Gimme the strength

I still haven’t made up my mind about the blogging issue… But I have no probs posting this.

I have been trying to lose weight, recently.
Let’s just say that, when I started this blog, I was at my best shape EVER: I’m 5 ft 6, and I was 110 lbs, fit and fucking good looking. If ypou really want to know, I have been thinner following an illness (around 100 lbs), but I don’t look good that thin (my face looks old)
I’ve been up to 141 at the end of 2008, because of a lot of things:
- I did not train as much as I should, for a while
- I’ve been on cortisone for quite a while in 2008
- Mostly, because I lived with KS so long and cooked for him every single night, and had three full meal every day, something I never experienced in my life but for those 2 years of living together.
Since I moved back to Italy I lost 8 lbs, and I want to lose at least 10 more. As long as I’m working, it ain’t that hard. I hit the gym at least 4 mornings a week, I often add some exercise in the evening at home, and I’m starting to go swimming at noon at least once-twice a week this week.
I don’t buy a lot of food, I try to eat salads (no sauce) and one or two fruits at work, and in the evening I try to skip altogether. At least when I don’t go out, unluckily when you go out you have to order something to drink, and Light Coke isn’t considered acceptable (plus if I drink coke at night I’m not able to sleep).
But it works, even though it’s hard, I have to wake at 6 every morning to hit the gym, and then I go to work and I cannot just doze, especially since I’m a manager now, and I have tons of responsibilities.

So what am I complaining about?

I go at the Parents’ place almost every weekend, and that’s where I fuck up. Because the Panther cooks, cooks, cooks. Because I can stay on tracks as long as I’m at my place with nothing to eat in the fridge, or even when I go out (I don’t like eating out), but I crave the Panther’s food.

That’s my sin.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes I do resent KS for my being fat. I wouldn’t, really you know? Only, he always points out when I get an extra pound, and let’s just not talk about the last 3 months I spent in France, when each time we ate in public he would repeatedly point out that I ate and looked like a cow.

But it’s not his fault, it’s mine and I shouldn’t be such a bitch. I’ll just go home and do some cardio, squats and all the shit.
Because it works and I need to stay focused.
Stay thin, DDgirl.