... and yet I really want to buy it!

I want a Vespa. I’ve been in love with the idea of owning a Vespa for a long time.
Why the hell don’t I go and just buy myself a Vespa?

There are, actually, plenty of reasons.

Reason n.1
I wouldn’t keep my Vespa in the city, because it would be way too dangerous. I’d keep it at my Parents’ place, by the lake, which would limit its use to what? 25 weekends per year? I still feel that paying all that money for such little usage would be a waste of my savings.

Reason n.2
What I really want is an OLD Vespa. You know, the models of the Sixties, like this:

Problem is these beauties do not work with the gas you can buy nowadays. They need OIL to be added. And can you honestly picture DDgirl running around on her Vespa with an oil tank? Well, neither can I. Furthermore, the old ladies need constant maintenance. And I’m no grease monkey.

Reason n.3
I’d really like a “big” Vespa, maybe a 150 or a 250. But my driving licence only allows me to drive a small 50, otherwise I’d have to apply for another licence, pass the driving test (please refer also to Reason n.4) and last but not least, spend 300 more Euros for the licence.

Reason n.4
I don’t really know how to drive a Vespa. But hey, I know plenty of idiots who drive one, so it cannot be that hard, can it? Plus, Bro promised to give me lessons for free if I buy it!

Reason n. 5
Given that I would have to buy a new Vespa, like this one:

I still cannot set between dark blue and red. But I agree that’s not a major issue.

Reason n.6
When I’m staying at the Parents’ place, I don’t drive often: I’m lazy about driving for some reasons, so I walk everywhere I can (I usually drive only when Granny or her sister ask me to take them somewhere). If I had a Vespa, I would probably ride it instead of walking, which means I would train less and get fatter.


Now you probably wonder, what would I do with a Vespa? I’d use it to go on holiday to the mountains, in first place. I’d drive slowly, my honey curls blowing in the wind. I would clean it on sunny summer mornings, before riding it by the lake.

So I know this is something I dream on and will probably never happen....

A beautiful friendship

Nicola came and went, and the world did not shake
Nicola came and went, and it seems we can finally enjoy seeing each other like old friends, without skipping heartbeats.

I hoped for this for such a long time, I still have trouble believing it. Then again, why would I assume he would hit on me? Whatever. Who the hell am I kidding? I assumed so, because we both restrained so much in the past. But it’s good to see we both moved on.

I came home late on Thursday night, and both Nicola and Polish Chick were waiting for me, so I quickly changed and we headed out for drinks and food. We found a cool place to hang out, two friends joined us soon, and we all chilled out drinking prosecco and exchanging stories. Just like normal old friends do, and there was no tension, no drama.

Then we went home, Nicola and I, and we were both too tired to do the talk we still need to have, to talk about what happened to us both when he disappeared. The time will come to do that as well. Anyway we said goodnight, I had pulled out my convertible sofa for him and I retreated to my bedroom to spend a difficult night thanks to the bad cold I got.
And this morning I had to leave early, so I just slipped out letting Nicola sleep. Next week he’ll leave again, working on ships, but he’ll be back in 6 months or so and who knows, maybe I could even pay him a visit by the sea in Sardinia, with a friend or something. We’ll see. The drama is over, and to quote a famous movie: “I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” ;-D

Voices from the past

It seems all kind of memories from the past get back in my life this week.

Okay guys, you’re never going to believe this: Tomorrow I’ll see NICOLA.
He’ll be in town and he’s gonna crash on my couch for the night because he needs to be in town on Friday as well.

So he called me yesterday (and it was pretty out of the blue), asking me if we could have dinner together tomorrow night, and of course I said yes and I inquired about where he would sleep and ended offering my couch.

Just to make things clear, I’m totally happy to get to see him, it’s been four years since we last met!! And to make things even clearer, I offered to give Polish chick (who knows him from back in the nineties, but haven’t met him in like, 10 years!) a call to ask her to join us for the evening, and he said it would be great to catch up with her as well.
Just so that everybody (Nicola included) knows that this is no date or something!


Yet, I somehow freak out. Because I’ve changed so much, and he didn’t. He’s still in the same place he was 10 years ago: working temporary jobs here and there around the world, never sticking too long in a place. Which is totally okay, because it’s how he wants to live. While I have grown up. Most of all, I moved on, because I didn’t have any other option.

Whatever! I can’t wait to hear about Nicola’s latest crazy tricks!!!!

Old confessions from The Hunter

I got a message from Andrea the Hunter, yesterday night. I was sleepless, and he had just got out of bed in Bangkok, so we ended up chatting a bit on FB. We talked about Eivind. I don’t think I ever mentioned Eivind, but back in grad school the three of us were inseparable. We’ve already talked about Andrea, and Eivind is a guy from Norway who came to Italy for grad school. We met by chance, and we used to spend all out time together, and with our three blond heads and pairs of blue eyes most people thought we were all Scandinavian.
Back in that year, I had a stable boyfriend, but Andrea hinted several times that Eivind was interested in me (he never made a move, but it could be because he knew I was not on the market).

At the end of grad school Eivind met a Swedish girlfriend (that Andrea hates) and went back to Scandinavia. By that time Andrea had already moved to Thailand; however we had a fight over the Eivind matter. It turned out Andrea saw us as his “backup family” of a kind, the place he could always go back to. Therefore, he always hoped Eivind and I would end up together. When Eivind left, I guess his dream kind of shattered, and he blamed me, and it took him a while to get over it and move on, which of course he eventually did.

When he came back after the Tsunami and he stayed at my place, we did a lot of talking. I remember this one I noted in a diary on the same night we had it. (please read the post about the Tsunami if you hadn’t, or it will look weird).

Andrea was thanking me for taking care of him, and then he said: “It’s funny how, even now, you still support me. After all of the things that I’ve done, when even my own family doesn’t care that much, you’re so good to me! You waited patiently, yet when I got upset with you, you still had to ask me if I cared about you.”

“I never said I was perfect, Andrea. But it seems I still managed to take you home”

“I’ve walked on shells to come here, it’s been tough, but now that I feel better, I can see you’ve changed as well. You are still beautiful, but you have changed. You’ve got you life and your job, you’ve got different problems now. I regret fighting with you about Eivind. You were doing well with your boyfriend, and Eivind wanted to go back to Scandinavia.”

“You know very well Eivind cares a lot about you, Andrea. And that I do, as well. It is always you the one that disappears. You’re the one who charmed us and went away! Now we’re no longer students, we grew up and set our lives, but neither Eivind or I ever forget about you. It was hard for us to accept your choice to live in a completely different way. It is not something we could have done ourselves, even if we wanted to. Eivind does not come from money, and even I do not own enough to live like you, but even if we were rich…. We wouldn’t live like you. And it IS hard to always worry about you. In a way, it’s easier for me, because you tell me things that you keep from Eivind for fear of upsetting him.”

“Sometimes I pray for a miracle, DDgirl. Deep down, I don’t know what I’d do if you had indeed chosen a lifestyle like my own: you are my anchor, my safe port. Even if Eivind went away. I don’t think this will ever change”



And that was it. I think it may represent the only time Andrea expressed warm feelings in the last 10 years.

Hoping the sun will at least look at me

They sent me out of the city for a new project, and although it’s not far, I have one hour and a half of commute each morning (1 hour at night to come back, because at the time we come home there is no traffic left, since it’s LATE…).
This means it’s pretty hard to hit the gym in the morning: it opens at 7AM (in Italy it’s almost impossible to find a gym that opens earlier), and I have to be ready and moving by 8, which barely allows me to run on the mill for half an hour, do some abs and take a quick shower. Better than nothing, I suppose.
I AM indeed back to my “eating healthy” habits, but I am NOT managing to diet. I just wish to lose a few more pounds… But I am aware that, once I’ll be there, I’ll want to lose a few more! It wouldn’t hurt, though.

I’m in the rut, and what’s worst one of my best friend (my best buddy within the Tuscan Crew) is moving away from the city, he’s already gone for six weeks due to his parents’ health issues, and I miss him a lot… Luckily my girl friends are always there to hang out!!!

KS had a job interview today, here in the city, and apparently it went well! Things are going well between us lately, and we spent the last few days together and had some excellent quality time, which was amazing, after all we’ve been through over the summer.
I know there were moments I wanted to throw myself in the arms of somebody else, but now I am happy I held on to what we have. I know this is cheesy and there is still a long way ahead, but I’m also proud I did not choose the easy way.

Through all this, I still miss my dreamy summer. Badly. I wanna hang out with Kissy and Lou, I wanna spend my days working out hard core, diving in waterfalls, wanna spend my nights hanging out with them, over drinks, laughing at them while they check out girls, stumbling on my way home after the last screw driver.
I hope Xmas break comes soon!

*Seeing the sun when I can’t really see, hoping the sun will at least look at me…*

Back in THE RUT

Autumn is coming, and once again, I’ve entered THE RUT.
The Rut… every year around this time I seem to get in it, I realise it by going back to posts of the last years.. And somehow, each time I step into the rut, I don’t know when (if) I’ll manage to get out of it.
Every year at the end of September I go back to listening RHCP Scar Tissue. I especially love when it says “Autumn’s sweet, we call it FALL, I’ll make it to the moon if I’ll have to crawl…”

I had thought this year would have been different, I had thought that being back to Italy would have helped. Even though, as I have written before, coming back from my dreamy summer time was hard, I felt pretty confident, and so I did not brace myself. This was my big mistake.
I still think I could have avoided stepping in the rut (or at least falling so hard), but this week I have been badly PMSing due to late period, and so here I am.

I started the week feeling useless, I should have been glad I’m not on any hard project at work right now, but it didn’t help, and I kept feeling useless and restless. Then I heard from Sexy, and he told me he had been hit by car and now has a broken collarbone, which means he’s in pain plus he cannot drive so I won’t be seeing him for a while. The thought of Sexy’s beautiful body being wounded almost sent me crying, and then I realised I was in the rut like each autumn. Damn.

Yesterday I made another mistake. I woke up feeling good, I even got my bike repaired after months, and I felt so full of energy I invited a bunch of friends from work to dinner at my place. Being myself, I couldn’t just stick to cooking something simple and having fun. No, I had to prepare a damned banquet, as usual, because hell I have to impress everybody with my cooking skills huh? By 8PM I was EXHAUSTED. Granted, dinner was great and everybody had fun. But my dishwasher is broken, the guys only left at 2AM and tonight when I get home I’ll find a huge pile of dishes waiting to be washed, not to mention I’ll have to clean up the mess, carry down the garbage, blah blah blah… I wish I could spend a few days outdoor, lying on the grass somewhere in the mountains!
Needless to say my head feels buzzy this morning… So I’ve decided that for at least one month I’m on an alcohol-free time (I’ll only allow myself half glass of wine on Saturday dinners).

Over the years I learnt I cannot rely on anybody else to help me through this period: I’m the only one who can help me. Hell, I don’t even feel like answering to my friends texts or emails. But I’ll do my best to get over this.

So my 4 steps program to get out of the rut is:
- get as much sleep as I can
- carry my lazy ass to the gym as often as possible
- eat healthy
- spend as much time outdoor as I can

I wish Crea was back already… But he won’t come back until Xmas, plus he has his own troubles… Maybe I just wanna be a kid again, hang out with my brothers and let them take care of everything for me…

My dreamy summer (part 2)

.. I got to the Parents’ place on Saturday at noon, and by Sunday morning I was back in the mountains.
I had a gala dinner on Saturday night, but by Saturday afternoon Lou had called me asking me if I was in for another canyoning trip on Sunday: I could not miss it!
This second time, Lou’s girlfriend and two other friends (a couple) joined, and it was way slower than when it was just the Vampires (Kissy and Lou) and me!
It was funny and not without awkward moments (but I’ll save details for an upcoming post about awkward summer moments), and by night I was exhausted! Furthermore, on Sunday evening I accidentally fell on the stairs and hurt my coccyges, so I ended up with a very bad backache (I’ve actually been on painkillers for three weeks after that).

The end of the mountain trip consisted in a 2 days hike I did with the Sponsor, which was seriously breathtaking (a little too much for my taste): it actually included some free climbing of fourth degree, and by free I mean no protections at all… The hike was great but I must admit I did freak out a little over the free climbing, and I also freaked because the Sponsor, whose health and age I already wrote about, should not be doing things like this!!!!

(look at this cute mate who was staring at us!)

And then I had to leave the mountains.
It has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks to my friends, who are great, to the mountains I love hiking, to everything.

Things with KS had been very very tense, and we almost broke up in the beginning of August, but then we had a long talk and I decided to give it another try.
We spent the weekend after I came back from the mountains in southern France attending KS annual family meeting, which DID not go as smoothly as I had hoped…
Then I worked for a week, and then we left for Gaia and Mark’s wedding in Sicily.
We spent a week together in Sicily, partying with people from 22 different countries, and we had an AMAZING time!!

To summarize the lose ends, KS and I are still together. I discovered that Green Eyes does not live in the same village, and I did not meet him (let’s say I did not seek him, I could have met him if I wanted to). Last but not least, we could not hike the Lyskamm, but I have already made agreements in order to do it next spring.

More important than everything else, I had lost lots of weight, but unfortunately have gained some more in Sicily… but things are under control on that side.

And now, dear readers, after spending only two days in the city, I have to leave for work and go back to the North East of Italy… and I’m already counting the days ‘till Xmas holidays…