressing considering the times I have been working over 1é hours per day this year.

I mean, once I have paid the tax in September, my bonus will be gone, so it feels more like a joke than like a remuneration for my efforts.

Even worse, I have the impression that no matter what I'll do, I'll be in need of dieting and training for the rest of my life, and it makes me feel awful.

I really have no desire of going out with my friends who would surely complain about their ex boyfriends. But at night, I realize that I haven't done a single thing I have enjoied during the day, literaly I spend my time working, running and thinking about food I must not eat. Reading a good book or watching a good movie (I do both before sleeping) IS NOT ENOUGH to make me happy right now.

The weather is grey, wet and hot, maybe I need the storm to break, and my period to come.

Or maybe I need a new life

60 things (stolen from Shelly and PCS)

2008-07-23T12:32:00.001+02:00

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Mmm I walk… I mean, I do drive but I don’t own a car!

2. When was the last time you threw up?
No clue… a few months ago.. I don’t puke when I’m drunk, but as soon as I eat something that is not perfectly healthy or so, I puke it…

3. What's your favourite curse word?
Mmm I swear in Italian… but I should really stop it

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
KS, Michele (former colleague) and Sexy

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
I was varnishing the parquet of the bathroom (no kidding)

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
I was walking to work!

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
I’ll probably be painting the second layer of varnish on the parquet

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yeah, and it was B.O.R.I.N.G.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
I talked to KS on the phone, so it was “je t’embrasse, a plus” (like I kiss you, c u later)

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Hazelnut and chocolate!! But I’m on a diet, sniff sniff

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Coffee

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Special Ks and half skimmed milk, for breakfast

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Ouch… I bought a cute dress for a gala dinner I have on August 15, and also a skirt for work (but the latter only costed me 10 Euros: hey, sales are on!) oh, and a swimsuit for the Panther

15.When was the last time you ran?
Yesterday about 6 miles (10km)

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
I really don’t watch any sport

18. Who is the last person you emailed?
The Sponsor (aka Dad)

19. Ever go camping?
Yes. The best time I was 18 and left with both my Bros, heading to Austria: we had planned 1 week and we only came back after 2 months!!!

20. Do you have a tan?
Yes, because I spend outdoor as much time as possible (otherwise I’m as white as milk)

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Nope

25. What did your last IM say?
It was work related (I only use IM to talk to colleagues located in other cities, mostly Paris and Milan)

26. Are you someone's best friend?
Yes, Maria!

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
I hope to work as little as possible. I’ll sure go running. And I’d like to go to the movies

28. Where is your mom right now?
Home. Which means, in another country, far away

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
My mess on my desk

30. What color is your watch?
Iron and lilac

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
I think it must be nice but it’s really too far away….

32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
I don’t think so. But I dream of losing my fat without efforts!!!

33. What is your birthstone?
No clue!!

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Drive thru practically don’t exist around here, hey, Southern Europe is all about slow food!!

35.How many kids do you want?
I don’t know yet

36. Do you have a dog?
No, but when I was a kid I had a huge Saint Bernard (my parents bought it for me, and he really was my personal bodyguard)

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
KS (boyfriend)

38. Have you met anyone famous?
I don’t think so

39. Any plans today?
Meet KS who needs to hit the sales to buy a few things (but I’m not buying anything today!!)

40. How many states have you lived in?
“States” doesn’t mean anything around here.. But I have lived in Italy, England, Switzerland and France

41. Ever go to college?
Done!

42. Where are you right now?
At my desk at work, but not for long LOL

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Having to decide when to move

44. Last song listened to?
The rhythm of my heart, by Rod Stewart, while working this morning (I’m such a loser!!)

46. Are you allergic to anything?
All kind of pollens, some seafood, absinth, metals

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Jogging shoes!!!!

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
Sometimes I’m jealous of Andrea the Hunter, but I don’t think he’s happier than me

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
Yes…. Hey, that’s life!

51. What time is it?
Time for lunch!

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes.

53. Do you eat healthy?
Almost always

54. What do you usually do during the day?
I work, I run at noon, I go home at night, cook dinner, feed KS and then we do something together (a game, a film,…)

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
Not really

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yes

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
27 (but not until June 2009). It’s freaking me out.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
what's that?

60. How did you get one of your scars?
I fell from a rock and got 15 stitches on the head. Luckily it’s completely hidden by my hair!!!

A thought for the one who is BRAVE

2008-07-18T15:33:00.001+02:00

Although this is not an international news, and it’s very likely that no one but a few Italian readers know about it, today my mind is focused on Pakistan.

During the week, an Italian expedition has tried to climb a new route on the Nanga Parbat, which is considered one of the hardest mountains in the world (with the K2), although “only” the 9th highest peak.
The chef of the expedition (Karl Unterkircher) has died yesterday, leaving the other two members (who are way less experienced) alone and in trouble. They are alive for sure, and today they were reported to be at 7,000mt, but they’re apparently in difficulties and have only climbed up about 4,000mt in the whole day.

I happen to be friend, through my dad, with one of the 6 men in the world who has climbed all the 8,000 without oxygen, whose nickname is Gnaro. We’re friends, because he’s from the same place I’m from and he’s a nice guy, who sometimes took me climbing when I was a teenager.
In our area (the Mont Rose) he has a reputation which is not only related to his climbing ability. He has rescued a lot of people in the Alps, people who were in danger or badly hurt. He is known to be the one who will manage to go where no one else has dared to, in order to save someone. He has also rescued a few people on the Everest (took a Russian guy downhill by himself once, carrying him on his shoulders fro 8,100 to the camp), and he saved a Spanish climber on the Nanga Parbat in 2005 (she lost her toes, but she’s alive thanks to him).
I myself, when in doubt about the conditions of the mountain and therefore wondering whether to climb or not somewhere with my skis, always ask him his opinion. A few years ago I was freeriding in the middle of a snow storm, when I thought I heard something, and then met Gnaro and three other guides, with trained dogs: a guy was reported as missing and lost in the storm. I had crossed him while I was still climbing up, and so they asked me to join them and two hours later we found the guy: I was so proud I had been able to help him!!!

Now I’d like to say that this man has now finished his 8k career. He’s turned 50, has climbed the last 8k last year, has a wife and two kids. He still works in the rescue corps in the Alps, and it’s already dangerous enough.

Yesterday morning he has been called concerning the two climbers currently in difficulties on the Nanga Parbat, and yesterday afternoon he caught a flight to Islamabad and is now at the base camp of the Nanga Parbat: tomorrow, together with another guy, they’ll try to rescue the expedition.
Mind you, they won’t get paid for this. They won’t get any benefit, they’ll only manage to risk their lives (and the risk is material) in the hope of saving the two others’ ones.

I’ll think of them and hope with all my heart that all goes well. And I’ll be proud of sharing my origins with these guys, no matter if they’ll manage to rescue the expedition or not.

You're a braveheart. Tonight, and tomorrow, Gnaro, my heart will be with you.

One step too far

2008-07-15T16:15:00.000+02:00

Last weekend I went back to my Parents’ place, and it wasn’t easy.
Besides from the usual feelings (each time it’s harder to leave when it’s time to come back to France, and so on…), the Sponsor is NOT feeling good.
As much as he may act as if everything’s all right, he actually has also appendicitis and the beginning of a hernia.
He also has had problems with a leg muscle mast week (enough to be using crutches for a week or so.
Not to mention that today he’s going to the hospital for another chemo treatment (the 7th since he begun them in December), which won’t be the last.
Oh, did I mention that the man is too stubborn to stay home on sick leave, and instead goes on working 10 hours (sometimes 14) shifts (he’s a doc in a heart hospital)?

Just in case you forgot the DDfamily is all made of crazy people…

So my issues about being here, far away and everything, get stronger and stronger.
KS does not understand what I’m going through, mainly because:

1. He thinks that if my father was really feeling bad he would stay home (but he doesn’t know him like I do, of course: I’m the perfect daughter for my father after all, going to the office when I’ve got over 100F of temperature..)

2. He’s French, meaning that if his parents are sick, it’s their problem. KS isn’t a bastard, it’s just that down here they don’t have the same concept of family we have in Italy.

So while I dream of moving, he has started fixing the bathroom (new shower, new floor, new lining on the walls…)

I am clearly not moving by September as I had originally planned, because I was hoping I could work things out and wait to move ‘till KS is ready to do it. But time flies, and we only live once, so by the end of the year decisions will have to be taken. I only need the guts to do it.

99 random things

2008-07-10T11:59:00.002+02:00

Everyone is doing it, so…

99 random things about me:

My nickname refers to my job: I work in Due-Diligence, and there are very few girls in this job
I sure do not have double D bra size…
My family is small but complicated
I’m Italian but I live in France
I have an older brother (Bro) who is 31
Bro is married to the German, and they live in Italy
They have two kids (3 and a half and 2 years old)
I miss my family
My Parents are 58 and 59 years old
They are not as healthy as they used to be
And I worry about them a lot
I would like to move in with my Parents
And it’s weird, because I left when I was 18 and at that time I just wanted to go away from them
I love KS, my boyfriend
But sometimes I don’t think we will last
Because I can’t spend the rest of my life here
Wherever I’ll go, I’ll be missing someone
I hate this
I’ve been engaged for one year
When B. dumped me, my family was very very supportive
But I left and moved here, because I couldn’t stand things
Although I make mistakes, for me it’s the same to speak English, French or Italian
I also speak a little German and Spanish
And a few words of Portuguese and Greek
But I think knowing a language is only useful if you’re fluent. Otherwise, it’s pretty useless
I’m listening to “Hotel California” performed by Gipsy Kings
When I was younger I spent a lot of time in England
I think it was almost two years
I used to think I wanted to live in England
Today I wouldn’t move to England for anything in the world
Because I want to live in the Alps
Freeriding and mountaineering ski are probably my favourite activity
There is no pain that I cannot forget when I’m skiing in the middle of nowhere and it’s snowing
One winter, when I was in grad school, I skied over 90 days
Because in the alps you can do mountaineering ski until May, sometimes until June
I love Italian food
My Mom is the best cook in the world
I dream to quit my job and open a catering near my Parents’ place
My family is pretty wealthy
But they rely on me for everything that is not money
My Parents used to be very independent people
Now they do almost nothing without at least consulting me
They don’t do this with Bro
Bro relies a lot on me as well
Although I’m the youngest and I live abroad
I think it’s because they get old
It scares me
In Italy, most women take care of their parents and have them move in with their family when they’re old
I think this is great
I don’t want my Parents ending up alone, or even worse in a hospital
I love baking
I love Rod Stewart when he sing “never will I roam, for I know my place is home”
I learn songs by heart just by listening them once or twice, and never forget them
As long as they’re in English, Italian or French (sometimes German)
I wish it was that easy for me to learn more useful things
I always sing
This can be very annoying for other people
I had my first kiss at 14
I was in England
He was Spanish
I had sex for the first time at 16
With Leo, my first boyfriend
We’ve been together for one year and a half
We are in good terms and I think he’s a great guy
I slept with too many boys
I’ve tried drugs
I don’t regret it
But I wouldn’t do it again
I think I’ll never really completely get over B.
And I really hate his wife
But this is my worst secret
I should lose weight
But I find it hard while living with my boyfriend
I only have one real friend around here
I miss my Italian friends
I’m going to escape from the office for an hour or so
Because I really want to buy those pink cargos I saw on sale
I’m a bit vain
And I like when a guy checks me out
I need holidays so badly
I could spend the whole day reading and laying in sun
I want to go back to Italy badly
I’m only here because of my boyfriend
I wonder if it’s worth it
I used to be a hard rebel kid
It’s weird, because today I think my family is the most important thing in the world
I feel conventional
I have red stains on my right hand since this morning
It’s an allergic reaction, but I dunno to what
It seems dirty
I love animals
I own a cat and a goose. They both answer when called by name
They stay at my parents’ place. There are also 3 donkeys, hens, a rabbit, a turtle and my brother’s dog.
I still miss the dog I had, a Saint Bernard my Parents bought me when I was a little kid, he died when I was in college
He really was my bodyguard
KS father is arriving at our place tonight
He’s staying 3 days
And I don’t know what to cook
So I totally need to go to the supermarket!

Have a nice day, I hope you aren’t bored to death!

2008-07-08T17:30:00.002+02:00

Deadly sins TMI!!!!

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?

Mmmm I dunno if you like this answer, but the truth is, I occasionally lust for Sexy. It’s not like I really want him (I totally could have him any moment), it’s just a memory or a fantasy. I think is also because sex with him has always been great fun!!

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?

French fries!!!! But I’ll never manage to say no to good, homemade Italian pasta!

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?

Shoes. I never buy expensive shoes.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?

By the lake, at Parents’ place, sun tanning, reading, occasionally bathing in the lake, and aperitif at my neighbour (always by the lake)

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.

I don’t often let my anger out…

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?

Girls with a better looking body than mine…

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?

The worst time, of course, was when B. dumped me. I ended up moving, so much I couldn’t stand the situation.

Still, I am proud of how I did in life so far anyway.

PS on SEXY

Last night Sexy sent out one of those mails with questions about yourlself, to fill in with your details and circulate to your friends. Some of his answers (he sent the same message to 10 friends):

Who is the sexiest person you know? DDgirl
Who is the weirdest persont you know? DDgirl

I totally adore Sexy!!!!!

Sick!

2008-07-03T17:38:00.000+02:00

For once, I have a better excuse for not posting that work.
You do believe me, don’tcha?

I’ve been awfully sick, and by awfully I mean that on Tuesday morning (4 AM) my temperature was 103.7F. Needless to say, with my usual chance I was home alone (KS was away for work). It took me almost 15 minutes to crawl to the bathroom to get an aspirin, and then crawl back in bed.
So I spent most of the week crawling from bed to work (I had a deadline I couldn’t miss) and from work to bed. The great thing in all this is I lost two kilos, which I was so trying to do!!!

Anyway, I don’t have anything interesting to say, so I’ll give you a bit of Wednesday Weirdness, even if it’s Thursday…

1. Do you ever do your own fireworks show in celebration of the 4th of July? Do you go watch a display somewhere else? How do you celebrate?
In Europe July 4 doesn’t have any special meaning… I my hometown there are great fireworks by the lake at August end, and when I was younger my Bros, me and a bunch of friends would pile in our small boat with beers to enjoy the show.

2. Do you ever buy extra fireworks while you can to stockpile and have extras packed away for whenever you feel like using them?
I don’t like private fireworks, because too often in my country they caused fires or they hurt people.

3. Would you ever get anything below the waist pierced?
No frigging way!!!

4. Would you ever join the military?
No frigging way!! And by the way, dating someone who is in the army is a big no no for me. I don’t want to be involved with anyone who has a gun, or who needs a gun to do his job.

5. What is your favorite kind of cheese?
I LOVE ALL kind of cheese, and since I live in France I can have plenty of different cheese!! My fave right now is “buche de chevre”, but I’m also mad about Pecorino

6. What are three things are you terrible at?
Ironing
Teaching
Being nice when I feel awful

7. Do you always wash your hands after you use the restroom?
Yes (at least I hope I always do!)

Crazy week!

2008-06-29T14:25:00.004+02:00

Once again, work has become nuts last week. On Saturday night, while I was in Italy for the weekend to celebrate the Sponsor's birthday, I got an sms from a senior manager of the Paris office:

From: Senior Manager

To: DDgirl

Hey DDgirl! we have to provide additional information and analyses to our client, and a report to issue for Monday evening. I understand from your ususal manager (agreed with the partner) that you could come up to Paris on Monday for the day. I do not know if you were aware. Please call me on my mobile so we can discuss. Thanx have a nice wekend. SM.

Now, first of all, since she had not picked up the damned phone to tell me before, of course I was not aware. Secondly I was on another project (I still am) and I was already running late on it, so that would mean losing a whole day on my prior project.

Furthermore, during the whole weekend the railway site often does not work.

So I got up at 4:30 AM on Monday, went to the rilway station and jumped on the 5:30 bullet train to Paris. Of course it was full, so I had to stand into the bar wagon for two solid hours. Once in Paris, our ffice is almost one hour from the station, so I jumped into the cab I had booke on the evening before (gettin a cab on monday morning in paris = crazy), and continued working on project 1 on the whole way.

When I finally got to the Paris office, the Senior Manager was not there (8:30) because she has kids and she's always late in the morning. Let me say tht I hate someone who makes you wake up at 4:30 in the morning and than cannot manage herself to be on time.

The good thing is I could continue working on project 1 until she finally dragged her butt to the office 9:30AM!!!!! WTF!!!!

Now let me explain that the reason I'm the only one who is able to work on this job is that the whole documentation is only available in Italian, and noone but me is fluent in Italian in the whole French office (we're talking about 3000 people). Anyway.

By this time I had talked to my usual boss on the phone, and she had made me promise I would be back in my city office on Tuesday morning, and not to be too tired because we were going to have a tough week (great...)

Needless to say, even by skipping lunch we were still far from issuing a report by 8:30PM. At this point, I was granted permission to leave, which means I managed to take the bullet train leaving at 10PM and that I was at home at 12:15.

Of course I went to the office at 7AM on Tuesday morning... So it was a crazy week, and so will be next one.

The cute thing is that one of my best friends from college who now lives in London (we'll call her business girl, because she has a great creer going on) came to visit me and KS with her boyfriend (The Icelander, because he's from Iceland and I don't know anyone else from Iceland, even though they both live in London now...).

It was so good to be able to catch up and gossip, to complain about our expat situation, to go shopping together and all this stuff! Plus the boys did get along very well, so we're planning to visit them in London at the end of the summer, whih is great, especially sinc ealthough I used to live in England, well, I've never been in London!!

Okay, just because I had said I would post it, this is a picture of the cake I've prepared for my dad's and my birthdays...