I feel like crying right now.
As most of you, my readers, know, I’ve been training VERY hard, over the last few months, with an objective: doing the Haute Route ski tour. From Chamonix to Zermatt and then to Saas Fee, from Mont Blanc to Cervin (Matterhorn) to Mont Rose, the best mountaineering ski tour of the world. Phisically challenging, I begged to obtain a week off from work, worked miracles to organize everything, trained until my legs would ache badly.
But that was great, you know? Because the Haute Route is always an amazing experience. Even more so because we had planned to do it together, the Sponsor, Bro and I, with a good friend of us who is also a guide.
Work almost fucked up everything, because just yesterday I found out on Sunday 18 I have to leave for 15 days to go to Morocco (and don't even try saying how cool that is because it's FUCKING UN-COOL. It will be 15 working days with no days off, in some stupid outskirt of Casablanca. I hate it already). I rearranged everything in order to be back from the Haute Route on Saturday 17 at latest.
Fighting with allergies that are really kicking me off, I spent the last couple days doing miracles at work in order to be able to leave tonight and be off next week. And the allergies, they’re bad. Yes, all the running helped with the Asthma, but my eyes are always so puffy and swollen, and of course I feel like I have the worst cold ever and have troubles sleeping. And I DON’T WANT to take cortisone this year, because it’s unhealthy, it gives me insomnia and makes me fat. But that doesn’t matter because a week in the snow will halp greatly you know? No allergies up there!
But then of course, today we realized the weather forecasts on that part of the Alps are so bad we cannot possibly leave before Wednesday, because it would be too fucking dangerous. And of course, since I have to be back by Sunday morning in any case, we won’t be able to ski the whole Haute Route.
Is this childish?
Maybe. But I really put so much effort into this, and I’m so tired, I can’t help feeling really sad.
Take me back,
to the rivers of believe,
my friend:
I'll look inside my heart
I'll look inside my soul
I promise you I will return.
(...)
we'll rest our knees, on my rivers of belief
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Friday, April 09, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
...and again. Plus, something incredible
Now, in first place I want to tell you something amazing that happened on Sunday.
I saw three wolves. No, not in a zoo. Free wolves, hunting in the mountains. At no more than 500 meters from us.
I am used to see wild animals, just last Saturday I saw a fox in the woods not far from home, but wolves? I never thought I’d ever see wild wolves in my life.
It was an incredible experience, also because I was skiing and I kept seeing them for a couple of minutes (that’s why I’m so sure they were wolves).
Besides that, the weekend was incredibly exhausting, physically AND emotionally.
Last Saturday I helped the Panther for a tough job: a huge fountain we have in the woods had been, over the last two years, submerged by mud, so we had to dig until it was visible again, and then clean it. Last week I had trained VERY hard, and I was already pretty tired, so this job was pretty much exhausting by itself.
The in the afternoon I ran a couple errands with the Panther, and also bought myself a suit and shoes for the office. We had the grannies over for dinner, and I also stopped by at Bro’s place, so I ended up going to bed without having had a moment for myself, but that was fine because ski touring was planned on Sunday.
And so Sunday morning I woke at 5 (as usual), and went to ski, but the weather was awful and I was feelling sick.
We met the others, and I was relieved to see that B just said hello but did not approach me.
We started hiking, and soon I had to stop to throw up, but at least I managed to do it discreetly and not in front of anyone.
And then we saw the wolves, and that really made me feel better! I kept on hiking, also because we had decided that, given the awful weather, we would just get to the next hut and stop there.
When we got to the hut, I was feeling a bit dizzy, so I stepped right inside thinking I would change my wet clothes. B stepped in right after me, and started talking. He had opened a bottle of beer and (again) offered me some, but I said
“Thanks, but no thanks. Actually I was sick half an hour ago, so no beer for me”
“Sorry to hear that baby”
(Baby? BABY? Who the hell are you calling BABY?)
He went on with small talk, while I took off my sweater, then I realized both my T-shirt and my top were soaked, so I wore my jacket and pulled out my top from underneath (no nakedness in front of B, DDgirl!). I turned around and he was facing me holding a clean sweater
“Here, DDgirl, take my sweater, you’ll be more comfortable”.
“Oh thank-you, that’s not necessary. I’ll put mine next to the stove so it’ll be dry in no time”
(and seriously, B, do you think I’d drink your beer, and then wear your clothes? And then tell me, what would next step be?)
“I insist, wearing windstopper on bare skin cannot be comfortable and I have another clean T-shirt for myself”
“Really B, thank-you but it’s not necessary”
And then I managed to grab all my stuff and get to the other room (where the stove was).
From then on, things declined: I started feeling worse, and the Sopnsor and I soon made our goodbyes, and went home. I felt better for a while and then I plunged into stomach flu, so much that yesterday I called sick at work for the very first time in my life.
This morning I felt way better, so I came to work.
I logged into Facebook and I had two messages, one from an old friend. And one from B.
“How are you? Feeling better?”
I saw three wolves. No, not in a zoo. Free wolves, hunting in the mountains. At no more than 500 meters from us.
I am used to see wild animals, just last Saturday I saw a fox in the woods not far from home, but wolves? I never thought I’d ever see wild wolves in my life.
It was an incredible experience, also because I was skiing and I kept seeing them for a couple of minutes (that’s why I’m so sure they were wolves).
Besides that, the weekend was incredibly exhausting, physically AND emotionally.
Last Saturday I helped the Panther for a tough job: a huge fountain we have in the woods had been, over the last two years, submerged by mud, so we had to dig until it was visible again, and then clean it. Last week I had trained VERY hard, and I was already pretty tired, so this job was pretty much exhausting by itself.
The in the afternoon I ran a couple errands with the Panther, and also bought myself a suit and shoes for the office. We had the grannies over for dinner, and I also stopped by at Bro’s place, so I ended up going to bed without having had a moment for myself, but that was fine because ski touring was planned on Sunday.
And so Sunday morning I woke at 5 (as usual), and went to ski, but the weather was awful and I was feelling sick.
We met the others, and I was relieved to see that B just said hello but did not approach me.
We started hiking, and soon I had to stop to throw up, but at least I managed to do it discreetly and not in front of anyone.
And then we saw the wolves, and that really made me feel better! I kept on hiking, also because we had decided that, given the awful weather, we would just get to the next hut and stop there.
When we got to the hut, I was feeling a bit dizzy, so I stepped right inside thinking I would change my wet clothes. B stepped in right after me, and started talking. He had opened a bottle of beer and (again) offered me some, but I said
“Thanks, but no thanks. Actually I was sick half an hour ago, so no beer for me”
“Sorry to hear that baby”
(Baby? BABY? Who the hell are you calling BABY?)
He went on with small talk, while I took off my sweater, then I realized both my T-shirt and my top were soaked, so I wore my jacket and pulled out my top from underneath (no nakedness in front of B, DDgirl!). I turned around and he was facing me holding a clean sweater
“Here, DDgirl, take my sweater, you’ll be more comfortable”.
“Oh thank-you, that’s not necessary. I’ll put mine next to the stove so it’ll be dry in no time”
(and seriously, B, do you think I’d drink your beer, and then wear your clothes? And then tell me, what would next step be?)
“I insist, wearing windstopper on bare skin cannot be comfortable and I have another clean T-shirt for myself”
“Really B, thank-you but it’s not necessary”
And then I managed to grab all my stuff and get to the other room (where the stove was).
From then on, things declined: I started feeling worse, and the Sopnsor and I soon made our goodbyes, and went home. I felt better for a while and then I plunged into stomach flu, so much that yesterday I called sick at work for the very first time in my life.
This morning I felt way better, so I came to work.
I logged into Facebook and I had two messages, one from an old friend. And one from B.
“How are you? Feeling better?”
Monday, March 15, 2010
Again
Yesterday I drove to the mountains for some good ski-touring with the Sponsor and the ski-touring school crew, as any given Sunday in this season.
We had a great day, sunny weather, a fantastic tour, great snow, and I had a lot of fun with an old friend of mine.
We had a great day, sunny weather, a fantastic tour, great snow, and I had a lot of fun with an old friend of mine.
Of course, B was there as well.
When I stepped out of the car, early in the morning, my above mentioned old friend came to greet me and B came along with him, and he was all like:
“Hey DDgirl, how are you doing? You look like someone who’s slept in the car, wake up!”
(seriously? Why would you care?)
I just said “Hey guys, what’s up? Ready to start the hike?”
I mean, I don’t want to be the one who starts drama, so I kept it cool, but still…
Soon afterwards, we were all getting ready and I put on my wool hat, which is a cute warm white funny thing… with soft deer horns on its sides!
People LOVE my hat, and so did my friend, and we cracked a few jokes about how it would help in case of avalanche (with people only having to look for the horns, and so on).
And again B shouted at me across the parking “Oh COME ON DDgirl!!! What do you wanna mean with that hat??”
(In Italy they say that you’ve got horns when someone cheated on you)
I just laughed and said “The Sponsor gave it to me and I love it!”
“Well it is beautiful” he said.
As soon as the Sponsor was ready we left (B was going with another group, luckily), and let me tell you, I was ready waaayyy faster than usually, because this whole thing of B talking to me was so weird.
We had a GREAT day, as I said, plus the ski patrols all made such good comments on my style I may even start to hope to join the touring ski teachers again…. But I don’t want to build too much expectations, we’ll see how things go next year.
The Sponsor also had fun, even though he was a bit tired, and we really enjoyed our day together.
At the end of the tour, in the afternoon, we caught up with the other groups, near the cars, at a small bar with a big courtyard that was cleaned from the snow and really sunny and warm. Since we had gone for the longest hike, we were the last to get there, and I was happy and suntanned. As I was taking my skis off, B came to me and started asking me how the hike was, and then he gestured towards the beer he was holding and said “Want some?”
“eeeeerrrr no thanks, I’m gonna grab some for the Sponsor and I” I said, and I can only hope the tan I got hid my blushing cheeks.
I mean, what was all this fuzz about? He even took my arm in his hand a couple minutes later to catch my attention.
The worst thing was, we first kissed in that same place!
Next Sunday will probably be the last time I see B this year, and I’m fine with that. I don’t want him messing up with me.
I’m not a saint, and I must admit I’d still like some kind of revenge on him, but I know I’d end up being hurt, so I’m just fine with saying hello from a reasonable distance.
Like I said before, back OFF, B.
(In any case, I had an AMAZING day. AMAZING, people)
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Overheard
It’s been snowing AGAIN (like, hello? It’s March), and since avalanche risk was too high, I didn’t even go skiing. Okay, it’s probably the first non-skiing weekend in 2010, but still… it sucks! At least I managed to go running with the Sponsor on Saturday, and we ran 10km (6 miles, partly uphill), so that’s a good thing.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve run more or less 200km (125 miles more or less). How can I possibly be gaining belly fat? The only truth is: I eat like a pig. True, I eat healthy food, but… I just eat too much, and often I eat carbs late at night (hello, overworked DDgirl!). Whatever. I need to stop stuffing my face with bread.
The RUT is here, but aknowledging it is the first step for fighting it. Well, it seems it's gonna be snowing again starting tonight, and that won't help.
On to next subject.
I overheard the parents, a couple of days ago. I didn’t really mean to, they thought I was sleeping and I was just kind of dozing, and I realized they were talking about me.
Panther: “Why can’t she find someone as good as B? B was better for her. Even I liked B.”
Sponsor: “True. B was great, they made a great couple”
P: “So how come she’s with KS now?”
S: “KS may be Mr. Good Enough, he may not be good enough for you, but she’s doing fine.”
P: “She’d be as fine on her own”
S: “Maybe. And maybe not. At least she’s not after B.”
P: “Why would she?”
S: “You’ve never seen when they meet, since he dumped her. She aches badly, when she sees him. And Weird Wife, who keeps talking to him, so DDgirl has to say hello and be civil as well, that drives me nuts. You should have seen last summer, the day she got her frostbites, you would have thought she was already in pain, right? And then we crossed B and his wife. And DDgirl, all of a sudden, she shrink, she didn’t even look them in the eyes. It was like watching someone who gets kicked in their head and don’t react.”
P: “…”
S: “I reckon it DOES go a little better now. It was worst when she found out he got married. But still, my point is, I’m always afraid one day, if she was alone, she might try and go after him. And that’d be really bad. Because, like she managed to have him once, she may still seduce him. But in the end, he’d always go back to the his wife, just as he did before. And that may really drive DDgirl crazy. So leave her alone and don’t talk about B. You know what? I liked B a lot, but it would have been better if he died. We lost her once, he dumped her and she moved abroad. Had he died, she would have made a reason of it.”
I don’t remember anything after that, I think I really fell asleep. I did not remember this, and then this morning I heard “Goodbye my lover” by James Blunt. And I remembered this conversation, and I thought how The Sponsor is right.
Isn’t he always?
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve run more or less 200km (125 miles more or less). How can I possibly be gaining belly fat? The only truth is: I eat like a pig. True, I eat healthy food, but… I just eat too much, and often I eat carbs late at night (hello, overworked DDgirl!). Whatever. I need to stop stuffing my face with bread.
The RUT is here, but aknowledging it is the first step for fighting it. Well, it seems it's gonna be snowing again starting tonight, and that won't help.
On to next subject.
I overheard the parents, a couple of days ago. I didn’t really mean to, they thought I was sleeping and I was just kind of dozing, and I realized they were talking about me.
Panther: “Why can’t she find someone as good as B? B was better for her. Even I liked B.”
Sponsor: “True. B was great, they made a great couple”
P: “So how come she’s with KS now?”
S: “KS may be Mr. Good Enough, he may not be good enough for you, but she’s doing fine.”
P: “She’d be as fine on her own”
S: “Maybe. And maybe not. At least she’s not after B.”
P: “Why would she?”
S: “You’ve never seen when they meet, since he dumped her. She aches badly, when she sees him. And Weird Wife, who keeps talking to him, so DDgirl has to say hello and be civil as well, that drives me nuts. You should have seen last summer, the day she got her frostbites, you would have thought she was already in pain, right? And then we crossed B and his wife. And DDgirl, all of a sudden, she shrink, she didn’t even look them in the eyes. It was like watching someone who gets kicked in their head and don’t react.”
P: “…”
S: “I reckon it DOES go a little better now. It was worst when she found out he got married. But still, my point is, I’m always afraid one day, if she was alone, she might try and go after him. And that’d be really bad. Because, like she managed to have him once, she may still seduce him. But in the end, he’d always go back to the his wife, just as he did before. And that may really drive DDgirl crazy. So leave her alone and don’t talk about B. You know what? I liked B a lot, but it would have been better if he died. We lost her once, he dumped her and she moved abroad. Had he died, she would have made a reason of it.”
I don’t remember anything after that, I think I really fell asleep. I did not remember this, and then this morning I heard “Goodbye my lover” by James Blunt. And I remembered this conversation, and I thought how The Sponsor is right.
Isn’t he always?
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Announcement
I have an announcement to do.
(no, I’m not pregnant)
(and no, I’m not getting married. Stop guessing silly things!!!)
I am travelling to Nepal, next Autumn.
I’ll be trekking to the ice pyramid (Everest base camp), and up to camp 2, through the ice fall, if I’m really lucky.
I’ll be going there with the Sponsor and a friend whose name I don’t really want write, but let’s say he’s one of the living people who climbed all the fourteen 8k metres without oxygen.
OMG people I’m going to NEPAL I’m so FREAKING excited!!!! I already obtained vacation, and the Sponsor is buying the plane tickets next week (October is high season and the flight to Nepal is always a complicated one, so it’s better to get them in advance).
In the excitement, I resolved paying the 800 Euros fee for another year of gym. I need to train even harder!!
On other news, as usual this days, it’s 11PM and I’m gonna stay in the office for a couple more hours. Of course I came in at 9AM this morning. UGH.
(no, I’m not pregnant)
(and no, I’m not getting married. Stop guessing silly things!!!)
I am travelling to Nepal, next Autumn.
I’ll be trekking to the ice pyramid (Everest base camp), and up to camp 2, through the ice fall, if I’m really lucky.
I’ll be going there with the Sponsor and a friend whose name I don’t really want write, but let’s say he’s one of the living people who climbed all the fourteen 8k metres without oxygen.
OMG people I’m going to NEPAL I’m so FREAKING excited!!!! I already obtained vacation, and the Sponsor is buying the plane tickets next week (October is high season and the flight to Nepal is always a complicated one, so it’s better to get them in advance).
In the excitement, I resolved paying the 800 Euros fee for another year of gym. I need to train even harder!!
On other news, as usual this days, it’s 11PM and I’m gonna stay in the office for a couple more hours. Of course I came in at 9AM this morning. UGH.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Back off and leave us alone
I saw B yesterday.
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.
B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)
So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.
Whatever.
Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).
(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).
So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.
So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.
So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
(...)
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.
B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)
So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.
Whatever.
Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).
(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).
So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.
So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.
So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
(...)
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Monday, February 01, 2010
Full moon hiking
I’m having my living room AND my boudoir both painted in this precise moment! YAY!
I finally put my shit together, called the painter, and even convinced my landlord about paying at least part of the bill. Not bad huh?
The only inconvenient, of course, is that today my neck aches, and, even more important, I sprained my wrist badly on Saturday. Not the best to move furniture around the house.
How did I get those? Here comes the DDgirl weekend…
After waking up every morning at 6AM last week, in order to train (I managed to run 35km last week, or over 20 miles if you prefer), on Saturday I had opted for a mountaineering ski tour with the Sponsor and Bro. Nobody, however, had mentioned that we were to wake up at 4.30AM. UGH.
We started hiking under a glorious full moon that promised us a beautiful day. We had 1500mt (over 4,900ft) to climb, so we were trying to keep a steady but fast pace. We are all quite trained these days, so we managed to keep the pace and chat at the same time: all in all, we were having a great time. The sun rose, and we took a couple of nice pics with the snowy mountains embraced in pink light. It was only when we had already climbed 900mt that we were suddenly hit by a stormy cold wind from the North. One hour later, we were at less than 100mt from the peak, but we were struggling so badly we decided to stop and start skiing down. However, while peeling off the sealskins (you stick them on your skis to climb up) I lost my balance due to the wind, and, struggling not to fall, I put my whole weight on a stick, and sprained my wrist. I didn’t realize immediately it was that bad, but when I got home, it was about twice the size of the other wrist.
Now since I’m a dork, instead of complaining, I cooked lunch (which involved cutting and cleaning a pumpkin…), because I wanted to go freeriding on Sunday!
And so I did. The alarm went off at 5.30AM on Sunday, and I went freeriding in Switzerland. Although I couldn’t use my right hand, I managed to ski quite well (I still have problems with my frost-bitten toes, so I don’t ski as well as I usually do, these days..). I also managed to respond nicely to the small talk initiated by B., which is more than I usually do. So where is the problem? The problem is, the thermometer never went above minus 20° (-4F) over the day (and it snowed all day long). Added on top of my lack of sleep, it means I was frozen to my ass.
So this morning I woke up at 5AM to get back to the city, and let’s say I have felt better on other days. And yet, the ridiculous thing is my skin is glowing, my hair looks nice and shiny, and all in all, I look way better than most days.
Whatever.
I really enjoyed my weekend though. And I don’t have much to do at work today, so I’ll go home by 5, pay the painter, re-organize a little all the furniture I moved to my bedroom, and go straight to bed.
I finally put my shit together, called the painter, and even convinced my landlord about paying at least part of the bill. Not bad huh?
The only inconvenient, of course, is that today my neck aches, and, even more important, I sprained my wrist badly on Saturday. Not the best to move furniture around the house.
How did I get those? Here comes the DDgirl weekend…
After waking up every morning at 6AM last week, in order to train (I managed to run 35km last week, or over 20 miles if you prefer), on Saturday I had opted for a mountaineering ski tour with the Sponsor and Bro. Nobody, however, had mentioned that we were to wake up at 4.30AM. UGH.
We started hiking under a glorious full moon that promised us a beautiful day. We had 1500mt (over 4,900ft) to climb, so we were trying to keep a steady but fast pace. We are all quite trained these days, so we managed to keep the pace and chat at the same time: all in all, we were having a great time. The sun rose, and we took a couple of nice pics with the snowy mountains embraced in pink light. It was only when we had already climbed 900mt that we were suddenly hit by a stormy cold wind from the North. One hour later, we were at less than 100mt from the peak, but we were struggling so badly we decided to stop and start skiing down. However, while peeling off the sealskins (you stick them on your skis to climb up) I lost my balance due to the wind, and, struggling not to fall, I put my whole weight on a stick, and sprained my wrist. I didn’t realize immediately it was that bad, but when I got home, it was about twice the size of the other wrist.
Now since I’m a dork, instead of complaining, I cooked lunch (which involved cutting and cleaning a pumpkin…), because I wanted to go freeriding on Sunday!
And so I did. The alarm went off at 5.30AM on Sunday, and I went freeriding in Switzerland. Although I couldn’t use my right hand, I managed to ski quite well (I still have problems with my frost-bitten toes, so I don’t ski as well as I usually do, these days..). I also managed to respond nicely to the small talk initiated by B., which is more than I usually do. So where is the problem? The problem is, the thermometer never went above minus 20° (-4F) over the day (and it snowed all day long). Added on top of my lack of sleep, it means I was frozen to my ass.
So this morning I woke up at 5AM to get back to the city, and let’s say I have felt better on other days. And yet, the ridiculous thing is my skin is glowing, my hair looks nice and shiny, and all in all, I look way better than most days.
Whatever.
I really enjoyed my weekend though. And I don’t have much to do at work today, so I’ll go home by 5, pay the painter, re-organize a little all the furniture I moved to my bedroom, and go straight to bed.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Missing
I miss Crea. I miss him a lot. As I wrote many times before, Crea’s presence somehow makes my relationship whit Bro smooth.
Crea has always been on able to soften the edges just by being in the room. The difficult part is that we need to remember he may have issues he’d like to discuss: he’s not one to offer his own drama on a plate. But he’s human, so of course he has his own problems and shit to deal with.
I have mentioned before Crea is not really our brother, but it just feels like he’s family, because we’ve been so close since before I even have memories.
People sometimes ask me why we never ended up together, and it would be a total lie if I said I never thought about it. More important, it would be a total lie if I said HE never thought about it (see this post…).
However, we both know what matters the most: even though we have been occasionally physically attracted to each other, we love each other, but we are not in love, and we have never been.
But it’s true that sometimes we feel life would be easier if we had ended up together. In any case, he probably wouldn’t be so far away right now.
And this brings me back to the point: I miss Crea, and this days I miss him way more than usually. And it’s because of Bro. Somehow, I’m such under the impression that my relationship with Bro is falling apart. I never see him anymore without his wife around, and therefore we never really talk about personal stuff anymore.
So I never get to solve my current issues with him (mainly related to how he’s behaving with the Parents).
Back to the time we were a trio, we would have just hanged out, the three of us, and TALKED.
So I guess I miss both my brothers, Bro and Crea, even though one lives so close and one so far.
Crea has always been on able to soften the edges just by being in the room. The difficult part is that we need to remember he may have issues he’d like to discuss: he’s not one to offer his own drama on a plate. But he’s human, so of course he has his own problems and shit to deal with.
I have mentioned before Crea is not really our brother, but it just feels like he’s family, because we’ve been so close since before I even have memories.
People sometimes ask me why we never ended up together, and it would be a total lie if I said I never thought about it. More important, it would be a total lie if I said HE never thought about it (see this post…).
However, we both know what matters the most: even though we have been occasionally physically attracted to each other, we love each other, but we are not in love, and we have never been.
But it’s true that sometimes we feel life would be easier if we had ended up together. In any case, he probably wouldn’t be so far away right now.
And this brings me back to the point: I miss Crea, and this days I miss him way more than usually. And it’s because of Bro. Somehow, I’m such under the impression that my relationship with Bro is falling apart. I never see him anymore without his wife around, and therefore we never really talk about personal stuff anymore.
So I never get to solve my current issues with him (mainly related to how he’s behaving with the Parents).
Back to the time we were a trio, we would have just hanged out, the three of us, and TALKED.
So I guess I miss both my brothers, Bro and Crea, even though one lives so close and one so far.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Happy twentyten!!!
Happy New Year, my loyal readers!
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.
I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.
My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.
Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.
But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.
And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.
I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.
The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.
On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.
Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.
The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.
Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:
Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.
I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.
My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.
Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.
But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.
And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.
I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.
The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.
On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.
Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.
The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.
Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:
Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Snowy December
I should have imagined it would end like this.
Yesterday night I went home in the snow (because we had several snow storms over the last few days), and I was shivering. Once at home, I realized I had a temperature (well, I had 39.6°, over 103F), so I stuffed my face with aspirin, antibiotics, cough syrup, all in accordance with the Sponsor’s direction, and went to sleep.
Whatever. Exhaustion demands its price I guess.
Today I went to work looking like a beaten shit, but the project is finally over, so tonight I headed home at 6PM, like a normal girl.
It was still snowing a little bit.
Now, this is totally random, but I’ve been lusting about Lou, lately. Well, I kind of had a weird dream in which I was hopelessly in love with him, a couple of nights ago (of course I’m not in love with Lou, it was just a vivid dream), and then he posted a picture on FB in which all his hotness is disclosed….
Well, I’ve blurred the face (okay, someone did it for me... thanks darling!), because I’m not going to post a recognizable friend’s pic here, but please, just take a look at his abs…..
So now do you understand how come I may be occasionally mouth-watering?
Anyway, I still haven’t heard from him and Kissy about Winter break, so I hope they might come on vacay with me! And I just found out KS will be there the whole time by the way. Which is great, I know. But it was not what I was expecting, and KS doesn’t get along that well with my other friends from the mountains (language has been, so far, a big wall between him and them). But maybe he’ll get along with my vampires Kissy and Lou? We’ll see…
Tomorrow I’ll finally go home for my much deserved winter break… I can’t wait to get home!!!
Bro and weird wife are spending the whole Xmas break in Germany.
As for me, what I long for, is some mountaineering ski and some free-riding on my own, on silent, snowy slopes, followed by noisy nights at the only bar of the village with my friends.
I have done only little Christmas shopping this year, but I’ve been too busy with work, and those who love me will understand. (But hey, Polish Chick, I know you’re reading, and I’ve got a little something for you! I hope to see you soon!)
This is it, people. I wish you all the best possible Christmas, and may next year bring all you wish for. I don’t think I’ll be able to post before January 4 or so, but who knows? In the meantime, take good care!
Yesterday night I went home in the snow (because we had several snow storms over the last few days), and I was shivering. Once at home, I realized I had a temperature (well, I had 39.6°, over 103F), so I stuffed my face with aspirin, antibiotics, cough syrup, all in accordance with the Sponsor’s direction, and went to sleep.
Whatever. Exhaustion demands its price I guess.
Today I went to work looking like a beaten shit, but the project is finally over, so tonight I headed home at 6PM, like a normal girl.
It was still snowing a little bit.
Now, this is totally random, but I’ve been lusting about Lou, lately. Well, I kind of had a weird dream in which I was hopelessly in love with him, a couple of nights ago (of course I’m not in love with Lou, it was just a vivid dream), and then he posted a picture on FB in which all his hotness is disclosed….
Well, I’ve blurred the face (okay, someone did it for me... thanks darling!), because I’m not going to post a recognizable friend’s pic here, but please, just take a look at his abs…..
So now do you understand how come I may be occasionally mouth-watering?
Anyway, I still haven’t heard from him and Kissy about Winter break, so I hope they might come on vacay with me! And I just found out KS will be there the whole time by the way. Which is great, I know. But it was not what I was expecting, and KS doesn’t get along that well with my other friends from the mountains (language has been, so far, a big wall between him and them). But maybe he’ll get along with my vampires Kissy and Lou? We’ll see…
Tomorrow I’ll finally go home for my much deserved winter break… I can’t wait to get home!!!
Bro and weird wife are spending the whole Xmas break in Germany.
As for me, what I long for, is some mountaineering ski and some free-riding on my own, on silent, snowy slopes, followed by noisy nights at the only bar of the village with my friends.
I have done only little Christmas shopping this year, but I’ve been too busy with work, and those who love me will understand. (But hey, Polish Chick, I know you’re reading, and I’ve got a little something for you! I hope to see you soon!)
This is it, people. I wish you all the best possible Christmas, and may next year bring all you wish for. I don’t think I’ll be able to post before January 4 or so, but who knows? In the meantime, take good care!
Friday, November 20, 2009
But I might die tonight
I love Bro.
Always have and always will. No matter how jealous of him I was as a kid, no matter the rough patch we’ve had. I don’t care if he kicked me out for the flat that was meant for the two of us, when I was 20, he also rescued me back in 2003 and let me stay with him and his wife for months. I would love him just as much if none of these things had happened, but I know it can be hard dealing with him.
In time I had to learn he is not always reliable, I had to learn he’s more a taker than a giver. It’s the way he is, and we don’t chose family, so I gotta love him this way.
But now I cannot stand this messy family drama anymore.
Last night I was preparing dinner since I had guests, and I gave the Panther a call just to check in. She was much in distress: yesterday it was Granny’s birthday, and she called in just to find out Bro and Weird Wife had set up a small party for Granny and had not asked the Panther to join.
Besides the fact that this of course was a big matter of distress for Granny as well, the Panther was furious. I tried to calm her as I could, telling her to let go, that maybe Bro did not mean it, but I don’t think I helped in any way.
So I called Bro, and tried to tell him he needs to let go. The Panther doesn’t want excuses, I know her and she’s always been like that. Who cares if she hurts us sometime? That’s no news, she was always that way and she won’t change at 59. But no, Bro needs to TALK about it, and of course she won’t have any of it, and so this whole mess is not going to end anytime soon.
The Panther is in distress. The Sponsor is in distress. Granny and Aunt (the Lerders) are in distress. Bro is in distress. I am in distress. Heck, besides Salomé, the cat, who is having the time of her life because she hates Bro Weird Wife and the Kids, everyone is in distress. There is nothing I can do about it, and those who could do something are not willing to. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a hell of an autumn for the DDfamily.
What I would like to tell them is this: I am the only one who has experimented living far away, for a long time. I am the only one who seems to realize if anything should happen to one of us, we’d have to live with this regret for the rest of our lives. Hell am I the only one who realizes that bad things COULD happen to any of us? Maybe yes. After all, I was the only one who wasn’t there when Pops died, I was on a train on a desperate rush to see him one last time but failed.
They’d only tell me I’m melodramatic if I tried to explain this.
Well, I guess I should focus on positive things: at least, since the kids are spending more time at their home, I’m having my bedroom back!
PS One more update: Crea is coming back! He’ll land on Monday and is staying for three weeks! YAY!!!
Always have and always will. No matter how jealous of him I was as a kid, no matter the rough patch we’ve had. I don’t care if he kicked me out for the flat that was meant for the two of us, when I was 20, he also rescued me back in 2003 and let me stay with him and his wife for months. I would love him just as much if none of these things had happened, but I know it can be hard dealing with him.
In time I had to learn he is not always reliable, I had to learn he’s more a taker than a giver. It’s the way he is, and we don’t chose family, so I gotta love him this way.
But now I cannot stand this messy family drama anymore.
Last night I was preparing dinner since I had guests, and I gave the Panther a call just to check in. She was much in distress: yesterday it was Granny’s birthday, and she called in just to find out Bro and Weird Wife had set up a small party for Granny and had not asked the Panther to join.
Besides the fact that this of course was a big matter of distress for Granny as well, the Panther was furious. I tried to calm her as I could, telling her to let go, that maybe Bro did not mean it, but I don’t think I helped in any way.
So I called Bro, and tried to tell him he needs to let go. The Panther doesn’t want excuses, I know her and she’s always been like that. Who cares if she hurts us sometime? That’s no news, she was always that way and she won’t change at 59. But no, Bro needs to TALK about it, and of course she won’t have any of it, and so this whole mess is not going to end anytime soon.
The Panther is in distress. The Sponsor is in distress. Granny and Aunt (the Lerders) are in distress. Bro is in distress. I am in distress. Heck, besides Salomé, the cat, who is having the time of her life because she hates Bro Weird Wife and the Kids, everyone is in distress. There is nothing I can do about it, and those who could do something are not willing to. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a hell of an autumn for the DDfamily.
What I would like to tell them is this: I am the only one who has experimented living far away, for a long time. I am the only one who seems to realize if anything should happen to one of us, we’d have to live with this regret for the rest of our lives. Hell am I the only one who realizes that bad things COULD happen to any of us? Maybe yes. After all, I was the only one who wasn’t there when Pops died, I was on a train on a desperate rush to see him one last time but failed.
They’d only tell me I’m melodramatic if I tried to explain this.
Well, I guess I should focus on positive things: at least, since the kids are spending more time at their home, I’m having my bedroom back!
PS One more update: Crea is coming back! He’ll land on Monday and is staying for three weeks! YAY!!!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sexy and DDgirl (Part 1)
Well, the family's situation is still the same, and I'm working a lot, so not much is going on.
I never really blogged about Sexy, about how we met, about how our feelings changed over the years. So I thought I would give you a little flashback...
Back in 2001 I lived with Bro in a small city in Northen Italy, where we shared a studio. I was beginning my second year of college, and he was beginning his MD as a cardiologist. I was ready to dump the guy I had been dating for a few months, he had just met Weird Wife, and one day she introduced me a cute boy she trained with.
People, had anybody told me 8 years later Sexy would still be in my life, I would have laughed to tears.
I mean, Sexy was cute as hell, but he was so full of shit I quickly realised we were not meant to be together. We occasionally hanged out, and he would take me out with his Vespa (oh yeah), but that was it. A few months later I had to move away, and I lost touch with Sexy for an year and a half. Then, in 2003, my (by then) live-in boyfriend dumped me and I went back to the small city to squat on Bro and Weird Wife’s couch (the two of them had married over the summer, and I moved in in October: happy honeymoon!). Sexy was out neighbour, so I soon randomly met him and he started showing up at Bro’s place after dinner for games and drinks.
I had been pretty depressed about the dumping, and I was training hard, so I weighted around 48kg (105lbs), which played an important role because Sexy is all about being thin and fit. Whatever. Sexy was engaged at the time. Engaged, people. One night I walked him out because I had to walk the dogs before going to sleep (part of the agreement of squatting the couch), and suddenly he kissed me.
It was mind-blowing.
I’m, afraid I must confess within 10 days we had sex. And Oh. My. God. Sex with Sexy was an incredible, amazing experience. And within two weeks we acted as a couple, with the only issue that he was ENGAGED. Fucking Engaged, and he had no intention of leaving his GF for me.
It went on for a few weeks, and then in January I had a pregnancy scare. Sexy freaked out when I told him and threw me out in a snowy night, and I realised how sick it was.
Soon after, I managed to put my life together, I got a job stable enough and found a place to stay in the city. Sexy called me a lot, and I ignored his calls until he gave up (although I still heard about him from Bro, from time to time.
Well, I heard enough to know he had broken his engagement).
(..to be continued soon...)
I never really blogged about Sexy, about how we met, about how our feelings changed over the years. So I thought I would give you a little flashback...
Back in 2001 I lived with Bro in a small city in Northen Italy, where we shared a studio. I was beginning my second year of college, and he was beginning his MD as a cardiologist. I was ready to dump the guy I had been dating for a few months, he had just met Weird Wife, and one day she introduced me a cute boy she trained with.
People, had anybody told me 8 years later Sexy would still be in my life, I would have laughed to tears.
I mean, Sexy was cute as hell, but he was so full of shit I quickly realised we were not meant to be together. We occasionally hanged out, and he would take me out with his Vespa (oh yeah), but that was it. A few months later I had to move away, and I lost touch with Sexy for an year and a half. Then, in 2003, my (by then) live-in boyfriend dumped me and I went back to the small city to squat on Bro and Weird Wife’s couch (the two of them had married over the summer, and I moved in in October: happy honeymoon!). Sexy was out neighbour, so I soon randomly met him and he started showing up at Bro’s place after dinner for games and drinks.
I had been pretty depressed about the dumping, and I was training hard, so I weighted around 48kg (105lbs), which played an important role because Sexy is all about being thin and fit. Whatever. Sexy was engaged at the time. Engaged, people. One night I walked him out because I had to walk the dogs before going to sleep (part of the agreement of squatting the couch), and suddenly he kissed me.
It was mind-blowing.
I’m, afraid I must confess within 10 days we had sex. And Oh. My. God. Sex with Sexy was an incredible, amazing experience. And within two weeks we acted as a couple, with the only issue that he was ENGAGED. Fucking Engaged, and he had no intention of leaving his GF for me.
It went on for a few weeks, and then in January I had a pregnancy scare. Sexy freaked out when I told him and threw me out in a snowy night, and I realised how sick it was.
Soon after, I managed to put my life together, I got a job stable enough and found a place to stay in the city. Sexy called me a lot, and I ignored his calls until he gave up (although I still heard about him from Bro, from time to time.
Well, I heard enough to know he had broken his engagement).
(..to be continued soon...)
Monday, November 09, 2009
Thou shall honour the Panther
7 weeks to Christmas, and it’s time to get over The Rut I’ve been in.
After getting out of the office later than 10PM every single night in over 6 weeks, a few days ago I went home at half past seven, which seemed kind of a miracle. Being in The Rut, however, I started depressing over the fact that I didn’t have anything planned and therefore it was bound to be a useless night. An hour later, however, a colleague called me and proposed drinks at his place, since we live in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to decline, I was already home ironing in my PJ, but something clicked inside my mind and I said sure, let me throw on jeans and a sweater and I’ll be over in ten minutes.
We just hanged out and drank a beer, and I called it a night pretty early, but the simple fact that small good things happen when I’m not even hoping for them, and that I grab occasions instead of laying on my couch in PJ pants, well, that’s a good sign I may be getting out of The Rut.
7 weeks to Xmas… and I’m PANICKING about presents!
I’m freaking a bit about Xmas itself actually, because of some recent FAMILY DRAMA I still haven’t blogged about. Guess it’s time to do it…
Last weekend I was at the Parents’ place, and the Sponsor was working, so I asked Granny and her sister (also known as The Lerders), Bro’s family (he was working as well) for dinner and I insisted with the Panther on preparing everything while she rested a while: we had already had Bro’s kids over for lunch and part of the afternoon, which usually proves an extenuating experience. So I put a nice dinner together and we all had a good time; and when Bro came at 9PM I put together something for him to eat as well, before he and his Weird Wife could get their kids and head home.
By the time they were ready to go, the Lerders were ready as well, so I asked Bro if he could drive them home: Granny lives in the same building he does, so I thought she could go home with Weird Wife, while Bro could drive home the other Lerder.
Within one minute the situation degenerated: Bro started arguing with the Panther over the “drive the Lerders home” subject, and I shall be damned if I understood why, but all of a sudden he told the Panther to go fuck herself.
Like that.
In front of the Lerders (who are 86 and 82 years old).
To the Panther, who has never sworn in her whole life. The Panther, who paid for Bro’s family’s house and feeds and takes care of his two kids about 4 days a week.
Silence fell over the place, and Weird Wife, for once, stepped in in a good way by telling me she would take care of the Lerders (which were staring in shock at the scene).
Now trust me when I say this is NOT something the family will get over soon. At this point I really hope Bro’s family will drive to Germany for Xmas to see Weird Wife’s parents. But somehow I don’t think this is going to happen (although they plan to do it, I’m sure by December 20 Bro will find an excuse).
The Panther (who always chooses me to vent about Bro) doesn’t want to talk about it, and hasn’t told the Sponsor either, which is a very bad sign. Although I AM angry at Bro, when he tried to discuss the matter with me I just told him it was a big mistake, and that if he has issues with the Panther he shall not humiliate her in front of Granny, and he said I was right. I still don’t want to talk about it with him, because I’d probably tell him he’s an asshole and we’d end up fighting. So I guess I’ll just have to wait for things to smooth.
After getting out of the office later than 10PM every single night in over 6 weeks, a few days ago I went home at half past seven, which seemed kind of a miracle. Being in The Rut, however, I started depressing over the fact that I didn’t have anything planned and therefore it was bound to be a useless night. An hour later, however, a colleague called me and proposed drinks at his place, since we live in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to decline, I was already home ironing in my PJ, but something clicked inside my mind and I said sure, let me throw on jeans and a sweater and I’ll be over in ten minutes.
We just hanged out and drank a beer, and I called it a night pretty early, but the simple fact that small good things happen when I’m not even hoping for them, and that I grab occasions instead of laying on my couch in PJ pants, well, that’s a good sign I may be getting out of The Rut.
7 weeks to Xmas… and I’m PANICKING about presents!
I’m freaking a bit about Xmas itself actually, because of some recent FAMILY DRAMA I still haven’t blogged about. Guess it’s time to do it…
Last weekend I was at the Parents’ place, and the Sponsor was working, so I asked Granny and her sister (also known as The Lerders), Bro’s family (he was working as well) for dinner and I insisted with the Panther on preparing everything while she rested a while: we had already had Bro’s kids over for lunch and part of the afternoon, which usually proves an extenuating experience. So I put a nice dinner together and we all had a good time; and when Bro came at 9PM I put together something for him to eat as well, before he and his Weird Wife could get their kids and head home.
By the time they were ready to go, the Lerders were ready as well, so I asked Bro if he could drive them home: Granny lives in the same building he does, so I thought she could go home with Weird Wife, while Bro could drive home the other Lerder.
Within one minute the situation degenerated: Bro started arguing with the Panther over the “drive the Lerders home” subject, and I shall be damned if I understood why, but all of a sudden he told the Panther to go fuck herself.
Like that.
In front of the Lerders (who are 86 and 82 years old).
To the Panther, who has never sworn in her whole life. The Panther, who paid for Bro’s family’s house and feeds and takes care of his two kids about 4 days a week.
Silence fell over the place, and Weird Wife, for once, stepped in in a good way by telling me she would take care of the Lerders (which were staring in shock at the scene).
Now trust me when I say this is NOT something the family will get over soon. At this point I really hope Bro’s family will drive to Germany for Xmas to see Weird Wife’s parents. But somehow I don’t think this is going to happen (although they plan to do it, I’m sure by December 20 Bro will find an excuse).
The Panther (who always chooses me to vent about Bro) doesn’t want to talk about it, and hasn’t told the Sponsor either, which is a very bad sign. Although I AM angry at Bro, when he tried to discuss the matter with me I just told him it was a big mistake, and that if he has issues with the Panther he shall not humiliate her in front of Granny, and he said I was right. I still don’t want to talk about it with him, because I’d probably tell him he’s an asshole and we’d end up fighting. So I guess I’ll just have to wait for things to smooth.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Back in THE RUT
Autumn is coming, and once again, I’ve entered THE RUT.
The Rut… every year around this time I seem to get in it, I realise it by going back to posts of the last years.. And somehow, each time I step into the rut, I don’t know when (if) I’ll manage to get out of it.
Every year at the end of September I go back to listening RHCP Scar Tissue. I especially love when it says “Autumn’s sweet, we call it FALL, I’ll make it to the moon if I’ll have to crawl…”
I had thought this year would have been different, I had thought that being back to Italy would have helped. Even though, as I have written before, coming back from my dreamy summer time was hard, I felt pretty confident, and so I did not brace myself. This was my big mistake.
I still think I could have avoided stepping in the rut (or at least falling so hard), but this week I have been badly PMSing due to late period, and so here I am.
I started the week feeling useless, I should have been glad I’m not on any hard project at work right now, but it didn’t help, and I kept feeling useless and restless. Then I heard from Sexy, and he told me he had been hit by car and now has a broken collarbone, which means he’s in pain plus he cannot drive so I won’t be seeing him for a while. The thought of Sexy’s beautiful body being wounded almost sent me crying, and then I realised I was in the rut like each autumn. Damn.
Yesterday I made another mistake. I woke up feeling good, I even got my bike repaired after months, and I felt so full of energy I invited a bunch of friends from work to dinner at my place. Being myself, I couldn’t just stick to cooking something simple and having fun. No, I had to prepare a damned banquet, as usual, because hell I have to impress everybody with my cooking skills huh? By 8PM I was EXHAUSTED. Granted, dinner was great and everybody had fun. But my dishwasher is broken, the guys only left at 2AM and tonight when I get home I’ll find a huge pile of dishes waiting to be washed, not to mention I’ll have to clean up the mess, carry down the garbage, blah blah blah… I wish I could spend a few days outdoor, lying on the grass somewhere in the mountains!
Needless to say my head feels buzzy this morning… So I’ve decided that for at least one month I’m on an alcohol-free time (I’ll only allow myself half glass of wine on Saturday dinners).
Over the years I learnt I cannot rely on anybody else to help me through this period: I’m the only one who can help me. Hell, I don’t even feel like answering to my friends texts or emails. But I’ll do my best to get over this.
So my 4 steps program to get out of the rut is:
- get as much sleep as I can
- carry my lazy ass to the gym as often as possible
- eat healthy
- spend as much time outdoor as I can
I wish Crea was back already… But he won’t come back until Xmas, plus he has his own troubles… Maybe I just wanna be a kid again, hang out with my brothers and let them take care of everything for me…
The Rut… every year around this time I seem to get in it, I realise it by going back to posts of the last years.. And somehow, each time I step into the rut, I don’t know when (if) I’ll manage to get out of it.
Every year at the end of September I go back to listening RHCP Scar Tissue. I especially love when it says “Autumn’s sweet, we call it FALL, I’ll make it to the moon if I’ll have to crawl…”
I had thought this year would have been different, I had thought that being back to Italy would have helped. Even though, as I have written before, coming back from my dreamy summer time was hard, I felt pretty confident, and so I did not brace myself. This was my big mistake.
I still think I could have avoided stepping in the rut (or at least falling so hard), but this week I have been badly PMSing due to late period, and so here I am.
I started the week feeling useless, I should have been glad I’m not on any hard project at work right now, but it didn’t help, and I kept feeling useless and restless. Then I heard from Sexy, and he told me he had been hit by car and now has a broken collarbone, which means he’s in pain plus he cannot drive so I won’t be seeing him for a while. The thought of Sexy’s beautiful body being wounded almost sent me crying, and then I realised I was in the rut like each autumn. Damn.
Yesterday I made another mistake. I woke up feeling good, I even got my bike repaired after months, and I felt so full of energy I invited a bunch of friends from work to dinner at my place. Being myself, I couldn’t just stick to cooking something simple and having fun. No, I had to prepare a damned banquet, as usual, because hell I have to impress everybody with my cooking skills huh? By 8PM I was EXHAUSTED. Granted, dinner was great and everybody had fun. But my dishwasher is broken, the guys only left at 2AM and tonight when I get home I’ll find a huge pile of dishes waiting to be washed, not to mention I’ll have to clean up the mess, carry down the garbage, blah blah blah… I wish I could spend a few days outdoor, lying on the grass somewhere in the mountains!
Needless to say my head feels buzzy this morning… So I’ve decided that for at least one month I’m on an alcohol-free time (I’ll only allow myself half glass of wine on Saturday dinners).
Over the years I learnt I cannot rely on anybody else to help me through this period: I’m the only one who can help me. Hell, I don’t even feel like answering to my friends texts or emails. But I’ll do my best to get over this.
So my 4 steps program to get out of the rut is:
- get as much sleep as I can
- carry my lazy ass to the gym as often as possible
- eat healthy
- spend as much time outdoor as I can
I wish Crea was back already… But he won’t come back until Xmas, plus he has his own troubles… Maybe I just wanna be a kid again, hang out with my brothers and let them take care of everything for me…
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
My dreamy summer (part 2)
.. I got to the Parents’ place on Saturday at noon, and by Sunday morning I was back in the mountains.
I had a gala dinner on Saturday night, but by Saturday afternoon Lou had called me asking me if I was in for another canyoning trip on Sunday: I could not miss it!
This second time, Lou’s girlfriend and two other friends (a couple) joined, and it was way slower than when it was just the Vampires (Kissy and Lou) and me!
It was funny and not without awkward moments (but I’ll save details for an upcoming post about awkward summer moments), and by night I was exhausted! Furthermore, on Sunday evening I accidentally fell on the stairs and hurt my coccyges, so I ended up with a very bad backache (I’ve actually been on painkillers for three weeks after that).
The end of the mountain trip consisted in a 2 days hike I did with the Sponsor, which was seriously breathtaking (a little too much for my taste): it actually included some free climbing of fourth degree, and by free I mean no protections at all… The hike was great but I must admit I did freak out a little over the free climbing, and I also freaked because the Sponsor, whose health and age I already wrote about, should not be doing things like this!!!!
And then I had to leave the mountains.
It has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks to my friends, who are great, to the mountains I love hiking, to everything.
Things with KS had been very very tense, and we almost broke up in the beginning of August, but then we had a long talk and I decided to give it another try.
We spent the weekend after I came back from the mountains in southern France attending KS annual family meeting, which DID not go as smoothly as I had hoped…
Then I worked for a week, and then we left for Gaia and Mark’s wedding in Sicily.
We spent a week together in Sicily, partying with people from 22 different countries, and we had an AMAZING time!!
To summarize the lose ends, KS and I are still together. I discovered that Green Eyes does not live in the same village, and I did not meet him (let’s say I did not seek him, I could have met him if I wanted to). Last but not least, we could not hike the Lyskamm, but I have already made agreements in order to do it next spring.
More important than everything else, I had lost lots of weight, but unfortunately have gained some more in Sicily… but things are under control on that side.
And now, dear readers, after spending only two days in the city, I have to leave for work and go back to the North East of Italy… and I’m already counting the days ‘till Xmas holidays…
I had a gala dinner on Saturday night, but by Saturday afternoon Lou had called me asking me if I was in for another canyoning trip on Sunday: I could not miss it!
This second time, Lou’s girlfriend and two other friends (a couple) joined, and it was way slower than when it was just the Vampires (Kissy and Lou) and me!
It was funny and not without awkward moments (but I’ll save details for an upcoming post about awkward summer moments), and by night I was exhausted! Furthermore, on Sunday evening I accidentally fell on the stairs and hurt my coccyges, so I ended up with a very bad backache (I’ve actually been on painkillers for three weeks after that).
The end of the mountain trip consisted in a 2 days hike I did with the Sponsor, which was seriously breathtaking (a little too much for my taste): it actually included some free climbing of fourth degree, and by free I mean no protections at all… The hike was great but I must admit I did freak out a little over the free climbing, and I also freaked because the Sponsor, whose health and age I already wrote about, should not be doing things like this!!!!
(look at this cute mate who was staring at us!)
And then I had to leave the mountains.
It has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks to my friends, who are great, to the mountains I love hiking, to everything.
Things with KS had been very very tense, and we almost broke up in the beginning of August, but then we had a long talk and I decided to give it another try.
We spent the weekend after I came back from the mountains in southern France attending KS annual family meeting, which DID not go as smoothly as I had hoped…
Then I worked for a week, and then we left for Gaia and Mark’s wedding in Sicily.
We spent a week together in Sicily, partying with people from 22 different countries, and we had an AMAZING time!!
To summarize the lose ends, KS and I are still together. I discovered that Green Eyes does not live in the same village, and I did not meet him (let’s say I did not seek him, I could have met him if I wanted to). Last but not least, we could not hike the Lyskamm, but I have already made agreements in order to do it next spring.
More important than everything else, I had lost lots of weight, but unfortunately have gained some more in Sicily… but things are under control on that side.
And now, dear readers, after spending only two days in the city, I have to leave for work and go back to the North East of Italy… and I’m already counting the days ‘till Xmas holidays…
Thursday, August 06, 2009
The Lyskamm project
Since the first time I climbed on of Monte Rosa peaks, I’ve been wanting to climb the Lyskamm
(this pic is not very impressive, but I think it's classy!)
This peak has been kind of calling me for the past 7 years or so. For those who don’t know a thing about mountain hiking, climbing and so on, it’s a tough one. It’s difficult, and it’s slightly dangerous. Difficult, because you have to climb up on a path which is never larger than 60cm (2 feet) and often smaller, and on both sides there is a fall of over half a mile. Dangerous, because sometimes the snow form a kind of frame suspended in the void, so if you miscalculate the path, well, you fall.
Whatever, this peak has been HAUNTING my dreams people. Now I’ve finally convinced the Sponsor, and we’re going to give it a try in 10 days or so. His only condition was that, for once, we hire a guide, in order to avoid the risk of walking on snow-frames (we both feel we still lack experience in this field).
And, should I manage to do it, I’ll be a better person.
Well I know this sounds stupid, but somehow I will, because my self confidence will improve SIGNIFICANTLY.
and if you wanna see more, just type Lyskamm on google images and take a look…
PS yeah, I know, my feet are still so and so from the last time, but you know what? I DON’T GIVE A DAMN!!! (Girls just wanna have fun man…)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
June and I'm lost
I’m lost in the middle of nowhere.
I’m working between 14 and 16 hours every single day, with a 20 minutes break at lunchtime. I have virtually no internet access. I haven’t really checked my facebook account in 15 days, I haven’t even done a single thing for myself in 15 days. So no regular blogging, sorry people.
Is this life? No, and I know it, but with this economy, I feel lucky to have a job.
Anyway.
Last weekend I went home and threw a long planned surprise party for the Sponsor &=th birthday. I organized a huge party in the garden at home, by the lake. Two months ago I started planning things: making guest lists, sending invitations, putting down menus and so on. In the end, some 50 people attended. I prepared by myself with just a little help from the Panther the whole banquet. We had a buffet with appetizers and entrees, namely:
- gazpacho verrines
- peas and mint cold cream
- fava bean pesto crostini
- mini-quiche of two kinds: tomato mozzarella and olives, and aubergine-pecorino
- warm octopus salad
- salade nicoise
- spring salad
- greek salad mini skewers
- asiago cheese – salami skewers
- 4 different kinds of lasagne
- BBQ with fish and pork skewers
- Fruit and marshmallows skewers
- Ananas tiramisu
- Watermelon
I ordered French wine (Vouvray from the Loire region), we set plenty of tables in the garden, we set a play area for the kids, prepared everything and still managed to make it a surprise! It was very very nice, and the most important thing is that the Sponsor LOVED it!
On Monday I came back here, an dit was my birthday, but just as every year it went almost unnoticed. It’s true I’m not really fond of MY Bdays, since I hate the fact that I’m no longer 21, but honestly? I’m pretty known for throwing big parties for a lot of people for their bdays (KS, Maria, my dad and in the past my brothers), and sometimes I’m a little put off by the fact that the last person who actually put on some celebration for my birthday was the infamous Little Prince (if you don’t know about the Little Prince go back to 2006 archives).
Well I guess it’s still okay, the thing is this year something that still disturbs me came up. I’ve been thinking for some times now about buying myself a Vespa. Not just a scooter, but a real original Vespa. I would like to keep it at my parents’ place, at the lake, in order to go around there.
Now two weeks ago or so the Sponsor decided to offer me one for my birthday and went to buy a brand new one, in order to make me a surprise by letting me find it in the garage!
However, when he called the Panther to ask her advice about the colour, she told him if he bought me a Vespa she would ask for a divorce (this is the Panther usual blackmail strategy).
So of course I got no Vespa, and the whole thing pretty put me off about buying one myself.
I should not care, after all it’s just an object. But still, for some reasons I don’t know (and don’t care to explore), this whole thing makes me sad.
(Dad ended buying me a book I really wanted with all my heart that had just come out the day before, and an item for security on glacier for our mountaineering ski tours, and I was more than glad about both!)
(And no, I didn’t get any other presents. From anyone. So far, at least. And do you want to know? I really really wish an Ipod. I have been wanting an Ipod for years now, one of the very small and inexpensive ones, just to go running. Oh, and Kat? I know you’re reading. And don’t even try to buy me anything, all I want is to have a drink together when this mission is over and I come back to the city!)
PS: don't bother correcting my English. I feel like I don't even have any brain left, let alone write anything coherent, and I'm NOT goign to proof read this thing!
I’m working between 14 and 16 hours every single day, with a 20 minutes break at lunchtime. I have virtually no internet access. I haven’t really checked my facebook account in 15 days, I haven’t even done a single thing for myself in 15 days. So no regular blogging, sorry people.
Is this life? No, and I know it, but with this economy, I feel lucky to have a job.
Anyway.
Last weekend I went home and threw a long planned surprise party for the Sponsor &=th birthday. I organized a huge party in the garden at home, by the lake. Two months ago I started planning things: making guest lists, sending invitations, putting down menus and so on. In the end, some 50 people attended. I prepared by myself with just a little help from the Panther the whole banquet. We had a buffet with appetizers and entrees, namely:
- gazpacho verrines
- peas and mint cold cream
- fava bean pesto crostini
- mini-quiche of two kinds: tomato mozzarella and olives, and aubergine-pecorino
- warm octopus salad
- salade nicoise
- spring salad
- greek salad mini skewers
- asiago cheese – salami skewers
- 4 different kinds of lasagne
- BBQ with fish and pork skewers
- Fruit and marshmallows skewers
- Ananas tiramisu
- Watermelon
I ordered French wine (Vouvray from the Loire region), we set plenty of tables in the garden, we set a play area for the kids, prepared everything and still managed to make it a surprise! It was very very nice, and the most important thing is that the Sponsor LOVED it!
On Monday I came back here, an dit was my birthday, but just as every year it went almost unnoticed. It’s true I’m not really fond of MY Bdays, since I hate the fact that I’m no longer 21, but honestly? I’m pretty known for throwing big parties for a lot of people for their bdays (KS, Maria, my dad and in the past my brothers), and sometimes I’m a little put off by the fact that the last person who actually put on some celebration for my birthday was the infamous Little Prince (if you don’t know about the Little Prince go back to 2006 archives).
Well I guess it’s still okay, the thing is this year something that still disturbs me came up. I’ve been thinking for some times now about buying myself a Vespa. Not just a scooter, but a real original Vespa. I would like to keep it at my parents’ place, at the lake, in order to go around there.
Now two weeks ago or so the Sponsor decided to offer me one for my birthday and went to buy a brand new one, in order to make me a surprise by letting me find it in the garage!
However, when he called the Panther to ask her advice about the colour, she told him if he bought me a Vespa she would ask for a divorce (this is the Panther usual blackmail strategy).
So of course I got no Vespa, and the whole thing pretty put me off about buying one myself.
I should not care, after all it’s just an object. But still, for some reasons I don’t know (and don’t care to explore), this whole thing makes me sad.
(Dad ended buying me a book I really wanted with all my heart that had just come out the day before, and an item for security on glacier for our mountaineering ski tours, and I was more than glad about both!)
(And no, I didn’t get any other presents. From anyone. So far, at least. And do you want to know? I really really wish an Ipod. I have been wanting an Ipod for years now, one of the very small and inexpensive ones, just to go running. Oh, and Kat? I know you’re reading. And don’t even try to buy me anything, all I want is to have a drink together when this mission is over and I come back to the city!)
PS: don't bother correcting my English. I feel like I don't even have any brain left, let alone write anything coherent, and I'm NOT goign to proof read this thing!
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Illness and craziness
So I did it.
I pulled together all my shit, and then the Sponsor and Bro came with a truck and loaded everything and we left France.
Before that, I had some amazing leaving parties at work and with friends (I somehow managed to drink 132 Euros of alcohol at the latter and still not cry!).
KS managed to hold it together when I left, and so did I, probably also because of the presence of the Sponsor and Bro. It was still pretty hard. Soon enough however, other things came up so I couldn’t pout too much….
As soon as we got to my Parents’ place, I started puking my guts. And then again. And again. And again, and on and on for the whole night. By the next morning, I had a bad temperature and no strength left. Since my sis in law was on vacay, my 2 years and a half nephew was staying with the Panther: in other terms, the noise in the house was unbearable.
I spent this way the next few days, and by Wednesday I started feeling better, so I went to the city to visit the apartment I’m now living in. The flat is huge and nice, but it needs badly a few interventions: painter, electrician, plumber, cleaning etc etc….
By Thursday I desperately wanted to DO something, so I went mountaineering skiing with the Sponsor and Bro. However I overestimated my conditions: we climbed up 1000 meters (almost 3300 feet) and then, when we were already seeing the top of the mountain, I puked my guts once again. Classy huh?
I spent Friday running errands in order to obtain all the papers I needed for work, and then I got a call from a friend from Rome, that we’ll call Sportsman, who told me he was heading towards the Mont Rose with a bunch of friends from Rome, and then put me on speaker. The guys were planning a weekend of ski with helicopter, mountaineering ski and extreme free ride. $ of them plus one guide. Was I interested (and good enough) in joining them?
Of course I didn’t need thinking about it, so I said:”just let me know what time shall we meet tomorrow morning and I’ll be there”!
This is how I spent the most two amazing days of the year: 4 roman gorgeous guys, me, the guide, skiing up and down the Alps like madmen, flying with the helicopter, screaming, laughing, and OMG it was GREAT! We slept in a hut, and we had so much fun at night!
But honestly? My muscles never ever ached as much as they did on Monday!!
The guys kept complimenting me because I was the only girl they know that can stand up to them when it’s about alpinism, but fuck, it was tough!!
I can’t wait to see the pics now, and the movie, because two of them had a camera on their helmet and filmed the whole first day!
I pulled together all my shit, and then the Sponsor and Bro came with a truck and loaded everything and we left France.
Before that, I had some amazing leaving parties at work and with friends (I somehow managed to drink 132 Euros of alcohol at the latter and still not cry!).
KS managed to hold it together when I left, and so did I, probably also because of the presence of the Sponsor and Bro. It was still pretty hard. Soon enough however, other things came up so I couldn’t pout too much….
As soon as we got to my Parents’ place, I started puking my guts. And then again. And again. And again, and on and on for the whole night. By the next morning, I had a bad temperature and no strength left. Since my sis in law was on vacay, my 2 years and a half nephew was staying with the Panther: in other terms, the noise in the house was unbearable.
I spent this way the next few days, and by Wednesday I started feeling better, so I went to the city to visit the apartment I’m now living in. The flat is huge and nice, but it needs badly a few interventions: painter, electrician, plumber, cleaning etc etc….
By Thursday I desperately wanted to DO something, so I went mountaineering skiing with the Sponsor and Bro. However I overestimated my conditions: we climbed up 1000 meters (almost 3300 feet) and then, when we were already seeing the top of the mountain, I puked my guts once again. Classy huh?
I spent Friday running errands in order to obtain all the papers I needed for work, and then I got a call from a friend from Rome, that we’ll call Sportsman, who told me he was heading towards the Mont Rose with a bunch of friends from Rome, and then put me on speaker. The guys were planning a weekend of ski with helicopter, mountaineering ski and extreme free ride. $ of them plus one guide. Was I interested (and good enough) in joining them?
Of course I didn’t need thinking about it, so I said:”just let me know what time shall we meet tomorrow morning and I’ll be there”!
This is how I spent the most two amazing days of the year: 4 roman gorgeous guys, me, the guide, skiing up and down the Alps like madmen, flying with the helicopter, screaming, laughing, and OMG it was GREAT! We slept in a hut, and we had so much fun at night!
But honestly? My muscles never ever ached as much as they did on Monday!!
The guys kept complimenting me because I was the only girl they know that can stand up to them when it’s about alpinism, but fuck, it was tough!!
I can’t wait to see the pics now, and the movie, because two of them had a camera on their helmet and filmed the whole first day!
Monday, January 19, 2009
You say Goodbye, and I say Hello!
I’m a bad, bad, bad blogger. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
I’ve been so busy, and yet I don’t seem to have accomplished anything at all. Last week I went to Paris twice, and I spent there one night, probably the last one. I went out partying with Kevin and I really had a good time, exchanging stories over fruit vodka shots.
I know it’s silly, since I only see Kevin every three months or so, but I’m gonna miss him so much! After all, if I haven’t been miserable in Paris over the last year and a half, it’s only thanks to him. He’s the one always coming to rescue me when I feel lonely, he’s the one waiting for me outside the office when I finish work after 11 PM, he’s the one always walking me to my hotel.
We met again for breakfast, and then we made our adieus…
So yes, I’ve been a good girl. I’ve been knowing Kevin and hanging out with him for one year and a half, and all of this time he has wanted me, and man, he’s cute, but I’ve ALWAYS been 100% faithful to my sweet KS, and I’m glad I have. But I’m still a bit sad because after all Kevin has been such a good friend, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again!
Moving to another subject, I have exchanged a few mails with Polish Chick (I know you’re probably reading, and I hope you don’t mind the nick name, when I first wrote it I was in a hurry and I didn’t want to write your real name, so I couldn’t come out with anything easier).
Needless to say, it was pretty emo, and we still have tons of stuff to talk about, after all, we have to catch up so much! But I think we’ll meet once I’ll be back in Italy, and then we’ll see where things will lead us from there.
And now, dear readers, the reason of the title. A few months ago I wrote about my big brother, Crea, who came back living into my parents’ small town, and I was so excited about going back and being the three of us together again (Bro, me and Crea).
So this won’t be happening any time soon, because Crea couldn’t find a job thanks to the recession, so he signed up to work 6 months in Maldive as a scuba dive master. I’m glad for him, and proud also, because he took things into his hands instead of sitting on his ass at home, but I’m soo disappointed about not being able to see him for 6 months!!!! (right now, I cannot afford Maldives)
Still, he’s been so nice, telling us he has already set a skype account and packed a webcam so we can make free video calls, so that we’ll be able to keep in touch on regular basis.
Last and definetly not least, I have no clue about how the hell I’m gonna find an apartment in Milan. But hey, cities are full of bridges to sleep under, huh?
I’ve been so busy, and yet I don’t seem to have accomplished anything at all. Last week I went to Paris twice, and I spent there one night, probably the last one. I went out partying with Kevin and I really had a good time, exchanging stories over fruit vodka shots.
I know it’s silly, since I only see Kevin every three months or so, but I’m gonna miss him so much! After all, if I haven’t been miserable in Paris over the last year and a half, it’s only thanks to him. He’s the one always coming to rescue me when I feel lonely, he’s the one waiting for me outside the office when I finish work after 11 PM, he’s the one always walking me to my hotel.
We met again for breakfast, and then we made our adieus…
So yes, I’ve been a good girl. I’ve been knowing Kevin and hanging out with him for one year and a half, and all of this time he has wanted me, and man, he’s cute, but I’ve ALWAYS been 100% faithful to my sweet KS, and I’m glad I have. But I’m still a bit sad because after all Kevin has been such a good friend, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again!
Moving to another subject, I have exchanged a few mails with Polish Chick (I know you’re probably reading, and I hope you don’t mind the nick name, when I first wrote it I was in a hurry and I didn’t want to write your real name, so I couldn’t come out with anything easier).
Needless to say, it was pretty emo, and we still have tons of stuff to talk about, after all, we have to catch up so much! But I think we’ll meet once I’ll be back in Italy, and then we’ll see where things will lead us from there.
And now, dear readers, the reason of the title. A few months ago I wrote about my big brother, Crea, who came back living into my parents’ small town, and I was so excited about going back and being the three of us together again (Bro, me and Crea).
So this won’t be happening any time soon, because Crea couldn’t find a job thanks to the recession, so he signed up to work 6 months in Maldive as a scuba dive master. I’m glad for him, and proud also, because he took things into his hands instead of sitting on his ass at home, but I’m soo disappointed about not being able to see him for 6 months!!!! (right now, I cannot afford Maldives)
Still, he’s been so nice, telling us he has already set a skype account and packed a webcam so we can make free video calls, so that we’ll be able to keep in touch on regular basis.
Last and definetly not least, I have no clue about how the hell I’m gonna find an apartment in Milan. But hey, cities are full of bridges to sleep under, huh?
Thursday, January 08, 2009
2009: return to the origins
2009 is the year of the big go-back for me. I’m moving back to Italy on February 21, and I’m both very excited and very scared about it.
I arranged with the brotheres (Bro and Crea) that they’re driving to the city on a big van on Feb 20, I’ll cook them a good dinner and on Feb 21 we’re loading all my stuff (not so many things, maintly plants clothes and books) on the van and we’ll be driving aither to Milan (if I’ll have already found a place by that time) or to my Parents if I still don’t have a flat in Milan.
I’m starting to be optimistic, because a girl I know will soon rent her flat which is 2 minutes walk from my office, so I hope to get her place to start, and then I’ll see and look around if I need something bigger.
So I’m scared about leaving the city, about KS and I on a long distance relationship, about working in Milan where competition is stronger and I’ll need to wear suits every day at work, while here unless I have to meet clients I can wear trainers and jeans (and I love this, because at 7AM I’m a f***ing SLOB).
I’m excited about meeting my new colleagues, making new friendships as well as reconnecting with old ones. I’ll be able to ski every weekend from December to June. I won’t have the costant temptation of French pastries right in front of me. I won’t need anymore to justify and explain everyone I’m veggie (Italian food is quite poor of meat). And I know it’s completely stupid, but I’ll be back to the status I was so used to, of successful stunning young woman. Because yes, I am tired of feeling a foreign freak as I very often feel here (and how couldn’t I, when not a day passes without people making fun of my accent?)
Changing subject, Xmas was pretty okay. The Bro’s wife apparently calmed down after the Panther scolded her, everyone was pretty cool and everything went smoothly. I took an eye on the kids, and although it’s true that the little one prefers staying at my Parents’ place that with his own parents, his mother is making some efforts to be better with him.
I was totally spoiled with presents, and I suspect this is a consequence of me announcing I’m going back to Italy. Then again, I totally spoiled all of my family with the gifts I bought them!
We had A LOT of snow, which meant I had to shovel a lot of it, but the Sponsor and I also enjoyed a few great skiing days. KS joined me on the evening of 25, and stayed until the 28, and we had a great time.
We spent New Year’s Eve at our place, with a few friends, and it was nice but pretty uneventful. I know this sounds spinster-ish, but I don’t feel anymore like standing for hours and hours in much too crowded bars, spending too much many and feeling sorry for my feet anymore. I prefer the homely, cozy way!
So happy new year everybody!!!
I arranged with the brotheres (Bro and Crea) that they’re driving to the city on a big van on Feb 20, I’ll cook them a good dinner and on Feb 21 we’re loading all my stuff (not so many things, maintly plants clothes and books) on the van and we’ll be driving aither to Milan (if I’ll have already found a place by that time) or to my Parents if I still don’t have a flat in Milan.
I’m starting to be optimistic, because a girl I know will soon rent her flat which is 2 minutes walk from my office, so I hope to get her place to start, and then I’ll see and look around if I need something bigger.
So I’m scared about leaving the city, about KS and I on a long distance relationship, about working in Milan where competition is stronger and I’ll need to wear suits every day at work, while here unless I have to meet clients I can wear trainers and jeans (and I love this, because at 7AM I’m a f***ing SLOB).
I’m excited about meeting my new colleagues, making new friendships as well as reconnecting with old ones. I’ll be able to ski every weekend from December to June. I won’t have the costant temptation of French pastries right in front of me. I won’t need anymore to justify and explain everyone I’m veggie (Italian food is quite poor of meat). And I know it’s completely stupid, but I’ll be back to the status I was so used to, of successful stunning young woman. Because yes, I am tired of feeling a foreign freak as I very often feel here (and how couldn’t I, when not a day passes without people making fun of my accent?)
Changing subject, Xmas was pretty okay. The Bro’s wife apparently calmed down after the Panther scolded her, everyone was pretty cool and everything went smoothly. I took an eye on the kids, and although it’s true that the little one prefers staying at my Parents’ place that with his own parents, his mother is making some efforts to be better with him.
I was totally spoiled with presents, and I suspect this is a consequence of me announcing I’m going back to Italy. Then again, I totally spoiled all of my family with the gifts I bought them!
We had A LOT of snow, which meant I had to shovel a lot of it, but the Sponsor and I also enjoyed a few great skiing days. KS joined me on the evening of 25, and stayed until the 28, and we had a great time.
We spent New Year’s Eve at our place, with a few friends, and it was nice but pretty uneventful. I know this sounds spinster-ish, but I don’t feel anymore like standing for hours and hours in much too crowded bars, spending too much many and feeling sorry for my feet anymore. I prefer the homely, cozy way!
So happy new year everybody!!!
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