In one hour I’m seeing Lou.
I haven’t seen him in a couple of months, and I look like shit. Hell, I feel like shit.
The bronchitis survived (nourished on?) two cycles of antibiotics, and I’ve started the third which has not yet kicked in. I’m even running a slight temperature. On top, my allergies are driving me crazy.
I know, Lou is just a friend, but when you don’t see a friend very often, you’d still like to look at least nice, am I wrong? Oh, on top, I am up to 130lbs. Which, in a way that has nothing to do with Lou, makes me want to swear like a sailor.
I mean, what’s wrong with me? I have male friends I’d NEVER EVER even consider kissing (not even in drunken dementia), but I still want them to think I’m attractive. Hell, I even want Bro to think I’m attractive.
It’s like that, I’m a silly blonde girl!
Of course, I care about Lou’s opinion on my appearance more than Bro’s opinion. Because let’s face it, Lou is hot. He rocks the best 6 pack I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I don’t want him to hit on me, I want him as a friend. But possibly, as a friend who thinks I’m hot.
Which is not gonna happen today considering my eyes and my nose are pouring, my voice sounds weirder than ever, and generally speaking, I look like someone just punched me on the head.
Whatever.
I’m starting a new project on Monday, which most likely means I won’t take care of the project in Casablanca (sgrunt sgrunt), but at least this one will allow me to work from the office.
Well the good thing is I’m leaving the office at 3.30 to meet Lou, I’ll drink something with him (likely, fresh orange juice, given my condition), and by 5PM I’ll be home tucked in bed. Youppie!
Showing posts with label DRAMA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DRAMA. Show all posts
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
So you thought this was a fairy tale
I feel like crying right now.
As most of you, my readers, know, I’ve been training VERY hard, over the last few months, with an objective: doing the Haute Route ski tour. From Chamonix to Zermatt and then to Saas Fee, from Mont Blanc to Cervin (Matterhorn) to Mont Rose, the best mountaineering ski tour of the world. Phisically challenging, I begged to obtain a week off from work, worked miracles to organize everything, trained until my legs would ache badly.
But that was great, you know? Because the Haute Route is always an amazing experience. Even more so because we had planned to do it together, the Sponsor, Bro and I, with a good friend of us who is also a guide.
Work almost fucked up everything, because just yesterday I found out on Sunday 18 I have to leave for 15 days to go to Morocco (and don't even try saying how cool that is because it's FUCKING UN-COOL. It will be 15 working days with no days off, in some stupid outskirt of Casablanca. I hate it already). I rearranged everything in order to be back from the Haute Route on Saturday 17 at latest.
Fighting with allergies that are really kicking me off, I spent the last couple days doing miracles at work in order to be able to leave tonight and be off next week. And the allergies, they’re bad. Yes, all the running helped with the Asthma, but my eyes are always so puffy and swollen, and of course I feel like I have the worst cold ever and have troubles sleeping. And I DON’T WANT to take cortisone this year, because it’s unhealthy, it gives me insomnia and makes me fat. But that doesn’t matter because a week in the snow will halp greatly you know? No allergies up there!
But then of course, today we realized the weather forecasts on that part of the Alps are so bad we cannot possibly leave before Wednesday, because it would be too fucking dangerous. And of course, since I have to be back by Sunday morning in any case, we won’t be able to ski the whole Haute Route.
Is this childish?
Maybe. But I really put so much effort into this, and I’m so tired, I can’t help feeling really sad.
Take me back,
to the rivers of believe,
my friend:
I'll look inside my heart
I'll look inside my soul
I promise you I will return.
(...)
we'll rest our knees, on my rivers of belief
As most of you, my readers, know, I’ve been training VERY hard, over the last few months, with an objective: doing the Haute Route ski tour. From Chamonix to Zermatt and then to Saas Fee, from Mont Blanc to Cervin (Matterhorn) to Mont Rose, the best mountaineering ski tour of the world. Phisically challenging, I begged to obtain a week off from work, worked miracles to organize everything, trained until my legs would ache badly.
But that was great, you know? Because the Haute Route is always an amazing experience. Even more so because we had planned to do it together, the Sponsor, Bro and I, with a good friend of us who is also a guide.
Work almost fucked up everything, because just yesterday I found out on Sunday 18 I have to leave for 15 days to go to Morocco (and don't even try saying how cool that is because it's FUCKING UN-COOL. It will be 15 working days with no days off, in some stupid outskirt of Casablanca. I hate it already). I rearranged everything in order to be back from the Haute Route on Saturday 17 at latest.
Fighting with allergies that are really kicking me off, I spent the last couple days doing miracles at work in order to be able to leave tonight and be off next week. And the allergies, they’re bad. Yes, all the running helped with the Asthma, but my eyes are always so puffy and swollen, and of course I feel like I have the worst cold ever and have troubles sleeping. And I DON’T WANT to take cortisone this year, because it’s unhealthy, it gives me insomnia and makes me fat. But that doesn’t matter because a week in the snow will halp greatly you know? No allergies up there!
But then of course, today we realized the weather forecasts on that part of the Alps are so bad we cannot possibly leave before Wednesday, because it would be too fucking dangerous. And of course, since I have to be back by Sunday morning in any case, we won’t be able to ski the whole Haute Route.
Is this childish?
Maybe. But I really put so much effort into this, and I’m so tired, I can’t help feeling really sad.
Take me back,
to the rivers of believe,
my friend:
I'll look inside my heart
I'll look inside my soul
I promise you I will return.
(...)
we'll rest our knees, on my rivers of belief
Monday, January 04, 2010
Happy twentyten!!!
Happy New Year, my loyal readers!
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.
I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.
My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.
Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.
But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.
And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.
I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.
The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.
On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.
Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.
The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.
Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:
Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.
I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.
My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.
Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.
But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.
And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.
I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.
The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.
On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.
Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.
The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.
Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:
Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo
Monday, November 09, 2009
Thou shall honour the Panther
7 weeks to Christmas, and it’s time to get over The Rut I’ve been in.
After getting out of the office later than 10PM every single night in over 6 weeks, a few days ago I went home at half past seven, which seemed kind of a miracle. Being in The Rut, however, I started depressing over the fact that I didn’t have anything planned and therefore it was bound to be a useless night. An hour later, however, a colleague called me and proposed drinks at his place, since we live in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to decline, I was already home ironing in my PJ, but something clicked inside my mind and I said sure, let me throw on jeans and a sweater and I’ll be over in ten minutes.
We just hanged out and drank a beer, and I called it a night pretty early, but the simple fact that small good things happen when I’m not even hoping for them, and that I grab occasions instead of laying on my couch in PJ pants, well, that’s a good sign I may be getting out of The Rut.
7 weeks to Xmas… and I’m PANICKING about presents!
I’m freaking a bit about Xmas itself actually, because of some recent FAMILY DRAMA I still haven’t blogged about. Guess it’s time to do it…
Last weekend I was at the Parents’ place, and the Sponsor was working, so I asked Granny and her sister (also known as The Lerders), Bro’s family (he was working as well) for dinner and I insisted with the Panther on preparing everything while she rested a while: we had already had Bro’s kids over for lunch and part of the afternoon, which usually proves an extenuating experience. So I put a nice dinner together and we all had a good time; and when Bro came at 9PM I put together something for him to eat as well, before he and his Weird Wife could get their kids and head home.
By the time they were ready to go, the Lerders were ready as well, so I asked Bro if he could drive them home: Granny lives in the same building he does, so I thought she could go home with Weird Wife, while Bro could drive home the other Lerder.
Within one minute the situation degenerated: Bro started arguing with the Panther over the “drive the Lerders home” subject, and I shall be damned if I understood why, but all of a sudden he told the Panther to go fuck herself.
Like that.
In front of the Lerders (who are 86 and 82 years old).
To the Panther, who has never sworn in her whole life. The Panther, who paid for Bro’s family’s house and feeds and takes care of his two kids about 4 days a week.
Silence fell over the place, and Weird Wife, for once, stepped in in a good way by telling me she would take care of the Lerders (which were staring in shock at the scene).
Now trust me when I say this is NOT something the family will get over soon. At this point I really hope Bro’s family will drive to Germany for Xmas to see Weird Wife’s parents. But somehow I don’t think this is going to happen (although they plan to do it, I’m sure by December 20 Bro will find an excuse).
The Panther (who always chooses me to vent about Bro) doesn’t want to talk about it, and hasn’t told the Sponsor either, which is a very bad sign. Although I AM angry at Bro, when he tried to discuss the matter with me I just told him it was a big mistake, and that if he has issues with the Panther he shall not humiliate her in front of Granny, and he said I was right. I still don’t want to talk about it with him, because I’d probably tell him he’s an asshole and we’d end up fighting. So I guess I’ll just have to wait for things to smooth.
After getting out of the office later than 10PM every single night in over 6 weeks, a few days ago I went home at half past seven, which seemed kind of a miracle. Being in The Rut, however, I started depressing over the fact that I didn’t have anything planned and therefore it was bound to be a useless night. An hour later, however, a colleague called me and proposed drinks at his place, since we live in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to decline, I was already home ironing in my PJ, but something clicked inside my mind and I said sure, let me throw on jeans and a sweater and I’ll be over in ten minutes.
We just hanged out and drank a beer, and I called it a night pretty early, but the simple fact that small good things happen when I’m not even hoping for them, and that I grab occasions instead of laying on my couch in PJ pants, well, that’s a good sign I may be getting out of The Rut.
7 weeks to Xmas… and I’m PANICKING about presents!
I’m freaking a bit about Xmas itself actually, because of some recent FAMILY DRAMA I still haven’t blogged about. Guess it’s time to do it…
Last weekend I was at the Parents’ place, and the Sponsor was working, so I asked Granny and her sister (also known as The Lerders), Bro’s family (he was working as well) for dinner and I insisted with the Panther on preparing everything while she rested a while: we had already had Bro’s kids over for lunch and part of the afternoon, which usually proves an extenuating experience. So I put a nice dinner together and we all had a good time; and when Bro came at 9PM I put together something for him to eat as well, before he and his Weird Wife could get their kids and head home.
By the time they were ready to go, the Lerders were ready as well, so I asked Bro if he could drive them home: Granny lives in the same building he does, so I thought she could go home with Weird Wife, while Bro could drive home the other Lerder.
Within one minute the situation degenerated: Bro started arguing with the Panther over the “drive the Lerders home” subject, and I shall be damned if I understood why, but all of a sudden he told the Panther to go fuck herself.
Like that.
In front of the Lerders (who are 86 and 82 years old).
To the Panther, who has never sworn in her whole life. The Panther, who paid for Bro’s family’s house and feeds and takes care of his two kids about 4 days a week.
Silence fell over the place, and Weird Wife, for once, stepped in in a good way by telling me she would take care of the Lerders (which were staring in shock at the scene).
Now trust me when I say this is NOT something the family will get over soon. At this point I really hope Bro’s family will drive to Germany for Xmas to see Weird Wife’s parents. But somehow I don’t think this is going to happen (although they plan to do it, I’m sure by December 20 Bro will find an excuse).
The Panther (who always chooses me to vent about Bro) doesn’t want to talk about it, and hasn’t told the Sponsor either, which is a very bad sign. Although I AM angry at Bro, when he tried to discuss the matter with me I just told him it was a big mistake, and that if he has issues with the Panther he shall not humiliate her in front of Granny, and he said I was right. I still don’t want to talk about it with him, because I’d probably tell him he’s an asshole and we’d end up fighting. So I guess I’ll just have to wait for things to smooth.
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