Whatever (I had a dream)

Okay, I didn’t think about writing this, but I really don’t feel like sharing this story with anyone I know, and I need to get it off my chest. Hopefully, once I see this post in my blog, I’ll stop thinking about it.

I had a dream last night 'cause it looked just like a dream
I had a dream last night but it looked not like a dream

I was relaxing home (but it wasn’t anywhere I know), when I felt the strangest sensation from my belly.
It was summer, and I was wearing white light trousers and a white tank top that did not cover my tummy, which was flat and tanned. All in a sudden, I knew I was pregnant.

Mercy, mercy, I made a call
Make me a suit so I can get it off
Heaven help me, my head is spin'n round
Stop this airplane cause I got to get down

I went to buy a pregnancy test, and although I don’t know where I was supposed to be, it was not Europe, the vegetation, the buildings were different. The test was positive, of course.
I knew who the father was.

I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove
It was a scream last night it was getting kinda fun

When I got back “home”, Andrea the Hunter was there.
“I came because I felt that you needed to talk to me” he said, smiling.
“I’m pregnant with your baby” I answered quietly. “I wanted you to know, but I’m not asking for anything”.
He looked, somehow, as if he already knew, he had a glow, a look of wisdom and slight happiness, something I had never seen on him.
“But you will marry me, won’t you? After all, we always knew we would end up together”.

I was perplex, we had never been in any kind of relationship but friendship (no clue about the pregnancy, in the dream no sex was involved).
In the end, we got married. And he was just everything but Andrea, he was the ideal and perfect husband.

I had a dream last night, because he looked just like a dream
I had a dream last night, because he looked just like a dream

And then, we were somewhere on a white sand beach, and it felt like something was going to happen soon, the pressure was tangible, like ten thousands storm was going to break. Something was approaching, something horrible, something to fear. And somehow, I knew it was me who was provoking it.

He was on fire last night, and I was breathing gasoline
I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove
I had a scream last night
Lord above...


I know this whole lot doesn’t mean anything, and that no one will probably understand it, but it’s been on my mind for the whole day, together with the song Whatever (I had a dream).

Back to the cold!!

Two weeks ago I caught a bad flu. I kept on working, although I had up to 39 Celsius (102F), and I had to travel to Milan for some business meetings, and then back to Lyon. By the end of the week I was exhausted, looking and feeling like crap.
KS was pretty worn out as well, since he had been working quite hard, so we took a week off, bought a last minute plane ticket and went to Morocco.
We spent a week in the sun, visiting Marrakesh and its surroundings, spending a day in the desert, and also relaxing by the hotel swimming-pool. The weather was great, sunny and definitely warm (almost too warm to go around at noon), and we could finally spend some quality time together: although we have been together for one year and a half, this was our first vacation together!!

After relaxing and sun tanning, we came back to a stormy, snowy and very cold France. On Easter I took a train to go visit the Parents, and it took me 9 hours to get there (it normally takes about 5 hours and a half).
It was still nice to see them, to spend Easter with the family and so on, plus the Sponsor and I have settled the last details for our haute route from Chamonix to Zermatt (since we won’t meet before April 5, the day we have rendez-vous in Chamonix).
Since it’s been snowing a lot in the last few days, it’s sure we’ll have enough snow on our path, and although it’s gonna be tough, I’m really looking forward to it.
The other side of the whole thing is I still have to train, so today instead of having lunch I went running. The park was snowy, it was awfully cold to run, even the male lion looked sad with his hair wet. But I still ran 6 miles and a half (10.5km), and I was honestly proud of myself. Plus, since this week work should be pretty slow, I’ll probably manage to train as much as I want!

Random thoughts

It's snowing, and fucking cold.
This morning, it was 12° and the sun was shining, I wore a light silk white suit and opened shoes with no socks, and happily headed out. By noon it was raining and windy. And now it's below zero and snowing.
And I know I always say I love snow and so on, but tonight it sucks, also because KS has to go to the airport tomorrow early in the morning, and I worry about the highway.

At work, I'm on a project I'm hating.
Every morning, all around me are familiar, worn out faces, in a worn out dataroom. I get up early, go to work, and feel like I'm going nowhere. It's too frigging cold to go running, and my ankle hurt pretty badly (no clue why).

Tomorrow the Sponsor will go to see the doctor, who will probably recommend some more chemio, and I hate that he's going through this (and I cannot even be by his side).

Finally, I keep eating, and, to look stunning as I used to, I should lose 6 kilos, but I don't think I am able to do it right now.

Things will get better, I know it and need to hold tightly to this idea.

Before moving to France, I never called the Parents or granparents, unless something had to be said.
Every day, during my daytime, I collect anedocts to tell the Panther, and every night I call her and discuss happy matters like books, recipies, family matters and so on. We talk half an hour or so, every night.
And this only makes me feel just a little tiny bit less guilty for not being there with them, for them.
Forgive me dad, for not being by your side. I think about you all the time, every day, with my mind, I'm with you.