Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Back off and leave us alone

I saw B yesterday.
Well, I’ve seen him every Sunday over the last four weeks. Even said hello.
What made it different yesterday?
It should have been even easier, because KS had come over to spend the weekend, and it was great, even more so since I hadn’t seen him in over one month.
We went free-riding, like I did every Sunday over the last four weeks (and of course that’s the only reason I saw B, by the way). The real difference is Bro and Weird Wife had brought the kids along.

B and I were together when Little Princess (Bro’s eldest kid) was born, he actually drove me to see her. B loves kids. I don’t know why he still doesn’t have kids. (I actually really wondered why, but of course I never asked)

So yesterday the kids came with us. And trust me, these kids (especially Little Princess) LOVE me and pretty much consider me as the best and coolest person in the world.

Since their mom (Weird Wife) wasn’t able to bring them on the ski-lift (she’s not that confident on skis), I kept taking on with me either Princess or Lovely Kiddo (and trust me, it’s harder than hitting the gym!). Anyway, it seems that on a moment I was on the slope and not yet at the ski-lift, B offered Weird Wife to help her with the kids, and they all fell from the ski-lift (no injuries, the kids were still laughing when I found them).

(Since everyone was allright, I allowed myself to feel proud that the kids were safer with me than with B. Mainly because, although I am better than him at mountaineering ski, when it’s about alpine ski… well, he’s a living God).

So when we stopped for lunch, I was playing with the kids the whole time, and I kept catching B staring at the three of us. You know, by the end of our lunch-break, I was almost embarrassed.

So what’s up B?
You barely talk to me, we haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I don’t think you have regrets. I don’t even want to CONSIDER the possibility you might have regrets.

So once again, stay the hell away from my family. They’re MY family, and you’ve got your family, and I don’t want you to mess with them. They liked you a lot, and that made things even harder for me, so now just BACK OFF.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Como puede ser verdad?

I woke up this morning with “La isla bonita” on my mind.
I actually thought about two weeks I spent in Crete in 2007 with the parents. The opposite of glamorous, but one of the best times of my life. It was May, and Falassarna, a village two days by car from the airport, was deserted (the nearest bar was 6 miles from our bungalow, and it was more the kind of place where local Grannies play cards than my usual venue).
In front of the bungalow laid a giant beach of pink sand that covered the whole bay. No one else was there at that time of the year, and I’d lay in sun the whole day shamelessly naked (who was there to see anyway?), reading books, taking naps, swimming in the crystal sea (still slightly cold in the beginning of May), just chilling.

I woke up at six this morning, it was raining and I rode my bike to the gym and hit the threadmill to run my 5 miles. Yesterday night I came back late from work. I shall probably say this morning, actually, because it was 1 AM.
Although I’m not running every morning (I must admit I’m skipping the gym more often than I find acceptable), I’ve been working with these schedules over the last two weeks, and each other day I have to work in a freezing depot in the outskirts. No wonder I dream of going back to Falassarna. Now wonder when I think about it, I think “How could it be real?”

The light at the end of the tunnel: this project (which, by the way, is NOT a project of my service line, so I also understand NOTHING about it) was supposed to end by Feb 28. Today I’ve been told it won’t be over before March 15, and it may last until the end of March.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I haven't got any decent sleep since Monday morning (when I had to wake up at 5 AM, like any given Monday). I don't even care about how many hours it means. I just know it's 3.30AM Wednesday morning around here.

In addition to my insomnia, my wrist hurts when I sleep. It's actually fine during the day, it's only when I lay in bed that it hurts.

Today I stopped on my way home to buy some milk and other groceries. When I saw tampons, I realized I had literally no clue about when my last period occurred. I am sure about dates until Christmas, but after that I can't remember. I mean, I'm positive I had period(s), but when? I decided that buying a pregnancy test was waaaayyy better than over-analyzing. (of course the test turned negative, and seriously, it's beeen a while since I've had sex, because I haven't seen KS in a while).

Oh, and I have a new addiction. I just found out tonight the show "Secret diary of a call girl". I love it.

I know this post is shitty, and I don't know if it makes any sense, but I'll do better, I promise!

Monday, February 01, 2010

Full moon hiking

I’m having my living room AND my boudoir both painted in this precise moment! YAY!
I finally put my shit together, called the painter, and even convinced my landlord about paying at least part of the bill. Not bad huh?

The only inconvenient, of course, is that today my neck aches, and, even more important, I sprained my wrist badly on Saturday. Not the best to move furniture around the house.
How did I get those? Here comes the DDgirl weekend…

After waking up every morning at 6AM last week, in order to train (I managed to run 35km last week, or over 20 miles if you prefer), on Saturday I had opted for a mountaineering ski tour with the Sponsor and Bro. Nobody, however, had mentioned that we were to wake up at 4.30AM. UGH.
We started hiking under a glorious full moon that promised us a beautiful day. We had 1500mt (over 4,900ft) to climb, so we were trying to keep a steady but fast pace. We are all quite trained these days, so we managed to keep the pace and chat at the same time: all in all, we were having a great time. The sun rose, and we took a couple of nice pics with the snowy mountains embraced in pink light. It was only when we had already climbed 900mt that we were suddenly hit by a stormy cold wind from the North. One hour later, we were at less than 100mt from the peak, but we were struggling so badly we decided to stop and start skiing down. However, while peeling off the sealskins (you stick them on your skis to climb up) I lost my balance due to the wind, and, struggling not to fall, I put my whole weight on a stick, and sprained my wrist. I didn’t realize immediately it was that bad, but when I got home, it was about twice the size of the other wrist.

Now since I’m a dork, instead of complaining, I cooked lunch (which involved cutting and cleaning a pumpkin…), because I wanted to go freeriding on Sunday!
And so I did. The alarm went off at 5.30AM on Sunday, and I went freeriding in Switzerland. Although I couldn’t use my right hand, I managed to ski quite well (I still have problems with my frost-bitten toes, so I don’t ski as well as I usually do, these days..). I also managed to respond nicely to the small talk initiated by B., which is more than I usually do. So where is the problem? The problem is, the thermometer never went above minus 20° (-4F) over the day (and it snowed all day long). Added on top of my lack of sleep, it means I was frozen to my ass.

So this morning I woke up at 5AM to get back to the city, and let’s say I have felt better on other days. And yet, the ridiculous thing is my skin is glowing, my hair looks nice and shiny, and all in all, I look way better than most days.

I really enjoyed my weekend though. And I don’t have much to do at work today, so I’ll go home by 5, pay the painter, re-organize a little all the furniture I moved to my bedroom, and go straight to bed.