Snowy December

I should have imagined it would end like this.
Yesterday night I went home in the snow (because we had several snow storms over the last few days), and I was shivering. Once at home, I realized I had a temperature (well, I had 39.6°, over 103F), so I stuffed my face with aspirin, antibiotics, cough syrup, all in accordance with the Sponsor’s direction, and went to sleep.

Whatever. Exhaustion demands its price I guess.

Today I went to work looking like a beaten shit, but the project is finally over, so tonight I headed home at 6PM, like a normal girl.
It was still snowing a little bit.

Now, this is totally random, but I’ve been lusting about Lou, lately. Well, I kind of had a weird dream in which I was hopelessly in love with him, a couple of nights ago (of course I’m not in love with Lou, it was just a vivid dream), and then he posted a picture on FB in which all his hotness is disclosed….
Well, I’ve blurred the face (okay, someone did it for me... thanks darling!), because I’m not going to post a recognizable friend’s pic here, but please, just take a look at his abs…..


So now do you understand how come I may be occasionally mouth-watering?

Anyway, I still haven’t heard from him and Kissy about Winter break, so I hope they might come on vacay with me! And I just found out KS will be there the whole time by the way. Which is great, I know. But it was not what I was expecting, and KS doesn’t get along that well with my other friends from the mountains (language has been, so far, a big wall between him and them). But maybe he’ll get along with my vampires Kissy and Lou? We’ll see…

Tomorrow I’ll finally go home for my much deserved winter break… I can’t wait to get home!!!
Bro and weird wife are spending the whole Xmas break in Germany.
As for me, what I long for, is some mountaineering ski and some free-riding on my own, on silent, snowy slopes, followed by noisy nights at the only bar of the village with my friends.

I have done only little Christmas shopping this year, but I’ve been too busy with work, and those who love me will understand. (But hey, Polish Chick, I know you’re reading, and I’ve got a little something for you! I hope to see you soon!)

This is it, people. I wish you all the best possible Christmas, and may next year bring all you wish for. I don’t think I’ll be able to post before January 4 or so, but who knows? In the meantime, take good care!

The coolest party of the year

Yesterday night, the annual Christmas party of my company was on. It was held in one of the coolest venues of the city (as usual). It was supposed to show that things are starting to get better, the economy is getting back on track and all this bullshit. The Company Xmas party is always a big deal anyway.

The party was amazing. The venue is an old church which was converted in this uber-stylish club. Beautiful.

There were all my friends from work, and I managed to chat or dance a little while with all of them, plus I met some other colleagues that I did not know before. I handed out business cards, drank champagne, smiled a lot, laughed at good jokes, shaked hands. Than I hit the dance floor with my friends and had a blast.
What’s best, I looked great in my black Trussardi dress paired with 4 inch suede boots. My stomach was unusually flat, my makeup was just enough without being too aggressive, my hair looked good. I don’t remember talking to anyone that didn’t compliment my looks in some way.

At least, this is how I imagined it. Because in truth, while the party took place, I stayed at work until 2AM (wearing the above mentioned black dress, for what it's worth). Then I went home, and this morning I even skipped the gym because I was back at work at 7AM, hands shaking from the lack of sleep, spots on my face, hair messier than ever.

W.T.F????

A EFFIN' BOMB WAS PLACED IN MY GRAD SCHOOL LAST NIGHT.
They talk about two damned kilos of TNT.

And if the whole thingdid not collapse is because the losers who put the bomb were unable to do it well in first place, so it did not explose completly but just the starter did.

Fuck all the violent pigs. That's all I gotta say.

So good and so sad

I went back to France, spent quality time with KS, and met Lolo’s new girlfriend.
And then I hanged out with Lolo, just the two of us, for hours and hours.
Then I came back, just to dive in an insane DDworld following this daily schedule:
6.00 AM: wake up
6.30 AM leave home, ride my bike to the gym
6.50 AM threadmill for 40 minutes, quick shower, stuff my face with fresh orange juice
8.00 AM get into the tube and go to work
8.30 AM work (lunch break from 1.30PM to 2.00PM)
Sometime between 11.00PM and 2.00AM: go home, throw all clothes on the floor, throw myself in bed.

And then again, and again, and again, day after day. So I neglected my blog as well as my friends, family, cat… everything. Hell, this is so insane I even have a HUGE spot (which is rare for me).
Whatever.

What I want to write about, is Laurent.
As I said, we chatted for hours at Starbucks, and it was so intense. We talked so much, and he asked me some questions about the first weeks I had spent in France back in 2005. I told him something I had buried deep in my heart and not talked about for years, and when I was done he was in tears. Lolo, who always wants to “save” those around him, told me he never had suspected anything like that (we first met shortly after that dark episode), and then I explained him how he had helped me even if he had not known it. After all, he was my first real friend in France.

He told me all about his girlfriend, and about his marriage, and I understand how hard it must be for both him and his wife. What worried me most, however, was that when I told him “Look Lolo, this Blondie really seems into you, so try and be happy with her”, his answer was
“That is the problem, DDgirl. Blondie is great and I care a lot about her, but I don’t feel I could be really happy with her”

It was a strange day, intense, as I said. It felt so good to be able to hang out together and talk about old times, and at the same time, talking about his problems and my old stories was so distressing!
In any case, I’m really glad we could catch up like this. It also made me remember why we became such good friends in first place: because he’s such a good man.

KS was a little sick over the weekend, he had a bad cold and everything, so I did my best to pamper him as much as I could. It was good to spend some time just the two of us, without doing anything special, just cuddling, drinking warm tea and so on.

This is for my beloved boyfriend!

So happy Christmas,
I love you baby,
I can see a better time,
when all our dreams come true.

Just because you feel good (doesn't make you right)

A while ago, Laurent, my favourite ex-co-worker (and ex manager), told me he had issues with his wife and had moved out. This was pretty sad, because they have two little kids and they were an adorable couple (ok, I’ve always had a crush on Lolo’s wife: she was everything I wanted to be!).
A couple of weeks ago I called Lolo and he told m he though his marriage was really over, and he went on explaining me how bad he felt about it: I always considered Lolo as a good man, he was always so full of attentions for his wife, so I believed him.

Tonight he called me because he knows I’ll be in France soon and wanted to set a day to hang out together. And then he dropped the bomb.

“I want to introduce you somebody”
I waited for him to go on, holding my breath.
“She’s your age, you know? We could meet for drinks on Saturday night, with your boyfriend. And then we could hang out, just the two of us, I mean, on Monday, so we can talk properly, and you’ll tell me what you think about her. But I’m sure you’ll like her”.

Like her? What are you, crazy? I hate her already.
Because the only reason that kept me from tearing your clothes off when we were in Norway, from thinking about you 24/7, back when I hadn’t met KS yet, was that I loved your wife.

That night in Norway, you wanted to rip off my sundress as much as I wanted you to. Instead, we hanged out watching the sunset, reinforcing our one year old friendship, telling us shameful stories and getting tipsy on white whine, while watching a sunset that lasted for hours.

Now this was a long time ago, years already. We’re still good friends, although we don’t work the same job, don’t live in the same country anymore, we keep in touch and we miss each other. Last summer Lolo had planned with his family to travel to Italy and visit me for a couple days; instead, they split in August, so they didn’t go anywhere at all.

Lolo, I want to be a good friend and not a lousy one, so I’ll meet your girlfriend and act nice, although apparently she’s already jealous. Hell, I’ll even tell you I’m glad you’re doing fine. Because I do hope you’re happy.
But the truth is I don’t want to meet your girlfriend. The truth is I already hate her.

And the worst part is, if this all makes me so sad, but I'm not sad for me, I'm sad because I enjoyed so much hanging with your wife, she is such a beautiful person. I'll never forget, when I would date a new guy, you would offer advice on sex and such matters, she would offer advice oon what to cook for him (and how), it was so much fun!

But I swear, I’ll behave. I'll be a good friend.


(I really wish you would be reading, my friend. I miss you so much. I know these are hard times for you, and I truly want to give you all my support. I'll do my best, I promise, again.)

Wait a minute

From: Andrea the Hunter
To: DDgirl
Subject: AAA looking for DDgirl

Sweetie,

Where are you? What are you up to, these days?
I haven’t heard from you in a while, is everything okay? I bet you’re working too much, as always. You should give it a break, get a day off and go to a SPA, things like that.
Or maybe I’m worrying too much, but I know if you had anything exciting you’d be spilling it by mail, so I bet you’re depressed. And do you know what happens when you work too much? You stop exercising, you eat junk food, you’ll develop a fat ass and maybe even zits, and who is going to get you laid then?
I’m kidding of course, babe!

I don’t really have big news. I’ve been road-tripping for a while, full-mooning in Koh Phangan, then I was in Koh Tao for a while and now I’m back in BKK at my place.

Whatever, I’m worried about you DDgirl and I don’t like worrying so get in touch.

Always yours
Hunter
Xoxo

I got this mail yesterday.
My first reaction: WTF? I even double checked the sender, since this does not sound like the usual Hunter.
Then I realised I haven’t written him in two months or so. Bad!
Even worse, I realized I’m not keeping in touch with plenty of friends. Between working too much (The Hunter has a point, but it’s easy to say when you DON’T WORK), and the family drama, I’ve been so exhausted over the last three or four weeks, the only thing I manage to do when I get home at night is get to bed. Hell, I actually count how many hours I have to work till Christmas break to fall asleep! (My current estimate: 240 more or less… considered December 7 and 8 are holidays, it’s quite a lot…)

Back to the Hunter, however, I must confess I was touched by his email. Especially by the part quoting zits and fat ass.
I mean, it has always been the same way: I worry about him. Not vice versa.
Oh well, I’ll try to write him back tonight! Oh, and I'm meeting a friend for drinks. Need to spice up my social life.

Clothes and New Moon

I bought myself a cute dress by Trussardi.
It’s a little black dress, the kind of thing you can wear both at work and out at night, it’s posh and classy. And it really fits me well. Granted, I did not pay it full price (I actually had a bit more than 70% off). It still cost me some 70 Euros (a hundred bucks I guess, huh?).

As I said, it fits me, I really like it and everything. The only thing is it just had a VERY small and discreet Trussardi “T” symbol you’ll never notice. Since I’m gross, couldn’t it be written all over the thing, please? As it is, nobody will ever notice I’m wearing Trussardi!

Anyway, things are crazy at work (again). Bro is coming over for the night, and I’m feeding him pasta with porcini mushrooms. I feel as fat as a pig, and I’m training only twice a week, which is NOT enough since the skiing season is coming soon.

I went to the movies with Polish chick, and we saw New Moon. I love New Moon. It was always my fave Twilight book. But it makes me hurt at such a deep level! I’ve reread New Moon a couple times since it first came out, each time I start it in the evening and I’m not able to go to sleep until I’ve gone through the whole book. Maybe because after B left I went on like Bella for months, being almost catatonic (my first few months in France).

As Fannie Flagg wrote, a heart can be broken and still go on beating.

But I might die tonight

I love Bro.
Always have and always will. No matter how jealous of him I was as a kid, no matter the rough patch we’ve had. I don’t care if he kicked me out for the flat that was meant for the two of us, when I was 20, he also rescued me back in 2003 and let me stay with him and his wife for months. I would love him just as much if none of these things had happened, but I know it can be hard dealing with him.
In time I had to learn he is not always reliable, I had to learn he’s more a taker than a giver. It’s the way he is, and we don’t chose family, so I gotta love him this way.

But now I cannot stand this messy family drama anymore.

Last night I was preparing dinner since I had guests, and I gave the Panther a call just to check in. She was much in distress: yesterday it was Granny’s birthday, and she called in just to find out Bro and Weird Wife had set up a small party for Granny and had not asked the Panther to join.
Besides the fact that this of course was a big matter of distress for Granny as well, the Panther was furious. I tried to calm her as I could, telling her to let go, that maybe Bro did not mean it, but I don’t think I helped in any way.

So I called Bro, and tried to tell him he needs to let go. The Panther doesn’t want excuses, I know her and she’s always been like that. Who cares if she hurts us sometime? That’s no news, she was always that way and she won’t change at 59. But no, Bro needs to TALK about it, and of course she won’t have any of it, and so this whole mess is not going to end anytime soon.

The Panther is in distress. The Sponsor is in distress. Granny and Aunt (the Lerders) are in distress. Bro is in distress. I am in distress. Heck, besides Salomé, the cat, who is having the time of her life because she hates Bro Weird Wife and the Kids, everyone is in distress. There is nothing I can do about it, and those who could do something are not willing to. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a hell of an autumn for the DDfamily.

What I would like to tell them is this: I am the only one who has experimented living far away, for a long time. I am the only one who seems to realize if anything should happen to one of us, we’d have to live with this regret for the rest of our lives. Hell am I the only one who realizes that bad things COULD happen to any of us? Maybe yes. After all, I was the only one who wasn’t there when Pops died, I was on a train on a desperate rush to see him one last time but failed.
They’d only tell me I’m melodramatic if I tried to explain this.

Well, I guess I should focus on positive things: at least, since the kids are spending more time at their home, I’m having my bedroom back!


PS One more update: Crea is coming back! He’ll land on Monday and is staying for three weeks! YAY!!!

Sexy and DDgirl (Part 3)

In summer 2008 I told Sexy I was planning to move back to Italy, and he thought it was weird, but when I explained him about the family situation and all my reasons, he wished me luck and told me he’d be there if I needed help.

I ended up moving early this year, as my loyal readers know, and although we spoke a lot on the phone, it took a while before we met for drinks. But before this, I did a lot of thinking.

If I’ve never been in love with Sexy, and if he’s such a good friend, why he’s so different from “just a good friend”?
I don’t think I’m a totally sex-driven person. But the chemistry I share with Sexy is something that belongs to a different sensorial planet. Sex with him is like drinking fresh water after crossing a desert. And not only this is reciprocal, but it hasn’t changed with time.

So in May, Sexy came over at my place, and I thought I was lost.
We hugged on my couch, I had really missed my friend, but at the same time I wanted him so badly I thought I was losing my mind.

The smell of his skin, feeling his breath, his body by my side, I almost couldn’t resist.
I hope I’ll understand some day, what’s the meaning of this game: it’s real and pure… TNT for the brain!

Mind you, nothing happened. Yes, we hugged a lot, but that was it, although I know he wanted it even more than I did, and I sent him home with a major case of blue balls.

Over the summer we met a few times: every now and them, Sexy would drive to the city and come to my place for drinks. He even stayed for the night once, in early August, and slept on my couch, since he had to be in the city early in the morning for work.

Through all this time, we did A LOT of talking. Sexy has a girlfriend he met about one year ago, and I don’t know much of their relationship but one thing: he’s not in love with her. And I know this because he is ALWAYS available if I ask him to spend sometime together, because he can always chat with me on the phone. Because he’d be ready and willing to jump into my panties at any minute.

But I also learned a lot of things about him. First of all, Sexy admitted that he has cheated with me on every girlfriend he’s had over the last 8 years but the current one, and that’s just because I’m not willing to. This wasn’t big news, but what’s weird is he swears over anything he only cheated with me.
Over the summer, I’ve been through a bad period with KS, as you know, and in August we almost broke up. Sexy knew it, and started talking about “us”, and stopping by my office for a coffee.
And then one evening we were hanging out on my balcony and joking, and so I told him “Why, what would you do for me, Sexy?” It was a JOKE, and I was laughing, but he stared at me intently in the eyes, and said “There is very little I wouldn’t do for you, DDgirl. And I’d do way more than you imagine”.


So we’re friends, and Sexy knows it. He even respects my loyalty to KS. But did his feeling change? Sometimes I think so.
Yet, even when I thought I’d break up with KS, in August, I kept one thing in my mind: Sexy and I are not meant to be together. Because should I ever consider myself his girlfriend, I’d spend every minute worrying he may be cheating on me.

In any case, should I ever be single again, I know for sure I’d have Sexy in my sheets within days, because I simply cannot find a good reason no to. I wouldn’t get hurt, and he wouldn’t. And let’s be honest, Sexy is my fantasy, always was and always will be.

Oh, and now he’s had his cast off (remember he broke his shoulder a while ago?), why don’t I call him for drinks this week? Mmmmmmmm

Sexy and DDgirl (part 2)

Fast forward to 2004. In September, after the breakup with B., I moved to France, and it was so hard: I didn’t speak any French, didn’t have any friend and had a hard time. The one day I met a colleague who reminded me of Sexy, and I randomly texted him. On the next weekend, he flew to France to see me.
In the first year I spent in France, he came to visit a couple of times.
Well, a bit than a couple of times, actually. Pretty often, let’s say.

My first months in France were tough. I did not speak any French in the beginning, and after breaking up with The Little Prince, I was pretty depressed (I actually went down to 46kg (or 101 lbs)). The first time Sexy flew to France, he told me I looked awful. Sexy himself has never been over 62kg (134lbs), and as I said, he likes skinny, but I had lost way too much weight. And believe me, I wasn’t even trying to: I was just too sad to eat most of the time, and in the end, I had lost weight even from my face. Whatever. What I want to say is, Sexy really helped me over that bad rut. I would hear from him daily, and he would fly in once per month, sometimes twice. After 2 or 3 months I started fitting in my new life, but things between us went on the same way.

Still, this time we never thought about having a serious relationship. We never even TALKED about it. And I never felt like I had a boyfriend.
From time to time I would have a crush on someone, maybe go on a few dates, ignore Sexy’s calls for a while, then it would not work with the new crush and I’d go back to Sexy. He totally knew I was seeing somebody else every time I stopped answering the phone. On his side, he had a couple girlfriends over that year, but this would never change our relationship: he would still check on me through phone and email and visit me with the same frequency.
I know this may sound sick, but it worked waaaay better than in 2001. And things went on this way for one year…

Of course, as soon as I started seeing KS I stopped seeing Sexy. After a while, realizing things with KS were serious, I called Sexy and explained him I had met someone and I was moving in with him, and after that we stayed in touch as friend; however, there were of course no more visits.

The first time I started realizing how much we were friends before than lovers, was in December 2007. I was preparing to go home for Xmas, and a few days earlier Sexy called me sobbing: his father had died the day before, and he was organizing the funeral. The fact that he would call me in such circumstances struck me, and I finally realised how much he had helped me, and how much he relied on me in times of need.

Although Sexy had already changed from the first time we met, after his father’s death he really became more responsible and a better person.

(to be continued…)

Sexy and DDgirl (Part 1)

Well, the family's situation is still the same, and I'm working a lot, so not much is going on.
I never really blogged about Sexy, about how we met, about how our feelings changed over the years. So I thought I would give you a little flashback...

Back in 2001 I lived with Bro in a small city in Northen Italy, where we shared a studio. I was beginning my second year of college, and he was beginning his MD as a cardiologist. I was ready to dump the guy I had been dating for a few months, he had just met Weird Wife, and one day she introduced me a cute boy she trained with.

People, had anybody told me 8 years later Sexy would still be in my life, I would have laughed to tears.

I mean, Sexy was cute as hell, but he was so full of shit I quickly realised we were not meant to be together. We occasionally hanged out, and he would take me out with his Vespa (oh yeah), but that was it. A few months later I had to move away, and I lost touch with Sexy for an year and a half. Then, in 2003, my (by then) live-in boyfriend dumped me and I went back to the small city to squat on Bro and Weird Wife’s couch (the two of them had married over the summer, and I moved in in October: happy honeymoon!). Sexy was out neighbour, so I soon randomly met him and he started showing up at Bro’s place after dinner for games and drinks.

I had been pretty depressed about the dumping, and I was training hard, so I weighted around 48kg (105lbs), which played an important role because Sexy is all about being thin and fit. Whatever. Sexy was engaged at the time. Engaged, people. One night I walked him out because I had to walk the dogs before going to sleep (part of the agreement of squatting the couch), and suddenly he kissed me.
It was mind-blowing.

I’m, afraid I must confess within 10 days we had sex. And Oh. My. God. Sex with Sexy was an incredible, amazing experience. And within two weeks we acted as a couple, with the only issue that he was ENGAGED. Fucking Engaged, and he had no intention of leaving his GF for me.

It went on for a few weeks, and then in January I had a pregnancy scare. Sexy freaked out when I told him and threw me out in a snowy night, and I realised how sick it was.

Soon after, I managed to put my life together, I got a job stable enough and found a place to stay in the city. Sexy called me a lot, and I ignored his calls until he gave up (although I still heard about him from Bro, from time to time.
Well, I heard enough to know he had broken his engagement).

(..to be continued soon...)

Thou shall honour the Panther

7 weeks to Christmas, and it’s time to get over The Rut I’ve been in.

After getting out of the office later than 10PM every single night in over 6 weeks, a few days ago I went home at half past seven, which seemed kind of a miracle. Being in The Rut, however, I started depressing over the fact that I didn’t have anything planned and therefore it was bound to be a useless night. An hour later, however, a colleague called me and proposed drinks at his place, since we live in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to decline, I was already home ironing in my PJ, but something clicked inside my mind and I said sure, let me throw on jeans and a sweater and I’ll be over in ten minutes.
We just hanged out and drank a beer, and I called it a night pretty early, but the simple fact that small good things happen when I’m not even hoping for them, and that I grab occasions instead of laying on my couch in PJ pants, well, that’s a good sign I may be getting out of The Rut.

7 weeks to Xmas… and I’m PANICKING about presents!
I’m freaking a bit about Xmas itself actually, because of some recent FAMILY DRAMA I still haven’t blogged about. Guess it’s time to do it…

Last weekend I was at the Parents’ place, and the Sponsor was working, so I asked Granny and her sister (also known as The Lerders), Bro’s family (he was working as well) for dinner and I insisted with the Panther on preparing everything while she rested a while: we had already had Bro’s kids over for lunch and part of the afternoon, which usually proves an extenuating experience. So I put a nice dinner together and we all had a good time; and when Bro came at 9PM I put together something for him to eat as well, before he and his Weird Wife could get their kids and head home.
By the time they were ready to go, the Lerders were ready as well, so I asked Bro if he could drive them home: Granny lives in the same building he does, so I thought she could go home with Weird Wife, while Bro could drive home the other Lerder.

Within one minute the situation degenerated: Bro started arguing with the Panther over the “drive the Lerders home” subject, and I shall be damned if I understood why, but all of a sudden he told the Panther to go fuck herself.
Like that.
In front of the Lerders (who are 86 and 82 years old).
To the Panther, who has never sworn in her whole life. The Panther, who paid for Bro’s family’s house and feeds and takes care of his two kids about 4 days a week.

Silence fell over the place, and Weird Wife, for once, stepped in in a good way by telling me she would take care of the Lerders (which were staring in shock at the scene).

Now trust me when I say this is NOT something the family will get over soon. At this point I really hope Bro’s family will drive to Germany for Xmas to see Weird Wife’s parents. But somehow I don’t think this is going to happen (although they plan to do it, I’m sure by December 20 Bro will find an excuse).

The Panther (who always chooses me to vent about Bro) doesn’t want to talk about it, and hasn’t told the Sponsor either, which is a very bad sign. Although I AM angry at Bro, when he tried to discuss the matter with me I just told him it was a big mistake, and that if he has issues with the Panther he shall not humiliate her in front of Granny, and he said I was right. I still don’t want to talk about it with him, because I’d probably tell him he’s an asshole and we’d end up fighting. So I guess I’ll just have to wait for things to smooth.

Still the one

Soooooooo,…
…yesterday KS and I had our third anniversary.
3 years and we’re still on, and it seems hard to believe, but right now that’s what it’s like. And I’ll tell you, we’re way more solid as a couple than we were a couple of months ago.

Do I think we’re a perfect couple? I don’t. We still have a lot to work on, especially on my side. But, so far we’re still on, and that’s what matters.

Right now, our main (shared) issue, is money. We’re not poor nor broke, granted, but:

1- Last year we had one mortgage to pay, this year we have the same mortgage PLUS my rent (which is almost as expensive as the mortgage we have in France)
2- KS made half of the salary he made last year (to be honest, a little less than half). Okay, last year he made an outrageous sum of money, but it still sucks for him;
3- As for myself, this year I’m making some 3k Euros less than last year, which I guess is okay
4- However, since French tax is paid on Y+1, while Italian tax is taken directly from your salary, this year I suffer a double-income tax. Basically I’m paying something like 12k Euros of income tax (not to mention social charges, about 5k Euros).

So yeah, right now what feels hard to us is the crisis. Well, thanks to my corporate mobile phone generous account, I’m saving about 600 Euros of phone bill per year.

So hopefully KS will be able to move in with me next year, so we’ll cut off expenses! Still, I shall prepare myself: if KS won’t be able to move (read: if he doesn’t find a job in Italy), I shall think about finding a cheaper place. And I HATE the idea of moving AGAIN!!

In the meanwhile, I’ll just enjoy my boyfriend and spend as much quality time with him as I can!!

Friday meeting

Friday, 4.02 PM
I get to the meeting room 5 minutes late, with my senior manager. It’s her fault we’re late.
The 8 men attending the meeting are all enthusiastic and smiling, they pump hands up and down when introductions are made, and do their best to look smart.
The truth is, each of them would like to kill everybody else in the room.

We sit down, the two parties facing each other. I can’t help noticing that:
- all of the men from the seller side wear violet ties, while those from the buyer side wear red ones;
- both side leaders are fat, bald, wear thick glasses and look 15 year older than their real age;
- from where I sit, I cannot reach water, candies or chocolate. No coffee in sight. This is gonna be bad;
- my head aches.

And then, the negotiation starts.

Friday, 6.00 PM
By this time, we have all understood that the original timing of one hour meeting was unrealistic.
Men have started loosening their ties, people yawn and the air is heavy.
There is no more water, and I still cannot reach candies and chocolate.
My head is getting worse.

Friday, 7.00 PM
My head aches BADLY. I don’t have any aspirin on me. How stupid of me.

Friday, 8.00 PM
By now, I’m convinced I have brain cancer.
The ties have disappeared, and the air stinks. I lost 12 phone calls, and both KS and the Sponsor want to know at what time I’ll be home. As if I knew it.

Friday, 8.30 PM
I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore. Most people in the meeting room fake listening while reading their emails on blackberries.
I’m picturing what my friends are doing right now, in this precise moment.
Polish Chick is partying in London.
KS is driving to get to my parents place, ignoring I might not make it home tonight.
A bunch of colleagues are having aperitivo at Armani’s
Is Thailand is 3.30AM, so Andrea the Hunter is probably banging some random chick whose name he doesn’t know (and doesn’t care to learn).
Nicola is on a cruise boat between Australia and New Zealand, sleeping (maybe. Or maybe drinking Jack Daniels).

Friday, 9.00 PM
Maybe it’s not brain cancer but aneurysm and I’ll die within the hour.
Anyway, 15 more minutes and I’ll lose the last train home. KS drove all the way there, he’s going to kill me if I don’t get there.
Shit.

Friday, 9.10 PM
Okay is this guy nuts or what? He just proposed another meeting at the same time for next Friday. Get a life, you dork.

Friday, 9.14 PM
It’s over. I still have 10 minutes to reach the Central Station (forget about the ticket) and jump on the last train. Run, DDgirl!!!

... and yet I really want to buy it!

I want a Vespa. I’ve been in love with the idea of owning a Vespa for a long time.
Why the hell don’t I go and just buy myself a Vespa?

There are, actually, plenty of reasons.

Reason n.1
I wouldn’t keep my Vespa in the city, because it would be way too dangerous. I’d keep it at my Parents’ place, by the lake, which would limit its use to what? 25 weekends per year? I still feel that paying all that money for such little usage would be a waste of my savings.

Reason n.2
What I really want is an OLD Vespa. You know, the models of the Sixties, like this:

Problem is these beauties do not work with the gas you can buy nowadays. They need OIL to be added. And can you honestly picture DDgirl running around on her Vespa with an oil tank? Well, neither can I. Furthermore, the old ladies need constant maintenance. And I’m no grease monkey.

Reason n.3
I’d really like a “big” Vespa, maybe a 150 or a 250. But my driving licence only allows me to drive a small 50, otherwise I’d have to apply for another licence, pass the driving test (please refer also to Reason n.4) and last but not least, spend 300 more Euros for the licence.

Reason n.4
I don’t really know how to drive a Vespa. But hey, I know plenty of idiots who drive one, so it cannot be that hard, can it? Plus, Bro promised to give me lessons for free if I buy it!

Reason n. 5
Given that I would have to buy a new Vespa, like this one:

I still cannot set between dark blue and red. But I agree that’s not a major issue.

Reason n.6
When I’m staying at the Parents’ place, I don’t drive often: I’m lazy about driving for some reasons, so I walk everywhere I can (I usually drive only when Granny or her sister ask me to take them somewhere). If I had a Vespa, I would probably ride it instead of walking, which means I would train less and get fatter.


Now you probably wonder, what would I do with a Vespa? I’d use it to go on holiday to the mountains, in first place. I’d drive slowly, my honey curls blowing in the wind. I would clean it on sunny summer mornings, before riding it by the lake.

So I know this is something I dream on and will probably never happen....

A beautiful friendship

Nicola came and went, and the world did not shake
Nicola came and went, and it seems we can finally enjoy seeing each other like old friends, without skipping heartbeats.

I hoped for this for such a long time, I still have trouble believing it. Then again, why would I assume he would hit on me? Whatever. Who the hell am I kidding? I assumed so, because we both restrained so much in the past. But it’s good to see we both moved on.

I came home late on Thursday night, and both Nicola and Polish Chick were waiting for me, so I quickly changed and we headed out for drinks and food. We found a cool place to hang out, two friends joined us soon, and we all chilled out drinking prosecco and exchanging stories. Just like normal old friends do, and there was no tension, no drama.

Then we went home, Nicola and I, and we were both too tired to do the talk we still need to have, to talk about what happened to us both when he disappeared. The time will come to do that as well. Anyway we said goodnight, I had pulled out my convertible sofa for him and I retreated to my bedroom to spend a difficult night thanks to the bad cold I got.
And this morning I had to leave early, so I just slipped out letting Nicola sleep. Next week he’ll leave again, working on ships, but he’ll be back in 6 months or so and who knows, maybe I could even pay him a visit by the sea in Sardinia, with a friend or something. We’ll see. The drama is over, and to quote a famous movie: “I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” ;-D

Voices from the past

It seems all kind of memories from the past get back in my life this week.

Okay guys, you’re never going to believe this: Tomorrow I’ll see NICOLA.
He’ll be in town and he’s gonna crash on my couch for the night because he needs to be in town on Friday as well.

So he called me yesterday (and it was pretty out of the blue), asking me if we could have dinner together tomorrow night, and of course I said yes and I inquired about where he would sleep and ended offering my couch.

Just to make things clear, I’m totally happy to get to see him, it’s been four years since we last met!! And to make things even clearer, I offered to give Polish chick (who knows him from back in the nineties, but haven’t met him in like, 10 years!) a call to ask her to join us for the evening, and he said it would be great to catch up with her as well.
Just so that everybody (Nicola included) knows that this is no date or something!


Yet, I somehow freak out. Because I’ve changed so much, and he didn’t. He’s still in the same place he was 10 years ago: working temporary jobs here and there around the world, never sticking too long in a place. Which is totally okay, because it’s how he wants to live. While I have grown up. Most of all, I moved on, because I didn’t have any other option.

Whatever! I can’t wait to hear about Nicola’s latest crazy tricks!!!!

Old confessions from The Hunter

I got a message from Andrea the Hunter, yesterday night. I was sleepless, and he had just got out of bed in Bangkok, so we ended up chatting a bit on FB. We talked about Eivind. I don’t think I ever mentioned Eivind, but back in grad school the three of us were inseparable. We’ve already talked about Andrea, and Eivind is a guy from Norway who came to Italy for grad school. We met by chance, and we used to spend all out time together, and with our three blond heads and pairs of blue eyes most people thought we were all Scandinavian.
Back in that year, I had a stable boyfriend, but Andrea hinted several times that Eivind was interested in me (he never made a move, but it could be because he knew I was not on the market).

At the end of grad school Eivind met a Swedish girlfriend (that Andrea hates) and went back to Scandinavia. By that time Andrea had already moved to Thailand; however we had a fight over the Eivind matter. It turned out Andrea saw us as his “backup family” of a kind, the place he could always go back to. Therefore, he always hoped Eivind and I would end up together. When Eivind left, I guess his dream kind of shattered, and he blamed me, and it took him a while to get over it and move on, which of course he eventually did.

When he came back after the Tsunami and he stayed at my place, we did a lot of talking. I remember this one I noted in a diary on the same night we had it. (please read the post about the Tsunami if you hadn’t, or it will look weird).

Andrea was thanking me for taking care of him, and then he said: “It’s funny how, even now, you still support me. After all of the things that I’ve done, when even my own family doesn’t care that much, you’re so good to me! You waited patiently, yet when I got upset with you, you still had to ask me if I cared about you.”

“I never said I was perfect, Andrea. But it seems I still managed to take you home”

“I’ve walked on shells to come here, it’s been tough, but now that I feel better, I can see you’ve changed as well. You are still beautiful, but you have changed. You’ve got you life and your job, you’ve got different problems now. I regret fighting with you about Eivind. You were doing well with your boyfriend, and Eivind wanted to go back to Scandinavia.”

“You know very well Eivind cares a lot about you, Andrea. And that I do, as well. It is always you the one that disappears. You’re the one who charmed us and went away! Now we’re no longer students, we grew up and set our lives, but neither Eivind or I ever forget about you. It was hard for us to accept your choice to live in a completely different way. It is not something we could have done ourselves, even if we wanted to. Eivind does not come from money, and even I do not own enough to live like you, but even if we were rich…. We wouldn’t live like you. And it IS hard to always worry about you. In a way, it’s easier for me, because you tell me things that you keep from Eivind for fear of upsetting him.”

“Sometimes I pray for a miracle, DDgirl. Deep down, I don’t know what I’d do if you had indeed chosen a lifestyle like my own: you are my anchor, my safe port. Even if Eivind went away. I don’t think this will ever change”



And that was it. I think it may represent the only time Andrea expressed warm feelings in the last 10 years.

Hoping the sun will at least look at me

They sent me out of the city for a new project, and although it’s not far, I have one hour and a half of commute each morning (1 hour at night to come back, because at the time we come home there is no traffic left, since it’s LATE…).
This means it’s pretty hard to hit the gym in the morning: it opens at 7AM (in Italy it’s almost impossible to find a gym that opens earlier), and I have to be ready and moving by 8, which barely allows me to run on the mill for half an hour, do some abs and take a quick shower. Better than nothing, I suppose.
I AM indeed back to my “eating healthy” habits, but I am NOT managing to diet. I just wish to lose a few more pounds… But I am aware that, once I’ll be there, I’ll want to lose a few more! It wouldn’t hurt, though.

I’m in the rut, and what’s worst one of my best friend (my best buddy within the Tuscan Crew) is moving away from the city, he’s already gone for six weeks due to his parents’ health issues, and I miss him a lot… Luckily my girl friends are always there to hang out!!!

KS had a job interview today, here in the city, and apparently it went well! Things are going well between us lately, and we spent the last few days together and had some excellent quality time, which was amazing, after all we’ve been through over the summer.
I know there were moments I wanted to throw myself in the arms of somebody else, but now I am happy I held on to what we have. I know this is cheesy and there is still a long way ahead, but I’m also proud I did not choose the easy way.

Through all this, I still miss my dreamy summer. Badly. I wanna hang out with Kissy and Lou, I wanna spend my days working out hard core, diving in waterfalls, wanna spend my nights hanging out with them, over drinks, laughing at them while they check out girls, stumbling on my way home after the last screw driver.
I hope Xmas break comes soon!

*Seeing the sun when I can’t really see, hoping the sun will at least look at me…*

Back in THE RUT

Autumn is coming, and once again, I’ve entered THE RUT.
The Rut… every year around this time I seem to get in it, I realise it by going back to posts of the last years.. And somehow, each time I step into the rut, I don’t know when (if) I’ll manage to get out of it.
Every year at the end of September I go back to listening RHCP Scar Tissue. I especially love when it says “Autumn’s sweet, we call it FALL, I’ll make it to the moon if I’ll have to crawl…”

I had thought this year would have been different, I had thought that being back to Italy would have helped. Even though, as I have written before, coming back from my dreamy summer time was hard, I felt pretty confident, and so I did not brace myself. This was my big mistake.
I still think I could have avoided stepping in the rut (or at least falling so hard), but this week I have been badly PMSing due to late period, and so here I am.

I started the week feeling useless, I should have been glad I’m not on any hard project at work right now, but it didn’t help, and I kept feeling useless and restless. Then I heard from Sexy, and he told me he had been hit by car and now has a broken collarbone, which means he’s in pain plus he cannot drive so I won’t be seeing him for a while. The thought of Sexy’s beautiful body being wounded almost sent me crying, and then I realised I was in the rut like each autumn. Damn.

Yesterday I made another mistake. I woke up feeling good, I even got my bike repaired after months, and I felt so full of energy I invited a bunch of friends from work to dinner at my place. Being myself, I couldn’t just stick to cooking something simple and having fun. No, I had to prepare a damned banquet, as usual, because hell I have to impress everybody with my cooking skills huh? By 8PM I was EXHAUSTED. Granted, dinner was great and everybody had fun. But my dishwasher is broken, the guys only left at 2AM and tonight when I get home I’ll find a huge pile of dishes waiting to be washed, not to mention I’ll have to clean up the mess, carry down the garbage, blah blah blah… I wish I could spend a few days outdoor, lying on the grass somewhere in the mountains!
Needless to say my head feels buzzy this morning… So I’ve decided that for at least one month I’m on an alcohol-free time (I’ll only allow myself half glass of wine on Saturday dinners).

Over the years I learnt I cannot rely on anybody else to help me through this period: I’m the only one who can help me. Hell, I don’t even feel like answering to my friends texts or emails. But I’ll do my best to get over this.

So my 4 steps program to get out of the rut is:
- get as much sleep as I can
- carry my lazy ass to the gym as often as possible
- eat healthy
- spend as much time outdoor as I can

I wish Crea was back already… But he won’t come back until Xmas, plus he has his own troubles… Maybe I just wanna be a kid again, hang out with my brothers and let them take care of everything for me…

My dreamy summer (part 2)

.. I got to the Parents’ place on Saturday at noon, and by Sunday morning I was back in the mountains.
I had a gala dinner on Saturday night, but by Saturday afternoon Lou had called me asking me if I was in for another canyoning trip on Sunday: I could not miss it!
This second time, Lou’s girlfriend and two other friends (a couple) joined, and it was way slower than when it was just the Vampires (Kissy and Lou) and me!
It was funny and not without awkward moments (but I’ll save details for an upcoming post about awkward summer moments), and by night I was exhausted! Furthermore, on Sunday evening I accidentally fell on the stairs and hurt my coccyges, so I ended up with a very bad backache (I’ve actually been on painkillers for three weeks after that).

The end of the mountain trip consisted in a 2 days hike I did with the Sponsor, which was seriously breathtaking (a little too much for my taste): it actually included some free climbing of fourth degree, and by free I mean no protections at all… The hike was great but I must admit I did freak out a little over the free climbing, and I also freaked because the Sponsor, whose health and age I already wrote about, should not be doing things like this!!!!

(look at this cute mate who was staring at us!)

And then I had to leave the mountains.
It has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks to my friends, who are great, to the mountains I love hiking, to everything.

Things with KS had been very very tense, and we almost broke up in the beginning of August, but then we had a long talk and I decided to give it another try.
We spent the weekend after I came back from the mountains in southern France attending KS annual family meeting, which DID not go as smoothly as I had hoped…
Then I worked for a week, and then we left for Gaia and Mark’s wedding in Sicily.
We spent a week together in Sicily, partying with people from 22 different countries, and we had an AMAZING time!!

To summarize the lose ends, KS and I are still together. I discovered that Green Eyes does not live in the same village, and I did not meet him (let’s say I did not seek him, I could have met him if I wanted to). Last but not least, we could not hike the Lyskamm, but I have already made agreements in order to do it next spring.

More important than everything else, I had lost lots of weight, but unfortunately have gained some more in Sicily… but things are under control on that side.

And now, dear readers, after spending only two days in the city, I have to leave for work and go back to the North East of Italy… and I’m already counting the days ‘till Xmas holidays…

My dreamy summer (part 1)

How hard can it be blogging about my summer vacay when I’ve only been working two days? Still, it already seems so long ago. Such a different, and therefore also distant time in my life.
The souvenir of this summer feels precious to me, so I shall treat it carefully. It’s not as anything incredibly special happened, but it still feels precious. Whatever, I know I’m not making any sense.

It all started off with a rainy, sticky day, and it really seemed like a bad, bad start. Furthermore, on the second day I went for a long hike with the parents, and the Panther hurt a little her knee, so they both went back to their place while I stayed in the mountains on my own (although there were plenty of friends staying in the village, so I wasn’t exactly alone).

Almost every day I took very long and hard hikes, climbing up a lot and training myself, losing weight (yay!), and getting a nice tan.
As I already wrote, my vampires / guardian angels Kissy and Lou came over and we went canyoning. They also helped me getting into the garage where I had my bike (I discovered I did not have the key, and since there is a small space between the garage door and the ceiling, they lifted me until I could slip in and open the door from the inside. I’m not even going to tell how DIRTY I got!!!). By the time they went home, we had had such a great time together, they were already making plans to come back.

By the next night they had made up their mind, and in less than 48 hours Lou ringed me
Lou “Hey DDgirl where are you?”
ME: “Hey Lou, whazzup? I’m at the river, sunbathing”
Lou “Ok we’re coming over, but I can’t see you”
ME “Well I’m kinda hidden under the bridge, if you look right down...”

I was a bit surprised however, since it was not Lou and Kissy: it was Lou and his girlfriend (hot girlfriend, I shall say). Kissy apparently had an argument with his parents and had to stay home. Still I didn’t expect Lou’s chick to come as well: he had made it pretty clear that he’s kind of over their relationship even though she’s nice and cute, and he wanted t be single and have fun with his male friends (which apparently include me… no comment).

Lou’s girl turned out to be cool, and there were two other friends with them. Lou, his chick and I went running (and I have to say all my training really paid off!), played beach volley and made plans for the next days. I had to go back to the Parent’s place for the next day (Saturday), but I would be back on Sunday morning in order to go canyoning all together.
That Friday night I did not have dinner (like most days) and when we met for drinks at the bar Lou immediately ordered a bucket of screw driver. Lou and I drank most of it, and then, ignoring my protests, he bought another one. I had to meet the Sponsor 40km down the valley on the next day at 10AM, but the only bus was leaving at 6AM so I did not want to get too drunk! Lou shut me up promising he would drive me to meet dad, and so we drank and drank…
Just as I started to fell more tired than tipsy (it was 2AM), Lou looked at me, touched my shoulder and said “Let me bring you home, DDgirl”.
It was a bit strange because my place was just 300 metres away, and I really was okay, just tired, but he insisted so he took me home, and the next morning he kept his promise and drove me to my meeting with the Sponsor.

(bonus) Summer story: my two vampires

6 years ago I was spending New Years Eve here in the mountains with the usual bunch of friends, when my neighbour announced that two other kids from his hometown would be coming over and staying at his place (I was naturally the most concerned since I was in charge of the cooking).
And so I met Kissy and Lou. What I did not know before they came was that Kissy (who is a bunch of years younger than me) was 15 at the time, and had his right arm casted. Somehow I was quickly given the role of keeping an eye on Kissy, and everything went nice and smooth for the evening, and alcohol flushed away lot of things for everyone. By 1am most of the guys were wasted and one guy started arguing with me over nothing. I wanted to duck out, but we were on a balcony and he was standing on my way, when suddenly he said he was going to throw me off the balcony and moved towards me. He was a big guy, and I was totally scared, when little Kissy appeared out of nowhere between the guy and me, and somehow (wrestling and convincing) changed his mind. I was so grateful I was almost speechless!
Later on we went home, and the boys had made Kissy drink too much, so I was almost carrying him and somehow I ended up sharing the couch with him because no one else wanted to take care of him. Eventually he was sick of course, and needed help because of his cast. We went back to sleep and when I woke again around 4am he was nowhere to be found. Only after a few minutes I thought about checking the balcony: outside it was snowing and around minus 15 celsius, and he was passed out there, wearing nothing but his underwear! Kissy was so tiny at the time I lifted him and carried him to the coach, where i piled covers on the two of us and hugged him for a while to warm him. He seemed a little, lost puppy!

After that night, Kissy "adopted" me as a kind of aunt, and we always met in the mountains for partying, until I left for France. We stayed in touch, with him and Lou, but I didn't see Kissy over three years.

A few days ago, Kissy and Lou called me and proposed to come to the mountains and have fun together. I said sure, gimme a call when you're here and wondered off on my favourite footpath. When we met, I had a hard time hiding my shock. My two boys have grown up, and somehow seem to have come out from the Twilight saga.
Lou (who is 23 but looks a bit more mature) has turned to this 1.90mt blond guy, with a perfect body and light blue eyes I have sofar only seen in cats.
Kissy (who is now 21) is over 1.80mt, he has exactly the same hair cut and colour as Edward Cullen. He is well trained too, but most of all, he is a charmer. Where was my puppy? Hell, I was speechless.

My two vampires immediately turned out to be helpful: somehow I dud not have the key to open my garage, so the two of them liftem me until I could slip through the small space between the door and the ceiling, get inside and open from the inside: I never would have managed to do it on my own!
And then the fun began: we spent a couple of days hiking, laying in sun, rafting and canyoning. And of course partying with the other friends at night!
Soon everybody else started c
Referring to Lou and Kissy as to my guardian angels, which is so true! First of all because, over the years, I had trained Kissy to behave with me (opening doors for me, helpin my was on steps and things like that: apparently this is also helping him in cahrming teenagers).
But there is more: we'd go canyoning and the boys would help me through the highest cliffs to jump (Kissy hugs me (he does that all the time) and then jump off to show me it was easy, while Lou would stay with me until I built enough bravado to go. This way I have managed to jump off 12 and even 14mt, when I usually don't jump over 10). They would insist walking me home at night. Whatever, they are the nicest guys and I adore my guardiana angels/vampires!!

Ps: I have typed this on my blackberry, so - did not proof read... Sorry!

summer time

Dear readers,
It's time for DDgirl to take her summer break!
I'll be back on August 25, hopefully with plenty of updates:
- how will the Lyskamm project go?
- will my relationship with KS last throught the hot month of August?
- will I meet Green Eyes while climbin some random mountain?

C u in two weeks to know!

The Lyskamm project

Since the first time I climbed on of Monte Rosa peaks, I’ve been wanting to climb the Lyskamm

(this pic is not very impressive, but I think it's classy!)

This peak has been kind of calling me for the past 7 years or so. For those who don’t know a thing about mountain hiking, climbing and so on, it’s a tough one. It’s difficult, and it’s slightly dangerous. Difficult, because you have to climb up on a path which is never larger than 60cm (2 feet) and often smaller, and on both sides there is a fall of over half a mile. Dangerous, because sometimes the snow form a kind of frame suspended in the void, so if you miscalculate the path, well, you fall.

Whatever, this peak has been HAUNTING my dreams people. Now I’ve finally convinced the Sponsor, and we’re going to give it a try in 10 days or so. His only condition was that, for once, we hire a guide, in order to avoid the risk of walking on snow-frames (we both feel we still lack experience in this field).
And, should I manage to do it, I’ll be a better person.
Well I know this sounds stupid, but somehow I will, because my self confidence will improve SIGNIFICANTLY.
and if you wanna see more, just type Lyskamm on google images and take a look…

PS yeah, I know, my feet are still so and so from the last time, but you know what? I DON’T GIVE A DAMN!!! (Girls just wanna have fun man…)

Frostbites

After getting back from the North East job, I had planned to climb one of Monte Rosa peaks with the Sponsor who had charged me to guide two of his colleagues.
We left on Saturday morning, and within an hour I started having serious issues about the women capacity to do the climb the next day. They were slow, not trained enough, overweight and prone to complain a lot. I tried to cheer them up by telling them stories about the mountain, took some weight off their backpacks, but I wasn’t optimistic about the next day. I realised quickly that the Sponsor only agreed to have the two of them with us because he owed them (they had recently performed some successful surgery someone in the family or something like that).
Mind you, it’s not like I didn’t like them or I was hostile or anything: it’s just that high mountain is a tough place. Whatever.
Struggling through the wind, we got to the first refuge, and although we should have climbed 30 more minutes to the second one, I knew already that the ladies were so afraid of the wind that they would have had serious trouble going on. So I got it and explained the situation to the keeper, a cute guy with impressive green eyes. He told me they were almost full but he knew me by name and would manage to find some place for us. I was a bit stunned that he knew me, but thanked him and added that if there was little place I could leave the ladies here and climb up and get them in the morning, just to let me know, but he told me he would find a solution.
So we stayed, and Green Eyes really pampered us even though he WAS busy (they were over the full capacity of the refuge). I made friends with a waitress which may or may not be Green Eyes sister (same eyes, same hair, same smile…), tried to give a hand where I thought I could help and so on. In the meanwhile the ladies and the Sponsor (who had brought along another man as well) kept saying GE was interested in me..
GE ended finding us a pretty room! And I’m sure that he put someone else on the floor in order to make room for us, but hey, I didn’t complain. During the evening, GE’s sister (assuming they are indeed siblings) asked me if I was training to be a guide! I was totally proud of this, but of course it isn’t so and I had to say no..

I got up at 4.30 and it took me almost half an hour to persuade the ladies that, if they wanted to do the climb, we were already late! We had breakfast, GE wished me luck for the day, I flashed him my best smile and out we were. During the night, however, I had a bad surprise: my period was early! And my period is the only thing that gives me problems in high altitude, ouch!
The day was pretty cold, the ladies were slow, and I was freezing. By the time we reached 4,000 mt altitude, I knew we wouldn’t make it, but I was hoping to climb a smaller peak in order to give them at least some satisfaction! 50 meters below the peak, however, I started hearing a weird noise. Since I know a bit about mountain sickness, I paid attention: one of the ladies made a strange noise when breathing. This could only mean she was going to have pulmonary oedema. I already knew the weather was too bad for helicopters, so we could only try to climb down as fast as we could and hope. It was bad, because my hands and feet were freezing, but I knew we couldn’t stop. I went real fast, trying to move my hands as much as possible and praying that my feet would carry me long enough. I almost run, slowing down only to pass crevasses, and we went down to 3700 mt so fast that the lady was fine. I explained her my concerns (I did not want her to panic before), and she said I was probably right and thanked me.
By this time, my hands were hurting badly and I took 5 minutes to warm them a bit. I was still concerned by my feet, but at least they did not hurt, so I thought it was better to get to the refuge and take my hiking boots of to heat them. And so we did.
But when we got there I knew my feet were not right, I heated them but had very little sensibility, and they hurt badly at the same time. At least I did not see much of GE. Later in the day we climbed the rest of our way down, and it was tough on my feet. In addiction, I also crossed paths with B. and his wife, but by the time I was so in pain I couldn’t care less. GE sister, by the way, asked if she could join us so she didn’t have to go the whole way on her own, so we chatted a little and agreed to go for drinks during my vacations.

When we finally got down I was in such pain I could barely talk. Both of my toes had experienced severe frostbites, and the other light frostbites.
It took me almost a week to walk again, and I still cannot wear anything but sneakers or flip flops….. but I still think of Green Eyes!

The NE job and its closing dinner

I know I have deserted my blog for a long time, and I apologize.
What happened, in short, is I went on working like a slave in the North-East, then went home for a weekend, hiked the Monte Rosa, and then I was sent to France for another project (where of course I had no internet-access).
I haven’t even logged into my FB account for weeks, I have been chastised from family about having forgotten both my nephew’s AND my grandfather’s birthdays, and plenty of other things happened. I’ll try to write about the weirdest/most interesting, but you’ll have to forgive the lack of consequentiality. I’ll post things over the next few days, and here come the first taste.

The North-East job and its closing dinner
This project was pretty important for my career: I’m still in the first 6 months in the new office, so technically I can be dismissed at any moment without any explanation/leaving package. (Once the six months are over, in Italy it’s pretty impossible to be fired. Other bad things can happen of course, but it feels good to know they can’t fire you, especially in this economy).
The senior manager who directed the project is pretty well known to be the toughest of the office, and I don’t even need to find him a nickname, because the guys from the office call him (behind his back) Fast & Furious (F&F), and it’s the best possible nickname for the man.
Anyway the thing about F&F is he has power in the office: he thinks you’re great, your career is granted, he thinks you’re dumb, you can consider yourself out of the business just as if you had leper: nobody wants you on their projects and you end up doing nothing all day (cool for a while, but in the end you’re stuck and your career is stuck as well).

This long introduction obviously means one thing: I had to work my fingers to the bone for almost two months. Meaning days, nights, weekends. In the end, it seems he did appreciate my work, but we’ll see once I get my evaluation done.

On the last week of the project we got back to the city on Thursday night and F&F decided to take the team out for a big dinner: work was almost over and he wanted the team to feel a little better (I guess). We had a nice time, drank delicious French wines and ate a good deal (but if you have been following the blog for a long time you’ll know already I don’t really enjoy these dinners, since you ALWAYS have to be careful about plenty of things).
On Friday morning I was finalizing some detail on the report that had to be sent to our client, when F&F called me and a colleague into his office, asked us to close the door and, with funeral face, said we needed to talk.
My stomach twisted, and I prepared myself for the worst (being fired/humiliated) and then he actually told us that due to the economy we couldn’t charge the dinner to our client so each member of the team had to pay his share (mind, staying home that night WAS NOT AN OPTION). Honestly, I was so relieved I just said “Ok, no problems”, and anyway how can you argue with the one who decides about your career/promotions/salary increase?
In the end, I’ll have to pay 150 Euros. Like the kind of money I personally spend in 15 nights out with my friends. Amazing, huh?

bummed

People,

they just told us (my colleagues and me) that we're going to stay in this stupid place for the whole month of July (we arrived on June 3).

Life sucks dudes...

it's official

...I'll have to work the whole weekend as well (and yeah, next week too).
Fuck me, fuck them, I hate everything. Myself in first place for still sticking to this job after 5 years.

200th post..

...flames to dust,
lovers to friends:
why do all good things
come to an end?

..and the dogs will
whistling at the new tune
barking at the new moon,
hoping it will come soon,
so that they could die..

I hate it here people. Cannot stand it anymore.
Hopefully I lost weight over the week, on Monday I'll be able to check.

What else?

It's not healthy working like this. I've been working 14 to 16 hours every day over the last three weeks, including weekends.

It's unhealthy both phisically and mentally. I think way to much about B.
I don't even have the time to talk to KS or to my family on the phone. And even if I did, I don't have anything to say but complaints, so I prefer to shut up. After all, B. dumped me after one of these moments.

I even dream about work and wake up sweating at night.

And if there is one thing I don't need in my life is thinking about B. I don't wanna think I may screw my life again like I did after B. left.

Hopefully I'll get to see KS in the weekend and hopefully we may get to spend some quality time together. Because when it gets to this point, you don't live, you don't love, you don't. You just try and carry on.

But KS is not B., and he won't give me up on this, so fuck B. and fuck the past.

June and I'm lost

I’m lost in the middle of nowhere.
I’m working between 14 and 16 hours every single day, with a 20 minutes break at lunchtime. I have virtually no internet access. I haven’t really checked my facebook account in 15 days, I haven’t even done a single thing for myself in 15 days. So no regular blogging, sorry people.
Is this life? No, and I know it, but with this economy, I feel lucky to have a job.

Anyway.

Last weekend I went home and threw a long planned surprise party for the Sponsor &=th birthday. I organized a huge party in the garden at home, by the lake. Two months ago I started planning things: making guest lists, sending invitations, putting down menus and so on. In the end, some 50 people attended. I prepared by myself with just a little help from the Panther the whole banquet. We had a buffet with appetizers and entrees, namely:
- gazpacho verrines
- peas and mint cold cream
- fava bean pesto crostini
- mini-quiche of two kinds: tomato mozzarella and olives, and aubergine-pecorino
- warm octopus salad
- salade nicoise
- spring salad
- greek salad mini skewers
- asiago cheese – salami skewers
- 4 different kinds of lasagne
- BBQ with fish and pork skewers
- Fruit and marshmallows skewers
- Ananas tiramisu
- Watermelon

I ordered French wine (Vouvray from the Loire region), we set plenty of tables in the garden, we set a play area for the kids, prepared everything and still managed to make it a surprise! It was very very nice, and the most important thing is that the Sponsor LOVED it!

On Monday I came back here, an dit was my birthday, but just as every year it went almost unnoticed. It’s true I’m not really fond of MY Bdays, since I hate the fact that I’m no longer 21, but honestly? I’m pretty known for throwing big parties for a lot of people for their bdays (KS, Maria, my dad and in the past my brothers), and sometimes I’m a little put off by the fact that the last person who actually put on some celebration for my birthday was the infamous Little Prince (if you don’t know about the Little Prince go back to 2006 archives).
Well I guess it’s still okay, the thing is this year something that still disturbs me came up. I’ve been thinking for some times now about buying myself a Vespa. Not just a scooter, but a real original Vespa. I would like to keep it at my parents’ place, at the lake, in order to go around there.

Now two weeks ago or so the Sponsor decided to offer me one for my birthday and went to buy a brand new one, in order to make me a surprise by letting me find it in the garage!
However, when he called the Panther to ask her advice about the colour, she told him if he bought me a Vespa she would ask for a divorce (this is the Panther usual blackmail strategy).

So of course I got no Vespa, and the whole thing pretty put me off about buying one myself.
I should not care, after all it’s just an object. But still, for some reasons I don’t know (and don’t care to explore), this whole thing makes me sad.

(Dad ended buying me a book I really wanted with all my heart that had just come out the day before, and an item for security on glacier for our mountaineering ski tours, and I was more than glad about both!)

(And no, I didn’t get any other presents. From anyone. So far, at least. And do you want to know? I really really wish an Ipod. I have been wanting an Ipod for years now, one of the very small and inexpensive ones, just to go running. Oh, and Kat? I know you’re reading. And don’t even try to buy me anything, all I want is to have a drink together when this mission is over and I come back to the city!)

PS: don't bother correcting my English. I feel like I don't even have any brain left, let alone write anything coherent, and I'm NOT goign to proof read this thing!

Dolce Vita

I’m going out way too much!
When was it the last night I spent alone at home? I can’t even remember. The rare time my friends take a rain check on me (like it happened last Tuesday, when Polish Chick was too sick to go out) my friend and former room mate Luca is always up to some cool event and always happy to bring me along.

Last night KS and I invited over a bunch of colleagues of mine for an after work glass of white wine, and then KS wanted to go out and enjoy a little of Milan nightlife. I was really exhausted, but then I thought it was really awful to tell him I didn’t want to go out when he knows I’m always hanging out in cool bars.
I slipped in a cute dress, gave Luca a call and we joined him and a few friends (including most of Luca’s Tuscan gang I’ll talk about later, but I love them all!) in a bar next to the castle.

I quickly discovered, thanks to a friendly barman, my new favourite drink: gin and grapefruit. Low in calories, tasty, fresh: just perfect.
I probably had a few too many drinks, we were all having fun, we were outside and the night was warm.

I love this life. You can just spend half of your night in the streets wearing flip flops and a sundress, dancing around, hanging out with friends, never feeling cold. It seems everyone around here lives this way, going out every night, never being tire of it. I know it will be a bit different in the winter, but winter seems so far away now that who cares?

But is this really me? I still dream of living in the mountains far away from cars and noise. But then again, while I’m here I might as well enjoy it, right?



On different news, KS had a job interview yesterday morning, and starting from June he’ll be working in Milan 4 days a month. It’s a nice beginning, it’ll help him realizing if this is really what he wants to do I think, and I’m really happy about it!

YAY

I lost 2 more lbs!!!!

Lovely weekend

KS came to the city last Friday bringing along two of his co-workers, and we had a nice weekend.
First of all, things with KS have been better, he brought flowers and a little present (French books I can’t find here, it was thoughtful, he knows I love it) and really behaved nice.

On Friday night we had a happy hour at my place with a friend of mine (who was my roommate at college), and then we all headed to Armani…
It was fun! The place is totally crazy, and a bit awful if you wanna know: it’s a bit of a flesh market… Apart from my French friends and I, the fattest girl was probably 40 kg…
Anyway, the funny thing was that, even if I totally felt out of place, I was having a good time! We danced, had drinks, chatted…
The best moment was when I went dancing a little with my ex roommate and P!nk’s “So What??” tune came on…
We were both jumping and screaming:
“So so WHAT? I’m still a rock star! I’ve got my ROCK MOVES! And I don’t need you!!”

(okay, we were a bit sarcastic about the place....)

I the meanwhile I recognized someone I used to know a few years ago, who works on the trading floor I used to work on back in 2004… I’m not sure whether he didn’t see me or he didn’t want to see me… because the girl he was with was totally not his wife… Whatever!

On Saturday, we went to see a vernissage exposing some Monet’s paints, it was beautiful! Then we grabbed some panzerotti to eat (typical Italian food… delicious!!) and went shopping (but I didn’t buy anything… wise DDgirl!)

All in all it was a nice weekend! And yeah, yesterday I posted about Nicola… The thing is he is throwing a birthday party in Sardinia in September, and I’m not so sure about going or not going… for one thing, I should be saving some money… And I’m also a little afraid it would be weird… Or maybe I just think too much!

Never gonna dance again (the way I danced with you)

I’m listening to this song, and thinking about Nicola… And our last night in England, almost ten years ago...
In my mind, the lyrics are a little different from the original.


I felt so unsure
As I took your hand
And led you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to leave a friend
And waste a chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
(Never without you)

Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

That night the music seemed so loud
I wish that we could have lost that crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we wanted to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me
Please stay

Now that I've gone
Now that I've gone
Now that I've gone
Was what I did so wrong
So wrong that I had to leave you alone…


I miss you, my friend. I know it’s up to me, I know I could come to see you an I’d be welcome. But I can’t seem to make up my mind. Forgive me.

BRAG time

Okay, I’m going to BRAG.
KS and two girls who work with him are coming to the city for the weekend, and they’re arriving tomorrow afternoon.
Since they always heard me bragging about the city’s nightlife, they already mentioned that they’d like to meet Italian guys, and they want to go out, maybe even clubbin’.

Of course I have already recruited most of the nice single male friends I have, and I have set up a standing dinner at my place tomorrow night.
In the meanwhile, I spent most of week trying to figure out where to go after dinner. After deep reflection, I befriended on facebook someone I recently met who happens to be one of the best PRs of the city. I wasn’t sure whether he remembered about me, but apparently he does…
…and tomorrow night we’re going to Armani’s private party….

I haven’t said a word to KS about it because I want the girls to have the full surprise effect!

I’m not usually so fond about uber trendy places… I prefer hanging out in pubs with wooden tables you can dance on! But I do enjoy from time to time those trendy places with the coolest decorations, free trendy drinks and everything (and you don’t get drugged at a Giorgio Armani private party…).

I already know what I’ll be wearing (I only hope it doesn’t rain..)

Disturbia

Crea came back on Tuesday, and we all hanged out in the weekend.
(For those who don’t remember, or who are too lazy to go back to past posts… Crea is the eldest brother, and a few months ago, after losing his job and getting dumped by his girlfriend, he got a job as diving master in Maldives)

At first we were pretty shocked! Crea is a Latin kind of guy, dark curly hair, olive skin and everything. After spending months in Maldives of course his skin has got tan…. And his hair is BLOND!!!!
Anyway it’s cool to be able to hang out with him, although he’s only staying for 40 days and then he’s leaving for 6 more months…
The best thing right now is tonight I’m going back to the lake and we’re all having a BBQ at Bro’s place, and I can’t wait to relax and chill out!

Why do I need to chill out? Because KS really managed to make me angry this morning…
I found a missed call at 7:40 AM (I was at the gym) and a message on my voice mail so I called him back as soon as I got to work. I said hello and everything and then asked what was up (KS does not often call early in the morning (let’s say his brain takes a while to wake up)).
Out of the blues came his question: “What did you do last Thurday?”
I didn’t understand at first (he was in the train), and when I finally got his question, it took me a few seconds to remember, so I just hesitated a second and answered “Let’s see… I went out with all the colleagues for a birthday, and then I got home at 10PM because Bro came to sleep at my place… But I already told you that, why what’s up?”
(BTW, it’s exactly what I’ve done…)
“Well then what about this picture on facebook with a guy with hands all over you?”
Now this is where I got really angry. I had only seen quickly the pics on facebook, and I totally knew no one touched me in any inappropriate way (I mean, I didn’t have to see the pics to know that!!). But what really got on my nerves was that he has no fucking right to question me like that, especially when I ALWAYS tell him about my days and my plans for the night when I go out!!!
So I got angry and told him that this was crazy and that questioning me this way is BS, and if he has questions about pics on facebook, shall we talk about all the little sluts he works with that keep commenting his status on facebook?
He kind of apologized and then we hung up since I didn’t feel like fighting, and I felt that I’ve made my point.

Later in the morning I got on facebook because I was curious about the infamous pic… it’s just me and a bunch of other colleagues, and the guy celebrating his Bday is standing next to me. Than I saw that, since he had an arm behind me, you can see his hand next to my breast, but it’s like at ten centimetres!!! (and of course it is, because if it hadn’t been the case I would probably have made a scene)

This relationship has issues, I think.

But you know what? I’ll chill, and have fun. I’m going out each nigh for the next 10 days, I’ll put on my pretty light, as I’m in the city of wonder..

I've made up my mind

I’ve decided I’m going on with the blog.
This thing about KS snooping into my files has done a lot of bad to our relationship. I told him once it was bad from him, but I haven’t raised the subject anymore, because I hate when I keep coming back to the same things.
However, I’m still angry about it, especially since I have never ever cheated on him and I’ve never given him any reason to doubt about me.

So I’ve decide to go on posting on my blog; however, should KS ever read the blog, it may be a deal breaker for me. And of course I would know, because let’s face it, my man is totally incapable to hide anything from me, especially when he’s in distress.

So I’m back, people, and you’re stuck with me a little longer, it seems!

In the meanwhile, my life doesn’t really suck, I still go out a lot, but somehow I’m under the impression I spend 95% of my time between work and the gym. (And I can’t seem to drop any more weight, ouch).

So… my life may not suck but this post surely does. My blackberry blinks in green, I’ve sent the report to my client, it’s Friday afternoon and I’m overworked (not to mention undersexed). So my dear readers, I’ll leave for the weekend and I’ll try to put together some ideas for a decent post!

Gimme the strength

I still haven’t made up my mind about the blogging issue… But I have no probs posting this.

I have been trying to lose weight, recently.
Let’s just say that, when I started this blog, I was at my best shape EVER: I’m 5 ft 6, and I was 110 lbs, fit and fucking good looking. If ypou really want to know, I have been thinner following an illness (around 100 lbs), but I don’t look good that thin (my face looks old)
I’ve been up to 141 at the end of 2008, because of a lot of things:
- I did not train as much as I should, for a while
- I’ve been on cortisone for quite a while in 2008
- Mostly, because I lived with KS so long and cooked for him every single night, and had three full meal every day, something I never experienced in my life but for those 2 years of living together.
Since I moved back to Italy I lost 8 lbs, and I want to lose at least 10 more. As long as I’m working, it ain’t that hard. I hit the gym at least 4 mornings a week, I often add some exercise in the evening at home, and I’m starting to go swimming at noon at least once-twice a week this week.
I don’t buy a lot of food, I try to eat salads (no sauce) and one or two fruits at work, and in the evening I try to skip altogether. At least when I don’t go out, unluckily when you go out you have to order something to drink, and Light Coke isn’t considered acceptable (plus if I drink coke at night I’m not able to sleep).
But it works, even though it’s hard, I have to wake at 6 every morning to hit the gym, and then I go to work and I cannot just doze, especially since I’m a manager now, and I have tons of responsibilities.

So what am I complaining about?

I go at the Parents’ place almost every weekend, and that’s where I fuck up. Because the Panther cooks, cooks, cooks. Because I can stay on tracks as long as I’m at my place with nothing to eat in the fridge, or even when I go out (I don’t like eating out), but I crave the Panther’s food.

That’s my sin.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes I do resent KS for my being fat. I wouldn’t, really you know? Only, he always points out when I get an extra pound, and let’s just not talk about the last 3 months I spent in France, when each time we ate in public he would repeatedly point out that I ate and looked like a cow.

But it’s not his fault, it’s mine and I shouldn’t be such a bitch. I’ll just go home and do some cardio, squats and all the shit.
Because it works and I need to stay focused.
Stay thin, DDgirl.

Dear readers,

I still have to make up my mind about whether continuing the blog or not.
I am aware that my posts were probably more interesting in the beginning, and I know that I used to post way more often than I do now.

Should I go private, I’ll let you know so that those who want can have access.

I’m still elaborating, and all I can say for sure is I’ll let you know as soon as I make up my mind.

Thank-you for your comprehension

DDgirl

Mumble

I fucking need to post and I can't because I'm afraid KS might be reading.
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!
Dear boyfriend why did you have to be so nosy???
Argh

Dilemma

Dear readers,

I'm fine and back to work after a well deserved Easter vacay.

However, I may stop blogging altogether and erase the blog. This is because KS found some files on my notebook with a few entries and snooped them. So now he knows my nickname, knows enough to be able to find this blog if he wants to. Should this happen, our relationship would be greatly affected.

I'm allowing myself a little time to think about it, because KS English isn't that great, so it would take him days anyway just to go through a few entries, but I still have to make a decision.

Suggestions?

Drugged

Tuesday night I went out for drinks with a friend.

And I have been drugged.

You know the kind of thing that always happens to other people? Well, sometimes they happen to you as well.

I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t drink, I had tequila shots. But not so many, it just does not justify what happened.
When we decided to call it a night, the barman gave us a round of free shots. This should have warned me, because it’s very unusual around here. Furthermore, he kept asking me questions like where did I live and so on.
Anyway we left the bar and a few minutes later I passed out in the street. My friend brought me home, but couldn’t wake me up until yesterday morning. In the meanwhile I puked several times, but luckily he stayed and took care of me.
Yesterday I was still sick, and I couldn’t stay awake for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Luckily, after sleeping until this morning, I finally woke up feeling good, although my home is a total freaking mess!

Happy Easter everyone!

Tequila Tuesday

I could not hang out with Sexy yesterday night.
On Monday morning (around 3AM) an earthquake shook the centre of the Italian peninsula, destroying building and killing over 200 people. Up here in the North we were not concerned at all, but Sexy, who works as a geologist, was called in the morning and had to go there for work (I think he’s testing the lands where building were not destroyed in order to tell whether it’s safe for people to move back in).
I kind of admire him because let’s face it: he’s sleeping in a tent, no available bathrooms, it’s pouring rain, and he’s helping out.
With a little bit of luck however he’ll be back by Thursday night, so we have tentative plans.
Oh, and do you think I stayed home like a nerd because Sexy cancelled on me? Don’tcha worry for DDgirl, I still went for drinks with another friend…

Another thing I’m doing with Sexy sometime soon will be some white water rafting and a day of canyoning, but that will have to wait another month or so (or it will be waaay to cold!). Spring has arrived, the weather is beautiful and I’m making a ton of plans: with some colleagues we’re thinking about spending a weekend sailing from Naples to Capri in July!
Furthermore, in September KS and I will go to Sicily for one week for Gaia and Mark’s wedding (double yay since I’ve never been to Sicily!!)

On to family business… the Sponsor broke some bone in his shoulder fifteen days ago. Since he refuses to stay at home from work and to have his shoulder plastered, or at least to wear bandages, he isn’t getting any better. On top of it, this means our mountaineering ski season is over, and he’s frustrated about it. Of course I’m not glad either, but accidents happen, and I’ll do some sailing!

An old friend just summoned me for tonight: it’s his birthday and he ended up last minute in Milan all alone… So I’m just officially calling for TEQUILA TUESDAY!!!

I won't miss a thing

So yesterday night Sexy called me, we talked for an hour or so and decided we’re going for drinks next Monday, and I can’t wait to see him!!!!
I missed Sexy so much, I haven’t seen him since KS and I got together, but now that we only live half an hour away from each other we’re definitely going to hang out together more often!

Of course we both are aware that we’re only seeing each other as friends (no benefits as long as I have my KS!), but I already know that Sexy knows how to make me feel hot even without hitting on me… and I love him for that!

The weekend in France was really cute! It rained all the time, but KS and I took our time to chill, cuddle together and enjoy a great wine tasting (and spend a fortune buying tons of wine... I know…). His parents were very nice as well, and altogether time flew (okay, enough lovey dovey).

Today I’m starting a new project at work… It’s gonna be pretty intense because it’s my first job as a manager, and of course I’m stressed about it. The good thing is that the guy who will be assisting me seems to be a nice guy and pretty smart, so hopefully I’ll be able to rely on him for all the easy tasks so I can concentrate on the bigger issues!

I still haven’t talked about my new colleagues, but I’ll do it soon... It’s just that I’m always pretty worn out, between unpacking all my stuff, waking up most of the mornings at 6 to hit the gym before going to work, skiing all the weekends and going out at night during the week.. I’m not complaining, I’m loving my life, but by the time I go to bed at night I haven’t the slightest energy left in me!!

here ya go!

For my Roman friend, who always astonishes me:

Ghetto superstar, that is what I are
comin' from afar, reachin' for the stars
Run away aith me, to another place
We can rely on each other...

You rock buddy!!!

The door is open, and now I see the sun

Tomorrow evening I’m taking the bullet train to go see my boyfriend!!!
I can’t wait to spend a nice weekend with him in Southern France! Plus, we’re going to a wine fair to buy some Vouvray (one of my favourites) and taste new wines and cheese… And it’s gonna taste even better after two weeks of diet!

I miss boyfriend. And then again, life is so different here, I wonder whether we’ll ever share this life. The thing is I’m no more 20, and I know that, whatever will happen to the two of us, I’ll go on. I feel I have turned cruel, I used to be dramatic about these things, but honestly we always survive and go on, don’t we?
But I really do hope he’ll join me living here one day. Maybe it’s just that I cannot really imagine our life together here since he’s never been here yet, maybe once he’ll have been at my new flat and spent a few nights there with me, I’ll be able to imagine the two of us there!

On to another subject, yesterday night Polish Chick came over at my place, so that she could help me unpacking the last few boxes and then we ordered pizza (bad for my diet, I know…) and talked and talked and talked.
I know she’ll read this and probably think it’s bullshit, but… she’s so different and at the same time, she’s still the same high school girl…

She totally looks the same but for her haircut (looks great btw!), while I have put on a lot of weight, shame on me.
But she looks so more comfortable about herself, so more self-confident! She’s def no more the shy girl who would have never sported a sexy top with low waist jeans to go clubbing!

I was so glad to see her. I am so glad I found her again, after all these years.

I wish we could show each other the years we spent apart like a movie. And I wonder if I have changed from her memories, and in which ways.
And, once more, I’m so glad to have her back in my life!!

Mountaineering ski pics...