Now, in first place I want to tell you something amazing that happened on Sunday.
I saw three wolves. No, not in a zoo. Free wolves, hunting in the mountains. At no more than 500 meters from us.
I am used to see wild animals, just last Saturday I saw a fox in the woods not far from home, but wolves? I never thought I’d ever see wild wolves in my life.
It was an incredible experience, also because I was skiing and I kept seeing them for a couple of minutes (that’s why I’m so sure they were wolves).
Besides that, the weekend was incredibly exhausting, physically AND emotionally.
Last Saturday I helped the Panther for a tough job: a huge fountain we have in the woods had been, over the last two years, submerged by mud, so we had to dig until it was visible again, and then clean it. Last week I had trained VERY hard, and I was already pretty tired, so this job was pretty much exhausting by itself.
The in the afternoon I ran a couple errands with the Panther, and also bought myself a suit and shoes for the office. We had the grannies over for dinner, and I also stopped by at Bro’s place, so I ended up going to bed without having had a moment for myself, but that was fine because ski touring was planned on Sunday.
And so Sunday morning I woke at 5 (as usual), and went to ski, but the weather was awful and I was feelling sick.
We met the others, and I was relieved to see that B just said hello but did not approach me.
We started hiking, and soon I had to stop to throw up, but at least I managed to do it discreetly and not in front of anyone.
And then we saw the wolves, and that really made me feel better! I kept on hiking, also because we had decided that, given the awful weather, we would just get to the next hut and stop there.
When we got to the hut, I was feeling a bit dizzy, so I stepped right inside thinking I would change my wet clothes. B stepped in right after me, and started talking. He had opened a bottle of beer and (again) offered me some, but I said
“Thanks, but no thanks. Actually I was sick half an hour ago, so no beer for me”
“Sorry to hear that baby”
(Baby? BABY? Who the hell are you calling BABY?)
He went on with small talk, while I took off my sweater, then I realized both my T-shirt and my top were soaked, so I wore my jacket and pulled out my top from underneath (no nakedness in front of B, DDgirl!). I turned around and he was facing me holding a clean sweater
“Here, DDgirl, take my sweater, you’ll be more comfortable”.
“Oh thank-you, that’s not necessary. I’ll put mine next to the stove so it’ll be dry in no time”
(and seriously, B, do you think I’d drink your beer, and then wear your clothes? And then tell me, what would next step be?)
“I insist, wearing windstopper on bare skin cannot be comfortable and I have another clean T-shirt for myself”
“Really B, thank-you but it’s not necessary”
And then I managed to grab all my stuff and get to the other room (where the stove was).
From then on, things declined: I started feeling worse, and the Sopnsor and I soon made our goodbyes, and went home. I felt better for a while and then I plunged into stomach flu, so much that yesterday I called sick at work for the very first time in my life.
This morning I felt way better, so I came to work.
I logged into Facebook and I had two messages, one from an old friend. And one from B.
“How are you? Feeling better?”
Showing posts with label B.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label B.. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Again
Yesterday I drove to the mountains for some good ski-touring with the Sponsor and the ski-touring school crew, as any given Sunday in this season.
We had a great day, sunny weather, a fantastic tour, great snow, and I had a lot of fun with an old friend of mine.
We had a great day, sunny weather, a fantastic tour, great snow, and I had a lot of fun with an old friend of mine.
Of course, B was there as well.
When I stepped out of the car, early in the morning, my above mentioned old friend came to greet me and B came along with him, and he was all like:
“Hey DDgirl, how are you doing? You look like someone who’s slept in the car, wake up!”
(seriously? Why would you care?)
I just said “Hey guys, what’s up? Ready to start the hike?”
I mean, I don’t want to be the one who starts drama, so I kept it cool, but still…
Soon afterwards, we were all getting ready and I put on my wool hat, which is a cute warm white funny thing… with soft deer horns on its sides!
People LOVE my hat, and so did my friend, and we cracked a few jokes about how it would help in case of avalanche (with people only having to look for the horns, and so on).
And again B shouted at me across the parking “Oh COME ON DDgirl!!! What do you wanna mean with that hat??”
(In Italy they say that you’ve got horns when someone cheated on you)
I just laughed and said “The Sponsor gave it to me and I love it!”
“Well it is beautiful” he said.
As soon as the Sponsor was ready we left (B was going with another group, luckily), and let me tell you, I was ready waaayyy faster than usually, because this whole thing of B talking to me was so weird.
We had a GREAT day, as I said, plus the ski patrols all made such good comments on my style I may even start to hope to join the touring ski teachers again…. But I don’t want to build too much expectations, we’ll see how things go next year.
The Sponsor also had fun, even though he was a bit tired, and we really enjoyed our day together.
At the end of the tour, in the afternoon, we caught up with the other groups, near the cars, at a small bar with a big courtyard that was cleaned from the snow and really sunny and warm. Since we had gone for the longest hike, we were the last to get there, and I was happy and suntanned. As I was taking my skis off, B came to me and started asking me how the hike was, and then he gestured towards the beer he was holding and said “Want some?”
“eeeeerrrr no thanks, I’m gonna grab some for the Sponsor and I” I said, and I can only hope the tan I got hid my blushing cheeks.
I mean, what was all this fuzz about? He even took my arm in his hand a couple minutes later to catch my attention.
The worst thing was, we first kissed in that same place!
Next Sunday will probably be the last time I see B this year, and I’m fine with that. I don’t want him messing up with me.
I’m not a saint, and I must admit I’d still like some kind of revenge on him, but I know I’d end up being hurt, so I’m just fine with saying hello from a reasonable distance.
Like I said before, back OFF, B.
(In any case, I had an AMAZING day. AMAZING, people)
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Overheard
It’s been snowing AGAIN (like, hello? It’s March), and since avalanche risk was too high, I didn’t even go skiing. Okay, it’s probably the first non-skiing weekend in 2010, but still… it sucks! At least I managed to go running with the Sponsor on Saturday, and we ran 10km (6 miles, partly uphill), so that’s a good thing.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve run more or less 200km (125 miles more or less). How can I possibly be gaining belly fat? The only truth is: I eat like a pig. True, I eat healthy food, but… I just eat too much, and often I eat carbs late at night (hello, overworked DDgirl!). Whatever. I need to stop stuffing my face with bread.
The RUT is here, but aknowledging it is the first step for fighting it. Well, it seems it's gonna be snowing again starting tonight, and that won't help.
On to next subject.
I overheard the parents, a couple of days ago. I didn’t really mean to, they thought I was sleeping and I was just kind of dozing, and I realized they were talking about me.
Panther: “Why can’t she find someone as good as B? B was better for her. Even I liked B.”
Sponsor: “True. B was great, they made a great couple”
P: “So how come she’s with KS now?”
S: “KS may be Mr. Good Enough, he may not be good enough for you, but she’s doing fine.”
P: “She’d be as fine on her own”
S: “Maybe. And maybe not. At least she’s not after B.”
P: “Why would she?”
S: “You’ve never seen when they meet, since he dumped her. She aches badly, when she sees him. And Weird Wife, who keeps talking to him, so DDgirl has to say hello and be civil as well, that drives me nuts. You should have seen last summer, the day she got her frostbites, you would have thought she was already in pain, right? And then we crossed B and his wife. And DDgirl, all of a sudden, she shrink, she didn’t even look them in the eyes. It was like watching someone who gets kicked in their head and don’t react.”
P: “…”
S: “I reckon it DOES go a little better now. It was worst when she found out he got married. But still, my point is, I’m always afraid one day, if she was alone, she might try and go after him. And that’d be really bad. Because, like she managed to have him once, she may still seduce him. But in the end, he’d always go back to the his wife, just as he did before. And that may really drive DDgirl crazy. So leave her alone and don’t talk about B. You know what? I liked B a lot, but it would have been better if he died. We lost her once, he dumped her and she moved abroad. Had he died, she would have made a reason of it.”
I don’t remember anything after that, I think I really fell asleep. I did not remember this, and then this morning I heard “Goodbye my lover” by James Blunt. And I remembered this conversation, and I thought how The Sponsor is right.
Isn’t he always?
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve run more or less 200km (125 miles more or less). How can I possibly be gaining belly fat? The only truth is: I eat like a pig. True, I eat healthy food, but… I just eat too much, and often I eat carbs late at night (hello, overworked DDgirl!). Whatever. I need to stop stuffing my face with bread.
The RUT is here, but aknowledging it is the first step for fighting it. Well, it seems it's gonna be snowing again starting tonight, and that won't help.
On to next subject.
I overheard the parents, a couple of days ago. I didn’t really mean to, they thought I was sleeping and I was just kind of dozing, and I realized they were talking about me.
Panther: “Why can’t she find someone as good as B? B was better for her. Even I liked B.”
Sponsor: “True. B was great, they made a great couple”
P: “So how come she’s with KS now?”
S: “KS may be Mr. Good Enough, he may not be good enough for you, but she’s doing fine.”
P: “She’d be as fine on her own”
S: “Maybe. And maybe not. At least she’s not after B.”
P: “Why would she?”
S: “You’ve never seen when they meet, since he dumped her. She aches badly, when she sees him. And Weird Wife, who keeps talking to him, so DDgirl has to say hello and be civil as well, that drives me nuts. You should have seen last summer, the day she got her frostbites, you would have thought she was already in pain, right? And then we crossed B and his wife. And DDgirl, all of a sudden, she shrink, she didn’t even look them in the eyes. It was like watching someone who gets kicked in their head and don’t react.”
P: “…”
S: “I reckon it DOES go a little better now. It was worst when she found out he got married. But still, my point is, I’m always afraid one day, if she was alone, she might try and go after him. And that’d be really bad. Because, like she managed to have him once, she may still seduce him. But in the end, he’d always go back to the his wife, just as he did before. And that may really drive DDgirl crazy. So leave her alone and don’t talk about B. You know what? I liked B a lot, but it would have been better if he died. We lost her once, he dumped her and she moved abroad. Had he died, she would have made a reason of it.”
I don’t remember anything after that, I think I really fell asleep. I did not remember this, and then this morning I heard “Goodbye my lover” by James Blunt. And I remembered this conversation, and I thought how The Sponsor is right.
Isn’t he always?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Back off and leave us alone
I saw B yesterday.
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.
B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)
So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.
Whatever.
Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).
(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).
So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.
So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.
So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
(...)
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.
B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)
So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.
Whatever.
Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).
(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).
So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.
So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.
So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
(...)
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Monday, February 01, 2010
Full moon hiking
I’m having my living room AND my boudoir both painted in this precise moment! YAY!
I finally put my shit together, called the painter, and even convinced my landlord about paying at least part of the bill. Not bad huh?
The only inconvenient, of course, is that today my neck aches, and, even more important, I sprained my wrist badly on Saturday. Not the best to move furniture around the house.
How did I get those? Here comes the DDgirl weekend…
After waking up every morning at 6AM last week, in order to train (I managed to run 35km last week, or over 20 miles if you prefer), on Saturday I had opted for a mountaineering ski tour with the Sponsor and Bro. Nobody, however, had mentioned that we were to wake up at 4.30AM. UGH.
We started hiking under a glorious full moon that promised us a beautiful day. We had 1500mt (over 4,900ft) to climb, so we were trying to keep a steady but fast pace. We are all quite trained these days, so we managed to keep the pace and chat at the same time: all in all, we were having a great time. The sun rose, and we took a couple of nice pics with the snowy mountains embraced in pink light. It was only when we had already climbed 900mt that we were suddenly hit by a stormy cold wind from the North. One hour later, we were at less than 100mt from the peak, but we were struggling so badly we decided to stop and start skiing down. However, while peeling off the sealskins (you stick them on your skis to climb up) I lost my balance due to the wind, and, struggling not to fall, I put my whole weight on a stick, and sprained my wrist. I didn’t realize immediately it was that bad, but when I got home, it was about twice the size of the other wrist.
Now since I’m a dork, instead of complaining, I cooked lunch (which involved cutting and cleaning a pumpkin…), because I wanted to go freeriding on Sunday!
And so I did. The alarm went off at 5.30AM on Sunday, and I went freeriding in Switzerland. Although I couldn’t use my right hand, I managed to ski quite well (I still have problems with my frost-bitten toes, so I don’t ski as well as I usually do, these days..). I also managed to respond nicely to the small talk initiated by B., which is more than I usually do. So where is the problem? The problem is, the thermometer never went above minus 20° (-4F) over the day (and it snowed all day long). Added on top of my lack of sleep, it means I was frozen to my ass.
So this morning I woke up at 5AM to get back to the city, and let’s say I have felt better on other days. And yet, the ridiculous thing is my skin is glowing, my hair looks nice and shiny, and all in all, I look way better than most days.
Whatever.
I really enjoyed my weekend though. And I don’t have much to do at work today, so I’ll go home by 5, pay the painter, re-organize a little all the furniture I moved to my bedroom, and go straight to bed.
I finally put my shit together, called the painter, and even convinced my landlord about paying at least part of the bill. Not bad huh?
The only inconvenient, of course, is that today my neck aches, and, even more important, I sprained my wrist badly on Saturday. Not the best to move furniture around the house.
How did I get those? Here comes the DDgirl weekend…
After waking up every morning at 6AM last week, in order to train (I managed to run 35km last week, or over 20 miles if you prefer), on Saturday I had opted for a mountaineering ski tour with the Sponsor and Bro. Nobody, however, had mentioned that we were to wake up at 4.30AM. UGH.
We started hiking under a glorious full moon that promised us a beautiful day. We had 1500mt (over 4,900ft) to climb, so we were trying to keep a steady but fast pace. We are all quite trained these days, so we managed to keep the pace and chat at the same time: all in all, we were having a great time. The sun rose, and we took a couple of nice pics with the snowy mountains embraced in pink light. It was only when we had already climbed 900mt that we were suddenly hit by a stormy cold wind from the North. One hour later, we were at less than 100mt from the peak, but we were struggling so badly we decided to stop and start skiing down. However, while peeling off the sealskins (you stick them on your skis to climb up) I lost my balance due to the wind, and, struggling not to fall, I put my whole weight on a stick, and sprained my wrist. I didn’t realize immediately it was that bad, but when I got home, it was about twice the size of the other wrist.
Now since I’m a dork, instead of complaining, I cooked lunch (which involved cutting and cleaning a pumpkin…), because I wanted to go freeriding on Sunday!
And so I did. The alarm went off at 5.30AM on Sunday, and I went freeriding in Switzerland. Although I couldn’t use my right hand, I managed to ski quite well (I still have problems with my frost-bitten toes, so I don’t ski as well as I usually do, these days..). I also managed to respond nicely to the small talk initiated by B., which is more than I usually do. So where is the problem? The problem is, the thermometer never went above minus 20° (-4F) over the day (and it snowed all day long). Added on top of my lack of sleep, it means I was frozen to my ass.
So this morning I woke up at 5AM to get back to the city, and let’s say I have felt better on other days. And yet, the ridiculous thing is my skin is glowing, my hair looks nice and shiny, and all in all, I look way better than most days.
Whatever.
I really enjoyed my weekend though. And I don’t have much to do at work today, so I’ll go home by 5, pay the painter, re-organize a little all the furniture I moved to my bedroom, and go straight to bed.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Happy twentyten!!!
Happy New Year, my loyal readers!
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.
I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.
My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.
Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.
But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.
And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.
I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.
The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.
On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.
Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.
The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.
Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:
Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo
I’m back in action, and here are my random thoughts on this first Monday of the Year.
I remember January 2005.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted from the year that was beginning.
I wanted B. to propose.
B. never proposed properly, somehow he decided we would get married. Now I see how wrong that was, but I didn’t care. I was what I wanted.
My point is not that I didn’t, of course, get married. My point is entirely not about B, actually.
My question is: what do I want most from 2010?
I have no clue, and this saddens me.
Of course, I want things, things that are most important: I hope my parents will stay healthy, I hope work goes well. I hope my dysfunctional family will get along well.
But do I want special things for myself? I wouldn’t know, honestly.
And I know that I’m not mentioning KS within my important wishes. This is part of my continuous self-questioning.
Am I in love? The honest truth is that I ask this one too often. I keep second-guessing myself, more than our relationship.
I spent a nice winter break in the mountains.
The good things:
- I went skiing quite a lot, and we had plenty of snow.
- I also went skiing with the Sponsor, and he managed to spend some time with his friends.
- I spent nice quality time with KS.
The bad things:
- Yesterday Weird Wife, invited at lunch along with the whole family, behaved horribly, drove everyone nuts, so in the end my parents argued and the Sponsor even scratched the car against a wall because he was arguing while parking.
- There were times when I really thought I would kick KS in the ass. Since I moved out, he has got back into his old lazy habits, and he won’t do a thing unless asked, at home, and even then he’ll complain and I’ll need to ask 7 times. I’m talking small things people (like getting his dirty cloths off the floor of the living room). Needless to say, this kicks in my self-questioning mechanism at its strongest level.
- When we go out with my friends, KS needs constant babysitting. I hate it.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I actually want to forget about the problems. I do believe that part of the problems come from my overanalyzing things.
On to the good things: this week is going to be light at work, because Wednesday is a bank holiday in Italy, and I’m not starting any new project until next Monday. New Years Resolutions are of course, losing weight (hard one) and hitting the gym more often (and harder, if possible). The second one looks like the easy one.
Over New Years Eve I made peace with one of my longest-time-friend. I’ve known this boy since we were 3 (his nickname is Bud, even among our friends, because when we were kids he behaved pretty much like Bud Spencer). I had stopped entirely talking to him after I found out he had told all our mutual friends, a couple of years ago, that he had spied on me and a boy having sex (by the way his story did not match with what had happened, by the other guy and I were the only one who could know it…). It was horrible.
Somehow, in NYE he approached me on the lines of: “Look at my friend DDgirl… We haven’t spoken in so long and I’m sorry about it”.
Since I’m a sucker, I instantly let go of years of anger, we hugged and proceeded talking and hanging out like two peas in a pod.
The Sponsor promised to buy me a Vespa in spring. But then, we all know how it went last year, so I’m not making expectations on this one.
Finally, I’ll end on a sweet note.
The best wishes I got this year:
Dear DDgirl,
I was so happy to see you earlier this month.
It is imperative that we stay in touch, because you are among those people I’ve really appreciated and I care about, over the last few years.
2009 comes at its end, it was a peculiar year, a little hard, but all experiences have their good side!
I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I really hope to see you soon.
Hugs and love
Lolo
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Clothes and New Moon
I bought myself a cute dress by Trussardi.
It’s a little black dress, the kind of thing you can wear both at work and out at night, it’s posh and classy. And it really fits me well. Granted, I did not pay it full price (I actually had a bit more than 70% off). It still cost me some 70 Euros (a hundred bucks I guess, huh?).
As I said, it fits me, I really like it and everything. The only thing is it just had a VERY small and discreet Trussardi “T” symbol you’ll never notice. Since I’m gross, couldn’t it be written all over the thing, please? As it is, nobody will ever notice I’m wearing Trussardi!
Anyway, things are crazy at work (again). Bro is coming over for the night, and I’m feeding him pasta with porcini mushrooms. I feel as fat as a pig, and I’m training only twice a week, which is NOT enough since the skiing season is coming soon.
I went to the movies with Polish chick, and we saw New Moon. I love New Moon. It was always my fave Twilight book. But it makes me hurt at such a deep level! I’ve reread New Moon a couple times since it first came out, each time I start it in the evening and I’m not able to go to sleep until I’ve gone through the whole book. Maybe because after B left I went on like Bella for months, being almost catatonic (my first few months in France).
As Fannie Flagg wrote, a heart can be broken and still go on beating.
It’s a little black dress, the kind of thing you can wear both at work and out at night, it’s posh and classy. And it really fits me well. Granted, I did not pay it full price (I actually had a bit more than 70% off). It still cost me some 70 Euros (a hundred bucks I guess, huh?).
As I said, it fits me, I really like it and everything. The only thing is it just had a VERY small and discreet Trussardi “T” symbol you’ll never notice. Since I’m gross, couldn’t it be written all over the thing, please? As it is, nobody will ever notice I’m wearing Trussardi!
Anyway, things are crazy at work (again). Bro is coming over for the night, and I’m feeding him pasta with porcini mushrooms. I feel as fat as a pig, and I’m training only twice a week, which is NOT enough since the skiing season is coming soon.
I went to the movies with Polish chick, and we saw New Moon. I love New Moon. It was always my fave Twilight book. But it makes me hurt at such a deep level! I’ve reread New Moon a couple times since it first came out, each time I start it in the evening and I’m not able to go to sleep until I’ve gone through the whole book. Maybe because after B left I went on like Bella for months, being almost catatonic (my first few months in France).
As Fannie Flagg wrote, a heart can be broken and still go on beating.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Frostbites
After getting back from the North East job, I had planned to climb one of Monte Rosa peaks with the Sponsor who had charged me to guide two of his colleagues.
We left on Saturday morning, and within an hour I started having serious issues about the women capacity to do the climb the next day. They were slow, not trained enough, overweight and prone to complain a lot. I tried to cheer them up by telling them stories about the mountain, took some weight off their backpacks, but I wasn’t optimistic about the next day. I realised quickly that the Sponsor only agreed to have the two of them with us because he owed them (they had recently performed some successful surgery someone in the family or something like that).
Mind you, it’s not like I didn’t like them or I was hostile or anything: it’s just that high mountain is a tough place. Whatever.
Struggling through the wind, we got to the first refuge, and although we should have climbed 30 more minutes to the second one, I knew already that the ladies were so afraid of the wind that they would have had serious trouble going on. So I got it and explained the situation to the keeper, a cute guy with impressive green eyes. He told me they were almost full but he knew me by name and would manage to find some place for us. I was a bit stunned that he knew me, but thanked him and added that if there was little place I could leave the ladies here and climb up and get them in the morning, just to let me know, but he told me he would find a solution.
So we stayed, and Green Eyes really pampered us even though he WAS busy (they were over the full capacity of the refuge). I made friends with a waitress which may or may not be Green Eyes sister (same eyes, same hair, same smile…), tried to give a hand where I thought I could help and so on. In the meanwhile the ladies and the Sponsor (who had brought along another man as well) kept saying GE was interested in me..
GE ended finding us a pretty room! And I’m sure that he put someone else on the floor in order to make room for us, but hey, I didn’t complain. During the evening, GE’s sister (assuming they are indeed siblings) asked me if I was training to be a guide! I was totally proud of this, but of course it isn’t so and I had to say no..
I got up at 4.30 and it took me almost half an hour to persuade the ladies that, if they wanted to do the climb, we were already late! We had breakfast, GE wished me luck for the day, I flashed him my best smile and out we were. During the night, however, I had a bad surprise: my period was early! And my period is the only thing that gives me problems in high altitude, ouch!
The day was pretty cold, the ladies were slow, and I was freezing. By the time we reached 4,000 mt altitude, I knew we wouldn’t make it, but I was hoping to climb a smaller peak in order to give them at least some satisfaction! 50 meters below the peak, however, I started hearing a weird noise. Since I know a bit about mountain sickness, I paid attention: one of the ladies made a strange noise when breathing. This could only mean she was going to have pulmonary oedema. I already knew the weather was too bad for helicopters, so we could only try to climb down as fast as we could and hope. It was bad, because my hands and feet were freezing, but I knew we couldn’t stop. I went real fast, trying to move my hands as much as possible and praying that my feet would carry me long enough. I almost run, slowing down only to pass crevasses, and we went down to 3700 mt so fast that the lady was fine. I explained her my concerns (I did not want her to panic before), and she said I was probably right and thanked me.
By this time, my hands were hurting badly and I took 5 minutes to warm them a bit. I was still concerned by my feet, but at least they did not hurt, so I thought it was better to get to the refuge and take my hiking boots of to heat them. And so we did.
But when we got there I knew my feet were not right, I heated them but had very little sensibility, and they hurt badly at the same time. At least I did not see much of GE. Later in the day we climbed the rest of our way down, and it was tough on my feet. In addiction, I also crossed paths with B. and his wife, but by the time I was so in pain I couldn’t care less. GE sister, by the way, asked if she could join us so she didn’t have to go the whole way on her own, so we chatted a little and agreed to go for drinks during my vacations.
When we finally got down I was in such pain I could barely talk. Both of my toes had experienced severe frostbites, and the other light frostbites.
It took me almost a week to walk again, and I still cannot wear anything but sneakers or flip flops….. but I still think of Green Eyes!
We left on Saturday morning, and within an hour I started having serious issues about the women capacity to do the climb the next day. They were slow, not trained enough, overweight and prone to complain a lot. I tried to cheer them up by telling them stories about the mountain, took some weight off their backpacks, but I wasn’t optimistic about the next day. I realised quickly that the Sponsor only agreed to have the two of them with us because he owed them (they had recently performed some successful surgery someone in the family or something like that).
Mind you, it’s not like I didn’t like them or I was hostile or anything: it’s just that high mountain is a tough place. Whatever.
Struggling through the wind, we got to the first refuge, and although we should have climbed 30 more minutes to the second one, I knew already that the ladies were so afraid of the wind that they would have had serious trouble going on. So I got it and explained the situation to the keeper, a cute guy with impressive green eyes. He told me they were almost full but he knew me by name and would manage to find some place for us. I was a bit stunned that he knew me, but thanked him and added that if there was little place I could leave the ladies here and climb up and get them in the morning, just to let me know, but he told me he would find a solution.
So we stayed, and Green Eyes really pampered us even though he WAS busy (they were over the full capacity of the refuge). I made friends with a waitress which may or may not be Green Eyes sister (same eyes, same hair, same smile…), tried to give a hand where I thought I could help and so on. In the meanwhile the ladies and the Sponsor (who had brought along another man as well) kept saying GE was interested in me..
GE ended finding us a pretty room! And I’m sure that he put someone else on the floor in order to make room for us, but hey, I didn’t complain. During the evening, GE’s sister (assuming they are indeed siblings) asked me if I was training to be a guide! I was totally proud of this, but of course it isn’t so and I had to say no..
I got up at 4.30 and it took me almost half an hour to persuade the ladies that, if they wanted to do the climb, we were already late! We had breakfast, GE wished me luck for the day, I flashed him my best smile and out we were. During the night, however, I had a bad surprise: my period was early! And my period is the only thing that gives me problems in high altitude, ouch!
The day was pretty cold, the ladies were slow, and I was freezing. By the time we reached 4,000 mt altitude, I knew we wouldn’t make it, but I was hoping to climb a smaller peak in order to give them at least some satisfaction! 50 meters below the peak, however, I started hearing a weird noise. Since I know a bit about mountain sickness, I paid attention: one of the ladies made a strange noise when breathing. This could only mean she was going to have pulmonary oedema. I already knew the weather was too bad for helicopters, so we could only try to climb down as fast as we could and hope. It was bad, because my hands and feet were freezing, but I knew we couldn’t stop. I went real fast, trying to move my hands as much as possible and praying that my feet would carry me long enough. I almost run, slowing down only to pass crevasses, and we went down to 3700 mt so fast that the lady was fine. I explained her my concerns (I did not want her to panic before), and she said I was probably right and thanked me.
By this time, my hands were hurting badly and I took 5 minutes to warm them a bit. I was still concerned by my feet, but at least they did not hurt, so I thought it was better to get to the refuge and take my hiking boots of to heat them. And so we did.
But when we got there I knew my feet were not right, I heated them but had very little sensibility, and they hurt badly at the same time. At least I did not see much of GE. Later in the day we climbed the rest of our way down, and it was tough on my feet. In addiction, I also crossed paths with B. and his wife, but by the time I was so in pain I couldn’t care less. GE sister, by the way, asked if she could join us so she didn’t have to go the whole way on her own, so we chatted a little and agreed to go for drinks during my vacations.
When we finally got down I was in such pain I could barely talk. Both of my toes had experienced severe frostbites, and the other light frostbites.
It took me almost a week to walk again, and I still cannot wear anything but sneakers or flip flops….. but I still think of Green Eyes!
Friday, June 26, 2009
200th post..
...flames to dust,
lovers to friends:
why do all good things
come to an end?
..and the dogs will
whistling at the new tune
barking at the new moon,
hoping it will come soon,
so that they could die..
I hate it here people. Cannot stand it anymore.
Hopefully I lost weight over the week, on Monday I'll be able to check.
What else?
It's not healthy working like this. I've been working 14 to 16 hours every day over the last three weeks, including weekends.
It's unhealthy both phisically and mentally. I think way to much about B.
I don't even have the time to talk to KS or to my family on the phone. And even if I did, I don't have anything to say but complaints, so I prefer to shut up. After all, B. dumped me after one of these moments.
I even dream about work and wake up sweating at night.
And if there is one thing I don't need in my life is thinking about B. I don't wanna think I may screw my life again like I did after B. left.
Hopefully I'll get to see KS in the weekend and hopefully we may get to spend some quality time together. Because when it gets to this point, you don't live, you don't love, you don't. You just try and carry on.
But KS is not B., and he won't give me up on this, so fuck B. and fuck the past.
lovers to friends:
why do all good things
come to an end?
..and the dogs will
whistling at the new tune
barking at the new moon,
hoping it will come soon,
so that they could die..
I hate it here people. Cannot stand it anymore.
Hopefully I lost weight over the week, on Monday I'll be able to check.
What else?
It's not healthy working like this. I've been working 14 to 16 hours every day over the last three weeks, including weekends.
It's unhealthy both phisically and mentally. I think way to much about B.
I don't even have the time to talk to KS or to my family on the phone. And even if I did, I don't have anything to say but complaints, so I prefer to shut up. After all, B. dumped me after one of these moments.
I even dream about work and wake up sweating at night.
And if there is one thing I don't need in my life is thinking about B. I don't wanna think I may screw my life again like I did after B. left.
Hopefully I'll get to see KS in the weekend and hopefully we may get to spend some quality time together. Because when it gets to this point, you don't live, you don't love, you don't. You just try and carry on.
But KS is not B., and he won't give me up on this, so fuck B. and fuck the past.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Pain
I know, I should be writing about the crazy nights of the staff meeting, about skiing, about having fun and plenty of things like that.
But today I learnt something. B. got married.
To be more precise, he married the Polish girl for whom he dumped me, and the marriage took place last summer, at the exact date he should have married ME.
I learnt it through a mutual friend who didn’t mean any harm, who actually thought that I already knew it and that I didn’t care anyway.
B. has been the greatest love of my life, and this won’t probably ever change. When he dumped me, I couldn’t live anymore in the same place we used to, I couldn’t go on with the same job, the same flat, the same life. So I quit my home country, and moved to France.
Today, I still cried when I learnt the news, because somewhere inside me I never gave up the hope one day he would maybe come back (and Bruno is Catholic, so marriage is forever).
It shouldn’t have to be this hard. The fact that I have also seen him today, not talking to me but staring at me, didn’t help. When he realized I had noticed him staring, he lowered his eyes.
Did he ever even love me? I cannot forget him telling me “You were the worst mistake of my life”, when he dumped me on the phone, and I hadn’t seen it coming at all. When I came home the next day, he was gone, and so were his things. It was 2 years and 8 months ago. Since then, I only spoke to him once, one month later, when one night I was so miserable I called him, and he told me he was back together with his ex (the one he’s now married to), and he had promised her he would not talk to me anymore.
When I first met him, and they were together, she used to make him miserable all the time. His whole family hated her because of this. He dumped her for me, but then she won him back.
Today, after so much suffering, I can only think that she will still make him miserable. And I hope so, I hope they’ll be unhappy together. I’m a loser, I’m really uncool I know, but I can’t avoid it. Maybe that’s why he never loved me.
I think I’m going to puke.
But today I learnt something. B. got married.
To be more precise, he married the Polish girl for whom he dumped me, and the marriage took place last summer, at the exact date he should have married ME.
I learnt it through a mutual friend who didn’t mean any harm, who actually thought that I already knew it and that I didn’t care anyway.
B. has been the greatest love of my life, and this won’t probably ever change. When he dumped me, I couldn’t live anymore in the same place we used to, I couldn’t go on with the same job, the same flat, the same life. So I quit my home country, and moved to France.
Today, I still cried when I learnt the news, because somewhere inside me I never gave up the hope one day he would maybe come back (and Bruno is Catholic, so marriage is forever).
It shouldn’t have to be this hard. The fact that I have also seen him today, not talking to me but staring at me, didn’t help. When he realized I had noticed him staring, he lowered his eyes.
Did he ever even love me? I cannot forget him telling me “You were the worst mistake of my life”, when he dumped me on the phone, and I hadn’t seen it coming at all. When I came home the next day, he was gone, and so were his things. It was 2 years and 8 months ago. Since then, I only spoke to him once, one month later, when one night I was so miserable I called him, and he told me he was back together with his ex (the one he’s now married to), and he had promised her he would not talk to me anymore.
When I first met him, and they were together, she used to make him miserable all the time. His whole family hated her because of this. He dumped her for me, but then she won him back.
Today, after so much suffering, I can only think that she will still make him miserable. And I hope so, I hope they’ll be unhappy together. I’m a loser, I’m really uncool I know, but I can’t avoid it. Maybe that’s why he never loved me.
I think I’m going to puke.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Civil war
Three years ago, B. broke our engagement, and my heart. He went back to his ex girlfriend, Anja, a plain-face Polish girl, and they decided to move to France. I’d better say, she decided that they were moving to France.
A heart can be broken and still go on beating, they say. So, when I got an offer for a good job in France, I moved as well.
They didn’t know about it, I wasn’t some kind of crazy stalker. I was just in love, and this way I was closer to B.
From mutual friends, I knew that Anja was possessive; she had a lot of drama and a lot of issues going on and had always been like that.
I would have been possessive as well: B. had already dumped her once (for me). And I remember very well what it means to have a man girls literally throw themselves at in bars, even when you’re standing next too him. Yes, B. is that handsome.
And then, just like that, the world got crazy, the national strike that had been going on for weeks evolved into riots in the streets, huge blackout due to the molotovs that had been thrown to the electricity complex, curfew were imposed and not respected. All in a sudden, we were living through what seemed a civil war.
Foreigners were the first target of angry workers, and I knew that. So, I went to seek for B. and Anja, since I may be a dork but I’m not a heartless bitch.
I had found a car and enough fuel to quit the country and go back, and I knew their address, so I just loaded a few things on the car and headed to their place, hoping to avoid the riots.
I almost didn’t make it in time: their building was on fire, and they were standing on the street, just watching. But I knew it wouldn’t take long for them to get in trouble, as people we running around and things were tense.
So I made my way through the rubble, opened the window and shouted them: “Get in the car!!! Now!!!”
Now, Anja had never met me, and I don’t think she did recognize me.
B., was so shocked he just did as he was told.
IT was hard, but we managed to get out of the city, and from there on things went pretty smooth. As soon as we crossed the border, I handed B. some pills and he made Anja take them, so she collapsed sleeping on the back seat.
We didn’t talk much, I drove for almost 30 hours without any stop. The adrenaline kept me going, but by the time we got home, to our origins, I was shaking. B. told me he would come to see me on the next day, I just nodded, gave him the keys of the car, and knocked on my mother’s door. She opened, started to cry of joy seeing me home and safe, and I quickly collapsed on the bed.
On the following afternoon, after I had managed to wake up, take a shower and so on, B. kept his words and he came. He thanked me, and then kissed me. We went for a walk, hand in hand, and laid on the grass, where he took me into his arms.
But when I said “I’m glad you’re back”, he answered “I’m not leaving Anja, DDgirl”.
I stood up, and howled, tears streaming down my face.
And I woke up in my bed, in Lyon, crying. It took me a while to realize it was a dream, that KS, my love was sleeping next to me, that everything was fine, that B. was gone a long time ago and I’m happy now. Breathe, DDgirl, breathe.
A heart can be broken and still go on beating, they say. So, when I got an offer for a good job in France, I moved as well.
They didn’t know about it, I wasn’t some kind of crazy stalker. I was just in love, and this way I was closer to B.
From mutual friends, I knew that Anja was possessive; she had a lot of drama and a lot of issues going on and had always been like that.
I would have been possessive as well: B. had already dumped her once (for me). And I remember very well what it means to have a man girls literally throw themselves at in bars, even when you’re standing next too him. Yes, B. is that handsome.
And then, just like that, the world got crazy, the national strike that had been going on for weeks evolved into riots in the streets, huge blackout due to the molotovs that had been thrown to the electricity complex, curfew were imposed and not respected. All in a sudden, we were living through what seemed a civil war.
Foreigners were the first target of angry workers, and I knew that. So, I went to seek for B. and Anja, since I may be a dork but I’m not a heartless bitch.
I had found a car and enough fuel to quit the country and go back, and I knew their address, so I just loaded a few things on the car and headed to their place, hoping to avoid the riots.
I almost didn’t make it in time: their building was on fire, and they were standing on the street, just watching. But I knew it wouldn’t take long for them to get in trouble, as people we running around and things were tense.
So I made my way through the rubble, opened the window and shouted them: “Get in the car!!! Now!!!”
Now, Anja had never met me, and I don’t think she did recognize me.
B., was so shocked he just did as he was told.
IT was hard, but we managed to get out of the city, and from there on things went pretty smooth. As soon as we crossed the border, I handed B. some pills and he made Anja take them, so she collapsed sleeping on the back seat.
We didn’t talk much, I drove for almost 30 hours without any stop. The adrenaline kept me going, but by the time we got home, to our origins, I was shaking. B. told me he would come to see me on the next day, I just nodded, gave him the keys of the car, and knocked on my mother’s door. She opened, started to cry of joy seeing me home and safe, and I quickly collapsed on the bed.
On the following afternoon, after I had managed to wake up, take a shower and so on, B. kept his words and he came. He thanked me, and then kissed me. We went for a walk, hand in hand, and laid on the grass, where he took me into his arms.
But when I said “I’m glad you’re back”, he answered “I’m not leaving Anja, DDgirl”.
I stood up, and howled, tears streaming down my face.
And I woke up in my bed, in Lyon, crying. It took me a while to realize it was a dream, that KS, my love was sleeping next to me, that everything was fine, that B. was gone a long time ago and I’m happy now. Breathe, DDgirl, breathe.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Top Humiliating Dating Moments
I saw this on a few blogs, and finally took the time to do it as well. This is a pretty good summary of the worst moments of my whole dating career. They are not in chronological order: #1 is the worst. You’ll probably think the order should be different, but to me it’s this way.
Enjoy it!
HDM #5: Me too!
When I was living in Milan, I briefly had a Brazilian toy boy. I don’t know how to define him but HOT. He was probably the hottest guy I ever slept this. Besides, he was totally dumb, I mean, incapable of talking for 2 minutes. He was, however, incredibly talented for music, which helped him socially. He was also pretty skilled in bed!
Anyway, one morning I walked into the kitchen of the apartment I shared with Chris, a nice Sicilian girl, and Gab, cute and totally gay roommate; at the same time, the Brazilian TB walked to the bathroom. Gab looked at him, than at me, and then said “Wait DDgirl, did you sleep with HIM???”
“Yes, why, do you like him?”
“He’s hot right, but I slept with him last week, you remember, the night I told you I was talking someone home and you worked overnight?”
“Oh. My. God.”
Of course right then Brazilian TB joined us into the kitchen, said he had to go and hugged both Gab and I.
Good thing is, over the months, we made some good laughs remembering it.
HDM #4: Brothers
When I was at my first year of college, one night I went to a huge party in the mountains with both my brothers, the Bro and the eldest, Crea. We drove with two cars, and by the time we decided to call it a night the Bro and I were just tipsy, Crea was so wasted he asked another friend to drive his car. At the time, he had a SUV. We headed home, driving downhill, when suddenly Crea’s friend cut our road and stopped blocking our way. Crea stepped out and I pulled down the window, thinking he needed to puke. Instead, he came towards me, opened the door of our car and said “Hey, you’re hot” and planted one on my lips. I was so shocked I didn’t even react, while the Bro laughed to tears. Crea slammed the door and went back to his car. I stared at him, than at the Bro, and I shrieked: “What the fuck???”
By the morning after, Crea had completely forgotten about it. WEIRD!!!!!
HDM #3: How about my skeletons?
A few weeks ago I introduced KS to a bunch of friends I know and I spend holidays with since I was 12. They all had new girlfriends as well, which was a plus. However, as soon as I got to the bar to order a new round for everyone, I realized KS was asking my friends “So, what do I need to know about DDgirl that she’s never going to tell me?” My friends were suddenly paralyzed: I over the years I slept with both of them, but neither KS neither their brand new chicks need to know this!!!! I grabbed the beers and ran back to the table, where my friends looked at me very, very, VERY relieved.
HDM #2: I can’t breathe easy
I already told about it, so forgive me if I just cut and paste. In case you joined later, it happened last April, when I went hiking with the Sponsor (aka dad).
I indulged in one of my bad passions: singing. And so I started out loud the Italian version of "Breath easy", which goes, more or less, like this:
"To those who tell me,
you will come back,
I don't trust anymore.
To those who tell you,
I ache thinking of you,
you just smile and turn to her.
You will not cry,
because you can't see how, but you know
I've lost everything,
while you, you never lose, and now,
I.........can't breathe easy
I cant sleep at night
Without you by my side"
And then, just as I faded the last words, the guy with a dark green jacket approached and quietly told me "Hello, DDgirl".
It was B., my ex.
I quickly looked around for some way to disappear, but didn’t find any, so I took a breath and said, a bit too loud “Hey, I didn’t recognize you! How are you doing?”
Damned, how pathetic did I look? Later on, the Sponsor answered: “Pretty much pathetic”.
Anyway, we made some small talk, than he asked “So, how are YOU doing?”
And that is where I tried to improve my pathetic situation, I mentioned that I’m moving ‘cause my boyfriend has just bought a house and so on.
I don’t know what he thought, I couldn’t care less honestly.
HDM #1: Pregnancy scare
In college, during a dark period before meeting B., I dated for a while with Sexy, who later became my fuck-buddy, by the way. Sexy was engaged with a psycho bitch, and he was friend and neighbour of the Bro. When I moved in with the Bro I quickly ended up sleeping with him, because Sexy and I have always had this huge chemistry going on. After a few months I developed a good crush on him, and started suffering from his engaged situation. And that was when I had a pregnancy scare. I need to precise sordid details: my sister in law was one month pregnant, and I had been using condoms from the same box they did. So, when I was already 14 days late, one night I headed over to Sexy'splace and tried to explain the situation. He freaked out and asked me to leave, so I stepped out, where it was snowing, and headed at my Bro’s sobbing out loud in the night. I didn’t see Sexy for more than 2 years after that, by the time I had moved to France and he became my fuck-buddy.
For the chronicles, 2 days later I finally got my period.
And now, I feel I have earned my weekend, since this is probably the longest post of my whole blog!
Take care!
Enjoy it!
HDM #5: Me too!
When I was living in Milan, I briefly had a Brazilian toy boy. I don’t know how to define him but HOT. He was probably the hottest guy I ever slept this. Besides, he was totally dumb, I mean, incapable of talking for 2 minutes. He was, however, incredibly talented for music, which helped him socially. He was also pretty skilled in bed!
Anyway, one morning I walked into the kitchen of the apartment I shared with Chris, a nice Sicilian girl, and Gab, cute and totally gay roommate; at the same time, the Brazilian TB walked to the bathroom. Gab looked at him, than at me, and then said “Wait DDgirl, did you sleep with HIM???”
“Yes, why, do you like him?”
“He’s hot right, but I slept with him last week, you remember, the night I told you I was talking someone home and you worked overnight?”
“Oh. My. God.”
Of course right then Brazilian TB joined us into the kitchen, said he had to go and hugged both Gab and I.
Good thing is, over the months, we made some good laughs remembering it.
HDM #4: Brothers
When I was at my first year of college, one night I went to a huge party in the mountains with both my brothers, the Bro and the eldest, Crea. We drove with two cars, and by the time we decided to call it a night the Bro and I were just tipsy, Crea was so wasted he asked another friend to drive his car. At the time, he had a SUV. We headed home, driving downhill, when suddenly Crea’s friend cut our road and stopped blocking our way. Crea stepped out and I pulled down the window, thinking he needed to puke. Instead, he came towards me, opened the door of our car and said “Hey, you’re hot” and planted one on my lips. I was so shocked I didn’t even react, while the Bro laughed to tears. Crea slammed the door and went back to his car. I stared at him, than at the Bro, and I shrieked: “What the fuck???”
By the morning after, Crea had completely forgotten about it. WEIRD!!!!!
HDM #3: How about my skeletons?
A few weeks ago I introduced KS to a bunch of friends I know and I spend holidays with since I was 12. They all had new girlfriends as well, which was a plus. However, as soon as I got to the bar to order a new round for everyone, I realized KS was asking my friends “So, what do I need to know about DDgirl that she’s never going to tell me?” My friends were suddenly paralyzed: I over the years I slept with both of them, but neither KS neither their brand new chicks need to know this!!!! I grabbed the beers and ran back to the table, where my friends looked at me very, very, VERY relieved.
HDM #2: I can’t breathe easy
I already told about it, so forgive me if I just cut and paste. In case you joined later, it happened last April, when I went hiking with the Sponsor (aka dad).
I indulged in one of my bad passions: singing. And so I started out loud the Italian version of "Breath easy", which goes, more or less, like this:
"To those who tell me,
you will come back,
I don't trust anymore.
To those who tell you,
I ache thinking of you,
you just smile and turn to her.
You will not cry,
because you can't see how, but you know
I've lost everything,
while you, you never lose, and now,
I.........can't breathe easy
I cant sleep at night
Without you by my side"
And then, just as I faded the last words, the guy with a dark green jacket approached and quietly told me "Hello, DDgirl".
It was B., my ex.
I quickly looked around for some way to disappear, but didn’t find any, so I took a breath and said, a bit too loud “Hey, I didn’t recognize you! How are you doing?”
Damned, how pathetic did I look? Later on, the Sponsor answered: “Pretty much pathetic”.
Anyway, we made some small talk, than he asked “So, how are YOU doing?”
And that is where I tried to improve my pathetic situation, I mentioned that I’m moving ‘cause my boyfriend has just bought a house and so on.
I don’t know what he thought, I couldn’t care less honestly.
HDM #1: Pregnancy scare
In college, during a dark period before meeting B., I dated for a while with Sexy, who later became my fuck-buddy, by the way. Sexy was engaged with a psycho bitch, and he was friend and neighbour of the Bro. When I moved in with the Bro I quickly ended up sleeping with him, because Sexy and I have always had this huge chemistry going on. After a few months I developed a good crush on him, and started suffering from his engaged situation. And that was when I had a pregnancy scare. I need to precise sordid details: my sister in law was one month pregnant, and I had been using condoms from the same box they did. So, when I was already 14 days late, one night I headed over to Sexy'splace and tried to explain the situation. He freaked out and asked me to leave, so I stepped out, where it was snowing, and headed at my Bro’s sobbing out loud in the night. I didn’t see Sexy for more than 2 years after that, by the time I had moved to France and he became my fuck-buddy.
For the chronicles, 2 days later I finally got my period.
And now, I feel I have earned my weekend, since this is probably the longest post of my whole blog!
Take care!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Ashamed
It was B., my ex.
I quickly looked around for some way to disappear, but didn’t find any, so I took a breath and said, a bit too loud “Hey, I didn’t recognize you! How are you doing?”
Damned, how pathetic did I look? Later on, the Sponsor answered: “Pretty much pathetic”.
Anyway, we made some small talk, than he asked “So, how are YOU doing?”
And that is where I tried to improve my pathetic situation, I mentioned that I’m moving ‘cause my boyfriend has just bought a house and so on.
I don’t know what he thought, I couldn’t care less honestly.
It just felt so stupid, because the only reason I was singing that song, was that Maria and I had just downloaded it from the net and we like to sing it together, so it’s been on my mind lately. Shame on me!
Anyway, I survived to this also, and I came back to town, where a hard weekend is waiting for me: KS parents are staying with us for the whole weekend, and we’ll have to take down a wall and pose the tiling in the kitchen of the new apartment.
The other news is that, as it’s getting warmer and warmer up here, I have had my hair made up into 75 cute braids, which give me a blond Cleopatra look I definitely adore.
Forgive me for not writing more, but I have to start cooking for the weekend: after all, it will be the first time I host the in-laws!!!!
I quickly looked around for some way to disappear, but didn’t find any, so I took a breath and said, a bit too loud “Hey, I didn’t recognize you! How are you doing?”
Damned, how pathetic did I look? Later on, the Sponsor answered: “Pretty much pathetic”.
Anyway, we made some small talk, than he asked “So, how are YOU doing?”
And that is where I tried to improve my pathetic situation, I mentioned that I’m moving ‘cause my boyfriend has just bought a house and so on.
I don’t know what he thought, I couldn’t care less honestly.
It just felt so stupid, because the only reason I was singing that song, was that Maria and I had just downloaded it from the net and we like to sing it together, so it’s been on my mind lately. Shame on me!
Anyway, I survived to this also, and I came back to town, where a hard weekend is waiting for me: KS parents are staying with us for the whole weekend, and we’ll have to take down a wall and pose the tiling in the kitchen of the new apartment.
The other news is that, as it’s getting warmer and warmer up here, I have had my hair made up into 75 cute braids, which give me a blond Cleopatra look I definitely adore.
Forgive me for not writing more, but I have to start cooking for the weekend: after all, it will be the first time I host the in-laws!!!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I can't breathe easy
It seems weeks I haven't written a single word. Between moving and my crazy old job, I can call myself lucky if I managed to go and see my parents last weekend.
On Saturday I managed to hike on mountaineering ski one of the Mon Rose peaks, up to 4200M. (16800 feet? not sure 'bout that though).
I still love mountaineering ski as one of the best things of the world, but still, there are two issues 'bout it.
Firstly, it needs strong training, which I usually don't have. Luckily, I am skilled enough to manage it, no matter how lazy I have been.
Secondly, it reminds me of B., my ex. But still.
Lately, I realized it has a third issue, the worst of all.
Anyway, the Sponsor and I climbed up a bit slowlier than usual, as I had my periods and we liked to catch up by talking a bit.
When we finally fot on top, it was about noon. The day was cold, and we were surrendered by mist and clouds, so we didn't pay much attention to the two men who were already on top.
Instead, I indulged in one of my bad passions: singing. And so I started out loud the Italian version of "Breath easy", which goes, more or less, like this:
"To those who tell me,
you will come back,
I don't trust anymore.
To those who tell you,
I ache thinking of you,
you just smile and turn to her.
You will not cry,
because you can't see how, but you know
I've lost everything,
while you, you never lose, and now,
I.........can't breathe easy
I cant sleep at night
Without you by my side"
And then, just as I faded the last words, the guy with a dark green jacket approached and quietly told me "Hello, DDgirl".
On Saturday I managed to hike on mountaineering ski one of the Mon Rose peaks, up to 4200M. (16800 feet? not sure 'bout that though).
I still love mountaineering ski as one of the best things of the world, but still, there are two issues 'bout it.
Firstly, it needs strong training, which I usually don't have. Luckily, I am skilled enough to manage it, no matter how lazy I have been.
Secondly, it reminds me of B., my ex. But still.
Lately, I realized it has a third issue, the worst of all.
Anyway, the Sponsor and I climbed up a bit slowlier than usual, as I had my periods and we liked to catch up by talking a bit.
When we finally fot on top, it was about noon. The day was cold, and we were surrendered by mist and clouds, so we didn't pay much attention to the two men who were already on top.
Instead, I indulged in one of my bad passions: singing. And so I started out loud the Italian version of "Breath easy", which goes, more or less, like this:
"To those who tell me,
you will come back,
I don't trust anymore.
To those who tell you,
I ache thinking of you,
you just smile and turn to her.
You will not cry,
because you can't see how, but you know
I've lost everything,
while you, you never lose, and now,
I.........can't breathe easy
I cant sleep at night
Without you by my side"
And then, just as I faded the last words, the guy with a dark green jacket approached and quietly told me "Hello, DDgirl".
Monday, March 19, 2007
Flashback: the guy who broke my heart (part II)
I loved him. Together, we did things that sometimes still look impossible to me. We went free climbing, paragliding, white water rafting, hiking for days, everything we liked. And everyone loved him, my family and my buddies.
So, I tried to forget that he never said the L word to me, and when, a few months later he asked me to marry him, I said yes.
Then, after I got my current job, things turned bad: I had to work weekends and nights, and I was always so tired that, when he wanted to fight, I just felt like crying.
Until, one evening that he was staying at his parents’ place, he called me and dumped me, saying he had never been in love with me.
For months, I thought I would die. I spent all my spare time in the mountains, but as much as I kept myself busy daytime, at night I couldn’t sleep and I would just cry for hours.
My family, although they supported me, thought it was my fault. And so did I.
Then, a while later, I happened to cross his ways, and friends opened my eyes on the truth. He was back with his ex, and he had cheated on me with her for months.
At the time, he wouldn’t talk to me, I mean, I wasn’t stalking or anything, more like we met, I would say “Hello” and he wouldn’t answer.
One day, I met the Little Prince and got the job offer in France, and I left. I left because I couldn’t stand the big city anymore, and I couldn’t stand my flat, my roommates, my office, anything anymore.
And while leaving, I thought, hoping he could hear me, somehow: “Please, please, forgive me, but I won’t be home again, maybe someday you’ll wake up, and barely consciously you’ll seem to know: is it something missing?
You won’t cry for my absence I know, you forgot me long ago: am I that unimportant? Am I SO insignificant? Though I’d be sacrificed, you won’t try for me, not know. Though I’d die to know you love me, I’m all ALONE”
A lot of time has passed. And, while I got a new life, I knew that day, as I know now, that I’ll never love again in the same way.
This winter, I happened to cross again his ways, while skiing with my father. We exchanged a few words, like people who had already met but do not really know each other, neither wish to. In times, my wounds have somehow healed, and I don’t feel my heart dying anymore when I meet him. But, there still is a big scar that I don’t think will ever go away.
Today, I don’t regret him anymore, and I would not go back to him. It took me long to realize it, but I finally did it: there was not just the hot and nice guy, who came looking for me at the train station up to the platform every evening. There was also the one who made me feel like shit if I did not train for a week, or who criticized my body if I gained 2 kilos. There was the one who could not understand why I wouldn’t give up my job. The one who kept seeing his ex and cheating on me. The one who, the night he dumped me, told me I had been “the worst mistake of his whole life”.
So now, I am glad it ended before the marriage. I’m in love with my man, and consider myself lucky for spending my time with him.
But it will never be the same again.
So, I tried to forget that he never said the L word to me, and when, a few months later he asked me to marry him, I said yes.
Then, after I got my current job, things turned bad: I had to work weekends and nights, and I was always so tired that, when he wanted to fight, I just felt like crying.
Until, one evening that he was staying at his parents’ place, he called me and dumped me, saying he had never been in love with me.
For months, I thought I would die. I spent all my spare time in the mountains, but as much as I kept myself busy daytime, at night I couldn’t sleep and I would just cry for hours.
My family, although they supported me, thought it was my fault. And so did I.
Then, a while later, I happened to cross his ways, and friends opened my eyes on the truth. He was back with his ex, and he had cheated on me with her for months.
At the time, he wouldn’t talk to me, I mean, I wasn’t stalking or anything, more like we met, I would say “Hello” and he wouldn’t answer.
One day, I met the Little Prince and got the job offer in France, and I left. I left because I couldn’t stand the big city anymore, and I couldn’t stand my flat, my roommates, my office, anything anymore.
And while leaving, I thought, hoping he could hear me, somehow: “Please, please, forgive me, but I won’t be home again, maybe someday you’ll wake up, and barely consciously you’ll seem to know: is it something missing?
You won’t cry for my absence I know, you forgot me long ago: am I that unimportant? Am I SO insignificant? Though I’d be sacrificed, you won’t try for me, not know. Though I’d die to know you love me, I’m all ALONE”
A lot of time has passed. And, while I got a new life, I knew that day, as I know now, that I’ll never love again in the same way.
This winter, I happened to cross again his ways, while skiing with my father. We exchanged a few words, like people who had already met but do not really know each other, neither wish to. In times, my wounds have somehow healed, and I don’t feel my heart dying anymore when I meet him. But, there still is a big scar that I don’t think will ever go away.
Today, I don’t regret him anymore, and I would not go back to him. It took me long to realize it, but I finally did it: there was not just the hot and nice guy, who came looking for me at the train station up to the platform every evening. There was also the one who made me feel like shit if I did not train for a week, or who criticized my body if I gained 2 kilos. There was the one who could not understand why I wouldn’t give up my job. The one who kept seeing his ex and cheating on me. The one who, the night he dumped me, told me I had been “the worst mistake of his whole life”.
So now, I am glad it ended before the marriage. I’m in love with my man, and consider myself lucky for spending my time with him.
But it will never be the same again.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Flashback: the guy who broke my heart (part I)
So, yesterday I went to Paris and spent the whole afternoon being interviewed by all kind of people for The Job. They’ll let me know something in the week, so I guess I just have to wait.
In the meanwhile, I realize tht I probably have to start the history about B. It will take long, so I’m gonna split it in two posts.
During my last year in college, I lived through a weird season. I was doing huge amounts of sport, wondering how I would have make a living after college, and this way I spent a few months living alone in a small chalet my parents have in the Alps.
When I mean alone, I mean that in winter, excluding Christmas holidays, there is really no one living there except some old buddies of my father.
Although I’m used to cold winters, that year it seemed to snow all the time. And I’m not talking about some 5 centimeters overnight, I’m talking about weeks of huge snowflake falling without break from the sky.
I loved it: I went everywhere with my skis, and spent weeks skiing in the middle of the freezing nowhere, in the silence only snow storms can provide with. Once every three days, I’d bake a cake and pay a visit to an old folk of dad who was ill. Another old man of the mountain was almost always there, taking care of him. I’d sit for an hour or two, sipping tea or warm wine, they would tell old stories and asked me where I’d been wandering around. I guess they are the only ones who ever understood my love for being alone in the wilderness of the freeze.
In spring I decided to go on to get my diploma of mountaineering ski teacher.
And that’s how I met B., the guy of my dreams. He was tall, blond, with deep blue eyes. More important, he was from the mountain people, like me.
He was engaged, and I decided I wanted him. So I fought to have him, and it took me five months.
By the time snow begun to melt, in the end of May, he was mine, and I was ready to get back to the big city and discuss my final thesis, to take on a new job and all that crap. On the day we finally got together, I also moved in my new rented flat (with my new two roommates), and stated a job as a trader.
Forgive me, but the rest will come on Monday
In the meanwhile, I realize tht I probably have to start the history about B. It will take long, so I’m gonna split it in two posts.
During my last year in college, I lived through a weird season. I was doing huge amounts of sport, wondering how I would have make a living after college, and this way I spent a few months living alone in a small chalet my parents have in the Alps.
When I mean alone, I mean that in winter, excluding Christmas holidays, there is really no one living there except some old buddies of my father.
Although I’m used to cold winters, that year it seemed to snow all the time. And I’m not talking about some 5 centimeters overnight, I’m talking about weeks of huge snowflake falling without break from the sky.
I loved it: I went everywhere with my skis, and spent weeks skiing in the middle of the freezing nowhere, in the silence only snow storms can provide with. Once every three days, I’d bake a cake and pay a visit to an old folk of dad who was ill. Another old man of the mountain was almost always there, taking care of him. I’d sit for an hour or two, sipping tea or warm wine, they would tell old stories and asked me where I’d been wandering around. I guess they are the only ones who ever understood my love for being alone in the wilderness of the freeze.
In spring I decided to go on to get my diploma of mountaineering ski teacher.
And that’s how I met B., the guy of my dreams. He was tall, blond, with deep blue eyes. More important, he was from the mountain people, like me.
He was engaged, and I decided I wanted him. So I fought to have him, and it took me five months.
By the time snow begun to melt, in the end of May, he was mine, and I was ready to get back to the big city and discuss my final thesis, to take on a new job and all that crap. On the day we finally got together, I also moved in my new rented flat (with my new two roommates), and stated a job as a trader.
Forgive me, but the rest will come on Monday
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
