Overheard

It’s been snowing AGAIN (like, hello? It’s March), and since avalanche risk was too high, I didn’t even go skiing. Okay, it’s probably the first non-skiing weekend in 2010, but still… it sucks! At least I managed to go running with the Sponsor on Saturday, and we ran 10km (6 miles, partly uphill), so that’s a good thing.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve run more or less 200km (125 miles more or less). How can I possibly be gaining belly fat? The only truth is: I eat like a pig. True, I eat healthy food, but… I just eat too much, and often I eat carbs late at night (hello, overworked DDgirl!). Whatever. I need to stop stuffing my face with bread.
The RUT is here, but aknowledging it is the first step for fighting it. Well, it seems it's gonna be snowing again starting tonight, and that won't help.

On to next subject.

I overheard the parents, a couple of days ago. I didn’t really mean to, they thought I was sleeping and I was just kind of dozing, and I realized they were talking about me.

Panther: “Why can’t she find someone as good as B? B was better for her. Even I liked B.”
Sponsor: “True. B was great, they made a great couple”
P: “So how come she’s with KS now?”
S: “KS may be Mr. Good Enough, he may not be good enough for you, but she’s doing fine.”
P: “She’d be as fine on her own”
S: “Maybe. And maybe not. At least she’s not after B.”
P: “Why would she?”
S: “You’ve never seen when they meet, since he dumped her. She aches badly, when she sees him. And Weird Wife, who keeps talking to him, so DDgirl has to say hello and be civil as well, that drives me nuts. You should have seen last summer, the day she got her frostbites, you would have thought she was already in pain, right? And then we crossed B and his wife. And DDgirl, all of a sudden, she shrink, she didn’t even look them in the eyes. It was like watching someone who gets kicked in their head and don’t react.”

P: “…”

S: “I reckon it DOES go a little better now. It was worst when she found out he got married. But still, my point is, I’m always afraid one day, if she was alone, she might try and go after him. And that’d be really bad. Because, like she managed to have him once, she may still seduce him. But in the end, he’d always go back to the his wife, just as he did before. And that may really drive DDgirl crazy. So leave her alone and don’t talk about B. You know what? I liked B a lot, but it would have been better if he died. We lost her once, he dumped her and she moved abroad. Had he died, she would have made a reason of it.”

I don’t remember anything after that, I think I really fell asleep. I did not remember this, and then this morning I heard “Goodbye my lover” by James Blunt. And I remembered this conversation, and I thought how The Sponsor is right.
Isn’t he always?

DDlife

went home from work at 5AM this morning, after 20 hours straight spent in.

it was raining cats and dogs, and when I got there (by bike), the first seller were already preparing for the weekly open-air market in my street. I saw them and thought:

"FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!!!!"

(have you ever been to a Mediterrean open-air market? do you have a clue on how noisy it can be?)

at 7AM I surrended, got up, went to the gym and them I had to come back to work.


Luckily, I have Luis Armtrong purring in my ears that it's a wonderful world!

(and yes, the fact that for two days in a row, the cutest and best looking of my male colleagues intentionaly sat down next to me at the cantine, still managed to cheer me up!)

Announcement

I have an announcement to do.

(no, I’m not pregnant)

(and no, I’m not getting married. Stop guessing silly things!!!)

I am travelling to Nepal, next Autumn.
I’ll be trekking to the ice pyramid (Everest base camp), and up to camp 2, through the ice fall, if I’m really lucky.

I’ll be going there with the Sponsor and a friend whose name I don’t really want write, but let’s say he’s one of the living people who climbed all the fourteen 8k metres without oxygen.

OMG people I’m going to NEPAL I’m so FREAKING excited!!!! I already obtained vacation, and the Sponsor is buying the plane tickets next week (October is high season and the flight to Nepal is always a complicated one, so it’s better to get them in advance).

In the excitement, I resolved paying the 800 Euros fee for another year of gym. I need to train even harder!!



On other news, as usual this days, it’s 11PM and I’m gonna stay in the office for a couple more hours. Of course I came in at 9AM this morning. UGH.

One of these days

Most days, I feel fine. On my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad KS is part of my life, but I do fine on my own, I really do. I like living alone, I really enjoy it. I’m glad KS will be the on call I’ll make at night when I step home, but I also like I won’t have to cook dinner, and I like even more no one will complain when I’ll get up at 6 in the morning to hit the gym.

Some days, I’d rather be totally on my own. When KS complains too much about stuff concerning our relationship, especially when I’m so tired I can barely think about setting the alarm for the next morning. When he’s at my place on days off, and I’m working my fingers to the bone, and then I come home and find his mess at my place. Yes, there are days I’d rather be single.

And then there are days when, even for a couple of seconds, or maybe for the whole day, I feel such a deep connection, it pays for the days when we’re grumpy or one of us is a pain in the ass.

There are days when I believe in the two of us. Days when I know no fear. Days when I do love him. Those days may only happen once in a while, but that what keeps me with KS.

You’re still the one I love, baby.



Completely different subject: take a look at this pic I’ve taken on January on a touring ski day!! (Yes, it was awfully cold!!)

Back off and leave us alone

I saw B yesterday.
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.

B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)

So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.
Whatever.

Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).

(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).

So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.

So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.

So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

(...)
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Como puede ser verdad?

I woke up this morning with “La isla bonita” on my mind.
I actually thought about two weeks I spent in Crete in 2007 with the parents. The opposite of glamorous, but one of the best times of my life. It was May, and Falassarna, a village two days by car from the airport, was deserted (the nearest bar was 6 miles from our bungalow, and it was more the kind of place where local Grannies play cards than my usual venue).
In front of the bungalow laid a giant beach of pink sand that covered the whole bay. No one else was there at that time of the year, and I’d lay in sun the whole day shamelessly naked (who was there to see anyway?), reading books, taking naps, swimming in the crystal sea (still slightly cold in the beginning of May), just chilling.

I woke up at six this morning, it was raining and I rode my bike to the gym and hit the threadmill to run my 5 miles. Yesterday night I came back late from work. I shall probably say this morning, actually, because it was 1 AM.
Although I’m not running every morning (I must admit I’m skipping the gym more often than I find acceptable), I’ve been working with these schedules over the last two weeks, and each other day I have to work in a freezing depot in the outskirts. No wonder I dream of going back to Falassarna. Now wonder when I think about it, I think “How could it be real?”

The light at the end of the tunnel: this project (which, by the way, is NOT a project of my service line, so I also understand NOTHING about it) was supposed to end by Feb 28. Today I’ve been told it won’t be over before March 15, and it may last until the end of March.

Insomnia

I haven't got any decent sleep since Monday morning (when I had to wake up at 5 AM, like any given Monday). I don't even care about how many hours it means. I just know it's 3.30AM Wednesday morning around here.

In addition to my insomnia, my wrist hurts when I sleep. It's actually fine during the day, it's only when I lay in bed that it hurts.

Today I stopped on my way home to buy some milk and other groceries. When I saw tampons, I realized I had literally no clue about when my last period occurred. I am sure about dates until Christmas, but after that I can't remember. I mean, I'm positive I had period(s), but when? I decided that buying a pregnancy test was waaaayyy better than over-analyzing. (of course the test turned negative, and seriously, it's beeen a while since I've had sex, because I haven't seen KS in a while).

Oh, and I have a new addiction. I just found out tonight the show "Secret diary of a call girl". I love it.

I know this post is shitty, and I don't know if it makes any sense, but I'll do better, I promise!