Friday, June 26, 2009

it's official

...I'll have to work the whole weekend as well (and yeah, next week too).
Fuck me, fuck them, I hate everything. Myself in first place for still sticking to this job after 5 years.

200th post..

...flames to dust,
lovers to friends:
why do all good things
come to an end?

..and the dogs will
whistling at the new tune
barking at the new moon,
hoping it will come soon,
so that they could die..

I hate it here people. Cannot stand it anymore.
Hopefully I lost weight over the week, on Monday I'll be able to check.

What else?

It's not healthy working like this. I've been working 14 to 16 hours every day over the last three weeks, including weekends.

It's unhealthy both phisically and mentally. I think way to much about B.
I don't even have the time to talk to KS or to my family on the phone. And even if I did, I don't have anything to say but complaints, so I prefer to shut up. After all, B. dumped me after one of these moments.

I even dream about work and wake up sweating at night.

And if there is one thing I don't need in my life is thinking about B. I don't wanna think I may screw my life again like I did after B. left.

Hopefully I'll get to see KS in the weekend and hopefully we may get to spend some quality time together. Because when it gets to this point, you don't live, you don't love, you don't. You just try and carry on.

But KS is not B., and he won't give me up on this, so fuck B. and fuck the past.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

June and I'm lost

I’m lost in the middle of nowhere.
I’m working between 14 and 16 hours every single day, with a 20 minutes break at lunchtime. I have virtually no internet access. I haven’t really checked my facebook account in 15 days, I haven’t even done a single thing for myself in 15 days. So no regular blogging, sorry people.
Is this life? No, and I know it, but with this economy, I feel lucky to have a job.


Last weekend I went home and threw a long planned surprise party for the Sponsor &=th birthday. I organized a huge party in the garden at home, by the lake. Two months ago I started planning things: making guest lists, sending invitations, putting down menus and so on. In the end, some 50 people attended. I prepared by myself with just a little help from the Panther the whole banquet. We had a buffet with appetizers and entrees, namely:
- gazpacho verrines
- peas and mint cold cream
- fava bean pesto crostini
- mini-quiche of two kinds: tomato mozzarella and olives, and aubergine-pecorino
- warm octopus salad
- salade nicoise
- spring salad
- greek salad mini skewers
- asiago cheese – salami skewers
- 4 different kinds of lasagne
- BBQ with fish and pork skewers
- Fruit and marshmallows skewers
- Ananas tiramisu
- Watermelon

I ordered French wine (Vouvray from the Loire region), we set plenty of tables in the garden, we set a play area for the kids, prepared everything and still managed to make it a surprise! It was very very nice, and the most important thing is that the Sponsor LOVED it!

On Monday I came back here, an dit was my birthday, but just as every year it went almost unnoticed. It’s true I’m not really fond of MY Bdays, since I hate the fact that I’m no longer 21, but honestly? I’m pretty known for throwing big parties for a lot of people for their bdays (KS, Maria, my dad and in the past my brothers), and sometimes I’m a little put off by the fact that the last person who actually put on some celebration for my birthday was the infamous Little Prince (if you don’t know about the Little Prince go back to 2006 archives).
Well I guess it’s still okay, the thing is this year something that still disturbs me came up. I’ve been thinking for some times now about buying myself a Vespa. Not just a scooter, but a real original Vespa. I would like to keep it at my parents’ place, at the lake, in order to go around there.

Now two weeks ago or so the Sponsor decided to offer me one for my birthday and went to buy a brand new one, in order to make me a surprise by letting me find it in the garage!
However, when he called the Panther to ask her advice about the colour, she told him if he bought me a Vespa she would ask for a divorce (this is the Panther usual blackmail strategy).

So of course I got no Vespa, and the whole thing pretty put me off about buying one myself.
I should not care, after all it’s just an object. But still, for some reasons I don’t know (and don’t care to explore), this whole thing makes me sad.

(Dad ended buying me a book I really wanted with all my heart that had just come out the day before, and an item for security on glacier for our mountaineering ski tours, and I was more than glad about both!)

(And no, I didn’t get any other presents. From anyone. So far, at least. And do you want to know? I really really wish an Ipod. I have been wanting an Ipod for years now, one of the very small and inexpensive ones, just to go running. Oh, and Kat? I know you’re reading. And don’t even try to buy me anything, all I want is to have a drink together when this mission is over and I come back to the city!)

PS: don't bother correcting my English. I feel like I don't even have any brain left, let alone write anything coherent, and I'm NOT goign to proof read this thing!