Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Time for Wednesday Weirdness!

1.) Do you drive with your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel?
Rarely. I drive very close to the wheel, and prefer keeping hands low (kind of 8 and 5 really). It’s probably also due to my bad blood circulation in hands.

2.) How long do you keep cards given to you on birthdays and holidays before throwing them away? If you don't throw them out, what do you do with them?
It depends how much it touches me. Usually I don’t really keep them long anyway, the only exception being card from my grandparents.

3.) If, when you die, you could will any one of your characteristics to your children (child/future children), what would it be and why?
Honestly? My blue eyes.
But I know you’re waiting for a smarter answer. I’d like for them to have my capacity to be strong when things seem impossible, until I manage to move on.

4.) What is the best personality trait you got from your mother and the best personality trait that you got from your father?
The Panther is the most individualist person I’ve ever met. I might be the second. It’s not nice, I know, but I seem to need other people less than most people I know. Of course I need my family and boyfriend and friends, but I have no problem going on holiday on my own, living on my own, etc etc. Bad, huh?
I whish I had more of the Sponsor’s personality, he’s so good. Of course we share the love for the mountain, and I think I may have taken from him a good part of my strengh.

5.) What is something that you wish you had a better understanding of?
So many things!!! I understand nothing of physics, and still believe that electricity is a Harry Potterish magical thing.

6.) What makes you nervous?
Dieting (which I’m doing right now…)

7.) What is the strangest household object that you have ever or would ever use for help in masturbation?
Household stuff? Bleah…

8.) What do you have sitting on the countertop in your bathroom?
Hair conditioner, Shampoo, hair masks, a brush, two combs…. Yeah, I’m obsessed!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

You say Goodbye, and I say Hello!

I’m a bad, bad, bad blogger. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
I’ve been so busy, and yet I don’t seem to have accomplished anything at all. Last week I went to Paris twice, and I spent there one night, probably the last one. I went out partying with Kevin and I really had a good time, exchanging stories over fruit vodka shots.
I know it’s silly, since I only see Kevin every three months or so, but I’m gonna miss him so much! After all, if I haven’t been miserable in Paris over the last year and a half, it’s only thanks to him. He’s the one always coming to rescue me when I feel lonely, he’s the one waiting for me outside the office when I finish work after 11 PM, he’s the one always walking me to my hotel.
We met again for breakfast, and then we made our adieus…

So yes, I’ve been a good girl. I’ve been knowing Kevin and hanging out with him for one year and a half, and all of this time he has wanted me, and man, he’s cute, but I’ve ALWAYS been 100% faithful to my sweet KS, and I’m glad I have. But I’m still a bit sad because after all Kevin has been such a good friend, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again!

Moving to another subject, I have exchanged a few mails with Polish Chick (I know you’re probably reading, and I hope you don’t mind the nick name, when I first wrote it I was in a hurry and I didn’t want to write your real name, so I couldn’t come out with anything easier).
Needless to say, it was pretty emo, and we still have tons of stuff to talk about, after all, we have to catch up so much! But I think we’ll meet once I’ll be back in Italy, and then we’ll see where things will lead us from there.

And now, dear readers, the reason of the title. A few months ago I wrote about my big brother, Crea, who came back living into my parents’ small town, and I was so excited about going back and being the three of us together again (Bro, me and Crea).
So this won’t be happening any time soon, because Crea couldn’t find a job thanks to the recession, so he signed up to work 6 months in Maldive as a scuba dive master. I’m glad for him, and proud also, because he took things into his hands instead of sitting on his ass at home, but I’m soo disappointed about not being able to see him for 6 months!!!! (right now, I cannot afford Maldives)
Still, he’s been so nice, telling us he has already set a skype account and packed a webcam so we can make free video calls, so that we’ll be able to keep in touch on regular basis.

Last and definetly not least, I have no clue about how the hell I’m gonna find an apartment in Milan. But hey, cities are full of bridges to sleep under, huh?

Friday, January 09, 2009

Hey, what's up?

I still have troubles believing this is happening. Or maybe it’s just a whole big nothing and I’m overthinking, I dunno. I cannot talk to anyone about this, because I don’t have friends who were involved in this 7 years ago, and I cannot talk to the Panther about this, although she knows the whole story. Because the Panther is way too individualist to really understand I care about this. I am individualist as well, that’s true, but not to her extents.

So here I am, blogging about this, knowing too well that I should just shut the fuck up.

Over Xmas KS and I had coffee with Emi, who has changed his looks so much I almost failed to recognize him. Even weirder, he looked so… appaised, if you get what I mean. Whatever.
We had some nice chat, and I couldn’t avoid asking him about Polish Chick. So he told me about her, and between other things about her comics being on the web. (Yes, PC has always been a hell of an artist!).
I let the informations digest in my head and in my heart until yesterday, and then I googled her.

Sure enough, I found her blog, and I couldn’t stop reading until I reached the last post.
And, since I can’t seem to shut the fuck up, I left a comment. I knew (hoped?) she would understand who had commented, but I didn’t think she would have managed to trace this blog, which she did (smart chick!).

Rereading the post I wrote in November I realize over all these years, the news I had about her were surely biased given the source. And thinking about mere facts that I know have happened for sure, I think the girls must have had real guts to work out things, and make up her own life. She surely has not been spoiled as I have been.
(okay, I had tough times as well when I moved here, but it was my own choice)

And now what am I supposed to do, to say?
Damnit, I’m such an emo!!!!

Okay, I’ll take things as they come. I’ll try to, at least. For the sake of everything we had and everything we both still have.

And I’ll enjoy this song I love:

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away..

What I’ve done
I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

Thursday, January 08, 2009

2009: return to the origins

2009 is the year of the big go-back for me. I’m moving back to Italy on February 21, and I’m both very excited and very scared about it.
I arranged with the brotheres (Bro and Crea) that they’re driving to the city on a big van on Feb 20, I’ll cook them a good dinner and on Feb 21 we’re loading all my stuff (not so many things, maintly plants clothes and books) on the van and we’ll be driving aither to Milan (if I’ll have already found a place by that time) or to my Parents if I still don’t have a flat in Milan.
I’m starting to be optimistic, because a girl I know will soon rent her flat which is 2 minutes walk from my office, so I hope to get her place to start, and then I’ll see and look around if I need something bigger.

So I’m scared about leaving the city, about KS and I on a long distance relationship, about working in Milan where competition is stronger and I’ll need to wear suits every day at work, while here unless I have to meet clients I can wear trainers and jeans (and I love this, because at 7AM I’m a f***ing SLOB).
I’m excited about meeting my new colleagues, making new friendships as well as reconnecting with old ones. I’ll be able to ski every weekend from December to June. I won’t have the costant temptation of French pastries right in front of me. I won’t need anymore to justify and explain everyone I’m veggie (Italian food is quite poor of meat). And I know it’s completely stupid, but I’ll be back to the status I was so used to, of successful stunning young woman. Because yes, I am tired of feeling a foreign freak as I very often feel here (and how couldn’t I, when not a day passes without people making fun of my accent?)

Changing subject, Xmas was pretty okay. The Bro’s wife apparently calmed down after the Panther scolded her, everyone was pretty cool and everything went smoothly. I took an eye on the kids, and although it’s true that the little one prefers staying at my Parents’ place that with his own parents, his mother is making some efforts to be better with him.
I was totally spoiled with presents, and I suspect this is a consequence of me announcing I’m going back to Italy. Then again, I totally spoiled all of my family with the gifts I bought them!

We had A LOT of snow, which meant I had to shovel a lot of it, but the Sponsor and I also enjoyed a few great skiing days. KS joined me on the evening of 25, and stayed until the 28, and we had a great time.
We spent New Year’s Eve at our place, with a few friends, and it was nice but pretty uneventful. I know this sounds spinster-ish, but I don’t feel anymore like standing for hours and hours in much too crowded bars, spending too much many and feeling sorry for my feet anymore. I prefer the homely, cozy way!

So happy new year everybody!!!