Night storm

I am in Paris, it’s a sunny day, but we’re all in black. It’s an old friend funeral, and I still haven’t found the courage to ask someone how did he die, what happened and when. Somehow I feel that my funny accent when I speak French would be regardless to the dead. I’m crying quietly, when the dead’s mother stares at me. I can see she knows me and she suddenly moves towards me like she’s going to ask me something, something that I surely don’t want to hear.
And suddenly I’m in our new flat, building a new wall where we destroied the old one, between the kitchen and the living room.
The scene changes again, and I’m drowning, I keep inspiring water but of course I can’t breathe it, untill darkness falls on me.

I wake gasping, nose and throat closed due to my allergies, and I have to sit up and grab my ventolin before I can calm down a little bit.
KS lies beside me, he has pushed the sheets away, and he’s still sleeping.
It’s 3 AM and I know I’m not going back to sleep. I can feel something in the air, but in the mists between sleep and wake I cannot identify it.
So I get up and move to the kitchen, taking my book with me. I’m preparing some coffee, it’ll help me through the night, and it’s a bit cool, so somethin warm to drink won’t hurt.

And then I realize it: after days of heat and sun, the first storm of the year will break soon. I open the window and breath the smell of the air, waiting for the first drops and the wind that will take them.
I light a candle, take place on the armchair and settle to spend there the rest of the night.

When I was a kid, with my brothers, we would wait for the lightenings to stop, and then we would go swimming in the lake. We used to say that wile it’s raining the water is warmer. Yes, on rainy days we’d go swimming out, on rainy days, swimming in the south.

Waiting for the first thunder to come, I think about my dreams. It’s been weeks since I last got a decent night of sleep, thanks to my seasonal allergies, and I’m sore to the bone each night, after working on the new flat. Although it’s definetly KS who does the most of it, the works we’re doing are so tiring sometimes I forget why or what we are doing.

Tomorrow it’ll be one year since Granpa left us, he’d be 90 if he was still with us.

Finally, the storm breaks and, after a few minutes, I close the window and wrap myself in a plaid. There’ll be many things to do in the morning, and then I’ll leave for a while.
I won’t be able to post, probably until May 23 or so, as I’ll be away most of the time, working abroad and then doing some mountaineering ski.
I’ll miss my love, and everything, but it’ll do me some good, hopefully.

Ashamed

It was B., my ex.

I quickly looked around for some way to disappear, but didn’t find any, so I took a breath and said, a bit too loud “Hey, I didn’t recognize you! How are you doing?”
Damned, how pathetic did I look? Later on, the Sponsor answered: “Pretty much pathetic”.
Anyway, we made some small talk, than he asked “So, how are YOU doing?”
And that is where I tried to improve my pathetic situation, I mentioned that I’m moving ‘cause my boyfriend has just bought a house and so on.
I don’t know what he thought, I couldn’t care less honestly.

It just felt so stupid, because the only reason I was singing that song, was that Maria and I had just downloaded it from the net and we like to sing it together, so it’s been on my mind lately. Shame on me!

Anyway, I survived to this also, and I came back to town, where a hard weekend is waiting for me: KS parents are staying with us for the whole weekend, and we’ll have to take down a wall and pose the tiling in the kitchen of the new apartment.

The other news is that, as it’s getting warmer and warmer up here, I have had my hair made up into 75 cute braids, which give me a blond Cleopatra look I definitely adore.

Forgive me for not writing more, but I have to start cooking for the weekend: after all, it will be the first time I host the in-laws!!!!

I can't breathe easy

It seems weeks I haven't written a single word. Between moving and my crazy old job, I can call myself lucky if I managed to go and see my parents last weekend.
On Saturday I managed to hike on mountaineering ski one of the Mon Rose peaks, up to 4200M. (16800 feet? not sure 'bout that though).
I still love mountaineering ski as one of the best things of the world, but still, there are two issues 'bout it.
Firstly, it needs strong training, which I usually don't have. Luckily, I am skilled enough to manage it, no matter how lazy I have been.
Secondly, it reminds me of B., my ex. But still.

Lately, I realized it has a third issue, the worst of all.

Anyway, the Sponsor and I climbed up a bit slowlier than usual, as I had my periods and we liked to catch up by talking a bit.
When we finally fot on top, it was about noon. The day was cold, and we were surrendered by mist and clouds, so we didn't pay much attention to the two men who were already on top.

Instead, I indulged in one of my bad passions: singing. And so I started out loud the Italian version of "Breath easy", which goes, more or less, like this:

"To those who tell me,
you will come back,
I don't trust anymore.
To those who tell you,
I ache thinking of you,
you just smile and turn to her.

You will not cry,
because you can't see how, but you know
I've lost everything,
while you, you never lose, and now,

I.........can't breathe easy
I cant sleep at night
Without you by my side"

And then, just as I faded the last words, the guy with a dark green jacket approached and quietly told me "Hello, DDgirl".

Back to normal life

We did it.
Somehow, we went to my parents’ place and survived without drama.
Although I still can’t believe it.
I did brief KS, and my parents acted decently all weekend long.
Basically, everyone’s attention was drawn to Bro’s family, following the announcement of the year: he and his family are moving back to my parents’ town, aka DDland.
Which means, in my Bro’s thoughts, that my parents should arrange a nice accommodation for him, his wife and their two toddlers. Needless to say, the Panther completely agrees with this, while the Sponsor (good old dad) believes it may be a bit too much to ask.
As I don’t see how this could concern me, I did not say anything about it, although in my head the script was running quite fast: People aged between 30 and 35 shouldn’t be allowed to have two toddlers when they have no permanent job and they do not seem to be able to look after themselves. Still, as I said, I kept this for me, to avoid arguing with the whole family (which would be useless in any case).

Switching to a different subject, it is decided: I’ll go to Crete with the parents, for one week in May. I’m arranging for the plane tickets and everything, and I can’t wait to lay in sun by the sea!!!!!
And, I honestly can’t wait to quit this job, things are getting awfully boring here. Add that Maria, my best friend, is still on holiday, so no Girls Nights Out for this week…

Right, I’m taking time and avoiding the subject that’s really on my mind.
I am afraid that KS could soon ask me to marry him. And yes, I love him, but I’m not ready. Because I don’t think I want to live in this country, working in finance, for the rest of my life.

And now, if you excuse me, I’ll go to Ikea to buy the new bedroom furniture. And may the Lord help me.

Lord have mercy

We’ll be leaving in one hour.
Yeah, Killer Smile and I are going to see my family. And it’s the first time he meets them.
Did I ever mention that the Panther and the Bro are crazy? Not to talk about my weird German sister in law.
Oh MY GOD.
Why the hell did I decide to do this??
Oh, yeah, it had something to do with the fact that I spend one weekend out of two visiting his parents with him. Crap, it’s been three years since I last introduced a boyfriend to my family, and at that time they were way more normal. And there were no toddlers. And my sister in law was still just the Bro’s wife, a marginal presence, not the mother of the two toddles.

Anyway, I bought a present the Panther will love (on behalf of KS), and have instructed him about a few key subjects:
- we don’t play or like videogames
- we don’t drink alcohol except for a glass of whine at dinner
- he doesn’t eat ducks and gooses
And a few other innocent lies. Also, I instructed not to talk about sports.

But, on the other side, I couldn’t reach the Panther on the phone yesterday night. So, I could not instruct HER, on the forbidden subjects matter. Which, is fare more dangerous.

And now I can only hope that the language gap and the Lord help me.

Wish me luck, and happy Easter to ya all.