Atlantic coast - day 3

Okay, yesterday entry was crap. You remarked it, and you were right. Thing is, I’m way too tense to sort out anything but crap.

Because my periods are late. Far too late, even for my 35 usual days.
And because, I admit it, a pregnancy wouldn’t be impossible.

Thanx to my quite irregular periods, I’m a ClearBlue addicted (I guess I buy 4 tests per year, more or less), just to calm down my nerves when I pass 40 days. The thing is, my colleagues, and especially the nice Lebanon girl, don’t leave me alone a single moment all day long, let alone go to the chemistry to get a pregnancy test. Oh crap!!!

The thing is, abortion is not even an option. I’m not Catholic or anything, but we would be talking about MY BABY. Plus, I actually love kids.
Besides, I cannot afford a maternity: although KS and I love one each other, we’re alone. My parents are far away, in another country, and his live at 200km. It would absolutely mean I would have to give up my job. And, to be honest, I’m not sure if I want my kids to be French.

All this said, KS would adore having a baby (if it was up to him, we would be already trying).

There is one more thing. When he and his former girlfriend parted their ways, she had just got pregnant, and had an abortion telling him only afterwards, by telephone. I once asked him how does he feel about it, and he answered “I feel like I’ve lost my baby, and that somehow it was my fault”
You see what I mean?

So, right now what I’m going to do is get to the hotel, skip dinner and have a long sauna instead, try to relax. Maybe I’ll even take my book into the sauna. Have a long phone chat with my love (without worrying him ‘bout this), and then try to get a good night of sleep.
And Saturday morning first thing is getting that damned test!!!!