Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hoping the sun will at least look at me

They sent me out of the city for a new project, and although it’s not far, I have one hour and a half of commute each morning (1 hour at night to come back, because at the time we come home there is no traffic left, since it’s LATE…).
This means it’s pretty hard to hit the gym in the morning: it opens at 7AM (in Italy it’s almost impossible to find a gym that opens earlier), and I have to be ready and moving by 8, which barely allows me to run on the mill for half an hour, do some abs and take a quick shower. Better than nothing, I suppose.
I AM indeed back to my “eating healthy” habits, but I am NOT managing to diet. I just wish to lose a few more pounds… But I am aware that, once I’ll be there, I’ll want to lose a few more! It wouldn’t hurt, though.

I’m in the rut, and what’s worst one of my best friend (my best buddy within the Tuscan Crew) is moving away from the city, he’s already gone for six weeks due to his parents’ health issues, and I miss him a lot… Luckily my girl friends are always there to hang out!!!

KS had a job interview today, here in the city, and apparently it went well! Things are going well between us lately, and we spent the last few days together and had some excellent quality time, which was amazing, after all we’ve been through over the summer.
I know there were moments I wanted to throw myself in the arms of somebody else, but now I am happy I held on to what we have. I know this is cheesy and there is still a long way ahead, but I’m also proud I did not choose the easy way.

Through all this, I still miss my dreamy summer. Badly. I wanna hang out with Kissy and Lou, I wanna spend my days working out hard core, diving in waterfalls, wanna spend my nights hanging out with them, over drinks, laughing at them while they check out girls, stumbling on my way home after the last screw driver.
I hope Xmas break comes soon!

*Seeing the sun when I can’t really see, hoping the sun will at least look at me…*

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Back in THE RUT

Autumn is coming, and once again, I’ve entered THE RUT.
The Rut… every year around this time I seem to get in it, I realise it by going back to posts of the last years.. And somehow, each time I step into the rut, I don’t know when (if) I’ll manage to get out of it.
Every year at the end of September I go back to listening RHCP Scar Tissue. I especially love when it says “Autumn’s sweet, we call it FALL, I’ll make it to the moon if I’ll have to crawl…”

I had thought this year would have been different, I had thought that being back to Italy would have helped. Even though, as I have written before, coming back from my dreamy summer time was hard, I felt pretty confident, and so I did not brace myself. This was my big mistake.
I still think I could have avoided stepping in the rut (or at least falling so hard), but this week I have been badly PMSing due to late period, and so here I am.

I started the week feeling useless, I should have been glad I’m not on any hard project at work right now, but it didn’t help, and I kept feeling useless and restless. Then I heard from Sexy, and he told me he had been hit by car and now has a broken collarbone, which means he’s in pain plus he cannot drive so I won’t be seeing him for a while. The thought of Sexy’s beautiful body being wounded almost sent me crying, and then I realised I was in the rut like each autumn. Damn.

Yesterday I made another mistake. I woke up feeling good, I even got my bike repaired after months, and I felt so full of energy I invited a bunch of friends from work to dinner at my place. Being myself, I couldn’t just stick to cooking something simple and having fun. No, I had to prepare a damned banquet, as usual, because hell I have to impress everybody with my cooking skills huh? By 8PM I was EXHAUSTED. Granted, dinner was great and everybody had fun. But my dishwasher is broken, the guys only left at 2AM and tonight when I get home I’ll find a huge pile of dishes waiting to be washed, not to mention I’ll have to clean up the mess, carry down the garbage, blah blah blah… I wish I could spend a few days outdoor, lying on the grass somewhere in the mountains!
Needless to say my head feels buzzy this morning… So I’ve decided that for at least one month I’m on an alcohol-free time (I’ll only allow myself half glass of wine on Saturday dinners).

Over the years I learnt I cannot rely on anybody else to help me through this period: I’m the only one who can help me. Hell, I don’t even feel like answering to my friends texts or emails. But I’ll do my best to get over this.

So my 4 steps program to get out of the rut is:
- get as much sleep as I can
- carry my lazy ass to the gym as often as possible
- eat healthy
- spend as much time outdoor as I can

I wish Crea was back already… But he won’t come back until Xmas, plus he has his own troubles… Maybe I just wanna be a kid again, hang out with my brothers and let them take care of everything for me…

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

My dreamy summer (part 2)

.. I got to the Parents’ place on Saturday at noon, and by Sunday morning I was back in the mountains.
I had a gala dinner on Saturday night, but by Saturday afternoon Lou had called me asking me if I was in for another canyoning trip on Sunday: I could not miss it!
This second time, Lou’s girlfriend and two other friends (a couple) joined, and it was way slower than when it was just the Vampires (Kissy and Lou) and me!
It was funny and not without awkward moments (but I’ll save details for an upcoming post about awkward summer moments), and by night I was exhausted! Furthermore, on Sunday evening I accidentally fell on the stairs and hurt my coccyges, so I ended up with a very bad backache (I’ve actually been on painkillers for three weeks after that).

The end of the mountain trip consisted in a 2 days hike I did with the Sponsor, which was seriously breathtaking (a little too much for my taste): it actually included some free climbing of fourth degree, and by free I mean no protections at all… The hike was great but I must admit I did freak out a little over the free climbing, and I also freaked because the Sponsor, whose health and age I already wrote about, should not be doing things like this!!!!

(look at this cute mate who was staring at us!)

And then I had to leave the mountains.
It has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks to my friends, who are great, to the mountains I love hiking, to everything.

Things with KS had been very very tense, and we almost broke up in the beginning of August, but then we had a long talk and I decided to give it another try.
We spent the weekend after I came back from the mountains in southern France attending KS annual family meeting, which DID not go as smoothly as I had hoped…
Then I worked for a week, and then we left for Gaia and Mark’s wedding in Sicily.
We spent a week together in Sicily, partying with people from 22 different countries, and we had an AMAZING time!!

To summarize the lose ends, KS and I are still together. I discovered that Green Eyes does not live in the same village, and I did not meet him (let’s say I did not seek him, I could have met him if I wanted to). Last but not least, we could not hike the Lyskamm, but I have already made agreements in order to do it next spring.

More important than everything else, I had lost lots of weight, but unfortunately have gained some more in Sicily… but things are under control on that side.

And now, dear readers, after spending only two days in the city, I have to leave for work and go back to the North East of Italy… and I’m already counting the days ‘till Xmas holidays…