A beautiful friendship

Nicola came and went, and the world did not shake
Nicola came and went, and it seems we can finally enjoy seeing each other like old friends, without skipping heartbeats.

I hoped for this for such a long time, I still have trouble believing it. Then again, why would I assume he would hit on me? Whatever. Who the hell am I kidding? I assumed so, because we both restrained so much in the past. But it’s good to see we both moved on.

I came home late on Thursday night, and both Nicola and Polish Chick were waiting for me, so I quickly changed and we headed out for drinks and food. We found a cool place to hang out, two friends joined us soon, and we all chilled out drinking prosecco and exchanging stories. Just like normal old friends do, and there was no tension, no drama.

Then we went home, Nicola and I, and we were both too tired to do the talk we still need to have, to talk about what happened to us both when he disappeared. The time will come to do that as well. Anyway we said goodnight, I had pulled out my convertible sofa for him and I retreated to my bedroom to spend a difficult night thanks to the bad cold I got.
And this morning I had to leave early, so I just slipped out letting Nicola sleep. Next week he’ll leave again, working on ships, but he’ll be back in 6 months or so and who knows, maybe I could even pay him a visit by the sea in Sardinia, with a friend or something. We’ll see. The drama is over, and to quote a famous movie: “I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” ;-D

Voices from the past

It seems all kind of memories from the past get back in my life this week.

Okay guys, you’re never going to believe this: Tomorrow I’ll see NICOLA.
He’ll be in town and he’s gonna crash on my couch for the night because he needs to be in town on Friday as well.

So he called me yesterday (and it was pretty out of the blue), asking me if we could have dinner together tomorrow night, and of course I said yes and I inquired about where he would sleep and ended offering my couch.

Just to make things clear, I’m totally happy to get to see him, it’s been four years since we last met!! And to make things even clearer, I offered to give Polish chick (who knows him from back in the nineties, but haven’t met him in like, 10 years!) a call to ask her to join us for the evening, and he said it would be great to catch up with her as well.
Just so that everybody (Nicola included) knows that this is no date or something!


Yet, I somehow freak out. Because I’ve changed so much, and he didn’t. He’s still in the same place he was 10 years ago: working temporary jobs here and there around the world, never sticking too long in a place. Which is totally okay, because it’s how he wants to live. While I have grown up. Most of all, I moved on, because I didn’t have any other option.

Whatever! I can’t wait to hear about Nicola’s latest crazy tricks!!!!

Lovely weekend

KS came to the city last Friday bringing along two of his co-workers, and we had a nice weekend.
First of all, things with KS have been better, he brought flowers and a little present (French books I can’t find here, it was thoughtful, he knows I love it) and really behaved nice.

On Friday night we had a happy hour at my place with a friend of mine (who was my roommate at college), and then we all headed to Armani…
It was fun! The place is totally crazy, and a bit awful if you wanna know: it’s a bit of a flesh market… Apart from my French friends and I, the fattest girl was probably 40 kg…
Anyway, the funny thing was that, even if I totally felt out of place, I was having a good time! We danced, had drinks, chatted…
The best moment was when I went dancing a little with my ex roommate and P!nk’s “So What??” tune came on…
We were both jumping and screaming:
“So so WHAT? I’m still a rock star! I’ve got my ROCK MOVES! And I don’t need you!!”

(okay, we were a bit sarcastic about the place....)

I the meanwhile I recognized someone I used to know a few years ago, who works on the trading floor I used to work on back in 2004… I’m not sure whether he didn’t see me or he didn’t want to see me… because the girl he was with was totally not his wife… Whatever!

On Saturday, we went to see a vernissage exposing some Monet’s paints, it was beautiful! Then we grabbed some panzerotti to eat (typical Italian food… delicious!!) and went shopping (but I didn’t buy anything… wise DDgirl!)

All in all it was a nice weekend! And yeah, yesterday I posted about Nicola… The thing is he is throwing a birthday party in Sardinia in September, and I’m not so sure about going or not going… for one thing, I should be saving some money… And I’m also a little afraid it would be weird… Or maybe I just think too much!

Never gonna dance again (the way I danced with you)

I’m listening to this song, and thinking about Nicola… And our last night in England, almost ten years ago...
In my mind, the lyrics are a little different from the original.


I felt so unsure
As I took your hand
And led you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to leave a friend
And waste a chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
(Never without you)

Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

That night the music seemed so loud
I wish that we could have lost that crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we wanted to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me
Please stay

Now that I've gone
Now that I've gone
Now that I've gone
Was what I did so wrong
So wrong that I had to leave you alone…


I miss you, my friend. I know it’s up to me, I know I could come to see you an I’d be welcome. But I can’t seem to make up my mind. Forgive me.

Flashback: Nicola (part III)

I kept seeking for Nicola for long. Seeking means I tried to call him, and I worried. There wasn’t much else I could do: I was a student, quite penniless, I needed to attend my classes, and the last times I had news from him he was in Brazil, not exactly next door.

6 months of worrying worn me out. I realized that, although we would always be friends, we probably were not meant for each other, and slowly, I let myself move on. I don’t mean that I stopped worrying about him or anything. I just realized I needed to have a life besides Nicola.

After eight months he called me. He said he was going to stop by in Milan and he wanted to know if we could meet, he had so much to tell me. I wasn’t so sure, but I agreed, at the condition that we would spend the night at Andrea’s place.
It was a long, great night. He told me how he got in trouble with the cops back in Brazil, and stayed hidden for a long long while, and I never knew more than that (I even wondered if he had been in jail?).

Although for a while he even stayed in Italy (which meant communication was much easier, and even meeting could have been possible), I knew things would never be the same again. I guess it was a mix of me growing up and facing reality, and of what had happened. I could not idolize Nicola anymore, I finally saw the real him, the good and the bad.

Through the years, we always stayed in touch, and we also met a few times, in the way old friends do: dinner together, and a few hours of chatting.
I would have liked to be able to spend more time with him, but we live far apart, and we live also so differently, that it’s probably better like this. We always call one each other, when things get tough or when they get better, but we both know the sparkle has gone a long time ago.

What is more precious to me, is that I’ll never forget the time we were given together.

Backflash: Nicola (part II)

Somehow, we never got physical. Everyone thought we were together, even more when they saw us dancing at night, but it was purely platonic. Today, 8 years later, I think he controlled himself, knowing that I was too young and I had to go back to Italy sooner or later.

The night when I realized how much we were involved, it happened dramatically. I was feeling sexy, and I had been dancing on the higher platform of the club for half an hour or so (the manager gave me as many free drinks as I wanted, if I did), and I just had come down to dance with Nicola when someone suddenly grabbed me by my hair and pulled me in the middle of a fight. People were pulling me everywhere, I did not touch the ground and I was screaming as loud as I could. Suddenly, in a flash of light, I saw him coming, pushing his way into the crowd, where the guys of the security were struggling to divide people. He got me in the arms, just like the Bodyguard with Whitney Houston in the film, and headed to stairs to the privés. When we were almost out of it, a guy faced him and punched him twice in the eyes. As he was holding me, he couldn’t protect himself, but never for a second did he let me go. He ran outside and got straight into the pub facing the club. Only there, he let me down asking if I was all right. I was shaking in terror, and we asked for two whiskeys and beers, and some ice for his eyes.

That night, I realized how strong our boundaries were. On the following day, he had two bad black eyes, one of them completely closed. When I tried to thank him, he said he was sorry he couldn’t get me sooner, and not to worry (definitely it wasn’t the first time he got black eyes!!).

Time went by quickly after that, and soon it was time for me to go back to Italy. We spent one last night dancing in each others arms, and then I had to let him go.

What I did not know at the time was that I wouldn’t have come back to that place, at least I haven’t ‘till now. Nicola and I kept in contact, for some two years or so we had a phone “rendez-vous” each Sunday. Meanwhile he had moved to Argentina, first, and to Brazil, later.
We both lived our lives and everything, but deep inside I felt like we were meant for each other.

Until one day, he disappeared. For more than two months I tried to reach him at the last number I had, but I couldn’t reach him.

Backflash: Nicola (part I)

When I was a teenager, I used to spend most of the summer in the UK, at some family’s friends on the south-western coast.
I was pretty much of a rebel, back at that time, and I had endless arguments with the Panther. Summers in the UK were the things that made life valuable, from my silly teen-ager point of view (no offense to teenager readers, it was just that I was a troublemaker, at that time of my life).

Although my writing isn’t perfect, at the time I sounded like a British native. Add blond hair and blue eyes, and no one ever guessed I had Italian origins. So, these are the premises.

It all started a few days before my seventeenth birthday, while I was traveling to get there with a friend of mine. At the railway station where we changed our train, two guys approached us and asked in awful English: “Excuse? These train… [town next to our destination]? Pleeese?”
Without thinking too much I said “Yeah, it’s the right one, it’s the stop right after ours so you’ll know when you’re arrived”. The guy stared at me blankly, and I realized he did not get a word, so I just said “Yes”. He smiled, and than headed to the coffee stand with his friend. Right then, he told, in Italian: “What a hottie!”
I suddenly turned and repeated in Italian what I had just said about the train. He blushed a bit, and immediately recovered, introducing himself and telling us girls he worked at a pizza parlor next to the town biggest club, and inviting us over for any time we wanted to eat something. That’s how I met Nicola.

It would have ended there, hadn’t we met him on his way to work three days later, while we were out to party for my birthday. He found this out and immediately lead us to the pizza place, where he made us funny little pizzas shaped in hearts, rabbits and clovers. His friends and he, although they spoke little English, knew loads of people in town, and they made us promise we would stop by at the end of their shift. We agreed, and they took us to the fanciest club of the town, and we loved the night!

What I haven’t mentioned so far, is that, while I was 17, he was 28. Soon I found myself spending most of afternoons with him, hanging around, playing darts, showing him the region, drinking Guinness, or just taking naps in his bed.
After a while, he found me a part-time job at bar-tending, so I could spend the whole summer in England.